The crunch of crispy leaves under my feet leads me into my cozy warm art studio, which is backed up against some massive pine trees and at the base of a small hill. The fireplace on the porch is flaming furiously, the wood sounds like snap, crackle, pop, and the scent of smoke is soothing. Yet writing on the porch had me blowing into my hands and wringing them too much to stay warm as my fingers hit my cold keyboard, so I’m here in my studio.
Color hits this part of the country late, and this week is our peak week, just before most of the leaves flutter to the ground in high winds.
Speaking of fluttering, we all know butterflies exist, but what about angels?
Have you ever encountered random angels who drop into your life at just the perfect time?
Drop-In Visitors
I can tell you I’ve never seen an actual angel with wings, the kind described in the Bible. But I’ve had angels drop in, serve a purpose, and go away. Have you?
I have also experienced people who fly into life, dazzle you by bringing the beauty of big smiles at a time you need them, making you laugh, being a friend, lending an ear … they flutter about to make your life better and then fly away. Maybe these butterfly-like people are also a form of angel.
I’m convinced that we’re given what we need at the perfect time…
An Ugly Problem
Decades ago I had a major problem with an employee who I discovered had seriously broken the law by taking a bribe in a job years before he worked for me, and, unbeknownst to me, he had been going to court to fight the charges. Then one Friday he came in and resigned, telling me he had been sentenced to three years in prison, starting the next week. Not only was I surprised and shocked, I hated to lose him because he seemed like such a nice guy and had become a key employee. Of course it had never even crossed my mind that he was a criminal.
No, Don’t Go!
“You can’t leave,” I said. “There is too much dependent on you. We’ve always talked about how if you were to leave you would give me three months notice and have time to train your replacement.”
I was dumbfounded. Worse, I was stuck, and it could have had a seriously negative impact on my business, yet I had no idea how to solve the problem. No one knew what he knew. So I went to my office, got on my knees, and asked for an answer.
A Call from an Angel
Out of the blue that very night, an old client called me, told me he was in town, and insisted we have dinner. He was only in town for the evening and needed to see me. I declined because I was not in the mood. Yet he insisted. “I wasn’t planning on calling because it’s a quick trip, but something is telling me we need to get together. I have no idea why. I was led to you for a reason. We need to do this.” He was insistent. I was curious.
At dinner I told him what I had just learned about my employee and shared my worry and stress about the problem. “That’s it,” he said. “That’s why I was led here. I know exactly what to do. I’ve had this very problem and I’ve got a perfect solution for you.”
He then told me that I needed to FedEx a letter to the judge and insist that, by not letting the employee give me notice, he was hurting my business. I asked him to delay the employee’s incarceration for three months. It never would have crossed my mind because it was such an unusual situation, yet this man not only felt compelled to call me out of the blue, he had experienced the very problem.
Surprisingly, the judge delayed the sentence for three months, and I was able to properly transition the employee out. Though it made me nervous having a convicted felon working for me, I had time to hire and train a replacement. It was the best option.
Coincidence? Perhaps. But since then, I’ve always thought of that client as an angel.
Almost Bankrupt
For decades I struggled with my business. I went seven years without a paycheck and without a single dollar of profit. Everyone else got paid before I did. And I was on the edge of going bankrupt.
One December day, my bookkeeper told me we could not meet payroll the next Wednesday. We needed $18,756.18. But there was no money. When I was discussing it with Mike, one of our employees, he said, “Make your prayer specific to the penny,” which I did.
Meanwhile, I was calling everyone who owed me money, trying to get enough cash in. But it was a recession, and everyone was struggling. Then, out of the blue, my phone rang. It was my client Marty at ABC Radio Networks, and he said this: “We have a little budget left over. Would it be OK if we prepaid some of next year’s advertising?” He FedExed a check that arrived the following morning, for $18,756.18. It was the exact amount we needed. Was he an angel? It sure seemed like it.
Prayer, asking the universe, manifesting things. Whatever you want to call it, it works.
Dying with No Hope
My friend author Lee Milteer proved this recently. Her friend (and my acquaintance), a very famous speaker and author, had been sent to hospice because problems with his diabetes had become very serious. He was expected to die within a couple of weeks. He was a multimillionaire with the best medical care, but they still could not help him.
Lee posted about the situation on her Facebook page and asked everyone to manifest his wellness and to pray for his recovery. She kept reminding people for weeks, even though the situation was dire and worsening. Yet she encouraged us to keep it up and not to let it happen, believing we all had that power.
Weeks went by, and his condition improved. And after many weeks, he came out of hospice and is healing at home, expected to fully recover.
This is an example of the power of manifesting and prayer.
Dream Exactly
Lee once explained to me that one of the reasons many entrepreneurs succeed is because they tend to be daydreamers. That’s always been true for me. I always dream things in exact detail, and do it so much that I end up believing I can do it and believing it will happen. And things tend to happen exactly as I imagine them. I even imagine how things will go on the way to meetings, and they almost always go exactly that way.
Crazy Talk
You may think this is just crazy talk, yet what you see in your mind is what happens. That’s why negative thinking is so dangerous. That’s why we have to be careful about what we put into our minds.
Like angels, butterflies may be manifested, or they may just show up because you need something you don’t know you need.
I’ve had people pop in and lift me up when I didn’t even realize I was down. Some bring such clarity, or energy, or passion, or laughter, or they just dazzle you for a needed moment. Others bring an important lesson, a needed answer, or a different way of looking at things. That’s why I call them butterflies — because they swoop in with beauty to make your life better for a moment.
Ever call someone out of the blue and have them tell you your timing was perfect? Or you just told them something they needed to hear? Maybe you were being a butterfly at that moment.
Where are you being called?
If you ever feel the need to pick up the phone or pay a visit, but don’t know why … follow your gut. You may have been tapped on the shoulder to play a special role as either a butterfly or an angel. Or you may say something out of the blue and lift someone up unknowingly.
Where are butterflies and angels showing up in your life?
Where are you manifesting your needs?
Are you asking for what you need?
You don’t always get what you ask for, but you always get what you need. Especially if you listen carefully and have high expectations that your needs will be met.
How is it an invisible signal can show up through the airwaves on different frequencies to play music or news on the radio? Sometimes you can’t see things.
How does the wind blow? You can’t see it, you can only see the effects of the wind.
Our entire world is made up of vibrations. Molecules are continually vibrating. We are vibrating, and signals are being sent. There is actual evidence. For instance, new Google research indicates that trees send signals through the ground to other trees, as do other plants. Is it really all that hard to believe that we each send out signals of needs for others to pick up?
Manifest your perfect life, and expect it. Listen for it. And always take action (a drifting boat eventually hits the rocks).
Listen for angels and butterflies and embrace their purpose. And try to be an angel or butterfly to others.
Now spread your angel or butterfly wings and get busy. The world is waiting for you.
Eric Rhoads
PS: Whew! I’ve been running nonstop since September … first with 100 people at Fall Color Week at Ghost Ranch in New Mexico, a painters’ retreat; then a smaller painters’ trip for 12 special people in Saint-Paul de Vence, France; then our annual Fine Art Connoisseur art trip in Provence and the French Riviera; then to FACE, my Figurative Art Convention in Williamsburg; then to my Radio Ink Forecast conference at the Harvard Club in New York; then to speak with an esteemed panel of station owners at the FCC. It’s exhilarating, but time for a break.
I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving with family before the insanity begins again.
I’d like to leave you with one important thought. Your family, no matter how screwed up, is a part of who you are. After losing my mom this year, I would give up everything I own for one more Thanksgiving with her. My friend Frank just lost his 19-year-old son this week, and his Thanksgiving will never be the same. Embrace your family for who they are, forgive them for whatever they’ve done, and leave every past issue behind. Don’t engage, don’t take the bait. Use this special time to celebrate family. They won’t all be together forever, and no matter your issues, you’ll regret it when they are gone. I just had a friend tell me she was mad at her dad for 10 years and did not talk to him, and then he suddenly died. How sad. Don’t look back wishing you had healed a wound and invited someone who is currently not in your favor. Even soldiers in past wars stopped fighting for special holidays. Thanksgiving is sacred because family is sacred, no matter how imperfect we are. Put your ego aside, swallow your pride, and have a loving and memorable weekend together.
I should mention something else … Since April we’ve offered the same price for our Plein Air Convention in Colorado, but the price ends on Black Friday. We’re down to less than 200 seats for the world’s largest celebration of plein air painting, and you don’t have to be a good painter (or a painter at all) to attend. It’s a week of the world’s best painters, there to teach you. Last week someone told me they had been too intimidated to come and missed several years, only to find there was no reason to be afraid. Maybe if you’re interested in exploring this fun and challenging lifestyle called plein air painting, you should consider it. We usually sell about 300 seats before the first price increase, but again, we have fewer than 200 seats left.
I have sign up for the emails for Sunday coffee but do not receive them. can you help me resolve this problem?
O’boy, you really got into it this week. Eric, you are too young to be knowing how things are happening with seniors in this day and age. At least in my part of the country, Michigan, basically the Ann Arbor area. My husband and I are 83 and 84 and are members of high school classes who meet monthly for lunch. One of the best things that happen with these lunches is that we exchange information about how we are managing as we age.
There are some marvelous things going on now that were not around when our parents were getting older. Several of our classmates are now living in “senior living” housing that isn’t costing an arm and a leg, and enjoying the comradery of others on a daily basis. We have signed up to be included, when we are ready, to join them, through one of the Methodist retirement centers in the area. These “Methodist Homes” are available in several areas in Michigan. I don’t know about other states, but would think that they are there, as well.
You have a choice of independent living or assisted living. Either goes on to more assistance as needed as we age. Most independent living areas, which are basically apartments, like we started out in as newly weds, are very reasonable. Once you are in their system you are in line for any further assistance you may need. A very comfortable feeling to have.
I have a cousin living in the state of Washington who lives in a condo by herself. She is 89. All the neighbors she had around her, have either passed away, or left the area and she doesn’t see anyone day in and day out. A son drives her to a grocery store a couple of times a month. She doesn’t drive otherwise. Her biggest concerns are having to fix her meals.
I cannot convince her to check into the homes in her area where she would have her meals served and friends to visit with. She has a son and a daughter who do not live close by. They are very concerned about her, but can’t convince her to move from the condo she has been in about 18 years. Her only reasoning is that she has her condo “paid” for and she doesn’t want to spend what she thinks would be $3,000 a month to move to a home. She is still back in the depression era. If she sold her condo it would pay for at least five years of her care, at that amount, and these facilities do not throw you out if you run out of money after that many years.
These retirement facilities are not the big dormitory’s that they used to be, with bed after bed of residents all in one room. Everyone gets their own unit, where they can feel at home, as well as go out to socialize with family, friends or the other residents.
I am looking forward to living in the area we have signed up for and will be able to still do some art work and probably end up giving art classes, if there is an interest. Yes, we can have a pet. We could also own a cottage in northern Michigan and live there all summer, if we want to. The greatest relief is that if something happens, that I or my husband need help, there is someone close by, that will be right there when we need them. We will still be independent enough to own our own vehicle and keep the schedule we are used to. As we age we will not have to make more changes to have help available.
This is our decision. We don’t want to leave it up to our children to make this commitment for us. They, in turn, are relieved that they can come and visit, or include us in family gatherings without having to worry about our daily care.
Really, there is a lovely light at the end of the tunnel of aging. It can be much better than you are thinking it will be. More like another adventure in your life.
Eric,
I am 77 and just had my 5th book released based on the past 6 decades of my painting/teaching career and it went international in the first week of its release. While I find my traveling to be limited ( I missed not being able to do the Adirondack thing) I’m still painting. I’ll continue painting until they nail the lid shut! I hear you loud and clear. Before my wife passed away she had to spend time in an extended care facility. Not a good option. She stayed home as long as possible. We may be aging but there is still a LOT of life left. So I say NEVER , EVER give up!
Thanks so much for writing and sending this. FANTADTIC AND INSPIRING
I love this!! I hope to live vibrantly in my later years, independently until the end!! Thank you!
Eric, I agree that we should keep active and living as long as our minds and bodies allow us! I’m 68 and this year have started a new adventure—an art gallery displaying my dad’s artwork and honoring him in his hometown in Iowa in the process. It’s not anything I’ve ever done in my working life but I’m loving it! Sharpartiowa.com
And I’m learning more about painting in the process.
All the best to you. Keep writing!
Lucy
After doing the day’s work of settling myself, I decided to comment again….and tell my story. But first, I would like to say that you do make some very good points, Eric, about staying active and positive and eager for a full life, as we age, and changing the current culture mindset of “dotty old people” to “vibrant older people”. But after that, I was wounded by several things you said. I was the last adult child left, when my sister passed and my mother started going downhill quickly. She was in her own home, but not eating and dropping weight at an alarming rate. As soon as I realized the situation, I ran to her and stayed with her until we could get her stabilized and figure out the next steps. I could not leave her there (550 miles away) unassisted, and pleaded with her for us to get some help in for her. She vehemently refused, and dug her heels in. There were problems with moving her to our home too numerous to mention. (My mother was ADHD and probably also Asperger’s. I am also ADHD and it has run straight through me to two of our children. We all do the best that we can, given these challenges that go well beyond those of ordinary living. Daily challenges, daily conundrums. Beyond health difficulties, beyond effective communication’s ability to solve). We finally talked Mom into going into an assisted living complex where so many of her aging friends – fellow church goers and neighbors – were also resettling. It was a lovely place and her friends were so happy to see her when we toured it with her. The apartments were like miniature versions of their homes, with screened in porches and room to garden. It was a place that was vibrant with activities and live entertainment, and an impressive array of learning and doing options. She actually got excited about moving there. And for one-two weeks, she was happy there. And then it all sank into a dull and listless period for her, with her opting out of life, essentially. We tried everything. Other family came to visit her in between our frequent 10 hour drives out, or flights out to be with her. (My husband was also trying to care for his widowed father in the same area of OH and so we were often ships passing in the night, passing on the highways or up in the air!) The problems mounted. She had many health problems. And so we convinced Mom to move to CT with us. It was not possible for us to move back to OH. But it simply did not work out to have her in our home. I was falling apart trying to handle her needs that completely eclipsed both of us, my husband and myself. At one point, I walked outside and collapsed on the ground. So we found another beautiful assisted living apartment for her that was right across the street from a major hospital. That was a Godsend as she was always winding up in the ER or I was taking her there for doctor appts. There was also a geriatric doc who came to her assisted living building once a week. I was there with her most of the time, running back and forth from our home a half hour away. Mom was a special kind of person. She did not talk or she did not talk effectively. And so Mom confused people. She was always smiling and people expected that she was “normal” and so they looked to me to explain her to them. I could not. Because Mom was always an enigma, even to her own daughter. People sometimes barraged me with questions about her, often times figuring that I was to blame, holding her back somehow, not taking her out enough (we took her to church and out to eat and to some kind of interesting thing EVERY Sunday, besides being with her a lot during the week). I went through burnout again and again and again and again……from 2001 to 2009. A whole team of docs and nurses, assisted living professionals and my husband and myself were not enough for Mom’s unique problems. It was the most grueling and the saddest thing I have ever gone through. Mom finally had a heart attack and was expected to die within a week. I was advised to put her in a nursing home for the acute care she needed in the final days. She lasted 5 months there and was miserable. I was always there until the staff told me that I was going to do myself in if I tried to keep up the pace. It broke my heart to see her suffer. We gave her our all. It was never enough. But it was just how it was. Not her fault, either, by any means. Some situations are just extremely difficult. We did the best we could. And then I cried my eyes out a thousand times. Ten years have past since Mom died and I still come unraveled, sometimes, over the trauma of it all. It has been hard to put all of this out, here, but I felt you needed to know to understand what you are getting yourself into when you put out an article like “Parked to Die”. Hopefully, you can see from my story of Mom that nothing of your premises applied in our situation and I can imagine hundreds of other situations that don’t fit a formula either. Simple prescriptives simply cannot cover all.
Dear Eric, As I read today’s Sunday coffee, I found I couldn’t agree with you more. Thank you so much for your time and effort in the writing of this blog I look forward to it each week, and often share it with friends and family members.
Sincerely,
Anita Rainey
I am currently 78 years young. A few years prior to, and after retirement at 72, I was a quilter. I had gotten to the stage of designing my own quilts, the old-fashioned way…no computer software. A little over a year and a half ago, I started watching the acrylic fluid art artists on YouTube. I watched for 3 months and then dove in big time. Soon I started giving classes on fluid art at a senior living facility, teaching the elderly and handicapped how to play in the paint as they did when they were six. Really rewarding times for me. Some of those people are younger than I am. I eventually got bored with fluid art and tried expanding my painting capabilities. I now paint abstracts and landscapes. Though I don’t paint Plein air, I’m still having a fantastic time. I’ve even sold a number of my paintings. (Yes, family and friends are generous!) I have to admit, I tire sooner than I use to but, that’s okay. I’m living life on my terms and as long as God lets me, I’ll continue to do so.
Your “Sunday Coffee ” always hits a note with me! I agree, create as long as you can! I decided 29 years in the corporate world was enough and go on to new challenges! I love my art and so do others… been busy creating and selling. However, not as profitable as I had imagined! Keep plugging at it and getting the word out can only grow and get better! Knowing I have long term care insurance for assisted living and nursing home I can keep working on my dream when I need help and cant live alone any longer. Peace of mind!
I’m 79 years old, I have terrible arthritis and have had breast cancer operation….I look in the mirror each day and put my hands on my hips and say to myself I’M 60 YEARS OLD TODAY….
my doctor told me I would probably die of old age before the cancer comes back….I told him, see this [as I made a circle around my face] and he said, yes, and i said well it’s a disguise. I’m not being funny…i mean it. I paint!
Damn good article Eric! Yes hang in there and keep working at what you love, making a difference in so many lives. Stay creative and enjoy friends, colleagues and family. Your family will always love a vibrant energetic Eric, but they would be chagrined to see you parked and a shell of the man you were. I am on my third career and have enjoyed my art and making a difference painting what I love. I still like to write, I love engaging with people on my open studios tours and love selling paintings to homes where my art will be cherished and enjoyed. Who says we have to do one career? We can do multiple careers and enjoy the challenge of being creative and valuable in anything we set our mind to do. I’m loving life and enjoying myself at 76 and hope I can stay healthy and vibrant into my eighties if the Lord grants me those years. May you continue to bless others and be blessed for what you do.
Thank you Eric, for Sunday Coffee. Please send me info on donating to your T.V. Show project. Enjoyed your message today…
Norma
Wonderful article. We just brought Mom home from a nursing care facility . You are spot on. She has Alzheimer’s and lung issues. I did not want to PARK her there, and have chosen to bring in home care in her home. She can be surrounded with her things and memories . Painting has taken a back seat and the galleries I am with have been wonderful . My focus will be on her care and comfort for as long as we can manage. I have a huge support team and Valley Caregivers here in Fresno are sending me help too. We need to talk about this issue, and support all who have to make these difficult choices. I am here for anyone who needs me.
I just read your Sunday blog about elderly parents and am overjoyed that you have put into words what I believe. Our mother was in her 90’s and except for hip surgery stayed in her home. The decision to stay in their home should be theirs as long as is possible. Thank you.
Dear Dear Eric
I read your post with interest
I spent three years traveling around looking at CCRC communities, knowing I wanted to make the move prior to starting to paint again. I chose to a community with a major university minutes away and a large hospital across the street.
Some CCRC’s have a lot of retired corporate people, some primarily retired academics. Knowing both camps, I chose the academic crowd. Some CCRC’s are fancy-resort type developments, we aren’t. Our facilities are beautiful but modest. Not all CCRC’s have skilled nursing but for me, there is peace in knowing that I wouldn’t have to move again. All CCRC’s enter into a lifetime contract of care with a resident even if they run out of money.
Of over 300 total residents, I live with over 150+ other independent living residents, and they are without a doubt the most interesting group of people I have known in my very interesting life. Many retired professors, physicians, and scientists. We choose to live in apartments in the main building, garden apartments or 2-3 bedroom cottages. We have three restaurant venues. We also have assisted living apartments and a gorgeous 90-bed skilled nursing unit and a memory center.
All of us here in independent living came for a reason. We wanted to develop a close group of interesting friends to age with and be cared for until we die.
We are currently doing a $6 million renovation, and I am the chair of the interior design committee, on the art acquisition committee, member of the dining renovation committee, outdoor pool renovation committee, and dining services and facilities committees. I am in the process of starting a Lunch Bunch for women under 75 and for fun am running a lottery group of 117 players.
My second bedroom is my studio. And I am painting – seriously – with a show in mind. I have hired a retired art professor to mentor and critique for one hour a month. He studied under Thiebaud and Roland Peterson and has shown in Paris as well as the US.
My apartment is gorgeous and I have turned the 5×7 deck into a screened-in lanai where I lunch in the sun 7 months of the year.
The entry fee was $338,000 for a newly remodeled apartment, and I pay roughly $4,000/month, which includes one meal (second meal available at very reasonable cost), all utilities, house cleaning, laundry (even though I have a stack washer/dryer), 35 exercise classes a week, 2 movie nites, Great Courses, Inquiring Mind Course, music concerts and speakers. I also take courses at the University. I went through a tough divorce with a husband’s bankruptcy so I am not swimming in cash. I was, however, smart enough to get two long-term care policies when I was younger, and I worked my butt off after the bankruptcy. I don’t plan to “retire” before my body does.
I drive my own car to meet friends and soon wlll be driving to San Francisco to the theater to see Hamilton. However, we have access to 2 buses, a van and car, if I want to be driven. The community provides transportation to the major art museum exhibits, and local theater. The university performing arts center seats a couple of thousand and has international orchestras, speakers series, and more. Recently went to a Merce Cunningham dance program out of NY.
Most of my friends have children – and many had them over for Thanksgiving. We have private rooms and my neighbor had 14 of her family here. She was thrilled. Good food, great time and no cooking or clean-up. Many in wheelchairs are able, therefore, to entertain children, grandchildren, inlaws and even great-grandchildren. I drove down to Santa Cruz to be with my college roommate who is also an only child. I am Aunt Vicki to her kids, and have been slinging T-day hash with them for 50 years. But that won’t always be the case… and it is nice to now I have close friends here to celebrate holidays in years to come.
So… to your post…
Your post reminds me of my Ohio grandmother’s fear-mongering mantra about families who took their relatives to the poor house “to live like yella dogs!” We kept my grandmother in an apartment until she was 92, with help coming in daily, but there was a point where she needed more. My mother and dad couldn’t do the necessary lifting to care for her. She went into an assisted living and eventually lost the use of her legs, ears, and eyes. She died at 96.
As we fail, the cane, the walker, or wheelchair is not a choice… no matter where you live. You may have difficulty accepting that you won’t likely be mobile forever, no matter how much you take care of yourself… and your adult kids may love you, but they may not be the best people for you to live with day-in-and-day-out.
While my friends came here because they didn’t want to burden their adult children, they also didn’t want to live with their kids. Being isolated alone to watch TV while their children were out of the house 10 hours every day and running crazy schedules on the weekends didn’t sound appealing. And, while they love their kids dearly, they don’t consider living with their kids to be as interesting as living with interesting peer groups.
And just because they came to a retirement community that also provides assisted living doesn’t mean they don’t travel. One friend just got back from Bhutan and another (80 years old) who is writing a book about world religions went to Mongolia and slept in tents for three weeks.
Bottom line: getting old is not for apple-cheeked boys and girls.
And I do understand that there are assisted living facilities that are truly grim, and that residents are there because they don’t have the funds to be anywhere better. But your post is sprinkled with fear. Yes, fight for an active life, for sure, but you also need to cultivate an ability to accept what can’t be changed. If not, envy, anger, and bitterness permanently come to roost.
Thanks once again Eric for your wise words. My Mom is needing more care in the just the last month and I’m working on getting more assistance at home. Hope we can make it work. She wants to stay at home and if it were me I’d want the same thing. Maybe I should get her painting? Ha!
Eric, the way to raise the half million you need for your TV show is to go to foundations. That’s how most of them are funded on PBS, and if it won’t be on PBS, your network should be paying. There’s a dearth of painting programs on PBS; if this doesn’t happen, that’s where to go. You certainly have the bona fides to pull this off with them.
Great column, and best of luck with this effort!
Every case is special.I’m with you,I have too many things to do-I wont go anywere with out a Spitting,cussing ,crazy fight!But others are different,They don’t care abuot anything any more and blame you for it! It dosn’t mean it’s true,but this is not what they signed up for and they want every one to pay for it.They are mad [literaly] as hell!I get it I live with it I cry for them,But does that give them the right to destroy MY LIFE?You tell me and every one else in my patch.
Eric, Thank you for this weeks coffee news!! I’m just getting to the age where the kids don’t come home to visit as much, busy with their own lives as it should be but I was just starting to think I need to move to a condo, to slow down and stop doing so much! Ha, now will just have to pace myself better and choose what I really have a passion for.
Big hug full of admiration for what you are doing. Best regards.
Wow. What a decisive and personal analysis of aging. I do know you mean well, Eric, but my hope is that you do not deter someone from making the decision to reach out for a future with a sense of community.
Many older people are isolated when they can no longer drive or have health issues, depending on visits from anyone to relieve their loneliness. Depression often follows.
In your business you encourage and have actually created a community of artists. A wonderful state of shared interests.
The aging in retirement homes and such, share in the same way – their similar interests are understanding the decades they have lived, family and health issues. They also are deeply involved in their own creative projects and, yes, some want to just relax and watch TV, read or sit and contemplate..maybe not the way which means an interesting community to you, but trust me, it is a very real bonding. A true sense of community.
Thank heaven we have choices for our own personalities. One size does not fit all.
Thanks for the time, Eric. I just wanted to speak up for the “other side of the coin.”
Eric, what a profound article! As for me, I have new ambitions consisting of starting a webaite, a blog, and several exhibitions. Perhaps even join art school.
hI,Eric,
I completely agree with you! specially on those dying Home, so expensive! We have to fight to the end! of course! I’m fighting and have projects, of course, in painting! just love painting! Thanks for reminding me those means lines of behaviored! God help you, and I’ll keep in mind those precious advices!
NO! you did not offend me! This is far too important to hide under the carpet.
Two of my closest friends, one 87 the other 93 keep me encouraged. One lives up north, the other in the south. Both drive, hike and live in their own homes, plus take care of their yards.
They and others are an inspiration for me to never stop doing! It does not matter where I die. As my rancher friend said, “I can die in bed, feeding the cattle or on the way to an exotic vacation, either way I will be dead, so I will do what I want for as long as I am able!
I am working until I am done, besides my note book of painting ideas is over 400 and I just added another three this morning.
Thank you Eric!
Faye Gustafson
I really think there may be no right answer here.
Having my mother living in assisted living at age 84 and my mother-in-law living at home at 85, I can relate to both sides of this. My mom chose to enter the adult community when she was 80. My dad had Alzheimer’s and she could no longer care for him herself. They lived in a lovely home but were two hours from most of their doctors and full-service hospitals. She was also suffering from a form of dementia that came and went initially, but caused her to make some odd decisions like firing the fellow who took care of her yard and refusing to allow for an in-home caretaker including her any of her own children. She insisted she did not want us to be “saddled” with caring for her or Dad as they had once cared for my paternal grandmother. She did finally realize that with her restrictions she could not remain in the house, so she opted to move them both into a little duplex in the adult community. Dad continued to deteriorate and went into the memory care unit, then the nursing care unit and finally into hospice where he passed away three years ago. Mom moved from the duplex to an apartment until she opted to move into assisted living after several falls. We all visit as often as possible (probably more then we did when she and dad lived out in the country, to be honest; but it is very, very hard watching the inevitable progression of aging.
My mother-in-law, on the other side, has Parkinson’s and remains in her home. She has part time help coming in, and several of her adult children living nearby with a grandson living in the house with her (although it seems he is not around much as he works full time and is dating). I think we all worry about her a lot more then we worry over my mother. She has fallen and seriously hurt herself many times and has visited the emergency room for stitches and concussions and sprains and bad bruising multiple times. The worst thing is that because she is often alone and insists she does not need anyone there full time, she tries to do things like climb a ladder to dust top shelves, mop the kitchen floor or clean behind toilets (because in her opinion no one else does it correctly) and then falls and injures herself and will lie injured on the floor or draped over a chair or something for many hours before someone finds her. She will not wear a medic alert necklace or bracelet because she says it is too expensive even though all of her children have offered to pay for it. Bottom line is that while she is fiercely maintaining her independence, the Parkinson’s is slowly stealing her ability to function safely and think rationally.
I don’t know that either woman is particularly happy. I feel that my mother is safer, but she will tell you that she is ready to die and sort of wishes it would happen sooner rather than later and had she stayed in her country house, she feels like she might already be gone. My husband’s mother, on the other hand, is just mad as heck that she cannot physically do what she wants to do and fears she is a burden and financial drain on her family (she isn’t be she doesn’t believe us).
Diseases like Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, vascular dementia, ALS, etc. cause so much damage and rob people of joy at the end of life. I hope I am spared the dementia that devastated by parents, and that my husband is spared the slow destruction of Parkinson’s that is breaking down his mother and the cancer that took his father. My parents both have/had the do no resuscitate orders and living wills. Both my husband and I do as well. Lingering death is far worse then being permitted to just go when it’s time. I guess I’m sort of hoping for something quick like a fatal car accident or a heart attack. But I do know I plan to get the most out of the live I have left and so I chose to retire “early” at 55 thanks to a good and early investment plan, and am now doing the things I love to do: paint, travel, and spend quality time with my family. Five years into my “retirement” I’m very happy and hope to see at least another 20 years of quality life.
I really enjoy your articles!
Eric I have spent much time mulling over this subject. Putting someone in a nursing home is an extremely difficult decision but the only choice sometimes. I’m 81 and my husband is 84. I agree completely that staying busy and involved is a wonderful way to have a long and productive life. I teach 7 art classes a week and take care of my invalid husband, but we both know our time in our own home is limited. There are physical limitations that require more strength and training than family can handle. If one afford in home health care, that’s the best way, but broken bones, mental confusion, incontinence, and other conditions sometimes require those decisions be made. When I no longer can care for myself I don’t want my children to destroy their health trying to handle all those issues. I do want to be a part of their lives, but having cared for my 90 year old mother in law for a year taught me we sometimes must give up the battle. And yes we hired help around the clock until the money ran out. We put her in a nursing home and she blossomed! She needed more than we could give at that time. Let’s not be too quick to say we’ll never do that. Just saying…..
Very good, Eric.
Iam amazed at the Sunday coffee!!! With all that you are doing,to find time to write these insightful articles,is incredible
Thank you for your thoughts.Yes, right now the sun is shining !!!
Your “Sunday Coffee ” always hits a note with me! I agree, create as long as you can! I decided 29 years in the corporate world was enough and go on to new challenges! I love my art and so do others… been busy creating and selling. However, not as profitable as I had imagined! Keep plugging at it and getting the word out can only grow and get better! Knowing I have long term care insurance for assisted living and nursing home I can keep working on my dream when I need help and cant live alone any longer. Peace of mind!
Love Sunday Coffee!, except this Sunday’s offering. You tread on very painful ground, here, Eric. Maybe a lot of us don’t have as wide a range of choices as you have had. And many of us who have forced to put our parents in a nursing home are there all the time to visit and try everything possible to keep an elder stimulated and cared for. The sun is shining, today, but there is now a heaviness about the morning. Hoping that next week’s subject will not be one that brings sorrow.
It amazes me that you are able to write such articles and almost always “touch my heart.” Both last week about angels and this week about living life to the fullest as we grow older were great examples of that and both brought me to tears. I look forward to Sunday Coffee and share it with many. You are one of my angels for sure. Thank you and God bless.
So true! My husband is adamant about not going into any sort of assisted living. When our neighbor’s house (owner had yappy dogs) became available this spring, our daughter strongly suggested we buy it and rent it to her and her husband. When my husband squawked about having to pay a huge down payment on the mortgage, she replied, “Well, assisted living IS expensive!” I never would have guessed they’d want to live this close, but they love it.
I thank you for such a treasure of a story! I just could not stop reading. It caused me to pause take note and reflect on butterflies and angels, I have encountered in life!! Most importantly, the times that I was able to serve as a butterfly to someone. What a privilege and honor to reflect on your insights. Also, I could vividly see in my minds eye, pine trees you spoke of located outside your studio. I am a lover of pine trees, and nature in general. Again, thank you for being my butterfly today! This narrative was just what I needed today! It was “spiritual food” for me today!
Blessings to you this holiday,
Denise
“L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.” It was this excerpt from “Le Petit Prince” by Antoine de Sainte-Exupery that Fred Rogers had framed in this office near his television studio. The essential is invisible to the eye.Mr. Rogers said he tried to see the special in every one, and the special-ness of every moment.
I hear you saying exactly that; that we are not yet able to see God working on our behalf, at just the time we need it, and how different people come to us in a variety of ways and circumstances that we could not possibly have planned. We live the life we look for–perhaps it’s time, especially as artists, to hone that extra-sensory perception, an awareness of the metaphysical that George Inness wrote about and the 19th Century Romantics (and others) have painted, and the way that the people we admire most live
Art can do that, words can do that, but our actions when we show up for someone who is in need say it best. This is such an insightful and profound message, Eric, thank you.
Eric, Had a great time at FACE & appreciated your interest in my marital state(HAH). Particularly enjoyed todays’ comments & realization that God works ALL the time. Clarke Berryman
Thank you, Eric. You wrote exactly what I needed to hear. I have a special place in my heart for all Plein Air painters. My grandfather was Granville Redmond, one of the first of the outside painters. Me? I like my cozy little studio where I paint watercolor holiday cards. But keep up the good work. I love your podcasts and blogs.
Yes Both are very much a part of my life. This did not happen until I was in my 50’s. Archangel Michael and his crew are ever present. A friend forwarded this to me. I will love to read this next Sun.
My family disowned me as I am too too out of their realm. As I no longer have Blood Family, I NOW have a solid, awesome TRIBE. What a blessing it is to speak your truth on Not Be Judged, put down, etc.
Thank you for spreading the work/word which humans so deeply need.
Dear Eric,
Thank you for another inspirational Sunday Coffee. I want to relate a ‘call from an angel’ that I received at a difficult time in my life.
I have been fortunate to be able to paint full time for over 50 years, since the age of 21. There have been times of financial hardship when I thought I would have to give up my passion for art to make a living, but somehow, by what I would describe as the benevolence of the Universe, I made it through.
The most striking of these times came during a general economic downturn when my gallery paintings were not selling sufficiently. I started looking for other means of employment and arranged to move out of my studio and into a friends spare bedroom.
The day before I was to start moving, I felt impelled to call Mike Singleton, an art publisher who had sold prints of my work in the past, but with whom I had not spoken in years. I left a message on his answering machine, asking if he had any projects suitable for my painting skills.
Mike had been meeting with a concept artist, Jason Bullard, that morning. For months they had been looking for an artist to begin work on a new series of paintings, and that particular morning Mike told Jason that the only artist he could think of that would be suitable for the endeavor was myself. But Mike thought I was on other projects and unavailable. Upon returning to his office, Mike found my message on his answering machine.
So began “The Lost Years” project, a collaborative effort depicting stories from the early life of Jesus, and many other paintings for the Christian market.
In meditation and in life, I have experienced the unconditional love of Life, the Universe, God, Spirit, whatever one chooses to call it. I liken it to the radiant warmth of the sun which shines on everyone equally if we are willing to come out of the shadows to receive it.
Thank you Eric for reminding me of these truths.
Best wishes,
Mark Arian
Thank you for such a beautiful, heartfelt article today. Happy Thanksgiving and gratitude for all that we have.
I almost didn’t open your e-mail since I get so many each day but I’m so glad I did. I have some situations going on and I needed to be reminded again how God answers me when I ask for help and answers. I’m afraid I’ve yelled at Him….”Do You understand the situation? What are You doing?” When I look back from “time” I can see……yes… He did know all the details and did work them out the “best way”…..not what I would have done….but the best way. I know in my heart and mind that there is NOTHING God can’t do…….healings, money situations, health, jobs……..even parking spots when I wasn’t a good “parker”. At the moment I have a grandson in England going in for his third shoulder surgery (with 2 more planned) this Thursday and two friends …loved ones…in hospice……one 22 years old and one early 60’s. I’m crying out for healing but I’m also crying out….Why?. I send this e-mail off with tears but I can also say I don’t just believe my God “hears” …..I have also experienced His answers. P.S. The last time I did some plein air painting was at Summitt Lake in Washington State. Beautiful day, started painting from the dock on the lake. Thousands of closed water lilies at 9 am…….by noon when I was finishing up all the water lilies were open.
so very well written,i really enjoy your articles. Look forward to them every Sunday. Happy Thanksgiving, and may God bless
Good morning Eric,
I admit I do not read your letter each Sunday but today it was a home run in my mind, gut or heart…..or all three. It is what I believe and am thankful for. I am an artist and own a gallery with daily check in with my gut feelings. For the most part I think I adhere to them and what a delight to see another have the same outlook.
Thank you for sharing and Happy Thanksgiving.
Respectfully,
Terry Lindsey
I wish you and all of us a wonderful Thanksgiving, and my we all have Angels and Butterfly every day, they are there you just have open your heart and let them in !
Thank you for benign you.
Silvia Howard
Eric you angel, butterfly… this message was perfectly timed, but of course, as a seriously needed reminder. Thanks and God’s blessings on you & yours!
LOVED this read Eric… I am right there with you! Great seeing you at Tim’s party 😊 Wishing you and your family a blessed Thanksgiving 💕
Fantastic morning coffee Eric, I love your positively and the fact that you can voice the idea of prayer and speak to angels is very close to my heart. We all have issues in our lives that can seem at times, overwhelming. I have had to deal with this and I know everyone on earth has as well. Thank you so much for this important messege it really comes at such an important time.
Hi Eric, this is my first Sunday coffee reading. Well you are the angel/butterfly I needed. I’ve read through your website the past month and found what I’ve been looking for. I hope to attend one of your get togethers next fall. I’ve been studying botanical illustration at Longwood gardens here in pa. I love plants and all. Watercolor is my favorite medium and I’ve worked as a technical illustrator. So that is the match. I also enjoy doing landscape in watercolor and have been getting outdoor supplies for plein air painting. There are a lot of events here and I want to do this. This post is what I needed. I couldn’t sleep and checked my phone and there was your article. I’ve been in morning as my brother passed a month ago. He always supported and encouraged me to continue painting. I look forward to your weekly Sunday coffee and I see that i can read your past articles. God has truly blessed you with art and establishing the magazines, these amazing events, travel trips, radio … The energy spills out in your writing and the comments that people leave. You are touching the masses and I want to join in the fun of painting and learn more and make new friends.
As always, a great encouragement 🙂 thank you for diligently and faithfully carving out the time from your crazy schedule to do this. A blessed Thanksgiving to you and your wonderful family !