Two large loons are swimming at the edge of the dock. Their cry echoes across the lake, bouncing off the distant shore, where the deep green pine trees are softly covered with morning fog, making them a pale bluish-gray color. A hawk flies overhead, and it’s so quiet you can hear the whoosh of her wings and her loud call as well. Not to be diminished, a tiny dock spider spins its web across the seat of the Adirondack chair next to me.
Though the birds, the streaks of sunlight, the beautiful views may not be there for my pleasure, they bring pleasure just the same. I can choose to ignore them or to embrace their beauty.
Type A
For decades I’ve been a hard-charging, “Type A” personality, working endlessly to help others find what I have to offer, and often chasing shiny objects, often in pursuit of the things the media tells us will create happiness.
Five Hot Cars
Looking back, I can recall gurus standing in front of their five-car garages, each door open with an expensive car in every slot. They would stand beside their jets and tell us that this can happen to us, too. And I bought into much of it, often buying a course to refine my skills.
Looking at the Mirror
I too wanted the trappings of success. I even created cutouts of the things I wanted and plastered them on my mirror, looking at them daily. And remarkably, most of those dreams came true. One expert told us to go to the car dealer, pick out the car we wanted and get a picture sitting in the driver’s seat, then paste the picture up on the bathroom mirror. Instead, I took an ad from a magazine and glued my photo onto the car in the ad. Every day, I told myself, if I sell this radio station one day, and if I make at least a million dollars, the first thing I’ll do is to go out and buy that Porsche 911.
A Dream Realized
When that day came, I went to the local Porsche dealer and could not believe how expensive the car was. Not wanting to blow through all my money, I began the search for a used one, eventually finding the exact car of my dreams at a fraction of the price. To this day I can remember the feeling of hitting a goal, the feeling of accomplishment for working so hard, yet being proud that I was practical by not buying a new car and losing 20 percent in depreciation.
After a few weeks, my Porsche was just transportation, and I soon found I had my eye on the next cool car, the new BMW 7 series sedan. Soon, I had that car too. And before long, it too was just transportation.
Excess
I used to drive through Palm Beach and see the mega mansions and tell myself, “Someday I’ll own one of those.” I’d see the excessive display of wealth, the spending, the cars, yachts, jets, jewels, and clothes, and I found myself wanting more and more. But I could not keep up. As my dad used to say, “Son, someone’s always got a bigger boat.”
A New Focus
Then one day Laurie announced that she was pregnant with triplets. I was suddenly the happiest I can remember being. My focus changed from being a hotshot to being a practical dad with looming college bills (for triplets). So we sold the nice cars and bought two simple Hondas. That was 20 years ago, and I still have one of them.
My self-image had been tied to what the media said was success, but I realized that it was an empty vessel.
You Are What You Think
I’m a big believer in positive thinking and manifesting things (along with a plan and the associated work), and though I feel fortunate to have experienced hot cars, and even life on private jets, I’ve thankfully discovered that’s not where my happiness lies. King Solomon even talked about it — as the richest man in the world, he was never satisfied.
Back to the Birds
That brings me back to the birds on the dock and the importance of knowing what truly makes you happy. For me, it’s about the beauty of nature, about deeply enjoying the people I love, and deepening relationships with others.
Things happen for a purpose. Had I not experienced the chase and not experienced the things I thought would make me happy, I might still be chasing them. I’m thankful that I eventually arrived where I am.
Service to Others
I’m no longer a hard-driving Type A. Though I work hard, it’s because I love what I do, and my goal is to be of service to others, to help them live their dreams, to be their servant. Since I started with that attitude, my happiness level has soared. It has taken me decades to discover that happiness is found in service to others.
Where does your happiness lie? I’d love to know what you’ve discovered.
Eric Rhoads
PS: Recently when cleaning my garage, I threw out things that I had craved to own. Mostly cool electronic gadgets, cameras, computers, speakers, etc. I can remember wanting these things, saving the money to get them, only to discard them for the next big thing. There is no better exercise than throwing out the things you once thought were important. Now, before I buy anything, I question my purchase. Do I need it? Will I be throwing it out in three years?
My joy isn’t dependent on anyone else, but I gain great joy from other people, which is why tears were shed when we said goodbye at my Adirondack artist retreat with about 100 friends and new friends that ended a week ago yesterday. Every time I tell myself I’m only going to do it one last time, but I get such joy from the people that I can’t wait to do it again.
My next artist retreat, Fall Color Week, is coming up in October. I can hardly wait. It’s already sold out (there is a waiting list), so others must also see the joy.
I do have some space on my lifetime bucket list painters’ trip to New Zealand, though not much. That’s happening in September, so it’s already time to book flights. If you are on the fence, it’s best to decide now.
In case you missed it, we have a brand new newsletter called Pastel Today. The editor, Gail Sibley, has been at the International Association of Pastel Societies (IAPS) conference this week in Albuquerque (it’s a great organization and event). If you want the free newsletter, join us at PastelToday.com. And if you really want to grow as a pastel artist or learn about it, we have Pastel Live online, coming up in August. It’s a three-day event with the top pastel artists on earth, plus an optional Beginner’s Day.
Thank you so much for your Sunday Coffee Chats. Enjoy them very much Eric.
I live in Nanaimo, BC Canada and love to hear about your venues. I am a senior and can’t come on any of your trips or art get together but just want you to know you are appreciated for all the work you do in trying to keep artists together.
I have thought a lot about the “stuff” we accumulate over the years and realize it really is for naught. It does not give you long term happiness and sooner or later you have to get rid of it and even if you think your children may want some of it, we should probably think again as they are in a different generation and will not want all that we have accumulated.
I think the biggest take home for me is that “stuff” will not create happiness. Only being there for others, love for others and family. Work and status should only be a means for these other more important aspects of life.
Cheers and happy ‘arting’.
Thanks ever so much for sharing your life and thoughts with us – always so very valuable!!! True treasures are certainly the ones that don’t rust and turn to dust!
Like you, I finally discovered it’s all about relationship with God, not about idols that distract us from Him.
Love your perspective on what really matters. Yes I chased the recognition , better job, bigger house.
Then realiized I was j”ust righ”t with who I am, have the love, recognition, and appreciation just being m!
My happiest times are when I have my family together..it has nothing to do with wants. It has everything to do appreciating where you are and with.
Lovely piece, Eric, and standing on my dock in northern Minnesota, I too have the loons and dock spiders – but I’ll bet my fishing’s better! 😉 Thanks, and keep well!
Eric I have throughly enjoyed your Sunday morning articles . Your eloquent descriptions of the space your are in reminds me to open my eyes and enjoy my space as well. Your words of wisdom from a lifetime of learning bring the “real” into perspective .
Thank you for promoting the art learning and enjoying.
Eric, for years I hungered after a really good camera. I’d had a used camera, disposable cameras, and a couple basic models. I saved and saved and finally got the camera of my dreams, a Canon EOS Rebel. It did everything, had a motorized zoom lens, motorized film advance and settings I couldn’t even understand.
Now it sits useless in my closet, because as you read above, it takes film. Digital cameras made it obsolete.
I agree with other commenters that fulfillment comes from Jesus. He never becomes obsolete and you don’t have to save and save to receive him. He’s the meaning of life.
Thanks for your Sunday columns!
I so enjoy Sunday Coffee.
I don’t always read it when it arrives… but wait for the moment your message “tugs” at me! Always what and when I need to either refreshen me or to give me a gentle shove. Always a delight as I reflect back to all the time spent in nature on vacations or in the woods behind our house growing up. My “grounding’ space. Your article is like a mini vacation with a “smidge” of a Sunday lesson!
Thanking you and so grateful for you sharing. Marty
Beautifully said, Eric. Thank you. I always look forward to your Sunday Coffees.
My happiness
Into the Last Forests of Wologizi? (Letter no’ 10)
Lofa County, Liberia. March 2007
Keith Fey.
My achingly tired, hot, and sweaty feet, so recently swaddled in rolled down long farmers’ socks and steel-capped leather boots from “Protectowear” in Pietermaritzburg, having so recently tramped me over the wide Naples yellow razor-sharp savannah into this Wologizi jungle, now cool off in my enchanting forest stream, all set about with majestic forest giants. How nice it is to just be here, at home with these little forest folk in my favorite haunt. Jungle….wriggling toes in ecstasy… they’re almost chatting to each other about their recent adventures. The mid-day sun plays a shadow dance about me on my dappled forest floor, covered in a restful deep litter of a million hues of golden-brown,… silver lights from high above my head are reflecting in the rippling water… whilst bird calls fill the air…, Some familiar, but by far the majority new to me…
A little way off and downstream, firmly embedded in worn laterite pebbles, one singular shaft of sunlight settles onto an old six-cylinder engine block which is water-polished to a jewelers luster, whilst upstream… the sump from the same engine, at last succumbing to terminal sleep, is bound down by huge roots growing over and into it, bearing testimony to the feverish activity from some bygone era? Behind me, in rusting piles of haphazard metallic waste lies a graveyard of disused shattered engines and tools, enclosed in part by the forest litter, seemingly resting from their thirty-odd years’ worth of hard labor to unearth mysterious hidden treasure troves of iron ore…, now they are just ghost-like skeletal remnants.
Up ahead my eyes leisurely come to rest on the proud feet of the grey giants… simply massive beyond comprehension! Wide fanlike buttress roots many more than fifteen meters long by two meters high, support colossal sky-scraper canopies of sun-drenched ‘leafscapes’ between fifty to one hundred meters above me…as this has been for perhaps countless thousands of years, while sweat bees humming in from the mossy forest depths, drink thirstily from my wide-brimmed Maritzburg College cricket cap, though I don’t mind… for I almost sense that I am but a passing figment in their dominion!
Under foot…. laterite fashioned by eons of torrential waters into crazily patterned sponge-like forms, as if some termite creatures have burrowed into and through it, overlie an undetermined depth of water-worn pebbles, cemented by time into solid rock, and all along the stream banks, blood-red and orange rivulets of iron oxide bleed seepingly from veins of ageless elemental alchemy into my stream…
So it is that this idyllic brook becomes for the next few moments, my perfect spot in which to contemplate… away from the microwave-like heat of the open savannahs behind me… an almost flat yet dished landscape of perhaps one thousand hectares where, if you are lucky enough… like I am, you smell the remaining herd of Short-horned African Buffalo…. Then fortunately enough, like I was… can make a hasty retreat from their intoxicating bovid scent!
So it is… that for these brief and utterly fleeting moments, I allow myself to be transported into and become one with forest heaven. For just a little, this one perfect moment in time is eccentrically committed to memory by three small stones which I tenderly lift from their be-pebbled beds, then pocket with reverence to the spirits of this vanishing landscape.
Kind regards Keith
God is good. Eric, your words could not have been more timely and valuable to me. We were notified thirty minutes ago of my dear mother-in-law’s death. It was expected, as she was three days shy of her 96th birthday. Her life was dedicated to serving God by serving the many people whose lives she touched. Our family is rich in the things that truly matter because of the example set by her.
A wonderful lesson this morning, thank you Eric.
My joy is from Jesus! There is nothing like a relationship with Him. He fills the void – nothing else can do that. It all ends up in emptiness. Thank you for a wonderful Sunday morning article. I just subscribed.