A steady drizzle of frigid droplets falls upon the old porch. My normal view of blue or purple hills in the distance is grayed down to barely visible, and the air is so cold, it feels as if I could throw water into the air and watch it turn to ice crystals.
I arose early with my head spinning with ideas, putting my toes into the warm blue corduroy slippers with the wool lining. I’ve pulled an old sweatshirt over my head, and a blanket is wrapped around all of me other than my arms and fingers, which kiss the cold keyboard.
Solid Advice
Last week artist Stewart White was visiting and imparted some advice to my kids. Simple, yet meaningful. He told my son, “If you just finish what you start, you’ll be ahead of most people.” And he suggested to my daughter, who stared down at her phone the whole time, that it’s good to engage with people, look them in the eye, and don’t stare down at your phone the whole time. I thought Stewart’s advice was spot on.
Three Important Lessons
It made me think … if I could choose only three things to tell my kids, what would those three things be? I’d love to know what your three things would be too.
Number one for me would be to trust God. I’ve seen the anxiety this pandemic has caused in our family – the fear, the concern, the boredom, the feeling of being locked down, and there is simply no answer other than trusting that God has a plan. And though I get criticized for sharing my feelings about this topic, it’s who I am. My intent is not to push it to you.
Too Much Stress
I can say that in my lifetime, I’ve stressed about things I never should have stressed about. I’ve worried, I’ve made myself sick, and when all was said and done, most of what I worried about never occurred. As I’ve matured, I’ve realized when I stop stressing and start assuming there is a plan, things work out better.
Choose Carefully
Since I’m limiting myself to three things, the next two are pretty hard to pick out of all the wisdom life has to offer. Therefore my number two is to pick a good mate, a life partner, and to learn to listen to and trust their instincts. In theory, they have your back more than any person on earth, and they can see things you cannot see. And they are usually willing to tell you things no one else will tell you. That’s why I tell my kids to be careful in your process, take your time, get to know someone deeply, and try to get beyond the infatuation. Some put more time into buying a car than picking a life mate. And though you need common interests and things to do together, the worst thing you can do is find a replica of yourself. Life is about balance, and this is one of the best things you can do to find balance and perspective. Of course, it’s not for everyone. No pressure.
What’s in Your Mind?
Now the pressure is on. What is number three?
It seems to me that most problems people have, most problems I have, boil down to self-esteem and self-talk. I’ve written about past experiences where I declined invites from world-famous people because I did not feel worthy. How sick is that? Yet, as I think about my friends, my relationships, and all the people in my life, the ones living the best lives tend to be the ones who have figured out how to have self-esteem. Therefore my best advice is to work on your self-esteem and conquer those issues with the tenacity of your entire being. Doing so impacts how you filter every word, every decision, and whether or not you enjoy your life.
I read the book Think and Grow Rich for the first time at 15 and the book Cyber Cybernetics at age 17. Both were life-changers. But I’ve battled these issues much of my life. We have little voices in the back of our brains that bring up insecurities rooted in something from our past, and that don’t even make logical sense. I resisted Tony Robbins because of his style and my perception that he was all motivation (I attended one of his very first seminars before he had developed the depth he has today), and I’ve since found he has a lot to offer. I’ve been to his events and will go to more.
Investing in your self-esteem is the best investment you can make. It’s better than Bitcoin because it influences every decision and direction in your life. And current literature on the topic has shown theories from the 1930s have turned out to be true: Your physiology is impacted by your thoughts.
Stay Guarded
Today I guard my thoughts like I would guard Fort Knox, because when they seep in as seeds they can grow into watermelons that disrupt your life. It’s a constant battle, one that never stops. The only difference between those who have self-esteem issues and those who don’t is that those who don’t have learned to recognize that our brains naturally default to negatives in order to protect us, and that we can overcome those thoughts.
Focus on these three, and life will be pretty amazing. Then there is much advice that will serve you well in other areas.
What about you?
Eric Rhoads
PS: I used to tell myself I wanted to be an artist but was not good enough to do it, or I did not have the talent. That’s changed. And if that’s you, I can help you in many ways.
First, check out my free lessons called Paint by Note. I’ve taught thousands to paint, including people who knew they could not do it.
Third, after deep study of learning, we’re employing what we’ve found to help people learn better, faster. We’re doing several top artist workshops employing this technique. Check it out and watch the video about SOAR workshops.
Hi Eric. This is the second time that I read and relate to your email. I find your email interesting and thoughtful, and it might suit you and many others. But for me is a bit out of focus. [I have to mention here that English is not my mother tongue]
When I look upon life, I have many lessons that I’ve learned, but as times go by, I know that those I’ve tried to pass to my kids were not accurate. If I would have then, 40 years ago, equipped with the lessons I’ve learned up to present times, the inner view that I have now, I know for sure, I would have passed them differently.
First [I am not religious simply, I don’t believe in god, but have another belief: nature, humanity…], I would try to pass to my kids, to learn to love themselves, understand and accept their inner being, thoughts, and feelings. It somehow relates to the self-esteem that for talk about.
The 2nd lesson is to simplify and try to look straight ahead toward the problem, obstacle you get confronted. Don’t manipulate things, by-pass. Shortly, be “brave” One of my mother-in-law’s sayings was “There is no bad without good”, so try to see what might be a good outcome from the unpleasant situation. I add to that the option to see along with the half-empty glass, the other half, the full.
The 3d will be about the choosing. We have to understand that partners; it is not enough to choose them, they also have to choose us. Although you meant the partner in life, the spouse, I will use this opportunity to enlarge the choosing process to other partners too. Like business partners and a good deal of other duality… Along with that idea, I feel there has to be an understanding of human life, behavior, and spontaneous reaction, one that comes from beliefs, traditions, customs, habits, fashion, and even learned practices. All together they influence our choosing process. So, how to choose and be chosen: Be truthful with your partner, don’t try to conceal, don’t try to manipulate, be sincere even if it frightens you need to reveal things, thoughts that otherwise would have been eliminated from the mutual environment. Always think about what would you rather hear than discover later in life. What surprises you would like to share and know ahead.
And last but not least, try to use your brains. Don’t hesitate to hesitate, think and then think again. Don’t hesitate to ask for help, second opinion from experts.
Always enjoy your Sunday morning thoughts Eric … and especially this one. I like that your spirituality comes through even when you talk about business.
As to my three that I use and have passed on to my 5 children and now I’m working on the grandchildren:
1) Listen to the still small voice inside you. Only you can hear it because it’s just for you. Everyone has one, but not everyone even knows it’s there, their life is so busy. You need quiet to feel it, that is the only prerequisite. It will guide you.
2) I kept a pin in view since I’ve been 20. It says “I’m a legend in my own mind”. Perhaps many people will understand this to mean many things, but for me it was to remind myself that “if someone else has done it, I can too. To not sell myself short and just begin. It has done me well, which is one of the reasons I’ve learned portrait painting, designed my own homes etc.
3) Live your life to have no regrets. Go for it, if that voice tells you to. Tell family and people you appreciate and love them. We have no idea what tomorrow brings, they or we may be gone. Make choices that sit well with you and don’t hurt others. I’ve jumped into the abyss a few times without knowing how I was going to land and every time it has pushed me and brought me more life.
Take care and keep writing 🙂
I just want to say how much I enjoy reading the Weekly Sunday Coffee. Outside of reading scripture each day along with my morning devotion I really don’t read much. However I have made the WSC a must read each week. Very heart felt WISDOM is found in each writing. With my coffee( being my worst habit) in hand , I find myself reading the WSC several times a week as I meditate on its message. Thanks again Eric for sharing. God bless, Terry. Gal.6:9
I say, “Amen,” to your #1 Advice. During this Covid Pandemic I choose to claim Psalm 91. It has blessed my faith causing me to know we safe from all of this.
Great advice. Great Sunday morning. Keep up the super work.
Eric, Thank you for taking the time to write this article. It was wise advice and what I needed! Best of luck during this difficult time.
You were talking to me in this Sunday Coffee. One of my first painting teachers told me I had no talent, what was I supposed to do with that comment. I had never drawn or painted before, beginners in anything have a lot to learn, that’s the definition of novice. I love to paint, and I paint with my sister I will not give it up but that comment rings in my ear every day, taking the joy away. After reading your comments, I will put that negative in a box and actually try to keep it there. I realize this is probably why I never finish a painting, now I will try to change that. Finishing a landscape today I will remember your encouraging words.
Praise be to God
God, Life partner (family), and Self-esteem. Spot on. I always enjoy reading your article. Thank you
I am a new subscriber and your message was powerful. I lost my 32 year old Son in 2012. I know where he is today. God needed another cowboy.
I can tell you faith is so very important. I tell people that I only have 1 set of footprints in my sand and they aren’t mine. Without faith and strength from God I wouldn’t be here to experience my youngest Son’s marriage, hopefully a grandchild to spoil. I am not saying that faith solves all but it goes a very long way. In truth I have only recently started living without wanting to die. Child loss is the worst tragedy a parent can endure.
Second would be to never look back to your failures. Own them, learn from then and drive on. If you look back you will miss so much ahead of you.
Third, try to adopt at least one pet or two along the way. These unwanted little boys and girls will love you, entertain you, sit quietly by you through the hard days. Let them pick you instead of you having a set idea ahead of time. You will know when it’s the one. I can tell you from experience you will have an unbreakable bond that way.
Thank you for a heartwarming article.
my words of advise:
1. you are exactly where you are supposed to be in this moment in time. Watch, listen, learn you lesson and grow from it.
2. if you don’t like the results you see being produced in your life change your thoughts because they are the roots from which your tree grows.
3. Write down you medical history as things happen. Include date, doctor/hospital, diagnosis or surgery if there was one. Keep this in a safe place for your old age. They will always ask for it and you can’t trust your memory to provide an accurate report.
after having met you at some events, I am inspired by your comments about God. I would like to believe our expression -belief of grace/forgiveness to others transfers in our personalities…our insecurities distract us from painting & enjoying Life-Eternal. Live in the Love you experience Sir.
I appreciate that you are willing to share your faith. These are truly words of wisdom. I struggle with self esteem and it does impact my marketing. I don’t like to talk in front of a group of people. This is a great blog. thank you
Always interesting, Eric. My husband and I had a beloved Bernese Mountain dog that we lost prematurely (and traumatically) while she was being boarded. After a while, there comes along beloved Bernese Mountain dog number two, Nellie, as in “Whoa, Nellie.” We were never parted from her and took her on beach vacations. Side note: sometimes you have to stay in a pretty awful rental property with your dog, but we did it anyway.
Well, thunderstorms rolled in several nights and she paced and panted by our bed going from one of us to the other. Needless to say that we were sleep deprived by the end and would have loved for her to settle down. I told my husband that I would have thought that she would start to realize that everything was fine and we and she were safe in the house. His take: maybe she thinks that it worked (!), her panting and pacing. So, yes, one can let one’s brain go various paths when worrisome things happen.
I agree wholeheartedly with you. The only thing I would add is that learning self hypnosis has enabled me to make faster positive changes and overcome much negativity in the process. I highly recommend it. Thanks for all you do Eric.
Once again great words to follow
Dear Mr. Rhoades I am a new subscriber to Sunday morning coffee news letter. My son, Dave Wesley, sent me the info for receiving it and I just want to tell you how much I enjoy your comments and encouragement I started painting when I was 58 years old and can say it is one of the best things I have ever done. I am now 78 years old and still love it as much as ever. I have painted approximately 60-70 paintings and hope to continue for a number of years yet. It is the best medication for any ailment I can think of and just wanted to give you a big thanks for all your time and efforts with the Plein Air movement
My son Dave met you at the Insight Gallery in Fredericksburg, Tx when Dan Gerhart was there. Mary Dale Wesley
I too started paining when I was nearly 60 and now I am 79. I lost my husband 3 1/2 years ago we had been together 55 years married and grew up together. It broke my heart but worse than that it took away my paining I just seem to be blocked and cannot get there. Thank you for your reply add to enjoy Eric Road coffee blog. I do have a strong faith but somehow I just can’t seem to make a move forward. The pandemic definitely should’ve put me in my studio painting but somehow it did not thanks for your wisdom
A beautiful and worthy message. Thank you for all you do.
…and if you don’t have a partner, be your own best partner!! (which ties in number 2 and 3) 🙂 Thanks for the good words, Eric!! ox
Simple, but I have always found if I stick to this regimen, all else falls into place:
1. God First
2. Family Second
3. Job Third
God Bless you and your family. Thank you for the Sunday Morning Coffee emails. They’re inspiring!
You are right on. I had to think which would be my second choice ( the first is the same as yours) Was it work ethic, was it think through your choices because they can come up and bite you in the behind or was it your choice of mate.
I keep going back to scripture ” NOT ME, BUT THEE”.
If your priorities are in the right place then all is well with the world.
Thanks for the visits with the artists over the Covid 19. It inspired me.
Thank you once again for your wise and powerful observations . I heard a “rumor” that PACE Is cancelled for May 2021 is this true? I’m prepaid for this event , where can I use my credit?
Thank you so much for all you do. You are an awesome power for good.
Dawn
Hi Eric, I really enjoyed your Sunday letter today. It was replete with great advice. I am a painter with AFCA status and proud of it. I live in Courtenay, BC and for a long time subscribed to Plein Air Magazine. I subscribe to Artist International which is an amazing magazine.
Keep up the good work. Stay safe and well. I will be keeping an eye on your endeavours!
I really appreciate your words today Eric. Knowing God and having that special mate forms the threefold cord that is not easily broken. And, I personally learned long ago that you must first know and understand yourself well to know and love others well. Have a great day and stay warm.
Love todays newsletter. The first advice that came to mind is “…always be kind to others, especially those that don’t necessarily deserve it.”. Kindness is the basis of civility. A second, be willing to forgive mistakes, others and your own. Forgiveness heals. They have heard these their whole lives. For the third, I forwarded them your email because we all need to listen to the wisdom from others. It takes a village.
Thank you, Eric. I have just begun to read Sunday Coffee and have enjoyed each one. Thank you for all you have done to make our lives better with Sunday Coffee and your art videos during these challenging times
Good morning, Eric,
As your columns often are, this one is so timely for me. I’ve had many happy successes in my art career, and sort of think of myself as semi-retired and having the time now to paint more for my own pleasure.
There is a very fine gallery here in the town that we’ve moved to — and this gallery shows many of the finest painters out there. That little voice in the back of my brain says, “Just relax now — there’s no need to put pressure on yourself again to regularly produce fresh work for shows and events, and what if they declined to represent you?” And yet I also think my work would fit in nicely with their other artists — there’s that self-doubt and faulty self-esteem ever present.
So, your words give me much to think about.
You’re a treasure, Eric. Thanks.
Jean
Hi Eric,
You are spot on with this post. I can especially relate to the self-esteem part. I am an only child who had social anxiety for most of my early school years. Even through college, I doubted my abilities and made some poor choices. Fortunately I was lucky enough to fall into a good career in the computer field, meet my awesome husband (also socially anxious) and produce 3 wonderful children. Now that I am retired I can look back with perspective that only living life can give you.
Having attended college in the early 70’s as an Art and Psychology major, I was sorely disappointed in the art scene at that time. No one at my liberal arts college was teaching good painting technique. It was all about abstract expressionism, etc…. I should have taken Illustration courses at another school but ended up abandoning my vision of being an artist. It wasn’t until my children were mostly grown and I was in my late 40’s that I came back to art. I have been painting for 20 years and although I have sold pieces over the years and done commission work, I consider myself a hobbyist. Fortunately I do not have to rely on my artwork to make a living and can paint at leisure.
I think your 3 things are spot on. I returned to church in my 30’s so that my children would be exposed to God’s word and ended up reaping many rewards with a loving church community. I was able to sing in the choir which quenched my desire to do music. My husband of 41 years has always supported my artwork and was willing to turn our living room into an art studio for me since we mostly used our family room for gathering. Life is good and I have been blessed.
I always enjoy your posts and your kind words of wisdom. You have created an art empire which is awesome! Thank you for providing the free videos during the pandemic. They have been wonderful.
I don’t have time to think of three items of advice but will repeat what my mother said to us always….she said to me many many times. Even if you are not the best…..artist, designer,, whatever…..if you stay with it and keep improving and never give up, you will succeed and be farther ahead than someone who might be better but just fritters away their opportunity.. So that sort of incorporates your three. Just never give up and believe that you can and will do it because you love it and will enjoy your life when you live that way.
The first thing I would tell my family is how much I love them thay have not done everything right but the only way to get them back is to love them . The gospel has been part of my life . I would hope thay would have a love for there father in haven. I have told my grandkids if you stay with the gospel thay will find happiness.
I love your Sunday coffees and this one is spot on! You have truly blessed us all by sharing your thoughts, wisdom, passion for art and faith!! Thanks for all you do!!
I look forward to “coffee with Eric” every week! Keep up the good work and positive advice.
3 Things To My Children:
1) God – Faith, Hope, Love
2) Begin w/ the end in mind in every aspect of your life – basically always have a plan from start to finish
3) Honesty is the best policy
Love your thoughts and motivation Eric…keep on keeping on. I appreciate all you do because YOU have motivated me throughout this unusual time in our lives!
This is the first Sunday Coffee for me in a while since it was in my spam. I have gotten on so many email subscriptions since I started watching your daily show at the beginning that when your Sunday Coffee went into spam I hadn’t noticed. You had mentioned it on your daily broadcast and I checked my spam. Now we’re back together. I like the quiet way you write without being too assertive and pushy. It allows you to absorb. The daily broadcasts have given me so many pointers, I thought I had heard them all, that when I start a painting I have to think about all that info and how I can apply it. I have also found that so many people on your show that watch daily have become my “friends” and talk to them while the demos are ongoing. It has increased my sense of community. Thank you.
Hey Eric,
I’ve been intending to send a quick note to you for many months now thanking you for all of the free art streaming workshops and interviews in addition to your Sunday morning coffee notes. I so appreciate, too, that you are a man of God and not afraid to say it or show it, which really speaks volumes to me about what kind of person you are. I have learned so much and refined my art work considerably as a result of the daily streamlining that you have provided and just want to send a big THANK YOU because they have been a lifeline during this VERY L O N G year of isolation and uncertainty.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Thank you again for such wisdom. I agree with your three recommendations AND the order in which you present them. My husband and I married almost 53 years ago at very young ages. We had not gone much beyond infatuation, but God had chosen us to be partners. Such wisdom.
I was invited to present a program I had developed at a very esteemed national conference. I almost said no because I felt unworthy. With some wise encouragement I said yes. It was a life changing opportunity.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. You have a lot to say and you say it well.
I look forward to Sunday Mornings!
PS I just started painting this year thanks to your online courses. I’m not very good, but I’m learning and having fun!
One of your best coffee commentaries, Eric! I really enjoyed this one. Your advice rang true!
Best regards,
Pete Pagano
Good Morning, Eric! Your message today was so appropriate, especially during these trying times. Your three advises are spot on. Especially number two. I was blessed to have a wonderful husband, and together we helped one another through good and bad times. I feel the loss of his wise counsel on a daily basis!
I think mine would be:
Respect those who went before you, and learn from them. Our families and extended families can give so much guidance to avoid pitfalls!
Continue learning your entire life. Knowledge is power and being inquisitive can open new worlds and new ways of thinking.
Lastly, putting forth an air of love and gratitude will make your daily journey so much easier and more positive.
I think you have a new writing project ahead of you for your children! Have a wonderful week!
Hi Eric
Will you consider a Pastel Live event ? There are many pastel societies across the US and I’m sure this would be a popular event .
Thanks for all that you do – I love your podcasts , your Sunday coffees and marketing tips . Have a great day – Jill V Burke
Eric-
Your “Sunday Coffee” missives are always a first read in my in box. You seem to have the capacity to tap into those chords that resonate through all of us (or at least me!). Today’s title caught my eye, and I want to relate a brief story. In 2000 I was taking my firstborn to TAMU as a freshman. We were moving in his earthy possessions into Moore Hall and I was feeling the normal angst that a parent experiences as their firstborn leaves the nest. It was hot and tiring, and as we stood at the steps with another load of “stuff”, two A&M seniors were sitting on the adjacent steps. They had been helping parents move items into the dorm. I took the opportunity to introduce myself and my son Todd to them and ask them “If you had any advice for an incoming freshmen, what would it be?”. I anticipated it might be, “don’t eat in the cafeteria on Tuesdays” – or something similar. To my surprise, they pondered the question and answered” Choose your friends wisely” . I was floored by such wisdom from these two young men, and it apparently resonated with my son. God does work in “strange and mysterious ways”! I have found that you just have to be open to the possibilities! All the best this beautiful Sunday morning , and stay warm!