If I close my eyes at this moment, I can hear a gentle breeze quietly tickling the pine branches above and the slight slosh of water hitting the dock. It’s heavenly. So peaceful. So quiet.
Opening my eyes after a deep breath of the freshest air I’ve ever breathed, I feast my eyes on a large, pink billowing cloud, about 30 stories tall, floating just to the east of us and carrying a rainstorm with it in the distance. I can hear an occasional distant rumble and can see a gray sheet of rain falling below it. The pink morning sun is coloring the deep green trees, yet if I were to run and get my easel to capture the mood, it would be gone within moments. I’ll just try to imprint it in my memory.
On the dock across the lake I can see two red spots — Adirondack chairs that glow when the sun hits them, and then are barely visible when it tucks behind a cloud. The red against the green is the perfect color harmony.
Lucky
When I was back in Austin for PleinAir Live, I mentioned how eager I was to return here when someone said, “You’re lucky. I’ll never see an opportunity like that.”
I quickly, and gently, responded that he would in fact see it if he wanted to, and that my luck had more to do with 40 years of 18-hour workdays. His response … “I will never see it because I’ve been dealt a bad hand.”
Born Into It?
Clearly I was not going to change his mind easily, nor was he going to be open to having his mind changed, but it made me stop and think. Was my success because of the draw of the cards? Because I was born into it somehow?
If I’m being perfectly honest, I don’t know if I would have achieved the success I have experienced if it had not been for the mentorship of my dad. I was not born into money … they had none, but I did have the benefit of overhearing conversations and being invited into business meetings and watching him build his business from nothing to something. So maybe I did get a lucky card. I certainly consider myself lucky to be born into a family with an artist mother and a creative entrepreneur father.
But is it all the luck of the draw?
Looking back on friendships and acquaintances, I know people who have truly had luck in their favor, but did nothing with it. People who were born with a silver spoon, but are unhappy, unsuccessful, and who grumble about the cards they were dealt. One once told me “being born rich was a curse.” Another told me that because he grew up with money, he wants to be poor because he hates rich people.
What Are You Wearing?
Whoever we are, no matter how we grew up, we don’t have to wear our circumstances. I can pretty much meet someone for the first time and know the stories they are telling themselves about their bad luck.
When talking about ideology, my friend and mentor Jay Abraham says, “Whatever you think, you’re right.”
Why is it that someone born rich can fail at everything in life and someone born poor can become a billionaire?
It all boils down to what we’re telling ourselves.
Getting Rich
One of my kids says, “Dad, I’m going to be rich once I get out of college,” and my response is, “What’s stopping you from starting now?” The story he is telling himself is that college is the first step. My fear is that once college is done, there will be another step he has to take to make things perfect before he can start. Then another.
Starting Now
My best advice to him was to start now. Nothing happens easily, nothing falls in your lap, so why not use this time to work toward your success? My overnight success in radio, for instance, started at age 14. Today I’ve been associated with the radio industry for 51 years. Time is on my side.
I’ll see some kids I meet working three jobs, selling things on the side, and doing all they can to get started now. The only roadblock is the one between our ears.
No Easy Path
I’ve come to understand that no path is ever paved, no conditions are ever perfect, and that the only thing that determines your success is your thinking. There is not some sudden lightning bolt that makes things better – unless you win the lottery. I don’t play the lottery because I don’t believe in luck. I believe luck is a byproduct of thinking and action.
Zip My Lips
I love my friends dearly, but when they complain about their conditions and not having anything, I’m tempted to suggest that a change in their attitude would make a huge difference. But usually I zip my lip and try to enjoy their company.
The most powerful thing impacting the outcome of our lives is our thinking.
- If you think you can’t succeed because you had bad parents, you’re right.
- If you think success isn’t possible because no one in your family ever succeeded, you’re right.
- If you resent your parents’ success so much that you think you can never succeed, you’re right.
- If you think “I’m too old to do anything more with my life now,” you’re right.
I can list 50 excuses right now for why success isn’t possible for me. I’d be right about all of them … if I allowed myself to fall into that deadly trap.
What If?
But what if you told yourself your disadvantaged upbringing was an advantage?
What if your screwed-up wife-beating alcoholic father made you stronger and improved your chances of success?
What if being from the wrong side of the tracks taught you street smarts that would make you more successful?
As Tony Robbins says, “You can’t change your past. All you can do is change your future.”
For every failure excuse, there is a success response.
If you look for it, you’ll find it.
Is it time to ask yourself if you have blind spots?
Those blind spots are killing your potential because you’re allowing them to.
Every successful person I know has been kicked in the teeth, gets up, gets kicked down again, gets up, gets kicked down again, and keeps getting up. EVERY one.
Do You Really Want to Live This Way?
For all the wonderful things you may think about someone like me, I can share some horrible things I’ve gone through that might make it OK for me to cower in the corner out of fear and do nothing with my life. Admittedly, there were times I gave up and gave in, but I eventually told myself to get back into the fight.
It may be your health. It may be depression. It may be the loss of a limb. It may be a horrible past.
I don’t want to make light of any of those things, but I know that you can overcome them, or work with them to turn them into strengths.
For every person I know who is stuck because of the ideas they are telling themselves, there are others who ignore those ideas and move forward, no matter how frightening or painful.
Being a member of a lucky birth club isn’t even a guarantee of success. I know people living on trust funds who have more money than I’ve made in my life, and who are miserable.
Your Ship Won’t Come In
If you’re saying, “I’ll be happy when my ship comes in,” or, “I’ll be happy once I make my first million,” or, “I’ll be happy once XYZ changes,” you won’t be happy. I’ve had my ship come in only to have it sail away. I’ve made money, until I lost it all by making stupid decisions.
We are born with brains. Yet too often we settle in, not realizing our brains are pliable. Your brain can grow, can change, and you can change ANY circumstance if you set your mind to it.
No, it’s not easy. The only thing that’s easy is accepting who we are and not changing it. Is that what you want from your life? Or do you want better?
Listen to Your Heart
Your spirit is quietly screaming for you to stop accepting your lot in life, ignore the cards you’ve been dealt, and create a new you. It’s never too late. Is it scary? Yes. But which is scarier? Being stuck knowing you could have tried — or trying?
Today is the day to move away from the past and move toward the future. You have it in you.
Eric Rhoads
PS: My mindset was pretty negative. Six income-producing events were canceled. My business has been struggling. Facing three kids going into college at once (triplets) and knowing that if I did not make a change, I’d disrupt the families of those who worked with me.
Mentally, I was not sure how I’d survive. I was scared. I was finding a lot of reasons it was too hard to do, but I gathered my strength, took a deep breath and jumped in to create the world’s first virtual art summit. I was not sure I could succeed, but I had no choice but to try.
The good news is that the event was a huge, worldwide success, and it is allowing me to continue my business, and if I can make one more event a success, we can make it.
Last week after PleinAir Live, I announced Realism Live, the first virtual realism art conference. If it can be created in realism, we’ll be teaching it, including drawing, painting, portraits, figures, florals, still life, landscape, and more. And we’ll have a beginner’s day.
When we announced it, we immediately had 600 sign up. We need 1,000 more to make it work, and I believe we will.
If art has been in your mind and you’ve wanted to try it, or you want a chance to learn from the best of the best, please explore www.realismlive.com. It’s in October. Your participation will make a big difference.
Thank you for your inspiring articles.
I started a painting of a lake and mountain scene in plein air but I could not finish it outside because I could not get my mind on working on it after hearing horrible comments from people very close to me after I showed them my painting during the blocking in stage, and they thought that it was almost finished!!!! They knew nothing about the stages an artist goes through to finally achieve a finished painting so I just wanted to show them what the process of painting is all about. I am really sorry that I did that. I had to finish my painting in the studio at school and I had to work from photograph references. When the painting was finished, I put it up on my wall, but I could not enjoy looking at it since I kept hearing those horrible comments about it. So, I finally had to take it down and give it away to a relative who really wanted it. I felt better when it was out of my apartment, and from now on that is what I am going to do with items that have negative stuff attached to it–just get them out of my apartment. So I don’t have to re-live bad times. Luckily I don’t have to worry about getting rid of people–that would be a different story!!
Their comments did not keep me from painting and going to art school and finally getting my three year Certificate of Achievement .
The End
Fantastic post Eric! While I was a missionary in the mid 80s I was in a leadership training meeting and kept noticing one fellow in particular up on the stand who had a smile on his face the entire 4 hours. So, I decided I needed to know more about him. He told me about his childhood. He grew up literally on the wrong side of the tracks never knowing from day to day if he would get to eat. One day when he was about 10 he stood on the railroad tracks and looked on one side at all the crumbling tenement homes and looked at the other side with all the ‘rich’ peoples’ houses. He asked himself which side of the tracks he wanted to be on. He decided in that moment he would take responsibility for his life and conquer his circumstances. He also determined that he would smile and feel grateful as much as possible no matter how difficult his life might seem. He didn’t have strong education opportunities so he went to the library everyday and read book after book. When I met him he was one of the wealthiest lawyers in Denver. He was a joy to be around. He had a large and happy family and he shared freely what he had. I don’t believe we are here to get rich, but often riches come as we pursue worthwhile dreams and share what we learn with others along the way. Smiling and moving forward with gratitude are a big help as well. I’m so grateful my parents encouraged me to pursue art and teaching. I can’t imagine a better way to be filled with joy and gratitude than to be immersed in a worldwide community and industry that focuses on the beauty of the earth and encourages sharing that beauty with others.
I’m praying for you that Realism Live is a success for you and know those prayers will be answered. I never dreamed Plein Air Live would be the success it was and came down close to not signing up. In fact the only reason I did was because Santa Fe was cancelled and I was so starved to learn more that I thought that something was better then nothing. So glad I did and what I got out of it was more than just something and yes I’ve signed up for Realism even though my first thought (for about 2 seconds) was that this really isn’t my cup of tea. The fact is that I probably wouldn’t have attended FACE since I’ve been to Baltimore multiple times and have no desire to go back.
Keep hanging in there doing what you are doing which is giving to people like me. Want you to know that your article this week hit me square between the eyes. I have felt like I’ve wasted a huge part of my life waiting to start living my dream (at age 70). On a really really bad day I’ve wondered why?, what if I died tomorrow but most days I think “what if I live another 20 years, anything is possible!”
This posting was wonderful. In fact all of your Sunday Coffee emails are great. Thank you.
Thank you for this message, and the comments that it has sparked. I’m coming out of a difficult weekend spent diving into parts of my character that, previously, I made many excuses to cover. Most notably, Until having kids (twins + one, three years apart. Seeing you move forward and thrive as a dad of triplets is unbelievably encouraging.) Anyway, there are some troubling mindsets that I embraced back in elementary school that influenced my parenting in very negative ways. Especially the feeling that clutter, if related to art, is completely ok! Well, let 3 year old twins and a mama who overflows with ideas, but not with time, and our home turned into a chaotic place with no room for peaceful rest! So this weekend, hubs and I cleared all the clutter. Only left what was useful, and fit into organized spaces. I’ve never been this on top of organization, my mama didn’t make me do it (though she taught me many other valuable and positive lessons). Anyway. Thank you for a reminder to stop making excuses, and instead look for solutions.
For those of us coming off the high of PleinAir Live, it is now “time to fish or cut bait”! Your words get right to the heart of things, Eric, and thank you for them! My new mantra is, “If not now, when?” After PALive, I am filled up and equipped. So I’ve purchased the good easel (the yummy one from the event!) and am investing in myself. The scary bits? I’m leaving them up to God. And I am telling everyone that, as of all the wonderful teaching and coaching from PALive, I am now ready to become a famous artist. At 70, I am fighting the urge to say, “Too old.” Instead, I am making myself project a bright future. Too long did I wallow, just as you have described! We’ll see where this goes. At the very least, it will be a great adventure! Wouldn’t be at this point without your leadership and hard work…and candid sharing! Thank you so much, Eric! Back to work…..
Some very good thoughts . Certainty people can make excuses for why things don’t go their way . You should consider however medical conditions like major depression , anxiety and panic attacks , bi-polar and schizophrenia disorders are not something an artist or anyone can just positive think away .
If you have never suffered with any of these things then yes sometimes it’s hard , almost impossible to push ahead but that is what one must do to keep a hope alive .
God also will bring difficulties into a Christian’s life in order to test and grow spiritually and with these I have to trust and have faith because something better may be coming . I have been battling some of these problems for years but for some reason I just can’t give up . God Bless you Mr. Rhoads in your Art business .
Know what you mean, Andy, myself having been through depression and having ADHD. You sound like you have a spirit that cannot be kept down!! Just keep praying, you will make it! And so will I!
Thought provoking article today…a good thing. Much of what you express I concur. I do believe everyone has their own concept of success. Mine was working 8 hour days and no weekends so I could spend as much time with my three children, molding them and enjoying their formative years. These years as a grandparent are the payoff. The love we share as a family is my success story. Money was enough, a tool to use for the benefit of my family. No riches, nor poverty in that regard, but rich beyond measure in the intangibles. I pray others can thoughtfully come to their own balanced life and enjoy their own success story.
Growing up after WWII, we were expected to do better, to finish high school, to work after school, after all many dads were taking advantage of the GI Bill at night., both parents working, new dreams were possible, even if we had no idea how to get there, we heard “can do” all of the time. Everybody we knew was in the same boat, pretty poor, but we were expected to live “above the circumstances.” Now, I am in touch with alumni who are tech engineers, working in China, South Africa and middle America, some retiring from teaching at universities, doctors who have retired and raising an unusual breed of goats in central Texas, you get the idea. We did follow our dreams and now I am learning from you to paint better and create beautiful things. Kudos Eric.
I’m pleased that you “unzipped your lip” in this Sunday Coffee. People need to understand that what they think and visualize, what they focus their thoughts on, is what they attract and create. They need to understand the importance of avoiding negative people and associating with positive, can-do people. AND, as you say, one must follow thoughts with action.
You have addressed a VERY IMPORTANT subject, so please consider unzipping your lip more often. You never know when your positive expressions will plant a seed in someone’s mind that will make a difference in their life.
I look forward to your Sunday Coffee each. It is always inspiring and uplifting. Great food for thought. You are so right. Keep up the good work.
Well said. I need to hear words like these every day! I recognize that my mind too often wants to go directly to an excuse, and so having reminders like this are extremely helpful and appreciated. Thank you!
This is a belated thank you for the Plein Air Live event. My first introduction to becoming an artist began at age 60 (25 years ago) and has been a fun journey. For the past three years life, work and other events caused me to put my art on the back burner. Now with no work and home stay since mid-March, it was the perfect time to jump back into painting. I learned so much and have a whole different and more effective approach to my painting. So many concepts finally gelled in my brain. It was perfect timing.
Plein air is my primary pursuit and I have been a long time member of PAPOH and PAMOH (Plein Air painters of Hawaii and Maui) and a member and employee of the Lahaina Arts Society and a board member of our non-profit that provides free art classes for children on Maui and eventually for veterans. Thank you for reawakening the spark of the artist within. Koana Smith
Dear Erick, That’s amazing all your words of wisdom. No matter where you go, there you are. I pray and hope those who need your words to heal will be brave enough to CHANGE. It is not easy, nothing worth while is easy, but it’s worth it. You’re allowing exposure to so many people and it is so wonderful and so healing and so invigorating thank yo. Life is amazing, when you’re ready to learn or be taught anything, suddenly a teacher appears. You are that teacher, Erick, Thank you.
I went to art school when I was 55, 22 years ago, it changed my life. I never knew there were so many greens.:)
Thank you,
sincerely, Katherine Wiser.
You were right when you said “I don’t believe in lucky” – There is no such thing as luck – call them “blessings”
Everything in this column was right on. I could fill up this box proving it but you dont need that because you’ve been there. Im 80 and decided I would see if I could make a leap in my art by taking the challenge from Richard Schmid and complete a full set of color charts. I have 5 of them done and having a ball. Ive only been painting since was 19 so I still have a lot o learn.
Keep up the good work. Remember you will never know what kind of impact you might be having on someones life at just the right time.
Wonderful insights!
My dog my long time friend and companion died yesterday…..I was feeling awful till I read you post….I’m choosing to celebrate the time we’ve shared knowing that the awful circumstances we rescued him from made his life wonderful and joyful…..I now smile thinking of him rather than feeling so sad….Thx
Amen, Eric. This is your best Sunday Coffee, yet.
This is a truly great article. Everyone can learn from these words. Very encouraging and helpful. Thank you again.
Thanks, Eric, for this post. I feel I can call you Eric because through your writings you have made me feel like a friend! This post was spot on, and it wasn’t until I caught hold of it that my life personally opened up and I was able to step into my own reality, hopes, and dreams. Thanks for being who you are through the beautiful business you have built online, which I know is no easy task!
Truly, thanks for sharing it with us …
Best life,
Pam
Eric, I read your post every week, and they are always interesting, entertaining, engaging…but this one could be life-changing for so many people, me included. Very meaningful words, Eric. Thanks for pouring out your heart and insights every week.
Good Morning Eric
Wonderful, meaningful, uplifting message today.
You definitely could be all doom and gloom, but no, absolutely the opposite. But not only are you a positive roll model, you breathed optimism into many of your readers today. I’m thrilled your Plein Air Live was so successful and , I m positive your Realism event will be too. Blessings and the way you think is making it all possible.
As an artist, this shut down at first scared me, but I decided to take this down time and learn something new. I watched a lot of your artists speak and do their demonstrations. Thanks Eric, for providing us with so much wonderful motivation during this Pandemic. You gave us so much. I have also learned more about social media and more about marketing and decided to have a positive attitude. I do believe, thanks to my new positive way of thinking, show acceptances and more good things are opening up for me. Let’s be positive and change the world.
Have a wonderful week.
Grace Schlesier
The thing with white male privilege, (Hopefully you will not stop reading there), is that privileged white males have no idea what the rest of us go through, that they got a head start, regardless of whether they took advantage of it, or not. It starts at birth: your sex, race, wealth, health…. Then growing up: add parental guidance and support, and educational opportunities to the mix. That is fate, it is what we do with what we got. Then there is luck. Bad things happen to good people and at the worst, they may lose everything they worked so hard to attain. It could happen to you. Financial crisis, Bankrupting health issues, things you cannot prepare for because you didn’t see it coming. Sacrifice: Some people sacrifice their health and well being for the good of others. This does not necessarily mean they won’t go on to have great success and productive lives. Look at the late congressman John Lewis. I am painting a portrait of him and like most artists, I am looking for any information I can find, to get to know this great man better. He rose from poverty, and with fortitude and taking advantage of good breaks when they came his way, he advanced, but throughout his life, never stopped working for the Cause of uplifting his fellow human beings.
The fact that you infer that the rest of us simply aren’t boot strappy enough to succeed is cruel beyond belief.
The fact that your son’s ambition is to “grow up and be rich” is more a reflection on how he has been raised, than on him.
Be grateful for your good fortune, and help spread the love.
It is 103° degrees here today, and while I have no mountain lake to escape to, I am grateful to be living out in the Mojave desert today, and not living with crowdS of other people in a stifling city on lockdown.
Thank you for your time, my apologies if I came across as harsh.
Thank you, Eric! This was like having my own personal cheering squad on Sunday morning. At 65, I’m back in school, about to start year 2, pursuing art studies, just as I wanted nearly 60 years ago. Plein Air Live provided a year’s worth of education in its own right.
Thanks Eric. Good Sunday Coffee and excellent virtual Plein Air convention! So looking forward to The Realism one. You’re helping me to stay focused on what is really important here. Hope I can spread it!
Thank you for sharing wisdom and encouragement. This was a good word.
Such fabulous advice. We are often our own worst enemy, particularly when you were obsessed with the past instead of building towards our dreams and the future.
This is a great article and so true. I have really enjoyed all the Sunday /coffee articles as well as the videos every day. The videos have inspired me to start painting again after not painting for five years due to health issues. I have been an artist for a long time but you never get to old to learn new things. Great art instructors I’m still learning, Thank you again.
Thank you for the positive words and heart felt advice. I needed that!
A very good reminder to be grateful for all of our blessings. Also to be humble in spirit when talking with someone who has not found their way. And to be challenged to make each day rich by investing in it. Success can be measured so many different ways. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. I love the whispers of wind and water; such peace.
Another positive Sunday morning coffee chat. Thanks so much. I am a pretty positive person most of the time so, I appreciate your encouraging words to keep me on track. Wishing you good health and successful adventures.
Thank you Eric! This was a truth telling column that will speak to a lot of people struggling at this time to keep on going, put the hours in, think out of the box, and never say never!
Thank you for giving so much.
Can relate to virtually every comment you made. Have made and lost business empires at a drop of the hat only to remake them in a different model to fit the changing times. Starting from nothing [no family money ever was there] turned it into a global enterprise. It comes down to a choice. No different than when after spinal surgeries it took 6 months to move one toe, two years to walk, a year to relearn how to speak and read. It was a choice, there were many on the same ward that grumbled all day about their situation and never took a step toward recovery. they are still in hospital a decade later! Over 10 years have taken that journey 4 times and it gets no easier however one does learn about life. One tiny step taken leads to another only if you decide to take it. live every moment as it is the only moment of creation. the past is gone and the future has yet to be, It takes absolutely no cash to move a paint brush, pick up a pencil, carve a piece of wood. it is only a matter of doing it and letting the next moment happen.
Eric you are Absolutely right, there aren’t any coincidences in life.
Life is what you make it!
My Mother was a renaissance woman and lived True Grit! I learned from her the value of Life.
Artist, seamstress, accounting manager, builder, crochet, punch embroidery, entrepreneur, single mom of the 50’s. She did not give up.
Some resent her constant mantra to work hard and achieve one goal at a time.
My Mom did not let anything stand in her way.
Believe it or not I think hobbies kept her focused.
I think they do also so I started a website for hobbies into my painting.
Perfectly said! Magnificent. ABSOLUTE TRUTH.
Thank you for this! <3
Here! Here! I have never been able to understand folks who just sit around and bemoan their lot. Nature or nurture? I don’t know. But some people will always have an excuse for inaction.
Regarding the playback access for the pre-event and general admission for Realism Live, why such a short play-back access? Any of the online/virtual workshops I have ever enrolled in allow for unlimited playback.
“Drawing Bad Cards” is a good read, motivating words that chip away at excuses. Thank you!