This week I received one of those calls you don’t want to get. An old friend was in ICU on life support, and the family was told to start deciding if they want to pull the plug or, if she comes out of her coma, to be ready to place her in a facility for regular treatments and tube feeding for the rest of her life.
You Next?
When asked, “What would you want?” it got me thinking. Would I want someone pulling the plug if I had a chance of coming out of it? What if I came out of it and had to spend my life on a feeding tube and other treatments? What would I do?
I hope I never have to face such decisions with my family and I hope they don’t have to face them with me, but I also know it’s best to have an answer, and a living will, in advance so others are not burdened.
More to Offer?
And I started thinking about my friend who, in her late 60s, is mentally alert, sharp, highly intelligent, and has a lot to offer the world. Would she want a chance to do more? Maybe she would be in a facility and not terribly mobile, but what if she could write a life-changing book? What if she could use her brain in other ways, though her body is shutting down? Or what if she could defy the odds and find a way to get her body back to a better state? Though unlikely, we’ve all seen miracles happen.
Then I think of another friend who was in that exact situation: mentally alert but completely unable to function otherwise. He called me one day and said, “Get me out of here. I can’t stand living in a nursing home.” But there was no way to accommodate him. He died of a broken spirit, not even 55.
Moments like these bring more questions than answers, but also temporary moments of clarity. What if it were me? What would I want to have accomplished before that time comes?
Wasted Days
I get terribly frustrated when I see friends who have lots of life left but who seem to be throwing it away, not making any meaningful contribution to the world. Not living a large life. Spending all their time on video games or television when they could be doing so much more. I wonder if they will look back and wish they had not thrown away their time on meaningless pursuits and substances — or maybe that’s the best it will ever be. Plus, who am I to judge? What’s for me isn’t necessarily for them.
If Your Lungs Work…
If you’re breathing, there are still contributions you can make. They might be major earth-changing ideas or simply offering lots of love to a child who will make great things happen because of your encouragement.
Life is fleeting. Moments like what my friend is experiencing really make me take notice. I like to think it’s best to be intentional about our life and the experiences we want to create. That means being deliberate, often creating a plan and following it. Some lives are filled with accidental magic, but what if you could create more magic, and more experiences and memories?
Eric Rhoads
PS: My friend has improved, but is likely to need around-the-clock care going forward.
This is a reminder to me that I want to live life to the fullest. Sometimes I avoid things because I tell myself I’m too busy or don’t want to spend the money, but I usually regret it. I’m going to seize every possible opportunity to create memories, travel, make memories for my family, and do the things I love to do. My friend was fine one day, then BOOM, she wasn’t. It could happen to any of us. Let’s not get complacent when it comes to living a rich, full life. Live for experiences! Live large!
Hard to believe it’s about to be July 4th. Have a wonderful celebration of this great country. It’s imperfect, but it’s still an amazing place. Enjoy the celebration.
Last week my son returned from a mission trip where he helped Ukraine refugees and others in Slovakia. We’re glad he is home but very proud of him. I’m only wishing the entire family were together. I’ll work on that so I can create some lake memories.
This week I also held a free webinar about pastel painting with the editor of Pastel Today, Gail Sibley. If you want to see it, you can view it here.
Our next big event will be our international online conference for pastel painters (Pastel Live!). I’m already getting excited about it. I hope you can join me and artists all over the world.
Last week I announced that we are cutting off registration for our New Zealand painting trip, but in reality, it’s just because we’re almost sold out and because we want to have time to get the travel plans done before prices go up. But if you really want to go, we can squeeze you in. Just go to www.paintingnewzealand.com
As an official Old Person at 73, I think it is essential to consider the value of being aware at all moments of one’s life manifesting as a human as the transition time gets inevitably closer. “Having” to accomplish something was great when you were younger, but now is the time to explore creative leanings or pursue learning in a new area. It’s a time to pursue a passion. It’s time to move away from feeling one has to work to contribute to society and move towards offering to others the gift of your own peaceful awareness. Set by example. And always aim to act from the heart, not the head.
Dear Mr Rhoads—
Why does your writing feel you’re speaking directly to me?? Don’t get me wrong but I really appreciate your putting in writing about living it large. My husband just recently passed away and I feel so out of my element, out of sorts, do not belong even though I still have family around who love and care for me. I am also an artist who work in healthcare but also doing art on the side. This has helped me somewhat in coping with the death of my dearest husband.
I try to put out my brushes and paint to try to forget the pain of my loss. Like you said, if you are still breathing, keep contributing to the world. I shall endeavor to keep remembering your words to keep prodding me into at least some memorable productive existence. I thank you for your insights.
Thank you. Very thoughtful provoking. I really enjoy receiving g Sunday Coffee. I always come away with thoughts to mull over.
That is so true. I often stop to think about making the most of the day as it can never be retrieved. I believe we should want to please our Creator. Thanks for reminding me.
Timeless question: Is life worth it? Yes. Always. It is a personal gift but not to be thrown away. It is not to be tarnished or traded for worthless things. It is not to be used for harming others. A well-lived life is not about what we get; it is about the joy of giving. Sharing our life with someone we love is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. Nobody else can give that to them. It is beyond price – and a friend you can buy is not worth the cost.
Although, in a murder trial, the courts allow witnesses to testify to the value of the life that has been lost, the life of the homeless man without a friend in this world is as valuable as the life of a man with many willing to testify for him. It is not my call to decide whose life is less valuable or has been “wasted”. Neither is it my place to condemn the choice of anyone who has been faced with making a life or death decision for someone else. (God help us all.). nv
Golden WORDS
Hi Eric,
You have blessed so many people in your willingness to give of yourself in all ways and there is no greater joy than serving others – “for it is in giving that we receive”. None of us knows the answers for the end of life but we are given choices in living. Blessed to be a blessing!
May your day be filled with the blessings of God both in your activity and your time of rest.
Warmest regards,
Lyn.
Thank you for this, Eric. My husband died about a year ago after fighting cancer. He was ready to go and be out of pain. Others I know are in positions you describe. So I know–first hand–what you are saying and contemplating. The bottom line: life is precious and short, so we all must contribute what love and energy we have, and be joyful about life itself.
I do agree with you about this. This moment is the only time we have. I retired at 66. I hiked the Appalachian trail at 70. I began painting at 73. Then after 14 years, l was asked to return to the pastorate of a church. It has been a wonderful life filled with a marvelous family and great friends. Make a plan for its ending so that you don’t force those you love to make hard choices. LIVE every day you are given with gratitude.
I think your friend should be put onlife support. She may come out of it whole and human. It is Gods will. Do not take her life away from her
So true…live deliberately every day while you are able.
Good morning, Eric and happy Sunday! Living large requires bravery – as Scrioture says to, …”be brave, very brave”.. this demands faith – all-your-hope-anchored to the Lord kind of faith. Th k you ever so mich for your Sunday Coffee- it’s always insightful, delightful and filled with wisdom!
Frances
Thank you for reminding us all that life is a precious gift.
I have been disabled with Rheumatoid Arthritis for over 30 years. Because of that disability, I started a new life and drastic career change! I began painting with pastels and haven’t looked back. There have been many challenges along the way, but way back then, I decided: “I have a choice. I can choose to be optimistic, and I choose to try to be happy and live with a smile on my face.” I made that choice. It worked. I have since survived cancer twice: first Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and more recently a breast cancer diagnosis. My fellow artists in our cooperative gallery have been a huge support.
Thank you for this note Eric. How I dedicate the hours in my life is a constant inner dialogue. At 77 my greatest challenge is fitting my art into my life that is filled with so many other responsibilities. My husband and I live in the rural mountains of Colorado (Ridgway). When the sun warms the earth we go into high gear with a short season to accomplish home maintenance tasks JUST when plein air is also ideal. I would be so interested in having a dialog with other artists facing the same challenges. I “intend” to paint, I “intend” to be a fully participating partner, I “intend” to be a good steward of our lovely home, I “intend” to fit in some social life, I “intend” to be with family I dearly cherish. How do you do it all?!
Eric,
You got to want it!
I feel the same way.
This is “The meaning of life”.
Embrace every day and decide how you want to go out.
Leave the world a better place by doing your part.
I would like to read more comments and thoughts on this subject. It’s a very important issue that we all need to think about, seriously. It’s a difficult situation to deal with, so having thoughts and ideas from others can be very helpful. Thank you for bringing the subject to our attention. Especially after the Covid crisis. A lot of life changes and big decisions had to be made.
I’ve sent a reply to one of your emails telling you how much I appreciate your writing and thoughts about art! You have accomplished quite a lot. I am a retired elementary teacher so I’ve done a lot too. Right now my husband and I are still in the process of rebuilding and recovering after one of the CA wildfires destroyed everything we had. It’s been almost 4 years but life is still not back to normal. One of the things that has kept me sane is my time to paint (watercolors).
We both dream of going to New Zealand, but not at this time.
Thanks again.
Thanks Eric for seizing the moment and always stepping up. Because of what you have created, such as PACE and pushing me just a little, along with Roger Rossi,we’ve created a plein air group associated with SCNY, and introduced many more painters to the joy of painting on location.
Thanks for all your doing and God Bless.
Hi Eric, your insights into life are amazing. Thank you for sharing them with us. I love reading your thoughts, your mind is wonderful!
For seven years I visited my mom once a week in her Santa Fe nursing home. The last year she had dementia pretty bad and usually could not complete a sentence. But she could sing parts of songs like “as time goes by” She would blow me kisses as I left. Like a most beautiful work of art, she didn’t need to do to be. Her presence was a reminder of life full of loving sacrifice. All her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren felt the richness of her warm acceptance and just being by her side was the comfort of relationship. The best of humanity is seen in those who value and care for the helpless. like priceless art the value of a person made in the image of God cannot be easily explained.
Once again, Eric, what you share of your thoughts and ideas are wonderful, insightful, and gives a lot of us, IMPORTANT things to consider and think about! THANK you so much!! I have always felt we ALL are HERE, to help one another’s journey be easier, more fulfilling, and even at the end, to be more gentle! God bless, and thank you for “SUNDAY’S GIFTS”!!!
Thanks again Eric for the encouraging and motivating informative article. As a full time caregiver , [my wife of 46 years has Alzheimer’s], i appreciate your writing. Your son also to be commended. Enjoy the trip to New Zealand. Pretty sure that is the current home of oil portrait artist/teacher Andrew Tischier. Accomplished and alot of energy like you it appears!
HI Eric and Thank you, as always. Had a health scare, myself, just since coming home from Paul Smith’s. Turned out fine, after extra tests, and I am extremely grateful to God. But it gave me pause to think about everything in your piece, today!! Carpe Diem, without a doubt!! Happy and Healthy 4th to you and family (+blessings)!
Hello Eric,
I have listened to many many of your plenair podcasts while a am busy at work and finally now have a change to visit your Sunday Coffee with Eric blog. It is so coincidental that just before clicking on your link in my email that I filled out medical directives for the nursing home that I had moved my mother into. She is 93. These little coincidences – maybe that is how God and our guardian angles work to help us. We all go through the same things at different times and its is so nice to hear how others move through the process. Thank you Eric.
Many thanks once again, Eric
Happy Independence Day and please say thank you to your son for unselfishly serving the Lord on his trip to Ukraine.
Frances
What is the cost of the New Zealand trip?
Eric, this is exactly what I’ve been thinking about this week! Great post. Thanks so much and don’t count your friend out yet. Sending prayers.
TM
P.s. All your recent posts have been so spot on. Thanks for all you do and for sharing what many others have on their minds. Your example of ‘living large’ is truly inspirational.
There is no link to watch the free webinar of Pastel Live. Was this an error?
Wise words once again! We had to make the life support decision for our mother, she had a severe stroke, and there was no getting better. It’s something you wouldn’t wish on anyone. I’m glad to hear your friend is getting better. Every situation is unique. Live large, live small, live in the middle, live whatever brings you happiness … that is key
It’s Sunday morning and I’m reading this. I’m living with a nonagenarian whose health has been uncomplicated, as part of the team that’s keeping her aging in place. If this situation changes I’ll need to move out of the area because I’m priced out of the housing market here. My grandkids are here. I’ve been praying that God will put me right where He wants me. As I write this I’ve been examining all of these points and my own motivations. I needed this today. Thank you!
I thought you were posting a link to the webinar but it isn’t there. I missed it as I’ve been hospitalized with Covid. I have time on my hands right now and would love to watch the webinar.
Thank you ,Eric, for your very thoughtful reminder to enjoy life. We all get somewhat complacent as time goes on, and your words gave me excitement and eagarness to continue to learn and experience even the little things. Thanks, too, for your effort at bringing back all our artist magazines,blogs videos, and workshops. Great job.
Beautiful thoughts, thank you for including me in your address book.
Don.
Thank you for giving another way of looking at our abilities, joy and gifts. Sharing with others our gratefulness for life and love. Your Sunday chats are inspirational and thought provoking.
Bless you,
Nancy
Thought provoking insights! As I age I think about this often. My spouse and I are in our mid 70s. He has a pacemaker. We almost lost him! We’re happy to spend our time together, and blessed to have traveled the world together when we were able. Watching our grandkids grow up is wonderful too. I don’t know what the future brings but I trust in God we will make good decisions.
Good chat this morning. Thank you. One thing that did bother me a bit was the comment about the feeding tube. Well, I think a lot of folks have a bit of a misunderstanding of that. Your further comment about if your lungs are working then there is hope is better. My husband had throat cancer in 2020 and received radiation and chemo resulting in no more cancer but an esophagus that was closed with scar tissue. Three procedures have been unable to fix this thus he has been on tube feeding for over two years, which he manages himself. Yes, he cannot eat or drink as he used to but his mind and body are ok. Not what it used to be as he is 79 and not the athlete he was however he enjoys time around the house and can go out when he pleases, drives and is a pro at crossword puzzles. Has even gotten a personal call from Will Shortz of the NYTimes on his results in the national competition. So, pulling the plug on him would have been ridiculous, even when he was in icu on a ventilator due to one of the fix it procedures gone wrong. He pulled out of it!
Yes, we have living wills and at a certain point they are useful but need to be used only by someone you fully trust.
Thank you for your Sunday musings. I often pass them along to family members and friends who aren’t artists and my niece does subscribe. Your endeavors are amazing and helpful to more people than you probably realize. Thank you.
I am so glad your friend is improving! For 12 years my husband has needed constant care, but he is still serving the Lord contacting, praying and encouraging others who are suffering. He can’t use his arms or legs, but his compassion for each one is meaningful..
I am about to get hm ready for church where he surrounded after the service by those who he has encouraged!
Eric,
Thank you for this!