A glowing, dark yellow sky, along with a stillness in the eerie calm of recently blowing trees and distant thunder and flashes of light, reminds me of my childhood in Indiana’s Tornado Alley. Warnings were issued today, but thankfully we’re hearing none of those sirens we used to fear as children. We knew if one went off, it was time to take shelter.
Storms come in all forms, and we’ve been living in a storm for around 60 days, a storm that ripped up the green trees of our economy, destroyed everything in its path, and leveled households. There was no warning, and no one before has experienced a storm quite like this, the mother of all storms.
How will we rebuild? How will we survive? We feel helpless.
For each of us, life has brought frightening moments and problems that seemed insurmountable, impossible to get over. Yet we got through them somehow.
A Giant Rock
Much like the frustrated rock climber at the bottom of El Capitan in Yosemite National Park, it seems impossible from the bottom, but everything seems much easier once you’re at the top.
A mountain cannot be conquered in one leap, unless you have a copter, a parachute, or a jet pack, and climbers know that the climb goes literally one rock at a time to the top. Focusing on the top is less important than focusing on the quality of each individual step. It’s the steps that can bring our downfall.
Footing Is Everything
It will be no different for us. We may not see the instant success we hope for, or the return to normal, but if we pace ourselves and keep our footing, we will accomplish the impossible. We simply have to have faith that we can get through whatever challenge we’re handed.
In a time like this, one wonders where to start. Especially when the old ways no longer work.
Hopeless?
If you’re feeling helpless or alone, that’s a very normal reaction. But surprisingly, you don’t have to go through this alone, even if the responsibility seems to fall on your shoulders.
Instead of running for the mountain head-on, run in the opposite direction. The further you step back, the more you’ll gain perspective, and you’ll connect with your support team, those who love you the most, to help you make a step-by-step plan.
Rocket Fuel
The best way to stop feeling alone is to surround yourself with others who believe in you — the people who can help you see the possibilities, and those who can encourage you that any mountain, no matter how hard, can be climbed.
By day two of quarantine, seeing the impact of the virus on my business and my income, I was visibly shaken.
I was afraid. I was concerned I’d not be able to feed my family or the families of my employees.
Worst Case Scenarios
Knowing my kids were about to graduate high school, my mind raced through scenarios of not being able to send them to college, they’re not having a proper graduation, and they’re having to live their lives like masked bandits.
Dominating My Thought
Yet after seeking the perspective of friends and family, I realized there was a different narrative than the one dominating my thoughts. Once others pointed out ideas and opportunity, it sparked new life, new confidence, and removed all my worry. It set me on a path, knowing I’d get through it, knowing I’d be stronger on the other side, and believing I was up for the task.
I was no longer being controlled by my fear and self-pity.
Learning to Fly
When I was 19, I learned to fly an airplane. Having grown up with a father who flew, I had heard the stories of the importance of letting go. Your mind is telling you a story that you are flying straight, but your gauges are telling you your speed is increasing, you’re in a spin, and your plane is headed for the ground. Pilots die when they don’t read the gauges and react as they were trained. They die when they allow their emotions to cloud their judgment. They die when they try to correct the plane based on their gut instead of following the checklist.
Spiral Dive to the Death
I recall a story my dad tells of being in a spin toward the ground, the plane shaking, knowing that he was probably in the last two minutes of his life. His controls were not correcting things, but his training kicked in. “Just let go and let the plane correct itself.” It’s not an easy thing to do, but the plane corrected and pulled itself out of the spin, and when he emerged from the clouds, he knew he had been just a couple of hundred feet from slamming into the dirt. His ability to let go saved him. And here he is, with us, with decades of memories, because he made the split-second decision to let go.
Trusting
There are times in our lives when we need to take control, but there are times when something is so much bigger than us, we have to let go. We have to trust that we’ll be OK. There are things we simply cannot control. We do what we can do, but otherwise, we have to wait for the diving plane to correct itself.
Trusting isn’t ever easy. Trusting our leaders. Trusting doctors. Trusting media. Trusting different opinions and stories. Trusting data. Trusting governments. Trusting God.
My Hopeless List
If I’m feeling helpless and out of control, I make a list of everything that is bothering me. Then I go through the list and prioritize them. Which is going to make me feel the best if I can change it? Which thing on the list scares me the most?
After that, I mark the things I can control, the things where I can take some action, and the things I cannot control. Then I take massive, rapid action toward the things I can change, and I have to accept the other things I cannot control and get on my knees for the rest.
What is bothering you that you can’t control?
What can you control and where can you take action?
Do what you can for the things you can control, and trust the rest, because if you could control it, you would.
Many Versions of One Idea
There is a well-known prayer called the Serenity Prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.
This prayer was written by American theologian Reingold Niebuhr (1892–1971) in 1932.
His full original version:
God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Before Niebuhr, there were others.
Greek philosopher Epictetus (50-135 AD) wrote:
Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens. Some things are up to us and some things are not up to us. Our opinions are up to us, and our impulses, desires, aversions — in short, whatever is our own doing. Our bodies are not up to us, nor are our possessions, our reputations, or our public offices, or, that is, whatever is not our own doing.
The 8th-century Indian Buddhist monk and scholar Shantideva said:
If there’s a remedy when trouble strikes,
What reason is there for dejection?
And if there is no help for it,
What use is there in being glum?
The 11th-century Jewish philosopher Solomon ibn Gabirol wrote:
At the head of all understanding — is realizing what is and what cannot be, and the consoling of what is not in our power to change.
Philosopher W. W. Bartley (1934-1990) made this rhyme:
For every ailment under the sun
There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it;
If there be none, never mind it.
And last, in 1801, Friedrich Schiller said,
Blessed is he, who has learned to bear what he cannot change, and to give up with dignity, what he cannot save.
My best advice for personal peace at this strange time? Let go and trust what you cannot control.
There will be an end, and we will look back on these times in disbelief, and with some fondness, because in spite of the pain and angst, we will have grown, sifted our sand into a more refined form, and will be better off. It’s hard to see it now, but it’s around the corner.
The sun always sets and always returns.
Fall always comes, then winter, then spring and summer.
Patience, my friends.
Eric Rhoads
PS: I like the one that says “bear what he cannot change, and to give up with dignity, what he cannot save.”
I’ve been through four recessions in my career. Each was awful, and I did not think I could get through them. The pain of disrupting families and laying them off is beyond horrible. Yet I was left with no alternative and ate from the remaining crumbs after I paid everyone else. One time I cut from 50 people to four and barely survived. And sadly, all the progress I’d made, I had to give up with dignity.
I cannot predict where this will lead me. Though I’ve built what felt like a solid business with lots of pieces, I suspect I’ll have to let go of some of those pieces with dignity. I’ll fight tooth and nail to save every piece and every job, but it depends entirely on things out of my control. I’m controlling what I can.
I could surely use some help so I can keep people employed, so I ask that you keep me, my team, and my family in your prayers. And if there was something we offer that you were going to someday buy anyway, if you’re in a position, consider doing it now. Even a little subscription can help.
I’ve always resisted using this platform to sell. I often talk about what we’re doing, but I never sell, and I won’t do it now. I will, however, list some of our offerings, and if something feels right, we would appreciate your support. And join me LIVE on Facebook or Instagram (ericrhoads) daily at noon Eastern, and at 3 p.m. Eastern (Streamline Art Video on Facebook or YouTube) for free video samples throughout the quarantine.
Magazine Subscriptions:
Events (We offer a quarantine money-back guarantee)
- Plein Air Convention & Expo
- Figurative Art Convention & Expo
- Publisher’s Invitational Adirondacks Artist Retreat
- Fall Color Week Artist Retreat
- Paint Russia (not accepting payments, but gauging sign-up interest)
- Radio Ink Forecast Conference
- Radio Ink Hispanic Radio Conference
Art Instruction Videos and Books
Thank you so much for this Sunday Coffee inspiration. I enjoyed all the different renditions of “change what you can” sentiment . I’ll go back and read these again and again. I’ve noticed more videos on FB and they are what I want to see more than anything, to learn to be a better artist by learning how others approach their art.
Thank you..Helped my Sunday.
I love reading your Sunday Coffee and I want to thank you for the free videos and interviews that you have provided while we are in isolation. I have my favourites and when this is all over will purchase something. Thank you Eric for being the kind of helpful person you are and your great hints to help us artists to follow our passion.
Praying for you, Eric! You bring me so much joy, laughter and encouragement – THANK YOU!!!
Today’s “sifting our personal sand” comments are right on point for the times in which we find ourselves as well as for all the times of our life that we are yet to live. Thank you.
Love this! So timely and uplifting. Thank you.
A STATEMENT AND REQUESTS
A wonderful coffee break! I’ll be forwarding it to many, including our Art Club members. As a minister, publisher of our church-paper (www.Arthurcoc.com), and part time artist (www.yessy.com/ron33dor) at age 86, I rarely get to do plein air painting, but have devoured your Plein Air Magazine, and have just renewed my subscription. May God be with you to keep them coming!!
Two requests: i would ask your permission to include a portion of this issue in our church paper (The Sower–see on church website above), namely the portion regarding your father “letting go” of the plane.
My second request: Satisfy my curiosity. You mentioned the “Tornado Alley” in Indiana as you grew up. I, too, grew up in Indiana (southern, in Pekin, Ind., Washington County). My paintings are generally rural scenes, typical of the area. If you don’t mind answering, where in AIndiana did you grow up? Being now in central Illinois, I miss the hills and woods of southern aindiana–especially in the fall.
I will join you in prayer for the welfare of yourself and Plein Air Magazine and staff.
Eric, This Sunday Coffee post is so inspirational. I appreciate your words of wisdom and the colorful writing style which you employ with ease. I also appreciate all of the free streaming of artists on Streamline Videos. You are very generous in offering this to people. I am signed up for my first PACE in Santa Fe. I hope that conditions will be much better by then. In the meantime, I stay hopeful and thankful this growth experience. May you, your family, and all of your employees stay well and prosper!
Artfully yours,
Sherry
Thank you for your uplifting, insightful and warmly human comments. I can appreciate where you are coming from–as a former professional classical musician, our jobs folded so often that for the first 12 years of our married life, I could honestly say that we moved ever 3 years or whenever my oven got dirty–whichever came first. It was never because of the oven. Something always seemed to come along though, and I’m sure that your philosophy will prove to be true for you and your readers during and after this, as well. Your beautifully worded and humble retraction the other day, by the way, was the first time I have ever seen anyone ever make such a statement in print; anyone with the intestinal fortitude to do THAT, will be foremost in the minds of those who would be in a position to help you. Erich Rhoads, entrepreneur and humanitarian for President, anyone? 🙂
I so needed to hear this! Thank you Eric!
Eric,
I have grown to look forward to your postings. I’m an artist too and it is truly a different walk than other career paths. Those that are true creatives, most likely work in other positions to bridge the gap. I appreciate all you are doing.
You speak from your heart. Your words are powerful and with purpose – addressing a very difficult time with no answers. The answers to
surviving are within us.
Eric,
Thank you for seeing the light! I too tend to see the glass half full! God is good, all the time. Thank you for what you do for all the art community!! I always look forward to YOUR “Sunday Coffee” almost more than any other thing I read for the week. We may not know the future, but we know who holds our hand!
Stay creative,
Kathie
Thank you for sharing this Eric. I really enjoyed it!
Isn’t it interesting that the first/only thoughts about this virus are its economic effects when men tell the story. Economies can be brought back; even from zero. LIFE CANNOT! Is it more important to preserve LIFE, then? Or shall we just RESTART the economy?
I know your answer and the answer of the GUN TOTERS IN MICHIGAN!! What has become of REAL AMERICANS? What has overtaken this country? Nothing but insanity and ‘being tough’! LAWLESS! These tRump voters will never represent me; Donald tRump is INSANE, and his $$$ insanity is contagious.
Dear Eric: What lovely thoughts this morning. I must admit to not reading most of these as they tend to be long winded. However this one is so much for this moment. You are insightful and educated in both the written word and the visual.
Thank you for this. It has made my day.
5 stars Eric. Too bad I’m as broke as you
Thank you Eric, well said. I am sending this to my friends and family so many things to think about.
I live in a small town in Arizona and have the luck of having Artist as part of my every day life, lot of Artist live alone but if you need someone to share what going on reach out . Sometime a just a smile will open the door of friendship that has always been there but we were to busy to see it,
now is the time to speech up or just smile and ask how are you doing?
I read you Sunday coffee all the time but this is the best with ideas that we can all use. I will copy some of the wise things you shared and put them were I can read them often, just to be reminded that things will be better.
very good article Eric. I can relate to virtually everything having gone through such events a number of times over the last 45 years in business. Sometimes the challenges seem insurmountable but as you walk through them they can become the best opportunities of your life to that moment. This current event is no different. From one perspective i have lost 10s of millions from another i have gained the freedom from past concepts, ready to move on to other adventures and experiences. [ i have just published an art book that has lain as a concept only for decades, a new journey has begun. ] people beleive security and complacency are the goals but i have found it is really the journey itself that matters, the goal reached is but another flat stepping stone . the mountain is really a small hill fort.
You will make it through this but in an altered state. its up to you what the experience is like along the way.
Perhaps you missed your “calling” but you have created your own pulpit…the church of art. Or better known as the art of life.
Many thanks for your uplifting thoughts, Eric. This is just what we need in these worrying times.
Let’s hope that a solution to the virus will soon be found and we can return to enjoying each other’s company.
Best wishes,
Arthur Leat
Glad to support you and thank you for, on a day when the realities all seemed to come to ground, joining President Obama in showing the way forward. I am at a “Day 53” with you and appreciative of the noontime talks.
Thanks for your article its very uplifting and encouraging ! You write fantastic !
Hi, I always look forward to your insightful and inspiring Sunday offerings. I wanted to comment on this one because I don’t think you realize how powerful some of this advice can be. I had a career in mental health for about 15 years. At one point, I had developed a problem with anxiety. It got so bad, I was having panic attacks. I really didn’t want to just put a band-aid on it. I knew enough that it wouldn’t solve my problem. I went deep within, and realized that the anxiety came from fears. Fears mostly, of things I didn’t feel I had any control over. So, I started exploring what I might be fearful of. Once I could identify those, I was able to start processing them. It was the process you outlined. I had to decide on what was priority, what could I handle more easily, and had to learn to accept what I had no control over, and find a way to come to peace with it. It all worked, and I have been free from that for a very long time. I have been able to help others with this technique.
Be well, Be wise,
-Mark
This is the process of recognizing your inherent worthiness, that is not dependent on external validation. When you explore your fears you find hidden strengths.
💚❤️💚 in the words of one of my favorite Disney princesses, sometimes all you can do is “the next right thing.” Creativity + ethics + new perspective = a meaningful path forward for you and your business. You’ve got this!
This is the process of recognizing your inherent worthiness, that is not dependent on external validation.
You and yours will be in my prayers. Thank you for your columns. I will be finally beginning work this week and hope to order a Bill Davidson video. Took my coffee mug outside to look at the pond and saw two ducks fly in and land. A simple and graceful thing. I have no words of wisdom that will surpass yours just continue to believe and trust in Jesus . Take care.
This is all well and good, but for those of us who not only live alone, and must stay alone, it is not possible to surround ourselves with those who care for us and can support us. Unless, of course, ones lives in lalaland and is dead to the world and cannot, or will not, wake up to the trauma of what is proposed for us as human beings.They feed themselves on the mainstream media which is totally misinforming them, and deliberately distracting them from what is really going on. They have no idea that what they are dealing with, with the Covid 19 is just an inconvenience compared with what is planned to come, and will come, uness they wake up and fight with those already well and truly awake.
I think this your best Sunday coffee column so far. Reading with my coffee and was feeling a little anxious about my move to Austin this week. I’ll let go and look forward to the art scene there.