The sky is glowing an iridescent blue like a Maxfield Parrish painting, with twisty silhouettes of tree branches reaching high to patches of leaves. A slight swaying in the trees draws my eye to the distant gay mountain, where a few stars glow in the still-darkened sky. Morning has broken.
In my junior year of high school, I was somewhat lost and confused. I had one interest only, being a DJ on a local college station with no listeners, populated by nerds like me who loved the idea of being on the radio even though we were talking to the wall.
Grades were never my strong suit, and college wasn’t on my radar because a career in radio was already my plan. I loved the attention, and stardom, in the form of radio, was what I was looking for.
But Carolyn Parsons had a different vision for me. She was my Humanities teacher, in a class that I struggled with. She was as hard on me as anyone ever was. “Get your act together, Rhoads, you’re better than this,” she would say. Though my star may have been shining among my friends, nothing I could do would please “Mrs. P.,” who was known to be the toughest teacher in the school.
She pushed and pushed. I felt hassled and abused, but she did not let up. I even told my parents, who did nothing. Dad would say, “Son, be the best you can be. Listen to the people around you, and try to see their perspective.”
For the end of the year, we were to have a major project, something to present to the class. We each got half of the class time over about 15 days. I needed to come up with a poem, a story, or something, but I could not. But Mrs. P. would not let up.
“Surely you can do something well, Rhoads. You need to find it.” But I had no idea what it would be. The pressure was on — I was on in a week. I had already seen many other presentations. Some were great, others not so great, and the bad ones got hammered. I did not want that embarrassment.
One day it came to me … what do I really love? I love audio, I love music, and I love photography. So I decided to come up with a multimedia slideshow. Simply put, a slideshow set to music.
I worked feverishly to take photographs that were artsy, that told a story, and set them to the Cat Stevens tune “Morning Has Broken.” Shots of sunrises, sunsets, graveyards, sad people and happy people. Everything had a yellow theme to it, as if silhouetted before glowing yellow skies.
I fine-tuned, practiced — and I was scared. But at presentation time, I pulled it off. The lights were low, and I looked up to find Mrs. P. standing and clapping, with tears in her eyes. I had broken through.
Her tears were probably not about the quality of my presentation; they were a celebration that her toughest, hardest-to-deal-with student had come through.
She changed my life forever by finding something within me I didn’t know I had.
I dedicated a book to her many years later, and I sent it to her with a note about her impact. I never saw her again, but she lives in my heart as the woman who cared enough to badger me to live to a high standard.
Carolyn Parsons wasn’t my mom. But she played a significant role, seeing things in me others did not see.
In today’s culture, where everyone needs a trophy, her methods might be frowned upon. But there is value in pushing people to some breaking point where they find themselves. Otherwise they may never get there.
Today, as we honor moms everywhere, we need to remember that we all have different styles and approaches. My mom never pushed me, but she nurtured me. My dad encouraged me. But others in my life stood up to play roles that they saw needed to be played in my life. It’s a community effort to raise children. I think we sometimes forget that.
I would have turned out OK, but Mrs. Parsons challenged me, and pulled out a creative side. I’m sure it would have been easier to let me fail. Instead, she cared enough to push me.
Motherhood isn’t always about nurturing. A great mom (or dad) always sees things we can’t see in ourselves. Sometimes they nag and push and tell us to brush our teeth. But it’s not about clean teeth or clean clothes, it’s about self-discipline that impacts every detail of our lives.
Being a dad isn’t easy, either; we have our own role to play. And I have huge respect for those who juggle the job of being both mom and dad. I often lose respect for those who bail out and leave their kids to figure it out on their own. No kid deserves that. There is no room for selfishness when raising children; one hangs in there, no matter what. But that’s an unpopular opinion today. Anything goes.
Today, as a tribute to your mom, think back to the times she annoyed you, pushed you, and held you to higher standards … and be grateful. Being a mom isn’t easy, and being tough isn’t popular, especially when you’re on the receiving end. But it’s so necessary.
Happy Mother’s Day.
Eric Rhoads
P.S. My mom died three years ago this week.I miss her and my dad daily. Embrace the ones you still have, no matter how much fault you can find with them. One day they’ll be gone.
Next week I’m off to host the Plein Air Convention in Denver. People ask if I’m excited, and the answer is, “Absolutely!” Can’t wait. See you there?
A great read-Lost my wife 2015 and a Daughter a couple of years ago.
Cherish what you have life is too short time keeps moving. Love your stories. william zempel
I like your “Coffee Talk”, its the closest thing I get to a Sunday sermon… you do make me think, and I do get a chuckle out of many of your storytelling, as my life was similar in the days back in the 60’s and 70’s. 6 kids in our family, parents working, us on our own in summer, we’re all surprised were still alive, doing things like, who could hold on to the electric fence the longest around the cow fields, climbing in a silo or barns weren’t ours, (we rented the farm house, until may parent could buy a home…$28,000 4 BR 2 BATH.)Bank wouldn’t give them a lone, said, they had 2 many kids, not enough income, and he was a school principal. LOL
I now live in a beautiful area called Door County, WI and have so much to be greatfull for. It’s an artsy community, with Plein Air events, art galleries and so much more. Grateful for my mother now 92 who has her Chardonnay every night and eats her cookies or pie or donut for breakfast, probably lunch too, and no meds. She encouraged me to use my artistic abilities while in high school, but I didn’t believe I had the talent, took me 40 years to think maybe I do have the capability to create some “ok” art, we are our worst critics. Your YouTube video during covid has brought that spark back in me, thanks! I would get on the treadmill with the TV on and watch your video, your interviews and introductions are fun and humorous to watch… someday I’ll go to the convention. I’m aiming for 2 or 3 years, who knows maybe sooner. Thanks again, for doing this for us, and thank you all you volunteer artist.
I love this ❤️
Thank you Eric for these comforting thoughts today. My Mum, as a pianist, wasn’t aware of my interest in art. But her dear father, my Grandpa, always saved old, large calendars for me when we visited him to use for drawing. At grade 3 in the Public School System an Art Teacher (Mrs. Morgan and Mrs. Handlong ) asked me if I would enjoy painting, privately at 8am in the art room before classes began. She gave me a short list of oil paints to give my parents to buy and receive their permission to have lessons. My Dad was thrilled and offered me space on his desk to begin. And so I began with 3 pieces of fruit that she suggested. Weekly I’d go in with my new attempts at painting. And soon in high school someone noted noticed my skill in calligraphy.
As I began college I felt I should explore the fine arts and by graduation, I chose my Masters in Art Education. I taught for awhile in the public schools, feeling inspired by the beautiful women who led me by the hand into the art world. Although I subsequently studied for another Masters in Social Work to follow the journey into Hospice Care, I have always returned to the canvas and now the watercolor paper.
Your messages and offerings of exploring media have drawn me to a new level. I am so grateful for the spiritual awareness you open us to try and with confidence experiment. Thanks also to our precious grade school teachers!!!
Great having coffee with you, as always you touch on something that inspires me and others! Thank you. I know you miss your mom, you had her for so long, what a blessing.❤️ I lost my mom when I was 21. I still miss her.and my brother and my Dad but I know I’ll see them again! Still I miss them. We do need to be great full for our loved ones that are still with us! Wish I were going to see you in Denver but not this year, maybe next year😊. Have a blast ! I know it will be amazing!
THIS IS EXCELLENT! Thanks for writing it!
May we all inspire others with every ounce of passion!
John 15:12
This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.
Eric so true of those who saw something in us we didn’t! Thanks for the uplifting commen ts.
Thanks for sharing your personal struggles and accomplishments. Have a great time at the convention.
Thank you Eric and Happy Mothers Day to your wife and all the Mothers everywhere. While reading about Mrs. Parsons I was reminded of how we are often encouraged in a different direction than planned by the Holy Spirit. Often He uses others as well as circumstances to direct us where we should be instead of where we have settled or mistakenly taken a path not meant for our best. I did not have parents that encouraged, directed or brought out the best in me. I had shelter, food and clothes. If it hadn’t been for this wonderful Christian lady in our neighborhood taking me to Vacation Bible School, I may not have come to ask Jesus to be my Savior. This has made all the difference in my life. This dear lady is gone, but I am eternally grateful for that small act of obedience to her faith and kindness to a child that sorely needed direction. We all may have figures in our lives that have been instrumental in the direction our lives have taken for the better and I hope everyone will remember them along with their Mothers today. As always, many thanks for the time you give in bringing words of inspiration, encouragement and wisdom to this space every Sunday.
Hi Eric
I always read your coffee comments and want to thank you. You inspire a lot of people to try harder and do more. Today’s my 79th birthday and I’m loving my life. I started painting in 2017
after my husband passed and needed something to pull me up and feel good about life again.
It worked and I’m starting to sell some paintings but the will to strive to be better helps every day.
Thank you
Janet Minichiello
Thank you for your wisdom. Children are born perfect…empty canvases. Congratulations to those who love them enough to help them imagine an even more perfect life—fully-developed, an ever-evolving masterpiece.
That was a wonderful story, that has made me reflect on my own life, and my own influence on our children.