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The rumble of rockets soaring through the air and the sight of giant balls of fire in the sky never seem to lose their excitement here on the Space Coast of Florida, where I’m spending much of the winter. They say a big one will make your teeth chatter, something I’ve yet to experience, but a massive rumble and sonic boom are felt with each launch, just 11 miles from my dock. With two or three rockets going up a week, we set our alarms, even in the middle of the night, to experience each launch. So far there have been 10 this year that we’ve been able to view from our dock.

The Rockets’ Red Glare

When friends come to visit, we love watching their jaws drop in amazement when we visit the Kennedy Space Center in Cape Canaveral. The size and scope of these machines is mind-boggling, as is the tech behind them, and it takes thousands of people to make them fly. Clearly Elon Musk and his team possess something special, doing things others have been unable to accomplish, like landing a spaceship (which we had the pleasure of watching this week) or reusing ships that previously would have become space trash. Of course, later this year NASA’s Artemis mission will take man to the moon again. 

One Small Step

When I was a kid, I watched the moon landing from the National Boy Scout Jamboree at the national park in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. I was a reporter for a local Indiana news outlet and won a prize as the most ambitious scout reporter there. I thought by now we would be living on the moon. But at the moment, the closest I can get is to do my own moonshot.

Have you considered your moonshot?

Entrepreneur Peter Diamandis has famously coined the term “moonshot,” meaning the big thing you do in your life that seems impossible to achieve. 

I’ve always thought that if you’re going to live a life, live it with gusto, try to do things that significantly change the world, and live boldly in pursuit of big ideas that seem impossible.

What does YOUR moonshot look like?

Tap into your big dreams, the things you always thought you would do. Then ask yourself, “What about that frightens me? What feels unobtainable?” Then ask yourself, “What else could I do to make it even more spectacular?”

Break It Into Chunks

They always say the way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. If you take your giant goal and break it down into small, easier-to-obtain chunks and manageable objectives, it’s easier to track your progress and not be overwhelmed. Sometimes moonshot ideas are so big we can’t do it alone. Who else could you work with who shares a similar vision? Collaboration is a great way to get things done more quickly. 

Expect Things to Turn Out Differently

Whatever you set out to do, it won’t end up exactly the way you envision it. So keep an open mind, and don’t be so set in your ways that you miss better ways of accomplishing your goal. You have to be willing to experiment, and to adapt when you hit obstacles. Expect and embrace obstacles as growth.

Be a Risk-Taker

Not everyone can go to the moon. Only those who are willing to take the risks get the giant rewards.  And stay committed — never give up. I have a moonshot project I’ve been working on for five years. I keep getting kicked in the teeth and discouraged, and I am not letting go. I will find a way. You can too.

Your moonshot does not have to be about space. It’s about ideas so big they seem impossible, ideas that change your world and hopefully the world around you.

What big idea do you want to pursue?

What’s stopping you?

I want to remind you of something I said last week: My father started a company at 70, another at 80, and another at 90. All were moonshots for him. He never told himself he was too old. You’re never too old or too young. Dream big, and execute.

YOU CAN DO THIS!

Eric Rhoads

PS: In spite of Covid being over, our online events designed for Covid times are still getting massive worldwide audiences and continue to be strong. My next one is about landscape and plein air painting, called PleinAir Live, and it’s coming in March. I’ll see you there.

Instead of the sound of rustling trees, rain hitting the tin roof of my long Texas porch, and the chorus of a flurry of birds hanging out in my twisted oaks, I’ve awakened to the slow low rumble of of an elevator, the rattle of an ice machine dropping ice into a cheap plastic bucket, and the knock on my hotel room door and shout of “Housekeeping!”

I’m in Dallas. Yesterday we attended the wedding of the son of two of our favorite friends. It was a perfect day, and it’s fun to see a child we watched grow up become a man and a husband. We wish them well.

Why I Hate Weddings

This wedding was beautiful in every way. I don’t regret attending a bit. In fact, it was loads of fun and I spoke to some interesting folks. But there was a time when I swore I would never attend another wedding in my life. I avoided weddings for over two decades. 

A Rough Moment

When I was a young radio DJ in Miami, I supplemented my income as a wedding photographer. I’m not sure how many weddings I photographed, but it was one too many. My final wedding was the one I screwed up. No matter how many backup cameras, sets of film, and plans for disaster, that time was the perfect storm, and something I did ruined most of the photos. I don’t know if it was a bad batch of film, a processing mistake, a bad light meter, poor exposures, or human error, but I had the displeasure of showing up for the viewing at the family home. 

The anxious bride was on my right, the parents were on my left. Stuttering and stumbling with fear, I had to show them the two dozen photos that turned out OK, and the hundreds that did not. The result was not pleasant. I was loudly berated by the enraged father of the bride and was kicked out of the house. Of course I gave the couple their money back, but I’d botched the photos of their special day. It was one of the toughest days of my young life. I was so mortified that I canceled all the other weddings I had scheduled and swore I’d never do another. And for years I refused to attend weddings because it brought back such a difficult memory.

Looking Back

In hindsight, I should have gotten back on the horse and continued. I was pretty good, well paid, and very entertaining. And I had lessons to learn that would have come in handy in future years. But I was too immature, and pain avoidance was all I wanted at that time. I should not have allowed one angry customer to discourage me. (I’m lucky I didn’t get sued, but then again, all I had was my 72 VW and some cameras.)

Photographer to the Stars

Picture this. It’s 1977, the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack is the number one album worldwide, and the Bee Gees are at the top of their game. Their sound engineer, Carl, was an icon in the recording industry, and he fell in love with the receptionist at the radio station in Miami where I was working as the night DJ. The couple hired me as their wedding photographer. So I showed up at the beachfront park in Miami to learn that the wedding included the Gibb brothers … all of the Bee Gees, and their little brother, Andy. Here I am, posing some of the most famous people in the world in wedding photos. It was a little intimidating.

At the reception Robin Gibb invited me to sit with them and invited me to an afterparty at their house. I politely declined, but kicked myself later; I should have attended. But I had to go on the radio later that night — and I was so insecure that I did not feel deserving. In hindsight, someone could have filled in for me on the air. 

Thankfully, those wedding photos turned out perfectly. 

My Best Marriage Advice?

When I got married, all the older couples were giving me their best marriage advice, but it fell on deaf ears. And I resisted the urge to take the young couple aside at the wedding yesterday because anything I had to say would also fall on deaf ears. There are days when I wonder how even my wife puts up with me. Here’s what I wanted to tell them, but didn’t.

• Love changes. I always heard this, but never believed it would happen to me. You go from that euphoric feeling of being in love to a level of mature love. The changes usually start about year three and peak at around year seven, which is why those are the most dangerous times for a marriage. Mature love is so much different. You care as deeply, probably more, sometimes less, but as the euphoria wears off, you get closer to real life — kids, jobs, mortgages, problems and challenges, what to do with your money, how to raise your kids, the impact of your faith, etc. It’s actually better, but it’s easy to look back at the feeling of early love and crave it. If you know this will happen, you’re less likely to do something stupid trying to regain that feeling.
• Up till now you’ve been living with campaign promises, and now that you’re married, all the pretending will slowly disappear. One friend of mine had never seen his wife without makeup until after they’d been married for a while. Another reported that he no longer closes the bathroom door and no longer hides passing gas. You’ll start seeing the real person behind the actor or actress you’ve been dating the past few years. Don’t let it shock you. Embrace the fact that the real person is better than the person running for office.
• The person you marry will change, and you will change. Ten years out, they won’t be the same person. Twenty or thirty years later, they will have changed dramatically. That’s not a bad thing. It’s like fine wine; we all mature. Again: Embrace change.
• The moment you get married, you’ll discover people want what they can’t have. You become more attractive. There will always be shiny objects who will try to grab you when you’re vulnerable. Don’t ever put yourself in a position to take advantage of it.
• You’ve both been on the hunt … seeking the perfect mate. And you developed a lot of habits you now need to shed. You’re used to trying to win, to conquer. Now you have won the best prize of all, so put your conqueror behavior aside. It’s not even cool to flirt with others. Just understand you have to lose the habit or it could lead you to big problems.
• Speaking of shiny objects: If you shed one marriage for another, the things you don’t like about your previous mate will tend to show up again and again. I have this on good authority from a friend who has been married five times and finally admitted HE was the problem all along.
• You’re a team now. Partners. You’re used to making your own decisions, but you can’t do that anymore. All major decisions require both of you to agree. Don’t dominate. Be a true partner. Things will go smoother.
• Your money isn’t your money anymore. You share it unless you’ve made specific arrangements otherwise. This was a hard one for me. I used to buy things without input, or I’d buy them anyway, even after input. I slip into that behavior once in a while still, but these decisions should be shared.
• Try to agree on who does what up front. Don’t just assume that she will do the cooking and dishes or stay home with the kids. Don’t just assume he’s the one who is going to work to support everyone. Figure this out before you get married.
• Don’t think you can change their mind after you’re married. Make sure you talk about every possible scenario, and if the person you’re with says they don’t want kids, or want to work when you don’t want that, take heed and listen. Have the difficult discussions. Get premarital counseling.
• The “D word” is never an option. Agree up front that no matter how bad things get, you’ll never threaten divorce. You’ll think about it hundreds of times in your marriage when things are not going your way or when you have rough patches. Never make it an option. If before you get married you’re thinking, “If things don’t work out, we’ll simply divorce,” don’t get married. You’re not committed.
• You’re not going to be easy to live with. Whatever you’re whining about because it’s their fault is 50 percent your fault, you’re just not seeing it. You’re in this together.
• When you’re upset, don’t start name-calling. Remember, some things will resonate for years, and some things you can never take back. If you’re angry and about to say bad things, you’re allowed to say instead, “I’m angry and might say the wrong thing, so let’s continue this discussion in an hour” or “tomorrow.” But do always go back to resolve it.
• Don’t keep bringing up old arguments over and over. You get to bring it up one time, not every time you get angry. Get over it. We all make mistakes.
• Honesty is important, but there are some things you should never share with your spouse. If it’s something that might haunt them forever, keep it to yourself.
• The number one reason for divorce is people feeling as though their mate is not paying attention to them anymore. Most divorce happens between year three and year seven, or after couples become empty-nesters. When you were campaigning, you worked really hard at showing them you care. When that goes away, your partner no longer feels special. Find ways to keep the attention fresh and new and show that you still care, even if you’re married a hundred years.
• If you’re going to take sides, side with your spouse, not with your family or parents. Doing anything else is a quick road to division. Even if you disagree, suck it up and support your mate. You’re not married to your family.
• Communicate about what you each need, daily or weekly. Live up to it.
• If you’re getting married for financial security or to escape your parents or to get away from an ex, run for the hills. Those are stupid reasons. Marrying for money is empty once you realize that all the money in the world, all the stuff, won’t make you happy.
  
• Communicate up front about your faith. It never seems like a big deal if you don’t agree, until you have kids. Then suddenly it matters and you want to raise your kids the way you were raised. Conflict will arise. And it might not be healthy to confuse your kids.
• Christmas, birthdays ,and major holidays hold family traditions. We used to get our Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving, my wife’s family got the tree Christmas Eve. I wasted a lot of time and energy debating these cultural things, and there were lots of hard feelings. Decide in advance.
• Most men change significantly between 25 and 35. Most women change significantly between 20 and 30. What you want and need and who you are will change. Wait it out if you can. But if you can’t, you need to be willing to live with what each of you has become. Growing apart isn’t an option. Stay committed. You can get through anything. Even arranged marriages end up with people coming to love one another over time.
• Addictions destroy relationships. Take it very seriously if your spouse is giving you clues about your addictions. Listen and change.
• Make it clear up front that you will never tolerate physical abuse of you or your kids — or emotional abuse. Put him or her on notice that the first time they get physical is the last time they will see you. There are no excuses, and no apology that would ever be enough. If you love someone, you don’t hit them, ever, or threaten to.
• People who give up who they are and what they love resent it. Respect the passions of your spouse and make room for them.
• Don’t clam up. Say what needs to be said, no matter how painful

Nothing is ever perfect. The movies sell perfection that does not exist. If you don’t expect perfection, you’ll be a lot happier.

I’m looking forward to the day when my kids find their soulmates and I can have them ignore my advice. But at least I’ll feel as though I tried. 

Happy Sunday,

Eric Rhoads

PS: A note to my bride. I know when you see this list you’ll realize that I’m aware of the things I should be doing that I’m not doing. I’ll try harder. I know I’m hard to live with, I know I drive you crazy, and I know I do stupid things. Still, I adore you. You’re as beautiful as the day I married you, smarter than I knew at the time, and your advice has been valuable and helped me in ways you cannot comprehend, even though I was often resistant to it. Thanks for being my partner in life.

PS 2: Though I love Christmas, I hate the pressure of shopping and gift-giving. I love to give people what they want, but I don’t love buying things not knowing whether they will like them.

I still don’t know what I want. I honestly can’t think of a thing, yet people are asking. But surprises are wonderful. The best gifts are the ones you make.

PS 3: It all clicked when I stood in front of Anders Zorn’s watercolor paintings in Sweden. Then I went to the home of Stanislaw Zoladz and saw watercolors that I couldn’t believe could be made by a human being. So I’m painting in watercolor and gouache more than ever. I’m loving it. It has given me a fresh perspective on painting, I’m learning and growing in new ways, and I’m having fun experimenting. This week I copied two Zorn masterpieces. I did one that I’ve spent five nights painting.

What I realized through all of this is that I never could do what I’m doing had I not attended Watercolor Live online last January. When I find challenges I don’t know how to solve, I’m able to pull the answers out of my head because they were taught to me during that four-day event. It truly does change you; I’m living proof. As the host, I can’t watch every segment. But there is something to this immersion-training thing. 

Reward yourself with a ticket. www.watercolorlive.com Yes, you can do it even if you don’t think you have talent. Oh, and it’s a great Christmas gift.

PS 4
Other cool gifts 

• For art lovers: Fine Art Connoisseur magazine. www.fineartconnoisseur.com
• For artists: PleinAir Magazine. www.pleinairmagazine.com
• For artists who want to find their inner master: videos at www.painttube.tv
• For artists who want to stop dropping brushes: Easel Brush Clip. www.easelbrushclip.com
• For artists who want to learn to see values: Value Specs. https://painttube.tv/products/paint-by-note-red-glasses

Rolling out of bed naturally, I head to the bathroom, flip the light switch I’ve hit every morning for over a decade — and something feels wrong. I’m not struggling to find a switch or bumping into walls or tripping over suitcases. Today is the first normal Sunday I’ve had in weeks. It’s glorious. 

There is no better feeling than the coziness of my own bed and the familiarity of my own house after weeks away. 

I just returned from three weeks abroad, plus a week of driving, and a week at one of my artist retreats. I’ve been living out of a suitcase and realizing that I’ve not had a mental break in over four years. The candle has been burning at both ends, and the life of constant business, events, shows, columns, and running a company had me lost, burned out, and even a little unenthusiastic. 

Yet this week, I’m a new man, refreshed and filled with ideas and the excitement to implement them. Problems and challenges bounce off my chest like bullets off Superman. I no longer have to fight through miles of spiderwebs in my brain. My burnout is gone.

Funny thing — I did not know I was burned out. Like all of us, I just keep plowing forward, doing what I need to do to survive. But there have been clues. Ideas were harder to come by, especially fresh ones. And I caught myself being a little grumpy in some tough moments in meetings. Very unlike the normal me. It was time for a break, but work had other plans for me. 

The reality is that I went for four years without a break. Most of us did. When Covid hit, I launched a YouTube show called Art School Live. I did it because I knew everyone was lost and freaking out, and they needed someone to be there for them. I went live every day, seven days a week at 12 noon, for seven solid months. Then, because it was so hard on me and my staff, doubling our workload, I cut down from seven days a week to five days a week. Then last year I started replaying some old shows a couple of days a week and only doing three days live. Though I loved doing the show, I needed a break. 

That natural break came when we made our first Fine Art Trip to Europe in four years. This was our 11th trip to see museums and art behind the scenes. And though it was fun and not especially challenging work, it’s not like I can sleep in or skip a day.  And you can’t completely relax or let your hair down because you’re with customers all day for a couple of weeks. 

But following the two weeks of art touring, and being around amazing art every day, I needed a vacation. So we took one. Five days in Majorca. No art, just being tourists, eating lots of gelato and tapas and being absorbed in the local culture. 

But here’s the trick that worked so beautifully to give me a refreshed attitude, new ideas, and enthusiasm about getting back … and it’s a great way to overcome burnout.

You have to disappear from the world, bury your head in the sand, and ignore everything.

Here’s what I mean.

Once we started our official vacation, I set up a security net around my brain.

1. No reality. I was in Spain to escape reality. I wanted to pretend I lived there. Thankfully my wife speaks Spanish fluently. So we tried to avoid using English whenever possible. I didn’t want to see or hear anything about America. I didn’t want to eat American food, or deal with other Americans. Being in another country is a great way to escape.
2. No news. My wife is pretty good about keeping me posted about the world. But I asked her not to tell me anything about the news. No war, no conflict, no crisis. I told her she could tell me anything once we landed in America. I avoided all TV news in any language, and I refused to look at headlines on the newspapers as I walked by. I simply did not want to know and assumed I could do nothing about it anyway.
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3. No social media. I took the entire week away from social media. Though I did  occasionally check messages for practical reasons, I did not open them if they were not relevant to a need on a trip. It was hard. My addiction to social media means always picking up my phone. It was hard to overcome, but I stayed off all social media feeds for an entire week. Of course social media tends to get newsy and political too. So it was another filter from the news.
4. No English-language media. I love watching TV in foreign countries. It’s fun to see new products, shows we’ve never seen, in a language I can’t speak. And it’s a good way to learn some words. But I would not watch anything in English. Flipping through the channels, I avoided CNN, BBC, and even things like Discovery, if they were in English. Avoiding English has been a mental break.
5. No e-mail. I refused to check e-mail, and I asked my assistant to deal with it all. She knows not to call or text me for any reason unless it’s critical. The only communication we had was about flights.
   
6. No texting. I made the mistake of checking texts one day early in the week, and because a colleague had sent me a note about something, I got stressed out and I laid awake all night ruminating about a particular problem. It’s my own fault; I allowed it to bother me. But I should have not checked. So I did not text or check text the rest of the week. 

I never really consider myself stressed out, but I realized from this experience just how much stress there is in my life. I don’t mind it; I thrive on solving problems or facing challenges. But I think the key to living among stress is the ability to escape it and separate yourself from it. 

Now, after my little weekly experiment, I plan to spend weekends off of social media, e-mail, and texting. Nothing can be that important, right?

On a typical night before bed, I’m on social media for a couple of hours, just doom scrolling. That ends now. I’ll replace it with painting time or hobby time. Let’s see if I can do it.

We tell ourselves that we can go on vacation and stay in touch on e-mail. That’s a mistake, and I tell my employees not to do it, to avoid work 100 percent. You may think the world will fall apart without you, but you need an escape. And a week without any business e-mail will do more good than you realize. 

What about you? What are you stressing about?

Do you need an escape?

We can’t always go to a foreign country, or travel at all, but we can take reality breaks from media and social media for a weekend or even a week. 

The end result is you’ll be happier, you’ll have to find other things to replace all that scrolling time, and you’ll grow from the experience.

If you can’t put your phone down to enjoy a conversation at dinner, your addiction is impacting your life and relationships, whether you realize it or not. My kids were always pointing it out to me. So I need to stop the addiction. I’m not sure if I could leave my phone at home, but it’s worth a try. 

At Thanksgiving, just around the corner, friends tell me all phones go into a basket for dinner. Otherwise everyone is always looking at their phone and missing everything that’s going on.

What did we do before we became addicted to our phones, social media, and the news?

Happily I have my hobbies of painting and woodworking to escape to. If you don’t have anything, find something. It will do you a world of good. But most importantly, try to escape. You’ll thank me later.

Eric Rhoads

On my trip I met a guy, and the conversation went like this….

Me: What do you do outside of work?

Him: Not much, really. I read the paper and check my investments.

Me: Do you have any hobbies or interests?

Him: Nope.

Me: What will you do when you retire?

Him: Probably die or play a lot of golf.

Me: So you play golf?

Him: Nope. But I’ll probably take it up because that’s what all my friends do.

Me: So you’re looking forward to it?

Him: Not really. 

My best advice: Find something now. Don’t wait. Whether it’s bird-watching or stamp-collecting, it’s important to have something else. If for no other reason than because of what I mentioned above.

Tens of thousands of people have used our website PaintTube.tv to discover how to paint. Maybe there is something there for you.

I just finished our online Realism Live seminar yesterday. Our next one is about watercolor, in January. You can learn about it at WatercolorLive.com.

There is something spectacular about waking up at 6 am in the woods, especially in October. Tall, moss-covered trees tower through the fog as morning light just begins to stream in, highlighting some colorful leaves and some crunchy dead leaves on the ground. In a moment I’ll put on my hiking shoes and crunch across the leaves at this kids’ camp where I’m hosting my Fall Color artist retreat. Soon, we’ll share stories over eggs, bacon, and pancakes with warm Adirondack maple syrup. Being here with friends reminds me of summer camp.

A week seemed like a long time away when my parents sent me off to YMCA camp in Indiana. I wasn’t looking forward to going because I had poor self-esteem, and I did not cherish the idea of taking a week of my summer to hang out with more bullies.

Fat and Embarrassed

At 10, I was severely overweight, frequently bullied by other boys, and often mocked for being fat. Unlike most of the others who were trim and fit, I was unable to keep up in gym classes and embarrassed when I was the only kid who could not climb  the rope in the middle of the gym. Mr. Ennis, my gym teacher, didn’t help, making me try over and over as the others laughed and I failed. 

Making Myself Sick

I didn’t hate school, but I hated gym class, and I would look for every possible excuse to avoid it, including making myself sick with worry. So much so that I developed stomach ulcers, which brought even more attention to me because I had to leave class four times a day to eat saltines and drink milk. Now I was the sick fat kid. 

The Outcasts

Though I hadn’t been looking forward to Y camp, I quickly made a bunch of friends there who had not received the memo that I was a big fat loser. In hindsight, we were probably all outcast kids, gathered to escape our otherwise miserable childhoods. The week went so fast that on parents’ visitation night, once I had realized most of my friends were there for two weeks, my parents extended my time. Other than my best friend Stu, and a couple of friends at Scouts, it was the first time I remember having friends who liked me for who I was. 

When camp ended, we all traded addresses and some were pen pals for a month or two, but we never reconnected until the following year, when we picked up where we left off. But once camp ended that second summer, none of us ever saw each other again. Things might have been different if we had had social media back then. 

A lot can happen in a week. 

Surrounded with Friends

Today we’re starting day three of my Fall Color Week retreat. People who had been perfect strangers a week earlier have already become painting buddies and best friends. It happens fast here. Half are new, the other half return year after year when they can, some for several years in a row. 

A Delayed Response

Years ago a woman approached me and told me she’d finally made it to the retreat after years of trying to get there. Family responsibilities got in the way, but she had been dreaming about that moment of attending. In that week we all grew very close, and she made two or three best friends, including a couple of people who lived nearby and who would become local buddies. At the end of the week she told me it was one of the best weeks of her life, exceeding her expectations with the benefit of new friendships she had not expected. 

Months later, I received a call that she had unexpectedly passed away. We were all heartbroken, having lost “one of us.” The following year we put her photo in a frame and put it out in the breakfast room to honor her. 

An Important Lesson

Before leaving, she shared that though she had wanted to come for years, she almost never made it, including the year she finally got there. I’m not only grateful she came, made some deep friendships, and had a wonderful time, but it made me realize how important it is to follow our dreams and not let anything get in the way. Had she put it off one more year, we never would have known her or been touched by her.

Volumes of books and photo albums could be filled with the stories and traditions that have come out of this annual week after many years. For me, it’s a dream come true. The fat kid with low self-esteem is now living a rich life full of friends.

This morning as I’m reflecting on all the special moments of the week, the new friendships made and older ones rekindled, I have this overwhelming feeling of being grateful. 

Immature Logic

When I was a kid, I could not get past the circumstances that were causing my horrible experiences. I thought they would last forever and that I was doomed to a lifetime of being mocked and bullied. But that all changed when I realized that others were not doing it to me, I was doing it to myself. Though there is no excuse for bullies and bad behavior, they were just being kids and hopefully did not remain bullies forever, 

It’s Not This Way Forever

It’s a reminder that no matter what circumstances you are living and what horrible things you think may never end, it does not have to be that way. Things change. People mature. When our brains are immature, we can’t see a way out, yet there is always a way out. We hold the keys to make changes within ourselves.

Deep Anger

When I hear the horror stories of bad reactions, of people who have such deep anger that they feel the need to get even, I remember the pain I experienced. There were times I wanted to get even. I’d see the ads in the back of comic books telling me I could go from a weakling to a muscle-bound hero, so I could defend myself and others and stop getting sand kicked in my face. I dreamed of one day going into the locker room and clobbering them all. 

But of course violence or getting even solves nothing. Forgiveness solves everything. 

In junior high school there was a kid that was so mean to me that I wished he would move away or die. It seemed the only solution to stop the madness. He sat behind me in class and bullied me every day for four years.

Forgive Him? No Way!

Decades later, I was at a Promise Keepers event and the speaker asked if there was anyone we hated. Even though I had not thought about this kid for 30 years, his name popped up. We were encouraged to forgive whoever came to mind. Forgiving him was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, even as an adult. But I felt free after. 

Childhood wounds stay with us for our entire lives, but they are from an irrational time in our lives. They can color our decisions for decades if we let them.

But they also mold who we become. Perhaps I’m driven to make lots of friends and be socially active because of the wounds of being a lonely, bullied fat kid. In hindsight, that harsh treatment made me who I am. I now wonder, who would I be without that? It made me stronger, more resilient, more resourceful.

Strength Through Fire

I’m always sad to see the wounds my kids experience, but I know pain will make them stronger. Still, it’s hard to watch, and I want to rescue them. But rescuing them isn’t the answer most of the time.

What things from your childhood are you still carrying around with you?

What wounds still impact the way you behave and the decisions you make?

What do you need to reframe to understand that these wounds may have helped you?

Who have you not forgiven?

Who did you do wrong?

Who did something to you in the distant past that you need to let go of and forgive?

Who have you ghosted for years because of something they said or did? Is it serving you well or making you bitter?

Where does your anger lie?

Who are you blaming?

The hardest thing for me to do in my life has been to get on my knees and ask God to help me forgive others. I carried anger toward the mean boys for years.

Once I got so sick of being the bullied fat kid with the greasy hair, I started changing myself, remaking my image. Though I could not overcome all those years with other kids who would always consider me the way I’d been, a move to a new school and a makeover did the trick.

How silly is it to pridefully hold anger? 

We all make mistakes. We all say certain things at certain times we should not have said. 

We all have times when we are hurting.
We all have done things as immature people. 

Let go. Forgive. 

Everything can change, but it’s not up to anyone else but you. You take the first steps.

Eric Rhoads

PS: I’m grateful for all the friends and acquaintances I’ve made in my work. It’s providing me with a very meaningful and rich lifestyle.

After leaving here next Saturday, I’ll be driving back to Austin. Then I’ll be boarding a plane to Sweden, where I’ll visit the Zorn Museum and its director privately, and then I’ll be leading a group of art-loving collectors through the art of Stockholm and then Madrid. And again, I’ll be with friends, seeing old friends and making new ones. Thanks for the opportunity.

As soon as I return, I’ll be hosting potentially thousands of people on Realism Live, our online painting conference. There is room for you at www.realismlive.com.

A gentle rain drizzles upon the lake. There’s a foggy silhouette of pine trees in the distance, getting bluer and whiter the farther away they become. Close up, majestic pines surround my screen in the octagon-shaped lakefront porch, with dark lace-like branches and needles obscuring the view. Just the way I like it, nestled in and safe like a warm blanket, while the sound of droplets landing on the water tickles my ears. 

Visitors tell us our little porch is very special because it darts right out to the edge of the lake. Inside, the ornate woodwork on the peaked ceiling is something builders tell me could not be replaced today because there are few craftspeople who would know how. The diamond-paned windows were handmade, along with the house and porch, in 1894.

Doing It By Hand

I try to imagine building this house at a time when there were no power tools, sourcing logs from this boat-access-only property and carving them into a masterpiece. The house was built by some young man who was trained by his father, a master woodworker who was trained by his father. A chain of training over generations. 

Why, then, is there no one who can do what they did today? 

The modern world offers other distractions. People have more choices than to continue a family tradition of woodworking. And parents often want something different for their kids, to let them avoid the hard labor on cold and icy days or up on a roof in intense heat. Instead, their children become college-educated and chase their own passions. 

The Cycle of Life

Perhaps in the past, one generation and then the next knew hard work was part of the requirement for survival. But at some point, that changed. Each generation now tends to look ahead and hope to prevent their kids from having the hard life or difficult upbringing they had to endure. Soon, we got softer and softer, to the point where our kids didn’t experience the harsh discipline of our parents. Another generation later, there is less and less discipline, less and less carrying on of family gifts, and soon the kids are cowering in corners, not wanting to work because they believe they should be taken care of and their feelings never wounded. 

Then, once everyone is soft, the cycle perhaps reverses and kids don’t want to be lazy like their parents, so they return to the land to live off the grid, to grow their own food, build their own homes, and even refuse to use modern power tools. Suddenly what was uncool becomes romanticized. And in another 25 years, their offspring will have the skills I can’t find today, 

But I digress. 

“Do What I Did”

I’ve heard many stories of parents trying to discourage their misguided kids from pursuing a passion. Doctors want their kids to be doctors, yet the kids don’t want to repeat their parents’ life of late-night hospital calls and Thanksgiving dinners disrupted to deliver babies. They often don’t see the passion Mom or Dad found in medicine; they see only the hard stuff. 

Multi-Generational Gifts

On the other hand, in my lifetime I’ve encountered many people with multi-generational gifts. Imagine how good you can be when you learn something from your mom or dad, who learned from your grandparents and great-grandparents. The gift is perfected as each becomes better than the teacher. 

Still, so many of us look at what Mom or Dad do, and we don’t want to follow in their footsteps.

Not Sexy

That was me. My dad wanted my brothers and me to carry on in his metals business, but none of us had any interest. The more he pushed, the more we went in the opposite direction. He provided well for us, but what he did wasn’t sexy in our eyes. For me, it wasn’t as appealing as the lure of something I was interested in.

In hindsight, I did follow my father’s and grandfather’s path. Both came up with business ideas and built them. I have zero fear of starting businesses because I watched my dad start so many. I just applied the gifts he passed on to my own passions. 

How about you? What did you experience, or what are you experiencing now?

Being You

When my kids’ friends were at our house, I’d ask them what they wanted to do with their lives. One kid told me his parents were insisting he become a doctor like they are, but he wanted to become an entrepreneur. Another doesn’t want to become an engineer like his father and is only going to engineering school because his parents won’t cover college otherwise. He has a different passion and is miserable living his father’s dream instead of his own. Perhaps the parents know best, knowing that once their kids get the education and maturity they will find that they love having the same career. 

I tell them all: Follow your passion. You don’t have to do what your parents want you to do. But don’t ignore what they are offering, because they know things about it that you don’t. At least consider it. But ultimately, this is your life, not theirs.

Stuck in Chains

I also tell these young people never to stay in a career because they were forced into it. Once I interviewed a young lady and asked why she would leave a high-paying job as a lawyer for a much lower-paying editor’s job. She told me her third-generation-lawyer parents insisted she be the fourth generation. They pushed her through law school. Upon graduation she discovered she was miserable in her job and could not identify with being a lawyer. After giving it a couple of years, she became intensely depressed because she was not following her passion. So I hired her because she had the courage to follow her own path.

God has given us each a passion and a gift. It’s our responsibility to listen to our hearts and follow that passion, then develop our gifts to become the best we can be. 

Passion Isn’t Forever

But passions last a lifetime for some and a season for others. I’ve always had a passion for being an entrepreneur. I told myself I would never work on something I don’t love. My rule is that if I wake up and hate going to work more than 50 percent of the time, it’s time for a change. If I lose my passion, or become more passionate about something else, I’ll move on. 

Everyone has a gift. If you have not found it yet, you will. Others may point out your gifts because sometimes you don’t see them yourself. So listen carefully when someone offers encouragement or tells you that you seem to be really good at something. 

What do you love?

What are you really good at that you can’t get enough of?

What do you think about night and day?

If it’s good, if it’s ethical, explore it.

If you are desperately trying to find it but aren’t sure what it is, try a lot of things, including things that seem uninteresting. Volunteer, work in different jobs, take courses online even though you might tell yourself you don’t have what it takes.

You CANNOT Do This

When I first considered the thought of learning to paint, my critical mind told me I could not even draw a circle. I rejected the idea that I could someday become an artist and be proud to show my art to others. I foolishly believed that talent was a requirement. Yet I never believed good doctors or nurses were born with medical knowledge. They had to learn it, knowing it would be hard. Once I realized I did not need talent, I only needed to be taught, I started learning. It was hard. But it was always fun, and I’m happy and passionate about doing it. 

Whatever you discover that you’re passionate about…

You have what it takes. 

You can really do anything you can envision. 

You simply have to find what you love, find someone who can teach you, and override the negative voices in your head. 

Being Seasonal

There are also seasonal gifts. If you have a lifetime of experience, you can put it to use in new ways, teaching others, helping them find their gifts, or discovering entirely new things. I believe no one should live at any time without pursuing a gift and passion. I’ve never been a fan of retirement. Perhaps one day it will appeal to me, but the key to any retirement is to find something to be passionate about. Being sedentary is not a viable option. If you’re breathing, you have a purpose.

I once asked a man what he was passionate about. He told me he hated his job and could not wait to retire. I asked what his hobbies were. He had none. “What will you do when you retire?” I asked. He had no idea, but he hated work so much that he just wanted out.

Don’t let that be you.

Don’t let that be your loved ones.

Don’t waste a single day more as a slave to a job you hate. Or at least know that when you get off work each day, you’re looking forward to your passion. 

A life well lived is a life filled with passion. Find your gifts and live them.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Last week at a dinner party I showed a painting I had just finished to the woman sitting beside me. She stared, and she talked about it for a long time. Her compliments were gushing, not the typical polite words. Then she said, “I’ve gone to a paint-and-sip several times, but my paintings are awful. I know I could never do something like this.” Of course I went into my speech about how anyone can do it, all they have to do is find the right teacher, the right technique, and find time to practice. Yet I could not convince her. She was stuck on the idea that she could never do it. I promised her a lesson to prove to her that she could.

If it’s painting you don’t believe you can learn, take my free online course at www.paintbynote.com. I believe I can teach anyone to paint. Then get my video The Easiest Way in the World to Learn Painting if you want to go to a higher level. You can do this.

Or attend Realism Live this November. It’s all online, features 25+ top masters teaching, and it’s a game-changer.