Ah, Sunday morning in Florida — where I’m supposedly sitting on the beach, my coffee sporting a tiny pink umbrella, watching the sunrise paint layers of clouds in spectacular colors while I soak up vitamin D. At least, that’s the dream version! Truth is, I am in Florida, but even paradise got caught in the arctic blast sweeping across America. Though I have to chuckle — my version of “cold” means trading my short sleeves for long ones. I know my Northern friends are probably rolling their eyes right now! And in a week it will be back to 70 degrees for most of the winter.

My Therapist Told Me This

This morning’s slightly chilly contemplation has me thinking about something a therapist once told me: I’m a “pleaser.” You know the type — we’re the ones who light up when we can help others succeed, who’ll go the extra mile (or ten) to support someone’s dreams. Some might say it stems from deep psychological trauma — or something — but honestly? I’ve grown pretty fond of this part of myself. There’s something magical about watching others thrive because you lent a helping hand.

Plowing Forward

But here’s where it gets interesting. Being nice doesn’t mean you can’t be driven or even aggressive (in a nice way, of course!). Running a sizable enterprise has taught me that sometimes you need both qualities. It’s like being a friendly bulldozer — clearing paths while saying “excuse me” along the way. Thomas the Tank Engine was still a locomotive!

Accidental Magic

Let me share a recent story that perfectly illustrates this balance. Last Friday, we hosted an online event called Art Business Mastery Day. The turnout? Well, I lost count after 1,000 people showed up! It was all dreamed up during an evening virtual cocktail party back in November when someone casually mentioned, “I love these events — why don’t you do one about marketing?” My initial “nice guy” response was to list all the reasons we couldn’t: time constraints, preparation needs, uncertainty about attendance. But after a night’s sleep (and probably too much coffee), something clicked.

Increased Workload

I called my marketing head and said those words that probably make every team member secretly groan: “I need a website done today.” To his credit, he didn’t flinch — he just said, “I’ll do it.” Looking back, I wish he’d pushed back a bit, pointed out the holiday timing, the 30 other projects on our plate. But he was being nice too, you see. The result? A lot of holiday work hours for everyone, including me spending my “vacation” planning content. I try to never ask anyone to do what I’m unwilling to do myself.

Push Anyway

But here’s the kicker — if we’d stopped to consider all the reasons not to do it, one of our most successful events might never have happened. Sometimes being too nice means missing opportunities for growth. A CEO friend once told me that without insistence and deadlines, growth becomes impossible. It’s like trying to brew coffee without heat — you might eventually get something, but why wait that long? Ask the employees of Elon Musk or the late Steve Jobs, or the people who work for Jensen Haung or Codie Sanchez. They move mountains because they act on big ideas and motivate their teams to find a way to do the impossible. 

Think about your own life for a moment. How many amazing experiences almost didn’t happen because there were a thousand reasons to say no? 

How many wonderful achievements came because you pushed forward anyway?

Sometimes a little uncomfortable nudge is required, and sometimes you’ll make decisions with no one else on board and you’ll feel a little awkward because no one else is in agreement. Do it anyway. Follow your gut.

My approach now? 

When an idea strikes, I evaluate quickly and move fast. Waiting usually means forgetting, and when I hear “we’re too busy,” the nice guy in me wants to give everyone a break. But the leader in me knows better. Perfect is the enemy of good — we can polish things later, but first, we need to start. And this year my goal is to speed everything up and launch more. Wish me luck.

So here’s to being nice … but not too nice. To pushing forward while still saying “please” and “thank you.” To making things happen while keeping our humanity intact. Because at the end of the day, growth doesn’t require being a jerk — it just requires being decisively kind.

With coffee in hand (no pink umbrella, sadly),

Eric Rhoads

Imagine waking up to nature’s own aquatic circus. As I write this, dolphins are pirouetting through crystal waters, their playful squeaks harmonizing with the gentle swish of palm fronds overhead. The sun — a blazing orb of amber and rose — is painting the horizon in colors that would make even Van Gogh jealous. This is Florida in December, our reward after a cross-country odyssey from Texas with our four-legged navigation team.

Last night we arrived under cover of darkness, like treasure hunters seeking the Promised Land. The fridge might be as empty as a politician’s promise, but somehow I’ve managed to conjure up coffee and road trip leftovers. The grocery store beckons, but it can wait until after church. Some mornings are too perfect to rush.

Life as a Pinball: Confessions of a Derailed Goal Setter

Let me tell you about 2024. Imagine being the silver ball in the world’s most chaotic pinball machine. Flippers of fate sent me ricocheting in every direction, and I found the gutter more times than a bowling ball thrown by a toddler. Here’s the deliciously embarrassing part: I, the supposed guru of goal-setting, completely dropped the ball on my own planning. It’s like being a dentist with cavity-riddled teeth, or a personal trainer who considers pizza a food group.

But here’s the raw truth — every single time I’ve failed to set my goals, my year turned out about as organized as a tornado in a paper factory. You can’t score points when you don’t even know where the targets are.

The Three Golden Windows of Opportunity

Now, let me share something crucial about timing. There are three perfect moments to map out your year, like three secret portals to success:

1. Fall: The overachiever’s sweet spot, when you can lay your tracks before the train even arrives. This is when the smart money places their bets and sets up their dominos.
2. November: Still ahead of the game, like showing up early to a party — you get the good parking spots and first crack at the appetizers.
3. December/Early January: The Last Chance Saloon. Still totally valid, but you’re cutting it closer than a hedge trimmer on espresso.

The benefits of goal-setting used to be a theory, but there is substantial evidence that goal-setting, mindset, and attitude make a massive difference in living your dreams.
What you should know to make this and every year better.

1. People who set goals are more likely to succeed. Don’t believe it? Locke and Latham’s studies over 35 years, analyzing over 400 studies, found that specific and challenging goals led to higher performance 90% of the time compared to vague “do your best” goals or no goals at all. Seventy studies found an average improvement in performance of 10%-25% when using specific, challenging goals versus “do your best” or no goals. And in 2015 research showed that people who wrote down their goals were 42% more likely to achieve them than those who didn’t. A Harvard Business School study tracked MBA graduates and found that 10 years later, the 13% who had written goals earned twice as much as the 84% who had no specific goals.
2. People who share their goals with others increase their chances of success. Dominican University discovered that people who wrote down their goals, shared them with others, and provided weekly progress updates were 76% more likely to achieve them compared to those who merely thought about their goals. It’s harder to back out and not accomplish something once you announce it. That’s why I always announce my big initiatives before I actually do them.
3. People who look at their goals weekly stand a higher chance of achieving them because the goals stay top of mind. Meanwhile, most of us set resolutions or goals, never look at them, then forget them. That’s exactly why my 2024 was not as good as it should have been.
4. When you stretch yourself and make yourself uncomfortable, you’re more likely to experience growth, because growth comes from discomfort and pain, not doing the same things repeatedly and hoping things will improve.
5. If you see yourself where you want to be, you are more likely to become what you think you are. Instead of saying, “I’m gonna be,” say, “I am.” It will fool your brain and begin manifesting outcomes to make it happen. Scientific research strongly supports the power of present-tense affirmations and visualization in achieving goals. Neuroscience studies using fMRI scans have shown that visualizing an action activates many of the same neural pathways as physically performing it, with Harvard Medical School research demonstrating that mental practice alone can increase muscle strength by 13.5%. Dr. Carol Dweck’s work on growth mindset and Dr. Richard Wiseman’s research on the “As If” Principle confirm that people who believe in their current ability to develop skills and act “as if” they are already successful are significantly more likely to achieve their goals. This works through a combination of neural pathway development and activation of the brain’s reticular activating system (RAS), which helps us notice opportunities aligned with our self-image, creating a powerful self-fulfilling cycle where our beliefs shape our actions and outcomes.

Scientific research from several disciplines validates this concept. A 2013 study published in the Journal of Consumer Research found that when people labeled themselves as “being” something (e.g., “I am a healthy eater”) versus “becoming” something (“I want to be a healthy eater”), they were significantly more likely to make choices that reinforced that identity. Additionally, neuroscience research using EEG measurements has shown that when people use present-tense self-talk, it activates the left prefrontal cortex — an area associated with motivation and goal-directed behavior — more strongly than future-tense statements. This aligns with studies in sports psychology where athletes who visualized themselves as already possessing target skills showed measurable performance improvements, with one notable study at the University of Chicago demonstrating up to 24% better performance among athletes who practiced present-tense visualization versus those focusing on future goals.

Those five things will make more difference in living your dream life than anything else you can do. Hard work alone isn’t enough. But on top of manifestation and goals, it’s critical to manage your attitude. Here’s why:

People who are naturally negative live shorter lives and get sicker more often.
Research consistently shows that negative thinking and pessimism correlate with poorer health outcomes and shorter lifespans. Multiple large-scale studies, including the Finnish Kuopio Study and the Women’s Health Initiative, have found that pessimistic people face significantly higher risks of cardiovascular disease, cancer, and premature death. For example, pessimistic men showed twice the risk of cardiovascular death, while negative women had a 30% higher risk of coronary heart disease. Studies at the University of Kentucky demonstrated that negative emotions can suppress immune system function, leading to increased susceptibility to illness and slower healing

Research consistently shows that optimistic people not only experience greater happiness, they also tend to enjoy better physical health outcomes. Positive thinkers have stronger immune systems, lower rates of cardiovascular disease, and greater resilience against stress. Their optimistic outlook often leads them to make healthier lifestyle choices, like maintaining regular exercise routines and following balanced diets, as they believe their actions will yield positive results. Moreover, when faced with health challenges, positive thinkers typically cope more effectively, following treatment plans more diligently and recovering more quickly from illnesses and injuries. Their social connections also tend to be stronger, as their upbeat attitude draws others to them, creating supportive networks that further enhance both their mental and physical well-being. Even in difficult circumstances, their ability to find silver linings and maintain hope helps them navigate challenges with greater emotional resilience, leading to lower rates of anxiety and depression.

My Negative Friend Chris

One of my closest friends was one of the most negative people I’ve ever met. To this day I’m not sure why I liked spending time with him, but I guess it was rooted in having worked together and having good times when we were much younger. One day I lectured him about the power of a positive mindset, and he in turn lectured me about how that was all nonsense and “of course I can say that because I’ve lived a charmed life and had opportunity handed to me.” There is some truth to that, but his negativity often resulted in him losing jobs (no one wants to hear it) and eventually dying a horrific early death. Somehow I think he felt better being negative. It turns out that studies have shown that verbal aggression can trigger the release of dopamine and other neurochemicals that create a reward response in the brain. 

What to do next?

Last week I mentioned advice given by the father of my high school girlfriend. He took me aside one day and told me that I was one of the most negative people he had ever met, and that if I did not change that, I’d live an unhappy life and probably die young. It turns out my girlfriend put him up to it. He taught me how to rethink how I think. And instead of resisting his advice, I changed. It wasn’t easy because my natural response was to go negative. After decades, it’s still my natural response, yet I force myself to turn my head around. 

Tony Robbins talks about how the “reptilian brain,” our subconscious, is designed to protect us from wild animals, always looking for problems so we can escape them. He says we have to be aware that it’s there, ignore it, and turn on a different mindset. (I highly recommend a trip to one of his events.)

So if you’re being negative, or if you’re not goal-oriented, or if you’re spending your time wondering why you’re not achieving what you want, maybe it’s time to rethink how you’re thinking. It worked for me, and it will work for you.

Eric Rhoads