Imagine waking up to nature’s own aquatic circus. As I write this, dolphins are pirouetting through crystal waters, their playful squeaks harmonizing with the gentle swish of palm fronds overhead. The sun — a blazing orb of amber and rose — is painting the horizon in colors that would make even Van Gogh jealous. This is Florida in December, our reward after a cross-country odyssey from Texas with our four-legged navigation team.

Last night we arrived under cover of darkness, like treasure hunters seeking the Promised Land. The fridge might be as empty as a politician’s promise, but somehow I’ve managed to conjure up coffee and road trip leftovers. The grocery store beckons, but it can wait until after church. Some mornings are too perfect to rush.

Life as a Pinball: Confessions of a Derailed Goal Setter

Let me tell you about 2024. Imagine being the silver ball in the world’s most chaotic pinball machine. Flippers of fate sent me ricocheting in every direction, and I found the gutter more times than a bowling ball thrown by a toddler. Here’s the deliciously embarrassing part: I, the supposed guru of goal-setting, completely dropped the ball on my own planning. It’s like being a dentist with cavity-riddled teeth, or a personal trainer who considers pizza a food group.

But here’s the raw truth — every single time I’ve failed to set my goals, my year turned out about as organized as a tornado in a paper factory. You can’t score points when you don’t even know where the targets are.

The Three Golden Windows of Opportunity

Now, let me share something crucial about timing. There are three perfect moments to map out your year, like three secret portals to success:

1. Fall: The overachiever’s sweet spot, when you can lay your tracks before the train even arrives. This is when the smart money places their bets and sets up their dominos.
2. November: Still ahead of the game, like showing up early to a party — you get the good parking spots and first crack at the appetizers.
3. December/Early January: The Last Chance Saloon. Still totally valid, but you’re cutting it closer than a hedge trimmer on espresso.

The benefits of goal-setting used to be a theory, but there is substantial evidence that goal-setting, mindset, and attitude make a massive difference in living your dreams.
What you should know to make this and every year better.

1. People who set goals are more likely to succeed. Don’t believe it? Locke and Latham’s studies over 35 years, analyzing over 400 studies, found that specific and challenging goals led to higher performance 90% of the time compared to vague “do your best” goals or no goals at all. Seventy studies found an average improvement in performance of 10%-25% when using specific, challenging goals versus “do your best” or no goals. And in 2015 research showed that people who wrote down their goals were 42% more likely to achieve them than those who didn’t. A Harvard Business School study tracked MBA graduates and found that 10 years later, the 13% who had written goals earned twice as much as the 84% who had no specific goals. 
2. People who share their goals with others increase their chances of success. Dominican University discovered that people who wrote down their goals, shared them with others, and provided weekly progress updates were 76% more likely to achieve them compared to those who merely thought about their goals. It’s harder to back out and not accomplish something once you announce it. That’s why I always announce my big initiatives before I actually do them. 
3. People who look at their goals weekly stand a higher chance of achieving them because the goals stay top of mind. Meanwhile, most of us set resolutions or goals, never look at them, then forget them. That’s exactly why my 2024 was not as good as it should have been. 
4. When you stretch yourself and make yourself uncomfortable, you’re more likely to experience growth, because growth comes from discomfort and pain, not doing the same things repeatedly and hoping things will improve.  
5. If you see yourself where you want to be, you are more likely to become what you think you are. Instead of saying, “I’m gonna be,” say, “I am.” It will fool your brain and begin manifesting outcomes to make it happen. Scientific research strongly supports the power of present-tense affirmations and visualization in achieving goals. Neuroscience studies using fMRI scans have shown that visualizing an action activates many of the same neural pathways as physically performing it, with Harvard Medical School research demonstrating that mental practice alone can increase muscle strength by 13.5%. Dr. Carol Dweck’s work on growth mindset and Dr. Richard Wiseman’s research on the “As If” Principle confirm that people who believe in their current ability to develop skills and act “as if” they are already successful are significantly more likely to achieve their goals. This works through a combination of neural pathway development and activation of the brain’s reticular activating system (RAS), which helps us notice opportunities aligned with our self-image, creating a powerful self-fulfilling cycle where our beliefs shape our actions and outcomes.

Scientific research from several disciplines validates this concept. A 2013 study published in the Journal of Consumer Research found that when people labeled themselves as “being” something (e.g., “I am a healthy eater”) versus “becoming” something (“I want to be a healthy eater”), they were significantly more likely to make choices that reinforced that identity. Additionally, neuroscience research using EEG measurements has shown that when people use present-tense self-talk, it activates the left prefrontal cortex — an area associated with motivation and goal-directed behavior — more strongly than future-tense statements. This aligns with studies in sports psychology where athletes who visualized themselves as already possessing target skills showed measurable performance improvements, with one notable study at the University of Chicago demonstrating up to 24% better performance among athletes who practiced present-tense visualization versus those focusing on future goals.

Those five things will make more difference in living your dream life than anything else you can do. Hard work alone isn’t enough. But on top of manifestation and goals, it’s critical to manage your attitude. Here’s why:

People who are naturally negative live shorter lives and get sicker more often.
Research consistently shows that negative thinking and pessimism correlate with poorer health outcomes and shorter lifespans. Multiple large-scale studies, including the Finnish Kuopio Study and the Women’s Health Initiative, have found that pessimistic people face significantly higher risks of cardiovascular disease, cancer, and premature death. For example, pessimistic men showed twice the risk of cardiovascular death, while negative women had a 30% higher risk of coronary heart disease. Studies at the University of Kentucky demonstrated that negative emotions can suppress immune system function, leading to increased susceptibility to illness and slower healing

Research consistently shows that optimistic people not only experience greater happiness, they also tend to enjoy better physical health outcomes. Positive thinkers have stronger immune systems, lower rates of cardiovascular disease, and greater resilience against stress. Their optimistic outlook often leads them to make healthier lifestyle choices, like maintaining regular exercise routines and following balanced diets, as they believe their actions will yield positive results. Moreover, when faced with health challenges, positive thinkers typically cope more effectively, following treatment plans more diligently and recovering more quickly from illnesses and injuries. Their social connections also tend to be stronger, as their upbeat attitude draws others to them, creating supportive networks that further enhance both their mental and physical well-being. Even in difficult circumstances, their ability to find silver linings and maintain hope helps them navigate challenges with greater emotional resilience, leading to lower rates of anxiety and depression.

My Negative Friend Chris

One of my closest friends was one of the most negative people I’ve ever met. To this day I’m not sure why I liked spending time with him, but I guess it was rooted in having worked together and having good times when we were much younger. One day I lectured him about the power of a positive mindset, and he in turn lectured me about how that was all nonsense and “of course I can say that because I’ve lived a charmed life and had opportunity handed to me.” There is some truth to that, but his negativity often resulted in him losing jobs (no one wants to hear it) and eventually dying a horrific early death. Somehow I think he felt better being negative. It turns out that studies have shown that verbal aggression can trigger the release of dopamine and other neurochemicals that create a reward response in the brain. 

What to do next?

Last week I mentioned advice given by the father of my high school girlfriend. He took me aside one day and told me that I was one of the most negative people he had ever met, and that if I did not change that, I’d live an unhappy life and probably die young. It turns out my girlfriend put him up to it. He taught me how to rethink how I think. And instead of resisting his advice, I changed. It wasn’t easy because my natural response was to go negative. After decades, it’s still my natural response, yet I force myself to turn my head around. 

Tony Robbins talks about how the “reptilian brain,” our subconscious, is designed to protect us from wild animals, always looking for problems so we can escape them. He says we have to be aware that it’s there, ignore it, and turn on a different mindset. (I highly recommend a trip to one of his events.)

So if you’re being negative, or if you’re not goal-oriented, or if you’re spending your time wondering why you’re not achieving what you want, maybe it’s time to rethink how you’re thinking. It worked for me, and it will work for you.

Eric Rhoads

The twinkling of Christmas lights stretches for miles across the Texas landscape as dawn breaks outside my window. Inside our cozy home, the scent of pine needles and a roaring fire mingles with my morning coffee while I cuddle up under a thick blanket, fending off the unusual chill in the air that makes it feel more like Christmas than our typical Texas weather.

A Christmas Request

A few weeks ago, my college-age son approached us with an exciting proposition: joining his four best friends on a pre-Christmas adventure to Brazil. They planned to hike, surf, sail, and immerse themselves in the local culture. Of course, they hoped we’d contribute to their expedition. After careful consideration, we agreed it would create wonderful memories — with one crucial condition. He had to be home before Christmas. As seasoned travelers ourselves, we knew how easily holiday reunions could be derailed by flight delays, so we requested he return two days early, just in case.

Wishing Things Would Never Change

As our children grow, mature, and begin falling in love, we’re acutely aware that our time together as just our family unit of five — without spouses or partners — is finite. While relationships are blossoming, this Christmas remains boyfriend- and girlfriend-free. Though we eagerly anticipate welcoming new members into our family someday, we cherish what might be our last Christmas as our original quintet.

Moments Remembered

My son’s travel request transported me back to my first European adventure, at 19. With two weeks of pure joy coming to an end, I couldn’t bear to leave. I called my boss requesting three extra days, only to be met with an ultimatum: “NO! And if you’re not back on time, you’re fired!” His reaction blindsided me, and honestly, it made me furious — those three days seemed so inconsequential. But I dutifully returned.

Perhaps it was this memory that sparked my intuition: My son would fall in love with Brazil and want to extend his stay. Sure enough, the text arrived. His friends’ parents had agreed to the extension, and he wanted to stay.

How Can We Say No?

Now we face our own dilemma. Do we prioritize our desire for family unity at Christmas, or do we let him follow his wanderlust? His decision remains uncertain until tomorrow. But he’s an adult now, and he needs to make his choices without the weight of parental guilt. Having stood in his shoes, I suspect the allure of Brazil will outshine another Christmas at home. If this proves to be our last Christmas as our original family unit, I’ll be disappointed — but I’ll adapt.

Yet a darker thought intrudes: What if this is our last Christmas together, period? What if it’s the last for one of his siblings? Would we regret our decision?

Unexpected Change

The question of how many Christmases we have left together haunts me. When my father passed away three years ago, everything changed. Decades of Christmas celebrations with my parents and extended family ended with his departure. Now my brothers and their families have created their own traditions. What will happen when we’re gone?

The realization that we have a finite number of Christmases ahead is sobering. As we age, we understand just how precious these shared holiday moments become. This makes the possibility of my son’s absence even more poignant.

If you knew this was your last Christmas with your family, what would you do differently? 

What would you plan? 

What words would you make sure to say? 

What legacy would you want to cement?

My parents and grandparents lived into their mid-90s, seeming eternal, until they weren’t. I’m profoundly grateful for their dedication to keeping our family connected and traditions alive. I can still taste the joy of licking the icing bowl while making Christmas cookies with my grandmother. I remember sitting on the stairs at her house, reading the Christmas story from the Bible before opening presents — a tradition we’ve passed on to our children. I cherish the memory of setting a place at the dinner table for baby Jesus to keep Christmas centered on its true meaning, and decorating the tree with precious heirloom ornaments that grew more meaningful with each passing year.

While we hope for long lives together, this Christmas deserves special attention. Treat every person you love as if it’s your last holiday season together. You’ll appreciate both them and the moment more deeply.

May you have a blessed Christmas.

Eric Rhoads

There comes a time when the question of legacy weighs heavy on our minds. Perhaps it’s triggered by a milestone birthday or simply the growing awareness of our mortality — that silent companion that makes us wonder what traces we’ll leave behind when we’re gone.

But what are the odds of truly being remembered? Even the brightest stars fade from collective memory. Consider how time has swept away countless authors, performers, and pioneers who once commanded the world’s attention. Yes, a rare few — the Shakespeares, the Einsteins, the Monets — have transcended their eras to become eternal fixtures in human consciousness. Yet mention Johnny Carson to today’s youth and you’ll receive blank stares, despite his decades of cultural dominance. Even most U.S. presidents are not remembered.

The Ego Dance

Still, my ego persists in this peculiar dance, urging me to carve something permanent into the bedrock of history. Why this relentless drive? Even now, the achievements that once defined me remain unknown to my own children, and most of what I’ve accomplished will likely drift into the mist of forgotten things, preserved only in the memories of those closest to me.

Perhaps the real question isn’t how to be remembered, but why we’re so haunted by the fear of being forgotten. What if our true legacy isn’t measured in plaques and history books, but in the quiet ripples we send through the lives we touch?

Finding My Legacy

I’ve considered a bevy of legacy projects — more books, shows of my artwork, exhibitions of portraits painted of me — but nothing will significantly improve the chances of being remembered. So maybe the key is to stop fretting about being remembered and instead focus on the short term. How will I impact and change the lives of those around me?

Big Impression from an Unknown Man

The father of my high school girlfriend will never be remembered by anyone but his family. He did nothing earth-shattering. Yet his impact on my life, with his advice to me, has carried me through decades. He made a legacy in my heart. His thoughtfulness, his willingness to take a chance and share some of what he was seeing, make him stand out as one of the heroes in my life. So much so that I dedicated a book to him. He carved an impression on my heart that is profoundly important to me.

A man I once coached briefly at a party told me 10 years later that I had given him the courage to build his company, which became a significant venture. I didn’t even remember what I’d said.

How many hearts have you and I left an impression on? How many people have we touched so that our legacy stays with them?

Generational Teaching

My grandmother implanted her legacy by teaching me the Bible and leading me to Christ. I never thought to ask her who taught her. Probably her father, my great-grandfather, who was a preacher who planted multiple churches. But who taught him? His mother or father, or a friend? Where did the teaching originate? In theory, it could be traced back to the stories in the Bible from the original authors.

Beat It

A legacy does not have to have your name attached to it. If your ideas, your advice, your teachings live on, then you’ve done well — if those things have been valuable. But what about the man who beats his children because his father beat him, because his grandfather beat him, because his great-grandfather beat his son? Sometimes we have to break the legacies of our past. They say the sins of the father carry on for seven generations.

For some, life just happens. Their life is a reaction. For others, life has a plan and a purpose. I have people in my life who were intentional about the lessons they shared with me. Yet I’m more spontaneous and hope that my kids will get the same benefit I received. (I’m guessing I need to be more intentional.)

My Internal Struggle

It’s unknown to me why fame has always been a seductress. Her lure drove me into radio, and I still struggle with the desire for fame and attention. I’m sure it’s rooted in some insecurity hidden deep within my psyche, yet I don’t understand it, and frankly, it’s kind of annoying to be craving attention everywhere.

Fleeting Moments

As I reflect on the nature of legacy and our desire to be remembered, I’ve come to realize that true impact often lies in the small, seemingly insignificant moments we share with others. The advice that changes a life, the kindness that inspires hope, the lessons that shape character — these are the building blocks of a meaningful legacy.

Fame and widespread recognition may be fleeting, but the positive influence we have on individuals can ripple through generations, often in ways we’ll never fully comprehend. Our true legacy isn’t measured by how many people know our name, but by how many lives we’ve touched and improved.

What can you do to fuel that legacy?

• Focus on quality interactions: Strive to make each interaction with others meaningful. You never know when a simple conversation or act of kindness might profoundly impact someone’s life.
• Be intentional: While spontaneity has its charm, being intentional about sharing wisdom, kindness, and support can create lasting positive effects on those around you.
• Break negative cycles: If you’ve inherited harmful patterns or behaviors, make a conscious effort to break them. Your legacy can be one of positive change and growth.
• Teach and mentor: Share your knowledge and experiences with others, especially the younger generation. This is how valuable lessons and wisdom persist through time. We have brilliant artists today because great artists passed their legacy of technique on through generations.
• Embrace your unique impact: Remember that you don’t need to be famous or widely known to make a difference. Your sphere of influence, no matter how small, is significant.
• Live with purpose: Instead of chasing fame or recognition, focus on living a life aligned with your values and goals. This authenticity will naturally lead to meaningful connections and impact.
• Cultivate gratitude: Regularly acknowledge those who have positively influenced your life. This practice not only honors their legacy, it makes you more aware of your own potential impact on others.

In the end, the most enduring legacies are often invisible to the naked eye but felt deeply in the hearts of those whose lives we’ve touched. By shifting our focus from being remembered to making a difference, we can create a legacy that truly matters — one of love, wisdom, and positive change that ripples through time, touching lives in ways we may never fully know.

Eric Rhoads

It’s as dark as a shadow’s whisper and silent as the space between heartbeats. The sun isn’t even thinking about peeking its bright head over the distant mountain. No birds are tweeting; they won’t awaken for at least another hour. The world holds its breath in these last moments of night, when even the wind seems to have tucked itself away to sleep. The darkness wraps around everything like a thick velvet cloak, making familiar shapes into mysterious silhouettes that stand guard over the sleeping earth.

Getting ZZZZs
The dogs are still snoring peacefully, their breath echoing from all the way across the house. Carefully and quietly in my stocking feet, I tiptoe cautiously through the kitchen, avoiding the coffeemaker so I don’t wake the dogs and my wife. Silently I slip out, suitcase in hand, headed for the airport. The keys jingle softly in my pocket — a sound that suddenly seems as loud as church bells clanging in this pre-dawn stillness. Each creak of the back door’s hinges feels like it could shatter the delicate quiet, but somehow the peaceful breathing from the bedroom remains unbroken.

Sneaking Out

The morning dew has already settled on my car, its droplets barely visible because I don’t dare flick a switch to turn on the lights. The bitter cold bites away at my warm face, shocking my system into full alertness more effectively than any cup of coffee. My breath forms ghostly clouds in the darkness, dissipating into the still air like secrets. The car door’s click seems to echo across the neighborhood as I ease it shut, wincing at even this small intrusion into the pre-dawn silence. I say a silent goodbye to the darkened windows of home, where my wife sleeps on, unaware of my departure into this suspended moment between night and day. 

Headlights are bright and the road is empty as if no one on earth has a reason to be out on a Sunday before dawn. But my arrival at the airport tells a different story … one of frenetic drama and security lines that twist and turn like an ancient serpent. Reality sets in as I bump my way through the crowds of sleepy people who are less alert than they should be.

The Flight to See the Back of My Eyelids

Thrilled, as I arrive at my seat, to find I have a row to myself, I immediately drift off to sleep. Am I dreaming all this? Then a jolt awake, realizing I’ve got to send you this note. I pull out my tablet, ticking away while everyone snores around me. Is it possible to upload Sunday Coffee on the plane’s spotty internet? If you receive this, you’ll know. I won’t know till I arrive at my destination sometime in the next two hours. 

Old Friends

Upon arrival, I’ll visit the home of a dear old friend I worked with when we were both under 20. It’s a chance to relive old war stories of our days on the radio before I depart for a week of company meetings in Raleigh, NC. 

Why is it that someone sticks? Someone I worked with for less than two years has been in my life for decades, and seeing him is always a joy. I’ve come in early and gone out of my way to make sure we connect on a rare visit to his city.

Baskets of people from the years of my life are not on my list of people I want to stay in touch with. Yet a very few others are precious to me for some reason. What differentiates them?

Good Times

If I were forced to articulate it, my answer would default to great memories and high integrity and people who truly care. I have had lots of great times with low-integrity people as well, but at some point I had to stop showing up in their lives because they brought out the worst in me. Maturity helped me make the realization that though I loved some people, being around them was toxic, and in some cases, downright dangerous. 

DIVORCE

Have you ever had to divorce a friend? I’ve never made it an issue, never approached them and said, “We can’t be friends anymore.” Why go to that trouble — why create concern or drama? Over the decades people have drifted in and out of my life, and, noticing this, I just drifted a little sooner, quietly in the background, with an occasional Christmas card. 

If there were a test of whether someone is to stay in my life I’d ask these questions…

Do they care about me, or do they only care about themselves? I’ve discovered that in most conversations, few ever ask about me; they only talk about themselves. I’m OK with that. Sometimes people need to feel special and be appreciated. But if everything is always about them, and if they are not exhibiting some form of caring, or are never interested in what’s going on in my life, I’m reconsidering how much I’ll invest in that relationship. 

Are they kind or abusive? Everyone has bad days, but when every encounter is filled with negativity and drama, I’m not going out of my way to spend time with them. Kind people get more attention.

Are they stuck in the same place? I’ve had lifelong friends who are always pushing the limits, exploring new ideas, and others who got stuck at some point of their lives and have not grown. For some, being the high school quarterback was the highlight of their life. I love touching base with old friends, but I’ll spend more time with people who are interesting and growing.

Do they invest in the relationship? How often do you hear from them? How often do they hear from you? What else are they doing to keep the relationship alive? Or do they only call when they need something?

Do they pass the “last month” test? If you were given one month to live and an unlimited budget to spend on time with others, who would be on that list? I know tons of people, I love most of them, but at the end of it all, other than family, there are few I’ll want to spend that last valuable time with. Are they someone you’ll regret not seeing?

Maturity has a wonderful way of defining how we spend our time and who we’re willing to spend it with. I used to feel obligated to spend time with people I thought were my friends, but when I realized that they were not really a good fit, I had to let them go. Time is precious.

What about you? Do you need to trim any branches of deadwood off your friendship tree so you get the best fruit from the healthiest branches?

Eric Rhoads

PS: We’re putting a basket in the center of our Thanksgiving table. Every phone goes into the basket and does not come out during dinner, and ideally, not for hours after. We want people engaged with one another, forcing them to interact, play games, or do something other than looking at social media. Let’s all seek ways to engage more, and find common ground.

PS2: I decided to create a day to help artists (painters, photographers, crafters) with their 2025 planning and to give them the core skills needed to have a great 2025. I announced it, and hundreds have already signed up. HOLD THE DATE, January 10, all day. You can learn more about it at www.streamlineartevents.com/marketing.

PS3: Retreat update: My February WINTER ESCAPE art retreat in St. Augustine is about 52% sold out already. I’m guessing it will sell out between now and Christmas. https://winterartescape.com/

My Adirondack spring retreat in early June is almost sold out. Still a few seats left. www.paintadirondacks.com

My fall retreat has only 22 seats left. This year it’s in Dore County, Wisconsin (which is stunningly beautiful). www.fallcolorweek.com

PS4: Like most, we have a Black Friday sale for the videos we’ve produced. Check it out at www.painttube.tv. 

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