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Streaks of yellow light are streaming toward me through thick purple fog and silhouetted gnarly oak trees. I shiver as I try to extend my porch time once more before winter. Warmth hits my goosebumped skin as the light increases, and the sides of my old cabin are washed with a rich red-orange glow. 

Stage Exhaustion

Last week exhausted me — being on stage, using my voice more in one day than in most months, giving and getting hugs from enthusiastic artists, wall-to-wall meetings between stage time, entertaining our VIP guests and faculty in the evenings till the wee hours. And exhausting as it was, I feel like the luckiest man alive to be able to serve others and give them a special week of high energy, learning from the best artists in the world, and time with old and new friends.

Joy and Exuberance

A recent realization has been that my art is bringing people together, and even if I have to put my ability to do paintings on hold so I have time to do things like last week’s Figurative Art Convention & Expo, it’s worth it to see the joy and exuberance in the faces at FACE. Dozens, probably hundreds, told me it was a life-changing experience, the best of anything they had attended, and that they got more than they expected. I feel like I’ve done my job.

True Purpose

Comparing notes with a friend recently, we both determined that life is better when we’re changing the lives of others. Though it used to be about the money for me, it’s now about the gold … the golden glow in people’s hearts when they experience change, when they have a revelation or an aha moment. I live for those moments, and that encourages me to find ways to give more.

Digging Deeper

And for every convention session, panel, demo, or other event people could attend, there were that many and more personal interactions where I felt I was able to coach and counsel people who had lost their way, who needed someone to point out what they could not see, to offer clarity where they had none. The two things they all had in common were self-doubt and being too hard on themselves.

Life on Override

Beating ourselves up, negative self-talk, and insecurity are the games we play in our own heads. I play them all the time, even though I was raised in a positive environment. It’s a self-preservation mechanism rooted in our reptilian brain. It’s natural for the mind to protect us, and it’s unnatural for us to override its protection. Yet overriding is the only way to escape those voices and build an awesome life.

What do the voices in your head say to you?

I wanted to understand what mine were saying, but most of the voices tend to be at an unconscious level. So I made a point of writing them down every time I noticed one. I knew I had head trash, but no idea just how much.

Then I took the list and asked myself, “Is this true?” and, “If it is true, can I change it? How?” I also asked myself, “What would be a better thought I can substitute?”

Have you ever had something come out of your mouth and you didn’t even know how or why? I also started writing down my automatic responses to others. 

The Monsters Are Hurting You

Those are the monsters lurking inside your subconscious mind, and they are blurted out, as though they were natural responses to protect you. But instead of protecting you, they are hurting and limiting you and others.

If you do both of these exercises for a week, you’ll learn more about yourself in that week than you’ve learned most of your lifetime. Just pull up a notes app on your smartphone and write down every negative thought whenever you catch yourself thinking or saying them. It’s almost better than therapy.

Mama Calling

Ever hear someone say, “I find myself sounding like my mother when dealing with my own kids, even though I swore I would never say those things”? That’s the instinctive monster inside, most of which was implanted generations earlier and passed along.

You get to be the lucky one. You can break the cycle.

The weak never break their chains — the strong break them. It starts by telling yourself you can overcome any possible obstacle, no matter how difficult, and that the ability to overcome anything lies in your head.

Are You Tired Yet?

The other good news is that the weak can become strong. All it takes is getting sick of the results you’re getting now and being determined to overcome the voices in your head.

Fantasy World

We all tell ourselves stories and lies. We all live a certain percentage of our lives in a fantasy world. Those lies cause the drama in our lives, our families, our friendships, and in our own heads, preventing the best possible life from happening.

“Oh, Eric, I don’t deserve the best possible life,” you say? That’s the first monster to slay. Of course you deserve it. Why wouldn’t you? (More monsters will come out about now.)

Slay the dragons in your mind, and you’ll live the life of a true dragon slayer.

Start today.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Words simply cannot express the gratitude I have for the people of the FACE convention. We had a faculty filled with generosity to serve others, attendees who were on fire with enthusiasm and energy, and I feel like the most hugged man on earth (one of the perks of my job, I guess). Thank you for allowing me to serve. Well over half the people attending signed up for next year, which is unheard of this early for a convention. We are very excited about seeing you in Baltimore next fall.

Tomorrow I’m off to a week in New York for our annual Radio Forecast conference at the Harvard Club, and then to Washington, D.C., where I’ve been invited to offer my opinions to the commissioners at the Federal Communications Commission. If we don’t talk, have a wonderful Thanksgiving — though I fully intend to report next weekend before the holiday. And if you have a chance, invite someone to Thanksgiving who needs a family to spend the day with. No one should be alone if they don’t want to be. It’s something my parents did every year on Thanksgiving and something we try to do.

Oh, and if you encounter someone who needs a jolt of Sunday Coffee, pass it on.

Flickering, crackling, and the soft smell of burning wood come from the old fireplace, tucked away in a tiny sitting room at the hotel here in Williamsburg, Virginia. The decor is Early American — pineapple-patterned wallpaper, old brown furniture, and portraits of presidents.

It’s quiet here, most guests are not yet awake, and no one has discovered this little reading nook. I hear the occasional distant ding from the service bell at the front desk, done to call the bellman like in the old days.

Going Back in Time

My morning walk brought me back to another time, a different era. This old town made up of original buildings from the Revolutionary War era is tightly closed up, but later will bustle with tourists and kids who will march alongside the red-coated soldiers. Later will be the smell of baking bread from the bakery, whose old brick oven uses real fire. The candy maker will be handing out samples, and you can go into the tin shop to see cups being made, or the print shop as they make reproductions of old Revolutionary War posters one sheet at a time, with moveable type. It’s truly a place every family should experience at least once. I came here as a kid, then once as an early married couple, and now, for my Figurative Art Convention & Expo (FACE), which starts today.

A Rockefeller Vision

Last week I mentioned that I was grateful for the wealthy who built great homes and art collections that because museums. Today I’m thankful for John D. Rockefeller, who had the vision to create Colonial Williamsburg by buying up houses in different villages and moving them here to create a living museum. Today we’ll do a plein air paint-out (outdoor painting) in the streets with costumed models before the official start of the convention at four.

The Last Year at Home

Living a life of travel has its benefits, but few things will drag me away from home next year; it is our last season with the triplets, who go off to college in the fall. Life will change for them, and for us. Though I’ll need to keep working to pay the college bills, I’d be working anyway because I love what I do. But I’ll miss feeding the kids each morning, chatting with them randomly on the couch, eating dinner together — even now a rare occasion since everyone is off to jobs and friends. Soon it will be time to reinvent, to ready ourselves for this new chapter.

The Storms of Life

Life is like a series of storms. A hurricane comes in slowly, with ample notice to get ready and get out, but a tornado comes with no notice. It just shows up. We’ve known college was coming since the kids were born, preparing little by little by setting money aside, yet like most, we don’t do all the prep we should until we get closer and closer to the event. I consider knowing in advance and being able to prepare a gift.

Storms, tornadoes, or other sudden, uncontrollable events also happen. Or, as is the case now, fires that sneak up and force you out, if you’re lucky enough to get out. It’s then we have to rebuild, often from scratch. I’ve been closer to this than I want to because of friends who are suffering through fires and losing everything, and friends who lost everything last year and the year before.

The Power of Reinvention

When storms come, we have to reinvent. One friend had enough of the fires and decided not to rebuild, but to move here to Texas (we have plenty of room, and y’all are welcome here). Another stayed in California but moved to a different community and started a life as an art gallery owner. 

Being Happier than Ever

If you live long enough and get out a lot, you start knowing people afflicted by all kinds of disasters, and almost everyone has told me that their disaster was the best thing that ever happened to them, though it was horrific at the time. Disaster or tragedy force reinvention. Most are happier and have told me that they had things in the back of their minds that they wanted to do, but never got around to doing them because of the ties or strings they had.

For your sake (and mine) I hope YOU don’t have to face storms, fire, or a tragedy that forces you to reinvention. But I do hope that if you feel the need to reinvent, you don’t wait for a disaster.

What Do You Dream?

Do you have things in the back of your mind you always wished you had done? Places you always wished you had tried living? Careers you would like to switch to?

Don’t wait for a storm.

Roving Gypsies

Laurie and I have a sense of adventure. We find it exhilarating to make new friends and try new places. Since we’ve been married we’ve moved several times to new communities. We’ve lived in Florida, the Bay Area of California in two different homes, and here in Austin in two different homes. And we’re excited about the prospect of living somewhere new once the kids are in college, or soon after if the kids stay in Texas. Though it’s hard to leave friends, we can always visit them (some we see only a couple of times a year anyway because we’re all so busy). 

The prospect of reinvention is exciting. Laurie’s big dream is to get an RV and go around to visit people we know or work with. Visiting clients and art shows. She can drive, and I can work in the back. Sounds fun to me.

I’d like to try living in Italy or Spain or France (or all three). And I think it would be fun to do the RV thing there. And I want to build a dream art studio somewhere.

Aligning Your Dreams

One thing that’s important is to get in alignment. It would not be fair for one of us to pull rank and force the other along on a dream they don’t share. Why not sit down with a sheet of paper with three columns, “My Dreams, “Your Dreams,” and “Shared Dreams.” Then you’ve communicated and can pick the shared dreams you want to pursue.

Out of Alignment

Laurie and I loved living in Northern California. One day we decided to put our dream house up for sale because we felt obligated to move back East to be with aging parents. One day one of us said, “I really love it here. I don’t want to move.” Then the other said, “I thought you wanted to move so I was going along with it. I don’t want to move either.” So we took our house off the market and stayed a few more years.

How about today you have a reinvention discussion? Ask yourself some questions. Ask your spouse or partner some questions.

What have we always wanted to do but never done?

Where have we always wanted to live but never tried?

What dreams do you have, what dreams do I have, and which do we share?

Now, when you get to the point of practicality, shove it to the side. “Yeah, but we can’t afford that dream” is a common thing that gets in the way.

Dreams Overcome Roadblocks

I’ve found that if you have big, audacious, out-of-the-world dreams, things you both want so badly, you might be willing to sacrifice an old dream that is anchoring you. For instance, if the dream is to go live in Italy, ask what’s holding you back?

Maybe it’s the house. But if the dream is so big, sell the house.

Obligation is another dream killer. “Yeah, but we have to stay and take care of Mom.” It’s the right thing to do, but have you talked to Mom about it, or your siblings? I have friends who felt they were stuck but found out a sister was dreaming of moving back and living with Mom to take care of her. So they left to pursue their dream and visited on occasion. If you can’t overcome roadblocks, you can at least build the dream, craft a plan, and pull the trigger on the dream the second the roadblock moves.

You’ll find that if a dream has enough power, you can usually find a solution.

Which person do you want to be? 

Do you want to be the person who looks back and says, “I wish I had done the things I wanted to do?”

A Final Dream

This last October when people registered for my Fall Color Week painting adventure, there was a framed photo of a beautiful lady at the registration desk, and at our announcements all week. For privacy I won’t mention her name, but she had been to every Fall Color Week since we stated it five years ago. But after our trip to Canada last year, she died unexpectedly at a fairly young age. She once told me it was her dream to attend that event, and once she went, she looked forward to coming back every year because of the friendships. What if she had kept putting it off till the time was right? At least she lived before she died.

Are you living your dreams?

Don’t wait till a storm … or worse, the point when you can’t get out of a hospital bed. If you can walk, if you can breathe, even if you can be pushed in a wheelchair, even though it might be hard, you have dreams you need to live. We both know someday will never come unless you take action.

For most of us…

There is never enough time.

There is never enough money.

There is always something getting in the way.

There will never be perfect conditions.

You can plan it, or you can wait till you’re forced into a plan. And that plan may not include any of your dreams.

Do it now.

Eric Rhoads

PS: When we’re done here at FACE this week I’ll announce where we’re going next year and some of the rock star artists who will be coming. If you could not make it, go to the website to see who we’ve announced and book for next year (there is a 12-payment plan).

Next week I fly to New York for my annual Radio Ink Forecast event, which is held at the Harvard Club. It does not get much more elegant than that. After our day of sessions, we hold our annual “40 Most Powerful People in Radio” reception with all the high rollers in radio. I get to play host and see lots of my friends. It’s a lot of fun for me.

Then, the following morning I take a 5 a.m train to Washington, DC. I’ve been honored with an invitation to speak before the commissioners of the Federal Communications Commission to share my thoughts (along with a few other broadcasters) on what they should or should not do with regulation for radio. Though I’m trying to be cool … I’m pretty excited.

Then things settle … no more trips. We’ll get to enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas and reconnect. It could be our last Christmas together if the kids fall in love in college and go to someone else’s house. We have to make it special this year.

Need a great Christmas or Hanukkah gift?

The Plein Air Convention for your favorite painter, or next year’s FACE event, or Fall Color Week for next fall when we go to the White Mountains of New Hampshire (the color is on fire), or the 10-year anniversary reunion (for new and old) of my annual Publisher’s Invitational in the Adirondacks. And because next year I’ll not have to be away from home as much, I’m working on a couple of new surprises.

Eric Rhoads

PS: There is someone in your life who needs to hear this message. I’d be honored if you would pass this on so we can give them the encouragement they need, and maybe they will become a subscriber (free) and pass it to others.

This week I’m as excited as a schoolboy. A week from today my Figurative Art Convention & Expo (FACE) begins in Williamsburg, Virginia. We’ve got some of the top artists in the world on our stage teaching their techniques. It’s open to beginners and pros, and we might have some seats left (people often wait till the last minute), but, if so, probably not more than a couple. If you want to experience this art thing of painting people and portraits, this is one of the best things you could do for yourself. I’d love to meet you. Quite a few Sunday Coffee readers have registered, never having painted before. I think that is very brave and cool. FACE is being held November 10-13; more information here. 

If you want to be in the cast for the TV show, the producers are casting it now. You can learn about that at www.TheGreatOutdoorPaintingChallenge.com.

If you would like to give a tax-deductible donation or be a sponsor, or if you want to become an executive producer with a mega donation, please drop me a note at ([email protected]).

If you want to hear what’s happening in radio, we are gathering the biggest names in radio together at the Harvard Club on November 20, and then we have a giant, elegant party in Harvard Hall afterward. You can learn more about that at www.radioinkforecast.com.

Then … things will calm down for a while and we can all enjoy the holidays.

Like art, the tweets of birds are an international language that all can interpret, though I swear the little yellow birds that frolic in the old stone birdbath here on the porch are tweeting in French.

Breathing deeply, I take in the cool air and the view of the mountains that were made famous by Cezanne, who painted frequently near this very spot — an old yellow farmhouse with shadows of olive trees playing on its stucco walls. Looking down the long outdoor hallway, covered with vines held up by old wrought iron lamps, I can see the village awakening and begin to hear the sound of church bells in the distance. I’m here with my fine art group at a stunning five-star hotel, Domaine de Manville, deep in the countryside of Les-Baux-de-Provence, France.

Deep Gratitude

It’s hard to wake up in a place like this without feeling tremendously grateful. I’m not only grateful for the opportunity to be here, to lead and spend time with this group of friends and see all the art treasures in the area, I’m grateful for how being here changes my perspective and disrupts my comfort zone.

Scrambled Brain

Though we’re all pretty comfortable here, our brains scramble anytime we leave the comfort of our own surroundings and are exposed to new sights, new language, and new experiences.

We all strive for comfort and familiarity, yet it is discomfort that stimulates growth and helps our brains discover new possibilities.

Bumbling Along

Being here in France, trying to communicate with people who speak little or no English, really stretches my non-French-speaking brain. Reading menus without translations, making out road signs, or trying to figure out labels on a drugstore shelf is both frustrating and invigorating. I love the challenge and the stimulation.

A Grand Tradition

Back in the 1800s, wealthy families would send their graduating sons and daughters on the Grand Tour, which was six months or a year abroad. It was considered a necessary rounding of one’s education to experience Europe, its languages and great museums, and its extraordinary geography. I think it’s a valuable experience every graduate should have if they can.

I Should Have Quit

I made my first trip here at 19, traveling with my parents. I remember wanting to stay longer, so I phoned my boss at the radio station begging for one more week, but he refused. It was such a wonderful experience here, I was tempted to quit my job and backpack around Europe. Looking back, I wish I had.

An Annual Trek

Eleven years ago, after a near-death experience, I told myself I would travel to Eurooe at least once a year, and I have accomplished that goal. Once the kids are in college, I hope we can spend more time traveling the world to experience its unique cultures. I consider it my continuing education.

What are you doing to disrupt your comfort zone?

Seeking Discomfort

It doesn’t require a trip to Europe, and not even a trip to another place at all (though if you’ve not done it, it’s worth saving for). Getting out of your comfort zone is just a matter of forcing yourself to do something you would ordinarily never do or have never considered doing. It might be as simple as going to an ethnic festival or trying foods you’ve never tried, reading things you would never otherwise pick up, maybe taking a class in something completely foreign. Instead of watching TV at night, I’ll watch online courses in things I know nothing about. I recently watched one on fashion design and another on psychology.

Supercharged Mind

The key is being intentional. Though accidental discomfort can be exhilarating, we tend to live routines that keep accidents from happening. Yet if you’re intentional, you are supercharging your brain, which impacts everything you do, keeps life interesting, and makes you feel better about yourself because you’re learning.

Comfort is the enemy of growth. Discomfort is a jewel worth embracing.

I encourage you to take your own Grand Tour of discomfort. You’ll be amazed at how your brain and attitude will change.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Starting out last Monday, Laurie and I flew to Nice, France, arriving Tuesday in Saint-Paul-de-Vence, an old medieval hilltop village in the South of France. Our hotel there, the Colombe d’Or, has a rich history of art and has housed movie stars, film directors, and artists like Miro, Braque, Chagall, Calder, Picasso, and others, including a group of 12 artists who joined me to paint the distant mountains and cobblestone streets.

When one of my readers knew we would be there, she offered to show us the great painting spots and painted with us. She also had all 12 of those on my painting trip to her lovely home for dinner. Special thanks to Elisa and Paul Mussin for their hospitality.

This week following the painting trip, we met up with my annual Fine Art Trip, celebrating Van Gogh and Cezanne and their old stomping grounds as well as seeing the great museums of the region.

Soon after returning home, I’ll be seeing many of you at my Figurative Art Convention & Expo, one of the great opportunities to learn to paint under the greatest of the great masters. I hope to see you there November 10-13 in Williamsburg, Virginia: FigurativeArtConvention.com.

Finally, the oppressive Austin heat is subsiding and it’s a fairly cool morning compared to what it has been. Still hot, I’m splayed out like a dead cat on the couch, here on the back porch overlooking the cattle in the back 40 (fortunately they’re my neighbors’ cattle to care for). My body is totally relaxed, with legs up on the old wicker coffee table, and my back is barely upright, head leaning into the back of the couch, and my arms were just extended out to the sides with an empty coffee mug dangling from my limp fingers. Finally, I can relax.

Heading to Europe Next

It’s been a whirlwind crazy time. A week ago today I finished up a week of painting at Ghost Ranch, home of Georgia O’Keeffe. I was the fearless leader of 98 painters, and though we had a great time, my time in the office playing “catch up” afterward was brutal. So today I relax … and tomorrow I board a big bird to paint in Saint-Paul De Vence, France, for a few days with friends before meeting up with our Fine Art Trip through the South of France and then Scotland. Though I’m leading a group of about 40, it’s our vacation too, so I’m getting excited.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining. A week of painting with friends is about the best week a guy can have. And the beauty was amazing.

Flipping the Bird

One day last week I took the morning off from painting to take pictures. Stopping along Monastery Road to talk with some painters, they told me that on the way there they had passed one of the members of the group who was driving slowly on the windy road. As they passed her, the woman leaned out the window as if to wave, but instead gave them “the finger.” They were appalled that anyone would have that reaction just because they wanted to pass, but then to see it was someone within our own group (who probably did not recognize them), they were mortified. They went on to say they had noticed she had not fit in, and was sort of grumpy and not joy-filled like the others in the group.They referred to her as kind of a bully. 

I was speechless. And the first thing that crossed my mind was “She must be hurting.” I know, because I’ve been there. When I was bullied, I wanted to fight back. But we never know what someone else is going through at the time.

Victim of Bullying

As a child I was heavily bullied. I was one of the school “fat kids,” and I could not get a break. It seemed like every encounter with most of the other kids was unpleasant. I was called names, I was the last one left when picking teams, and I was generally unpopular. I remember one time before gym class when all the boys in the locker room started mocking me, calling me names, and snapping my naked fat body with their towels. Though I wanted to cry, I pretended it was funny. But it was everything but funny. I cried endless hours at home, wondering “Why me?” I dreaded going to school and dreaded gym even more.

The Pain of Reinvention

I begged my parents to let me change schools. They had no idea what was going on or the depth of the problem. Eventually I moved schools and reinvented myself without the years of baggage and image I’d have had to overcome with the other kids. And as painful as it was, that pain resulted in my reinvention and becoming who I am today. It did not seem like it at the time, but it was a blessing.

Bully 101

There are two kinds of bullies — external and internal. And I suspect all external bullies are rooted in internal bullies. In other words, people who bully others are dealing with some tough stuff, and the only thing that makes them feel better is to belittle or bully others. This, I suspect, was what was happening with the woman who gave the other ladies “the bird.” 

Bound with Chains

Sadly, the bully inside binds us all with chains, and we become stuck in this prison cell inside our heads. 

Why, if we love ourselves as we should, would we bully ourselves with negative self-talk? It’s awful to bully, berate, or be critical of others, but it’s even worse to do it to ourselves.

A Good Reason

I know … you’re this way because of your conditions. You grew up with abusive parents. You had abusive siblings or aunts and uncles. Your parents made you work on the farm. Someone in your family drank too much. You had a traumatic event in your life. You were poor. You were hungry. You were embarrassed. Your parents did not give you enough time or love. Fill in the blank here.

Refusing to Let Conditions Kill You

I have not walked in your shoes. You have not walked in the shoes of others. But I can tell you this. Everyone has conditions, history, difficult things that have happened. 

How is it that a woman who was kidnapped, raped by a platoon of soldiers, and then sold into sex trafficking can ever possibly have a smile on her face again? It’s because she, and others like her who have had horrific things happen to them, refuse to live their conditions. (I recently heard a woman tell this story with a forgiving heart.)

You are not your conditions.

You are not the conditions of your past or your present. Conditions do not define you. You have to rise above your conditions and show people that the only condition you’re willing to accept is that you are able to adapt and not willing to let anything destroy you. 

Magnetic People

What is it about some people you meet that makes you instantly know you want to be around them? Usually it’s because they have a big smile on their face, they are welcoming, they are non-judgmental, and they are happy. You want to be around them because they believe in themselves, and they believe in you, that you bring value to the world, no matter what.

Yes, I Served Time

I used to be in prison … locked away by my negative self-talk. For instance, I was invited by the BeeGees to a party at their home, yet I declined because I felt I was not worthy to hang out with such famous people. The same thing happened when comedian Red Skelton invited me to take him shopping. I declined. “Why would they want this useless fat kid from Indiana?” I thought.

I was living my conditions. After years of bullying in elementary, junior high, and even high school, I started to believe the things the mean kids said about me. So I got fatter to protect myself, I had low self-esteem, and I was depressed and lonely. “Why would anyone want to be around me?” I thought.

The Pretend Me

But there were two of me … the radio DJ no one could see, who could have fun and entertain on the radio, and the me that others could see in person. I had unknowingly separated them. One had no limits, no boundaries, could be fun and entertaining — the other was still living in my prison. And I carried this around with me for years. 

Eventually I managed to lose weight and become the me I wanted to be. I became more outgoing, and pretended to have my act together, yet for years I carried that belief: “What could I possibly have to offer?” 

A Simple Solution

I spent a fortune on therapy. I destroyed a lot of relationships and a marriage because of my internal prison. It turns out, all I had to do was change my perspective, stop my negative self-talk, and realize that I was of value to others, that they wanted to be around me.

My life changed. My career changed. My world changed, and now I am driven to help others get beyond their prison. I live my own life on my own terms.

If Only…

We tell ourselves that conditions will change everything … you know: “If only I get a bigger house, a nicer car, a more attractive partner, a prettier boat, a slimmer body, or a better job…” New external conditions may heal your wounds for a couple of days or a few weeks, but the only way to feel better in the long run is to tell yourself you’re no longer going to be imprisoned. Break the chains and walk out. Yes, it’s that easy.

Rich and Still in Prison

I know people who are ultra-wealthy, have lots of big houses and fancy cars, have trophy wives or husbands, have incredible companies or fame, yet they too are in prison, looking for more so they can feel better about themselves. They are stuck in their mind prison, stuck in self-pity, stuck in their past conditions, and bullying themselves.

STOP bullying yourself. Stop beating yourself up. You cannot change your life as long as you are your own enemy and you’re always shooting yourself with bullets, always reliving all the bad things that happened to you, always reliving the conditions you were in or are in now.

When you’re in prison, you start looking for problems, start believing all the negatives, start buying into all the bad things in the world that you can’t change. You become someone no one wants to be around — which of course fuels your own conviction that no one wants to be around you.

This is worth watching: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw

You cannot bully yourself. You have to love yourself.

You cannot truly love others until you can love yourself. You can’t give of yourself until you love yourself.

Yeah, but…

But my conditions, my horrible life, my horrible parents … stop it. It is what it is, you can’t change it. You can only change how you process it. Do you really want your past to hold you hostage? Forgive. It won’t be easy. But you’re doing it for you, and that makes it easier.

There are no guards in this prison … well, just one. You are the only one holding yourself in prison.

Dr. Sean Stevenson (1979-2019), whom I met three times, said, “True freedom is to drop out of your mind into your heart.”

It’s Your Own Choice

No matter what has happened “to” you, no matter your conditions, you have the freedom to choose how you let it impact you. You can choose a happy life, a great attitude, a big rich smile that is rooted in confidence. 

When you love yourself, whether you’re living in the biggest house in town or homeless on the streets, whether you have endless money or don’t know where your next meal is coming from, you are free. Free of negatives, free of self-pity, free of letting bad things bring you down.

Heart-Focused

When you live from the heart, when you shed the chains of disaster and negativity, you can hold your head high and face anything. Best of all, your conditions are no longer who you are.

Bullets Bounce Off

This new approach won’t keep you from having problems. You’ll have just as many, but they won’t wound you. The bullets will bounce off your chest. It does not mean they won’t hurt, but they won’t define you. And the side benefit is that you’ll instantly draw others to you because of your confidence and that big, genuine smile. No longer will you need to kick others down to make yourself feel better. No longer will you buy in to the lies and negativity you or others have been feeding you.

Don’t Let Them Beat You Down

You’ll be told a lot of things in your life, but push those things out unless they’re empowering or helpful. We all get negative thoughts, but you can choose to push them away or absorb them. If you absorb, it changes your personality, and scientifically, changes your physiology. Don’t let the negative win.

Oh, and you may have to change friends, because pity loves company and once you drop the pity, your pitiful friends won’t want you around. Yet you’ll become a magnet to others who want to be around you because of who you’ve become.

Embrace Change

The bully within is a powerful monster. All bullies are monsters. Take it by the horns and push it out of your life. It’s not easy, it takes time, but you will soon notice that your self-talk has changed and you’ll be loving yourself and boosting your own confidence. You are valuable to others. Embrace it and watch what happens.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Now that we’re in the fourth quarter, it’s time to start thinking about what you want to change in your life for next year. Actually giving thought early (rather than only on New Year’s Eve) is a good idea so you can make a plan and implement it. You don’t have to live with things as they are, you can change directions and see amazing results even in 90 days. (My dad engrained this into me.) No one else owns or controls you. These are your choices and yours alone.

PS2: When I made up my mind that I wanted to learn to paint, my head trash was awful. “You can’t do it, you can’t draw a straight line or a stick figure.” I never believed what was possible, yet today I can hold my own, though I’ve got more I want to accomplish. There is a rare and special moment in time happening this November, where we’ve done what others said was impossible. We’ve gathered the very top artists/masters in the world to teach at our Figurative Art Convention & Expo. You can learn, or grow, or expand your knowledge in portraits, figures, drawing, painting, even still life and plein air. It’s happening one time only in Williamsburg, never to return. Don’t let your self-talk or your excuses win. You can do this. Of all things, we had our website crash last week on the day our early bird price expired, which made some people upset. So we extended it till tonight at midnight. Though it’s OK to pay $500 more after tonight, that’s enough savings to pay for a flight. Grab it while you can.

PS3: I cannot guarantee that I’ll be in a position to get Sunday Coffee done when I’m in Europe the next couple of weeks. I plan to try, but that is going to mean getting them done at 10 p.m. so you get them on time. So, if I don’t show up, you’ll know why. Or I may just grab something from the past. (If you want to browse them all, you can find them and subscribe free at www.coffeewitheric.com.)