It’s as dark as a shadow’s whisper and silent as the space between heartbeats. The sun isn’t even thinking about peeking its bright head over the distant mountain. No birds are tweeting; they won’t awaken for at least another hour. The world holds its breath in these last moments of night, when even the wind seems to have tucked itself away to sleep. The darkness wraps around everything like a thick velvet cloak, making familiar shapes into mysterious silhouettes that stand guard over the sleeping earth.

Getting ZZZZs
The dogs are still snoring peacefully, their breath echoing from all the way across the house. Carefully and quietly in my stocking feet, I tiptoe cautiously through the kitchen, avoiding the coffeemaker so I don’t wake the dogs and my wife. Silently I slip out, suitcase in hand, headed for the airport. The keys jingle softly in my pocket — a sound that suddenly seems as loud as church bells clanging in this pre-dawn stillness. Each creak of the back door’s hinges feels like it could shatter the delicate quiet, but somehow the peaceful breathing from the bedroom remains unbroken.

Sneaking Out

The morning dew has already settled on my car, its droplets barely visible because I don’t dare flick a switch to turn on the lights. The bitter cold bites away at my warm face, shocking my system into full alertness more effectively than any cup of coffee. My breath forms ghostly clouds in the darkness, dissipating into the still air like secrets. The car door’s click seems to echo across the neighborhood as I ease it shut, wincing at even this small intrusion into the pre-dawn silence. I say a silent goodbye to the darkened windows of home, where my wife sleeps on, unaware of my departure into this suspended moment between night and day. 

Headlights are bright and the road is empty as if no one on earth has a reason to be out on a Sunday before dawn. But my arrival at the airport tells a different story … one of frenetic drama and security lines that twist and turn like an ancient serpent. Reality sets in as I bump my way through the crowds of sleepy people who are less alert than they should be.

The Flight to See the Back of My Eyelids

Thrilled, as I arrive at my seat, to find I have a row to myself, I immediately drift off to sleep. Am I dreaming all this? Then a jolt awake, realizing I’ve got to send you this note. I pull out my tablet, ticking away while everyone snores around me. Is it possible to upload Sunday Coffee on the plane’s spotty internet? If you receive this, you’ll know. I won’t know till I arrive at my destination sometime in the next two hours. 

Old Friends

Upon arrival, I’ll visit the home of a dear old friend I worked with when we were both under 20. It’s a chance to relive old war stories of our days on the radio before I depart for a week of company meetings in Raleigh, NC. 

Why is it that someone sticks? Someone I worked with for less than two years has been in my life for decades, and seeing him is always a joy. I’ve come in early and gone out of my way to make sure we connect on a rare visit to his city.

Baskets of people from the years of my life are not on my list of people I want to stay in touch with. Yet a very few others are precious to me for some reason. What differentiates them?

Good Times

If I were forced to articulate it, my answer would default to great memories and high integrity and people who truly care. I have had lots of great times with low-integrity people as well, but at some point I had to stop showing up in their lives because they brought out the worst in me. Maturity helped me make the realization that though I loved some people, being around them was toxic, and in some cases, downright dangerous. 

DIVORCE

Have you ever had to divorce a friend? I’ve never made it an issue, never approached them and said, “We can’t be friends anymore.” Why go to that trouble — why create concern or drama? Over the decades people have drifted in and out of my life, and, noticing this, I just drifted a little sooner, quietly in the background, with an occasional Christmas card. 

If there were a test of whether someone is to stay in my life I’d ask these questions…

Do they care about me, or do they only care about themselves? I’ve discovered that in most conversations, few ever ask about me; they only talk about themselves. I’m OK with that. Sometimes people need to feel special and be appreciated. But if everything is always about them, and if they are not exhibiting some form of caring, or are never interested in what’s going on in my life, I’m reconsidering how much I’ll invest in that relationship. 

Are they kind or abusive? Everyone has bad days, but when every encounter is filled with negativity and drama, I’m not going out of my way to spend time with them. Kind people get more attention.

Are they stuck in the same place? I’ve had lifelong friends who are always pushing the limits, exploring new ideas, and others who got stuck at some point of their lives and have not grown. For some, being the high school quarterback was the highlight of their life. I love touching base with old friends, but I’ll spend more time with people who are interesting and growing.

Do they invest in the relationship? How often do you hear from them? How often do they hear from you? What else are they doing to keep the relationship alive? Or do they only call when they need something?

Do they pass the “last month” test? If you were given one month to live and an unlimited budget to spend on time with others, who would be on that list? I know tons of people, I love most of them, but at the end of it all, other than family, there are few I’ll want to spend that last valuable time with. Are they someone you’ll regret not seeing?

Maturity has a wonderful way of defining how we spend our time and who we’re willing to spend it with. I used to feel obligated to spend time with people I thought were my friends, but when I realized that they were not really a good fit, I had to let them go. Time is precious.

What about you? Do you need to trim any branches of deadwood off your friendship tree so you get the best fruit from the healthiest branches?

Eric Rhoads

PS: We’re putting a basket in the center of our Thanksgiving table. Every phone goes into the basket and does not come out during dinner, and ideally, not for hours after. We want people engaged with one another, forcing them to interact, play games, or do something other than looking at social media. Let’s all seek ways to engage more, and find common ground.

PS2: I decided to create a day to help artists (painters, photographers, crafters) with their 2025 planning and to give them the core skills needed to have a great 2025. I announced it, and hundreds have already signed up. HOLD THE DATE, January 10, all day. You can learn more about it at www.streamlineartevents.com/marketing.

PS3: Retreat update: My February WINTER ESCAPE art retreat in St. Augustine is about 52% sold out already. I’m guessing it will sell out between now and Christmas. https://winterartescape.com/


My Adirondack spring retreat in early June is almost sold out. Still a few seats left. www.paintadirondacks.com

My fall retreat has only 22 seats left. This year it’s in Dore County, Wisconsin (which is stunningly beautiful). www.fallcolorweek.com

PS4: Like most, we have a Black Friday sale for the videos we’ve produced. Check it out at www.painttube.tv. 

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