Deep, dark fog swallows the sky around me. A soft drizzle makes the twisting tree trunks blend into the distance. The distant mountain has dissolved into the sky, and the leaves shine with the color of sage while the bright red Adirondack chairs by the firepit stand out against the blurred background. It’s another chilly morning here in Austin on the long back porch under the metal roof, here at the old homestead. Well rested, I’m ready to conquer the fog and go exploring.

I’m always exploring. I’m curious. I’m trying to get to know other people and their stories. A fellow artist introduced himself, clearly and confidently, during the seminar I attended last week. Yet according to him, clarity and confidence were not always the case for him because he grew up with a severe stutter that never left him.

Like a Leper

In school, his fellow students treated him like a leper, leaving him with no friends just because he could not get a sentence out easily. His own parents treated him differently than his siblings, as though he were flawed mentally, when his only problem was the ability to get words out of his mouth. 

Dangerous Assignments

His hopes of growing out of the stutter never came true, and my new friend became an adult and was drafted to Vietnam, where he was in the infantry, on the front lines and in combat. He was treated as though he was expendable, always pushed into the most dangerous assignments. It was difficult for him to defend himself from his fellow soldiers because talking was so hard. 

Upon exiting Vietnam, a feat unto itself, he was faced with finding employment, but every job interview resulted in a no. No one wanted a stutterer. One day he applied for a job as a stockbroker, and that interview changed his life. The man interviewing him told him that to make a living, he would have to learn to overcome his stutter in order to make sales calls. The interviewer said he didn’t think he could overcome it, but was willing to let him try. 

Stuttering

His first and second and third sales calls went badly. People hung up before he could complete his introduction. He could not even make a reservation for dinner — how was he going to make a living on the phone?

Hearing the Bad Was Good

With the encouragement of his wife, he came to believe he could overcome the stutter, but he didn’t know how. Then one day a co-worker slammed him verbally, told him he had no business doing this job, that he was a complete loser who needed to get a job as a janitor somewhere. That did the trick. He got so mad, he became determined to overcome his stutter. And he did. It took all of his will power, but he got on the phone and got through that first call, and made a sale. Then another call, and another. Simply talking was the hardest thing he had ever done in his life.

A Vast Change

Soon, he became so successful that he became the number one stockbroker in the firm, partly because he started a radio show about stocks and did that show for several years. Imagine a stutterer with a radio show. Yet no one knew.

His story got out, and one day he was invited to speak at a national convention for stutterers. Before he spoke, he saw people wearing T-shirts that read “A Stutterer and Proud.”

When he got up in front of all those people, he said, “I’m a stutterer and I’m not proud, and you should not be either.” He said, “I saw the shirts about being proud. Instead of being proud, you should get mad and overcome it. Don’t let yourself off the hook. If I could do it, you can do it. You need to hear the hard truth. You need to get mad enough to make a change in your life. You need to get so angry that you stand up to others and prove them wrong. Don’t accept it, change it.”

Silence

The room was dead silent. Then one single person began to applaud, and then another, until the room broke out in applause and a standing ovation. He told them what they did not want to hear, and didn’t tell them what everyone else had always said. They loved him.

This man made a life as a successful stockbroker against great odds. He did something everyone said was impossible, yet his mind overcame his affliction. His anger drove his resolve.

“My own parents did not believe in me,” he said, “but my wife believed, and my anger made me believe. Anyone can overcome anything if they don’t give themselves excuses and pity themselves. “

What about you?

What excuses are getting in your way?

Maybe you have no affliction, but you’re telling yourself a story and you’re allowing it to limit you.

I’m not a big fan of anger and I don’t like myself when I get angry, but sometimes enough is enough. There is a point at which anger results in getting sick enough of something that you’re willing to make a change. Sometimes you’ll put up with something for years till you just get sick enough of it that it’s like flicking a switch, and you can no longer accept the way things have been.

Do you need to get angry?

Are you putting up with something that is stealing your happiness or success?

Most of us spend our lives avoiding pain. I’m the king of avoiding conflict or pain. No one likes pain, inconvenience, or difficult times. I’m sure my friend had no idea how he was going to overcome stuttering, and knew it would be easier not to overcome it. But his anger drove him.

You may have disadvantages, you may have problems, you may have things in your head that are holding you back. Just know, you can overcome them. We’ve all seen stories of soldiers who lost limbs and are living amazing, adventurous lives, while others are telling themselves they have to live bad lives. I can’t relate to their mindset, but I can tell you that some can overcome almost anything by getting sick enough or angry enough. 

In reality, most of us don’t have severe problems, most of us are not confined to a bed or a chair, yet many of us are holding back on life because of something that is stuck in our heads that is causing a success roadblock. Yet your mind can get you through it. It requires mental toughness, determination, big dreams, and action. Every big success starts with one small step. You can do this. But taking action, that first step, makes up half of the goal.

You have a fresh year, and something inside of you that is dying to come out. Get angry. Scream loudly and let it out. The beast inside needs to be released so you can live the best possible life. Get angry and let it free.

Eric Rhoads

PS: I’m noticing a change. People around me are getting fed up. People are realizing that no matter which political party we identify with, we are all being manipulated and polarized. They have turned us all against one another, which gives them control. People are noticing, finally grasping it, and starting to refuse to play the game any longer. We all deserve our voice, our opinions, and though we may never change them, we need to be willing to respect the opinions of friends and others. People are so sick of it that they are cutting people out of their lives, not because they disagree, but because they are being baited with social media posts that polarize people. I for one am done with all of it. If you’re on my social media account posting ANY political content, pro or con, you’re unfriended. Not because I don’t love you, but because I’m sick of seeing friends being manipulated and friends polarizing others. Let’s make 2020 a return to civilized behavior. Social media has brought out the worst in many of us. Let’s all make a commitment to only bring out the best by lifting others up, not tearing them down.

Often in the middle of the night, I’ll awaken, get up, and realize I’m in a strange place. Yet another hotel room in this road warrior life. Before mobile phones and smart watches, I’d sometimes roll over, call the front desk, and ask where I was. Hotel rooms blend together over time, and sometimes you simply forget where you were when you checked in the night before, especially on a tour of 10 cities in 20 days. 

This morning I immediately know I’m not home, but it’s no hotel room. Instead it’s our annual Christmas journey as a family, living aboard a houseboat in a marina in Florida. It’s a tradition we’ve followed every Christmas for years. 

Splash Splash

The water is splashing against the sides of the boat, ever gently rocking it, lulling us to sleep. Though quarters are tight, it brings family closer and away from our home distractions of homework, housework, studio work, and office work. It’s a break we all look forward to, but the best part, of course, is time with family, a treat we don’t have as often as we would like. It’s also a treat for our good friends who use our home back in Austin as their Christmas HQ while they visit family.

Memories Over Pain

Though Christmas is a busy time, I still love the anticipation, the joy, the magic, and the great feelings it can provide. For some, it brings up difficult memories, or it can bring sadness over loved ones no longer with us. And though missing them is hard, sometimes the joy of those holiday memories outweighs the pain. This is my first year without my mom. She was all about Christmas, and even last year, she had her tree beautifully decorated; though it was a much bigger chore in her mid-90s, she always looked forward to it. 

Have you stopped to think about your precious Christmas memories?

Christmas Magic

I love the wonder of not being able to sleep the night before, of wanting something so badly that I was nervous whether Santa would show up. I still remember that gold-colored Schwinn bike sitting unwrapped under the tree — it was so exciting. Another year it was an artist’s easel, which I suppose was a prediction of what was to come. 

Christmas Mission

This year for Christmas I have a special mission. Instead of my red hat, I’m putting on my Christmas ears. Rather than making things all about me and talking too much, I want to listen more carefully. When mom left us, there were unanswered questions about long-lost family members. This year my goal is to learn as much about my family as possible, try to find things I never knew about them, and of course try to document old family stories and history.

Will you be listening?

With Christmas comes anxiety for some, having to deal with difficult people, old family issues, and other pressures. But perhaps next week you can put all that aside, heal and forgive, and break the patterns that have plagued your relationships.

Don’t Carry Your Past

The reality is that no one on this earth is perfect. As parents, we make mistakes with our kids, though we all try to do the best we can. As siblings, there may be old rivalries we are clinging to from our childhood. Maybe we are stuck on something someone did 50 years ago. Let it go, if not for your relationship’s sake, for your own sanity. Harboring the negative causes internal festering that is hurting you physically and mentally without your realizing it. Be forgiving.

Make It Fun

Rather than dreading relationship issues or worrying about dealing with your weird aunt or with family members who have made bad choices, try to put it aside and make it fun. Do things as a family … play games, start the interesting conversations you never have, go for walks together, be playful by making snow angels or doing something else fun. Go out of your way, and if others remain sourpusses, ignore it and keep trying to draw them in.

How Many More Christmases?

My friend Richard Saul Wurman always talked about how many summers we each have left … and encouraged us to make every minute count. The same is true for Christmas. How many do you have left? Maybe a lot, maybe no more. We simply don’t know. 

For most, the magic of Christmas is the result of memories created by parents, grandparents, and friends. That magic does not have to be lost — each of us can play a role in bringing it back and making it special. Just have fun.

Oh, and no matter how passionate you are, and how differently someone thinks about politics, you can’t change their mind and they can’t change yours. Don’t even try. Our country is being divided by strong opinions. Leave them alone. Let Christmas be about common ground.

My Christmas Rule

Here is the Christmas Rule: At the beginning of gatherings, simply say, “No politics spoken here.” And if someone starts, “ding” your glass, and it will be a signal for everyone not to go there. 

I hope you make this holiday time special. Set a goal for yourself for something you want out of it … maybe, like me, it’s listening or learning, maybe it’s just having fun and creating memories, but be deliberate. Make it the best yet, and don’t take it for granted. What if it’s your last?

Merry Christmas.

Eric Rhoads

PS: One of the great joys of my life has been sitting here each Sunday morning to write my thoughts to share. I started out intending to share thoughts with my kids, to prepare them for life, and a friend suggested I share it with others. I’m told we’re hitting about a quarter million people each week because many of you are forwarding it to friends. Thank you, I’m very grateful. If you like what you see most of the time, I appreciate your forwarding to others and suggesting they subscribe for free. We would hit a million readers this week if each reader found four people to send it to. That would be nice.

I love hearing your feedback in the comments section, and I try to read them all. It means a lot that you would take the time.

One point I want to make … I don’t want to tell anyone how to live, what to think, what to believe. One lady objected to my mentioning God, but that’s part of who I am. If it offends you, know that it’s not my intent, and I hope you can read past it and find some value anyway. My intent is not to push anything on anyone, just to stimulate thought or conversation. 

One more thought … I’ve found that success in my life and my year is all about being deliberate. If you have some quiet time, think about where you want to be a year from now, and make a plan. I have several stories about that at www.coffeewitheric.com, which is also where you can subscribe.

I’m grateful for you, and for your taking the time to open and read these stories. Thank you!

The old screen door slams behind me and the boards under my feet creak as I walk to the old wicker couch, whose basket weave also makes a sound as the weight of my body sinks into the red cushions. My cozy gray fleece jacket is all I need; the morning is pleasant enough to return to the porch. Beaming strongly into the yard, the orange-colored sun silhouettes a giant buck and his Christmas tree of antlers as he slowly grazes the smorgasbord of natural treats in my yard. The distant mountain is a light purple gray against the bright yellow-white sky.

Last week, I disappeared. I’m sorry I was not there for you. But I had a good reason. I am the father of teenagers, after all.

Sage Wisdom

Advice comes as needed, as I alluded to recently in Butterflies and Angels. One friend, Dr. Dave, swooped into my life last week, as if knowing I’d need his advice soon. I had been talking about a stressful week at work when he told me that our natural tendency when we’re going through stress or crisis is to sleep less, drop our routines, eat poorly, and not take good care of ourselves. Entrepreneurs like myself tend to put in longer hours to solve a crisis. His advice: Take care of yourself. This is when you need sleep, nutrition, and exercise more than ever because your immune system is being attacked by stress, and it needs to be strong. Plus, if you’re not rested, not eating well, and not exercising, you’re not thinking clearly.

Focused Energy

His advice came just in time to deal with another issue that was significant enough that I decided to drop everything I could in order to be there for my family. Though I try to give to others as much as possible, last week I had nothing more to give. I hope you’ll forgive me for not showing up in your mailbox. I don’t do it often. But I needed to preserve my energy, my resources, and my time. And I needed more time at the gym, working harder to make sure that the much-needed husband and father was showing up.

Deep Answers

I’ve also been reminded that when emotions run high, we tend to grab at the first answer we come up with. My friend and mentor, author Keith Cunningham, taught me to never resort to the first answers, but to take time to think and come up with 100 answers — and never use any of the first 20, which are typically reactive. That, too, was helpful.

Great Counselors

And times like these make our friendships that much more important because friends can offer non-emotional suggestions, solutions, and experience at a time when clarity isn’t present. Thank God for great friendships. To have someone to talk to, someone to listen, someone to offer perspective, ideas, and encouragement is so helpful. And when the world around you appears to be crashing down, they help point out that it’s not as bad as you think it might be. They help you see that the other side of it is right around the corner. Light always comes after the darkness.

Our other default thought in tough moments is often, “Why me? Why would God do this to me?” Thankfully I did not have that reaction this time, but I get it a lot. I think the answer is, “Why not me? What am I to learn? How am I to be made stronger?”

Parenting Pain

As I think about parenting, I think about the importance of pain. Keeping pain away from our children is not doing our kids any favors. Though I hate to watch my kids go through pain, sometimes seemingly unbearable pain, I know I made it through it. My parents protected me from some of it, but helped me get through much of the rest. It’s a reminder that blue steel is the strongest steel, because it has been forged, many times, through the hottest fires. 

Why Be Angry?

I’m not sure where the idea started that we should be mad at God when our lives don’t go the way we want them to go. I think that, being a loving dad, I’m helping my kids when I allow them to go through pain and suffering. I’m there to step in if it’s life-threatening, I’m there to turn to for advice, but they will be stronger if I don’t rescue them. I think it’s showing incredible love to watch your kid go through a horrible thing — and let them go through it. It’s not easy. It’s painful to watch. I also don’t think it’s loving to solve every problem for them so their expectation is that life will be perfect. Pain happens to be part of perfection. Perhaps this sounds harsh to some, but the best thing we can do for our kids is help them be stronger, help them look at pain as part of life, and give them coping skills. That way when they face difficult times, like the ones we’re going through, they have perspective, knowing that it’s part of the process.

Pain Reduction

I’ve cried a lot of tears through my life. I’ve lost a lot of loves and it devastated me at the time. I’ve lost friendships. I’ve lost jobs, businesses, partnerships, and I’ve been on the edge of bankruptcy. I’ve had tough things happen, lost loved ones, and remember moments where I didn’t think I could get through the pain. Yet today, it hurts less, and I’m more prepared, more experienced, know it’s part of a process, and I know there is a bright light on the other side of the dark moment. Perspective is a wonderful gift.

Molding Us

I don’t know your pain, but I know you have it. We all carry things with us that we’ve never fully been able to get over. And we should not get over them … it’s that pain that molds us into who we are, makes us better, makes us stronger, though it does not seem like it at the time. But don’t be mad at the world, or the universe, or God. Be happy that you’ll grow from everything that happens. That no matter how horrible something is, even death, there is growth and value, and light at the end of it all. Embrace what you cannot change. Change what you can. Make the best of a bad situation. Somehow, just thinking this gets us through. 

Great Lessons

Look back on your pain. Chances are you’ll find lessons, growth, and outcomes that were benefits. Things you never would have otherwise known. Just like when we feel we’re not accomplishing enough, we benefit from looking back to see how far we’ve actually come. Looking back on pain helps us see growth and strength we would not have had.

Having experienced the major loss of my mom this year, that horrific pain brought important lessons, growth, and even special moments that would not have occurred without it. I embrace what we went through.

Pain is growth, lessons, and forging strength. Handle it with dignity and the peace of knowing that though it seems dark, there is light around the corner.

Eric Rhoads

PS: In the midst of my pain, taking an escape moment, I decided to go Christmas shopping. It was very hard to get into the spirit with something looming over me. Yet there are people I love whom I want to give something special, not out of obligation, but because I want to honor them with a gift to show appreciation. It’s easy to fall into a Grinch attitude that you hate Christmas shopping and the pressure that comes with it. Instead, give of yourself, of your heart. Make something with your own hands if you can, at least as one gift. And think about the person and what really lights up their eyes — what do they get excited about? It’s not about the volume of gifts, it’s about showing you know them and are tuned in to them.

Other than her love, and our three amazing children, the greatest gift my wife ever gave me was an art lesson. It was great because she sensed that I needed to be creative, and she was right. That lesson 25 years ago resulted in a new career filled with painting, art, and creating a lot of things to help artists and collectors scratch their itch. Maybe an art lesson isn’t the gift for your special person, but if there is interest, I’ve listed some of the things we do that would make great gifts. I’ll explain each. But I don’t want Sunday Coffee to be a commercial environment, so please stop reading here if you have no interest.

Shop My Holiday Gift Recommendations >

The crunch of crispy leaves under my feet leads me into my cozy warm art studio, which is backed up against some massive pine trees and at the base of a small hill. The fireplace on the porch is flaming furiously, the wood sounds like snap, crackle, pop, and the scent of smoke is soothing. Yet writing on the porch had me blowing into my hands and wringing them too much to stay warm as my fingers hit my cold keyboard, so I’m here in my studio. 

Color hits this part of the country late, and this week is our peak week, just before most of the leaves flutter to the ground in high winds.

Speaking of fluttering, we all know butterflies exist, but what about angels?

Have you ever encountered random angels who drop into your life at just the perfect time? 

Drop-In Visitors

I can tell you I’ve never seen an actual angel with wings, the kind described in the Bible. But I’ve had angels drop in, serve a purpose, and go away. Have you?

I have also experienced people who fly into life, dazzle you by bringing the beauty of big smiles at a time you need them, making you laugh, being a friend, lending an ear … they flutter about to make your life better and then fly away. Maybe these butterfly-like people are also a form of angel. 

I’m convinced that we’re given what we need at the perfect time… 

An Ugly Problem

Decades ago I had a major problem with an employee who I discovered had seriously broken the law by taking a bribe in a job years before he worked for me, and, unbeknownst to me, he had been going to court to fight the charges. Then one Friday he came in and resigned, telling me he had been sentenced to three years in prison, starting the next week. Not only was I surprised and shocked, I hated to lose him because he seemed like such a nice guy and had become a key employee. Of course it had never even crossed my mind that he was a criminal.

No, Don’t Go!

“You can’t leave,” I said. “There is too much dependent on you. We’ve always talked about how if you were to leave you would give me three months notice and have time to train your replacement.”

I was dumbfounded. Worse, I was stuck, and it could have had a seriously negative impact on my business, yet I had no idea how to solve the problem. No one knew what he knew. So I went to my office, got on my knees, and asked for an answer.

A Call from an Angel

Out of the blue that very night, an old client called me, told me he was in town, and insisted we have dinner. He was only in town for the evening and needed to see me. I declined because I was not in the mood. Yet he insisted. “I wasn’t planning on calling because it’s a quick trip, but something is telling me we need to get together. I have no idea why. I was led to you for a reason. We need to do this.” He was insistent. I was curious.

At dinner I told him what I had just learned about my employee and shared my worry and stress about the problem. “That’s it,” he said. “That’s why I was led here. I know exactly what to do. I’ve had this very problem and I’ve got a perfect solution for you.” 

He then told me that I needed to FedEx a letter to the judge and insist that, by not letting the employee give me notice, he was hurting my business. I asked him to delay the employee’s incarceration for three months. It never would have crossed my mind because it was such an unusual situation, yet this man not only felt compelled to call me out of the blue, he had experienced the very problem.

Surprisingly, the judge delayed the sentence for three months, and I was able to properly transition the employee out. Though it made me nervous having a convicted felon working for me, I had time to hire and train a replacement. It was the best option.

Coincidence? Perhaps. But since then, I’ve always thought of that client as an angel.

Almost Bankrupt

For decades I struggled with my business. I went seven years without a paycheck and without a single dollar of profit. Everyone else got paid before I did. And I was on the edge of going bankrupt.

One December day, my bookkeeper told me we could not meet payroll the next Wednesday. We needed $18,756.18. But there was no money. When I was discussing it with Mike, one of our employees, he said, “Make your prayer specific to the penny,” which I did. 

Meanwhile, I was calling everyone who owed me money, trying to get enough cash in. But it was a recession, and everyone was struggling. Then, out of the blue, my phone rang. It was my client Marty at ABC Radio Networks, and he said this: “We have a little budget left over. Would it be OK if we prepaid some of next year’s advertising?” He FedExed a check that arrived the following morning, for $18,756.18. It was the exact amount we needed. Was he an angel? It sure seemed like it.

Prayer, asking the universe, manifesting things. Whatever you want to call it, it works.

Dying with No Hope

My friend author Lee Milteer proved this recently. Her friend (and my acquaintance), a very famous speaker and author, had been sent to hospice because problems with his diabetes had become very serious. He was expected to die within a couple of weeks. He was a multimillionaire with the best medical care, but they still could not help him. 

Lee posted about the situation on her Facebook page and asked everyone to manifest his wellness and to pray for his recovery. She kept reminding people for weeks, even though the situation was dire and worsening. Yet she encouraged us to keep it up and not to let it happen, believing we all had that power. 

Weeks went by, and his condition improved. And after many weeks, he came out of hospice and is healing at home, expected to fully recover. 

This is an example of the power of manifesting and prayer.

Dream Exactly

Lee once explained to me that one of the reasons many entrepreneurs succeed is because they tend to be daydreamers. That’s always been true for me. I always dream things in exact detail, and do it so much that I end up believing I can do it and believing it will happen. And things tend to happen exactly as I imagine them. I even imagine how things will go on the way to meetings, and they almost always go exactly that way. 

Crazy Talk

You may think this is just crazy talk, yet what you see in your mind is what happens. That’s why negative thinking is so dangerous. That’s why we have to be careful about what we put into our minds.

Like angels, butterflies may be manifested, or they may just show up because you need something you don’t know you need.

I’ve had people pop in and lift me up when I didn’t even realize I was down. Some bring such clarity, or energy, or passion, or laughter, or they just dazzle you for a needed moment. Others bring an important lesson, a needed answer, or a different way of looking at things. That’s why I call them butterflies — because they swoop in with beauty to make your life better for a moment.

Ever call someone out of the blue and have them tell you your timing was perfect? Or you just told them something they needed to hear? Maybe you were being a butterfly at that moment.

Where are you being called? 

If you ever feel the need to pick up the phone or pay a visit, but don’t know why … follow your gut. You may have been tapped on the shoulder to play a special role as either a butterfly or an angel. Or you may say something out of the blue and lift someone up unknowingly.

Where are butterflies and angels showing up in your life?

Where are you manifesting your needs?

Are you asking for what you need?

You don’t always get what you ask for, but you always get what you need. Especially if you listen carefully and have high expectations that your needs will be met.

How is it an invisible signal can show up through the airwaves on different frequencies to play music or news on the radio? Sometimes you can’t see things. 

How does the wind blow? You can’t see it, you can only see the effects of the wind.

Our entire world is made up of vibrations. Molecules are continually vibrating. We are vibrating, and signals are being sent. There is actual evidence. For instance, new Google research indicates that trees send signals through the ground to other trees, as do other plants. Is it really all that hard to believe that we each send out signals of needs for others to pick up?

Manifest your perfect life, and expect it. Listen for it. And always take action (a drifting boat eventually hits the rocks).

Listen for angels and butterflies and embrace their purpose. And try to be an angel or butterfly to others.

Now spread your angel or butterfly wings and get busy. The world is waiting for you.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Whew! I’ve been running nonstop since September … first with 100 people at Fall Color Week at Ghost Ranch in New Mexico, a painters’ retreat; then a smaller painters’ trip for 12 special people in Saint-Paul de Vence, France; then our annual Fine Art Connoisseur art trip in Provence and the French Riviera; then to FACE, my Figurative Art Convention in Williamsburg; then to my Radio Ink Forecast conference at the Harvard Club in New York; then to speak with an esteemed panel of station owners at the FCC. It’s exhilarating, but time for a break. 

I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving with family before the insanity begins again.

I’d like to leave you with one important thought. Your family, no matter how screwed up, is a part of who you are. After losing my mom this year, I would give up everything I own for one more Thanksgiving with her. My friend Frank just lost his 19-year-old son this week, and his Thanksgiving will never be the same. Embrace your family for who they are, forgive them for whatever they’ve done, and leave every past issue behind. Don’t engage, don’t take the bait. Use this special time to celebrate family. They won’t all be together forever, and no matter your issues, you’ll regret it when they are gone. I just had a friend tell me she was mad at her dad for 10 years and did not talk to him, and then he suddenly died. How sad. Don’t look back wishing you had healed a wound and invited someone who is currently not in your favor. Even soldiers in past wars stopped fighting for special holidays. Thanksgiving is sacred because family is sacred, no matter how imperfect we are. Put your ego aside, swallow your pride, and have a loving and memorable weekend together.

I should mention something else … Since April we’ve offered the same price for our Plein Air Convention in Colorado, but the price ends on Black Friday. We’re down to less than 200 seats for the world’s largest celebration of plein air painting, and you don’t have to be a good painter (or a painter at all) to attend. It’s a week of the world’s best painters, there to teach you. Last week someone told me they had been too intimidated to come and missed several years, only to find there was no reason to be afraid. Maybe if you’re interested in exploring this fun and challenging lifestyle called plein air painting, you should consider it. We usually sell about 300 seats before the first price increase, but again, we have fewer than 200 seats left.

Streaks of yellow light are streaming toward me through thick purple fog and silhouetted gnarly oak trees. I shiver as I try to extend my porch time once more before winter. Warmth hits my goosebumped skin as the light increases, and the sides of my old cabin are washed with a rich red-orange glow. 

Stage Exhaustion

Last week exhausted me — being on stage, using my voice more in one day than in most months, giving and getting hugs from enthusiastic artists, wall-to-wall meetings between stage time, entertaining our VIP guests and faculty in the evenings till the wee hours. And exhausting as it was, I feel like the luckiest man alive to be able to serve others and give them a special week of high energy, learning from the best artists in the world, and time with old and new friends.

Joy and Exuberance

A recent realization has been that my art is bringing people together, and even if I have to put my ability to do paintings on hold so I have time to do things like last week’s Figurative Art Convention & Expo, it’s worth it to see the joy and exuberance in the faces at FACE. Dozens, probably hundreds, told me it was a life-changing experience, the best of anything they had attended, and that they got more than they expected. I feel like I’ve done my job.

True Purpose

Comparing notes with a friend recently, we both determined that life is better when we’re changing the lives of others. Though it used to be about the money for me, it’s now about the gold … the golden glow in people’s hearts when they experience change, when they have a revelation or an aha moment. I live for those moments, and that encourages me to find ways to give more.

Digging Deeper

And for every convention session, panel, demo, or other event people could attend, there were that many and more personal interactions where I felt I was able to coach and counsel people who had lost their way, who needed someone to point out what they could not see, to offer clarity where they had none. The two things they all had in common were self-doubt and being too hard on themselves.

Life on Override

Beating ourselves up, negative self-talk, and insecurity are the games we play in our own heads. I play them all the time, even though I was raised in a positive environment. It’s a self-preservation mechanism rooted in our reptilian brain. It’s natural for the mind to protect us, and it’s unnatural for us to override its protection. Yet overriding is the only way to escape those voices and build an awesome life.

What do the voices in your head say to you?

I wanted to understand what mine were saying, but most of the voices tend to be at an unconscious level. So I made a point of writing them down every time I noticed one. I knew I had head trash, but no idea just how much.

Then I took the list and asked myself, “Is this true?” and, “If it is true, can I change it? How?” I also asked myself, “What would be a better thought I can substitute?”

Have you ever had something come out of your mouth and you didn’t even know how or why? I also started writing down my automatic responses to others. 

The Monsters Are Hurting You

Those are the monsters lurking inside your subconscious mind, and they are blurted out, as though they were natural responses to protect you. But instead of protecting you, they are hurting and limiting you and others.

If you do both of these exercises for a week, you’ll learn more about yourself in that week than you’ve learned most of your lifetime. Just pull up a notes app on your smartphone and write down every negative thought whenever you catch yourself thinking or saying them. It’s almost better than therapy.

Mama Calling

Ever hear someone say, “I find myself sounding like my mother when dealing with my own kids, even though I swore I would never say those things”? That’s the instinctive monster inside, most of which was implanted generations earlier and passed along.

You get to be the lucky one. You can break the cycle.

The weak never break their chains — the strong break them. It starts by telling yourself you can overcome any possible obstacle, no matter how difficult, and that the ability to overcome anything lies in your head.

Are You Tired Yet?

The other good news is that the weak can become strong. All it takes is getting sick of the results you’re getting now and being determined to overcome the voices in your head.

Fantasy World

We all tell ourselves stories and lies. We all live a certain percentage of our lives in a fantasy world. Those lies cause the drama in our lives, our families, our friendships, and in our own heads, preventing the best possible life from happening.

“Oh, Eric, I don’t deserve the best possible life,” you say? That’s the first monster to slay. Of course you deserve it. Why wouldn’t you? (More monsters will come out about now.)

Slay the dragons in your mind, and you’ll live the life of a true dragon slayer.

Start today.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Words simply cannot express the gratitude I have for the people of the FACE convention. We had a faculty filled with generosity to serve others, attendees who were on fire with enthusiasm and energy, and I feel like the most hugged man on earth (one of the perks of my job, I guess). Thank you for allowing me to serve. Well over half the people attending signed up for next year, which is unheard of this early for a convention. We are very excited about seeing you in Baltimore next fall.

Tomorrow I’m off to a week in New York for our annual Radio Forecast conference at the Harvard Club, and then to Washington, D.C., where I’ve been invited to offer my opinions to the commissioners at the Federal Communications Commission. If we don’t talk, have a wonderful Thanksgiving — though I fully intend to report next weekend before the holiday. And if you have a chance, invite someone to Thanksgiving who needs a family to spend the day with. No one should be alone if they don’t want to be. It’s something my parents did every year on Thanksgiving and something we try to do.

Oh, and if you encounter someone who needs a jolt of Sunday Coffee, pass it on.

Flickering, crackling, and the soft smell of burning wood come from the old fireplace, tucked away in a tiny sitting room at the hotel here in Williamsburg, Virginia. The decor is Early American — pineapple-patterned wallpaper, old brown furniture, and portraits of presidents.

It’s quiet here, most guests are not yet awake, and no one has discovered this little reading nook. I hear the occasional distant ding from the service bell at the front desk, done to call the bellman like in the old days.

Going Back in Time

My morning walk brought me back to another time, a different era. This old town made up of original buildings from the Revolutionary War era is tightly closed up, but later will bustle with tourists and kids who will march alongside the red-coated soldiers. Later will be the smell of baking bread from the bakery, whose old brick oven uses real fire. The candy maker will be handing out samples, and you can go into the tin shop to see cups being made, or the print shop as they make reproductions of old Revolutionary War posters one sheet at a time, with moveable type. It’s truly a place every family should experience at least once. I came here as a kid, then once as an early married couple, and now, for my Figurative Art Convention & Expo (FACE), which starts today.

A Rockefeller Vision

Last week I mentioned that I was grateful for the wealthy who built great homes and art collections that because museums. Today I’m thankful for John D. Rockefeller, who had the vision to create Colonial Williamsburg by buying up houses in different villages and moving them here to create a living museum. Today we’ll do a plein air paint-out (outdoor painting) in the streets with costumed models before the official start of the convention at four.

The Last Year at Home

Living a life of travel has its benefits, but few things will drag me away from home next year; it is our last season with the triplets, who go off to college in the fall. Life will change for them, and for us. Though I’ll need to keep working to pay the college bills, I’d be working anyway because I love what I do. But I’ll miss feeding the kids each morning, chatting with them randomly on the couch, eating dinner together — even now a rare occasion since everyone is off to jobs and friends. Soon it will be time to reinvent, to ready ourselves for this new chapter.

The Storms of Life

Life is like a series of storms. A hurricane comes in slowly, with ample notice to get ready and get out, but a tornado comes with no notice. It just shows up. We’ve known college was coming since the kids were born, preparing little by little by setting money aside, yet like most, we don’t do all the prep we should until we get closer and closer to the event. I consider knowing in advance and being able to prepare a gift.

Storms, tornadoes, or other sudden, uncontrollable events also happen. Or, as is the case now, fires that sneak up and force you out, if you’re lucky enough to get out. It’s then we have to rebuild, often from scratch. I’ve been closer to this than I want to because of friends who are suffering through fires and losing everything, and friends who lost everything last year and the year before.

The Power of Reinvention

When storms come, we have to reinvent. One friend had enough of the fires and decided not to rebuild, but to move here to Texas (we have plenty of room, and y’all are welcome here). Another stayed in California but moved to a different community and started a life as an art gallery owner. 

Being Happier than Ever

If you live long enough and get out a lot, you start knowing people afflicted by all kinds of disasters, and almost everyone has told me that their disaster was the best thing that ever happened to them, though it was horrific at the time. Disaster or tragedy force reinvention. Most are happier and have told me that they had things in the back of their minds that they wanted to do, but never got around to doing them because of the ties or strings they had.

For your sake (and mine) I hope YOU don’t have to face storms, fire, or a tragedy that forces you to reinvention. But I do hope that if you feel the need to reinvent, you don’t wait for a disaster.

What Do You Dream?

Do you have things in the back of your mind you always wished you had done? Places you always wished you had tried living? Careers you would like to switch to?

Don’t wait for a storm.

Roving Gypsies

Laurie and I have a sense of adventure. We find it exhilarating to make new friends and try new places. Since we’ve been married we’ve moved several times to new communities. We’ve lived in Florida, the Bay Area of California in two different homes, and here in Austin in two different homes. And we’re excited about the prospect of living somewhere new once the kids are in college, or soon after if the kids stay in Texas. Though it’s hard to leave friends, we can always visit them (some we see only a couple of times a year anyway because we’re all so busy). 

The prospect of reinvention is exciting. Laurie’s big dream is to get an RV and go around to visit people we know or work with. Visiting clients and art shows. She can drive, and I can work in the back. Sounds fun to me.

I’d like to try living in Italy or Spain or France (or all three). And I think it would be fun to do the RV thing there. And I want to build a dream art studio somewhere.

Aligning Your Dreams

One thing that’s important is to get in alignment. It would not be fair for one of us to pull rank and force the other along on a dream they don’t share. Why not sit down with a sheet of paper with three columns, “My Dreams, “Your Dreams,” and “Shared Dreams.” Then you’ve communicated and can pick the shared dreams you want to pursue.

Out of Alignment

Laurie and I loved living in Northern California. One day we decided to put our dream house up for sale because we felt obligated to move back East to be with aging parents. One day one of us said, “I really love it here. I don’t want to move.” Then the other said, “I thought you wanted to move so I was going along with it. I don’t want to move either.” So we took our house off the market and stayed a few more years.

How about today you have a reinvention discussion? Ask yourself some questions. Ask your spouse or partner some questions.

What have we always wanted to do but never done?

Where have we always wanted to live but never tried?

What dreams do you have, what dreams do I have, and which do we share?

Now, when you get to the point of practicality, shove it to the side. “Yeah, but we can’t afford that dream” is a common thing that gets in the way.

Dreams Overcome Roadblocks

I’ve found that if you have big, audacious, out-of-the-world dreams, things you both want so badly, you might be willing to sacrifice an old dream that is anchoring you. For instance, if the dream is to go live in Italy, ask what’s holding you back?

Maybe it’s the house. But if the dream is so big, sell the house.

Obligation is another dream killer. “Yeah, but we have to stay and take care of Mom.” It’s the right thing to do, but have you talked to Mom about it, or your siblings? I have friends who felt they were stuck but found out a sister was dreaming of moving back and living with Mom to take care of her. So they left to pursue their dream and visited on occasion. If you can’t overcome roadblocks, you can at least build the dream, craft a plan, and pull the trigger on the dream the second the roadblock moves.

You’ll find that if a dream has enough power, you can usually find a solution.

Which person do you want to be? 

Do you want to be the person who looks back and says, “I wish I had done the things I wanted to do?”

A Final Dream

This last October when people registered for my Fall Color Week painting adventure, there was a framed photo of a beautiful lady at the registration desk, and at our announcements all week. For privacy I won’t mention her name, but she had been to every Fall Color Week since we stated it five years ago. But after our trip to Canada last year, she died unexpectedly at a fairly young age. She once told me it was her dream to attend that event, and once she went, she looked forward to coming back every year because of the friendships. What if she had kept putting it off till the time was right? At least she lived before she died.

Are you living your dreams?

Don’t wait till a storm … or worse, the point when you can’t get out of a hospital bed. If you can walk, if you can breathe, even if you can be pushed in a wheelchair, even though it might be hard, you have dreams you need to live. We both know someday will never come unless you take action.

For most of us…

There is never enough time.

There is never enough money.

There is always something getting in the way.

There will never be perfect conditions.

You can plan it, or you can wait till you’re forced into a plan. And that plan may not include any of your dreams.

Do it now.

Eric Rhoads

PS: When we’re done here at FACE this week I’ll announce where we’re going next year and some of the rock star artists who will be coming. If you could not make it, go to the website to see who we’ve announced and book for next year (there is a 12-payment plan).

Next week I fly to New York for my annual Radio Ink Forecast event, which is held at the Harvard Club. It does not get much more elegant than that. After our day of sessions, we hold our annual “40 Most Powerful People in Radio” reception with all the high rollers in radio. I get to play host and see lots of my friends. It’s a lot of fun for me.

Then, the following morning I take a 5 a.m train to Washington, DC. I’ve been honored with an invitation to speak before the commissioners of the Federal Communications Commission to share my thoughts (along with a few other broadcasters) on what they should or should not do with regulation for radio. Though I’m trying to be cool … I’m pretty excited.

Then things settle … no more trips. We’ll get to enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas and reconnect. It could be our last Christmas together if the kids fall in love in college and go to someone else’s house. We have to make it special this year.

Need a great Christmas or Hanukkah gift?

The Plein Air Convention for your favorite painter, or next year’s FACE event, or Fall Color Week for next fall when we go to the White Mountains of New Hampshire (the color is on fire), or the 10-year anniversary reunion (for new and old) of my annual Publisher’s Invitational in the Adirondacks. And because next year I’ll not have to be away from home as much, I’m working on a couple of new surprises.

Eric Rhoads

PS: There is someone in your life who needs to hear this message. I’d be honored if you would pass this on so we can give them the encouragement they need, and maybe they will become a subscriber (free) and pass it to others.

This week I’m as excited as a schoolboy. A week from today my Figurative Art Convention & Expo (FACE) begins in Williamsburg, Virginia. We’ve got some of the top artists in the world on our stage teaching their techniques. It’s open to beginners and pros, and we might have some seats left (people often wait till the last minute), but, if so, probably not more than a couple. If you want to experience this art thing of painting people and portraits, this is one of the best things you could do for yourself. I’d love to meet you. Quite a few Sunday Coffee readers have registered, never having painted before. I think that is very brave and cool. FACE is being held November 10-13; more information here. 

If you want to be in the cast for the TV show, the producers are casting it now. You can learn about that at www.TheGreatOutdoorPaintingChallenge.com.

If you would like to give a tax-deductible donation or be a sponsor, or if you want to become an executive producer with a mega donation, please drop me a note at ([email protected]).

If you want to hear what’s happening in radio, we are gathering the biggest names in radio together at the Harvard Club on November 20, and then we have a giant, elegant party in Harvard Hall afterward. You can learn more about that at www.radioinkforecast.com.

Then … things will calm down for a while and we can all enjoy the holidays.