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Rolling out of bed naturally, I head to the bathroom, flip the light switch I’ve hit every morning for over a decade — and something feels wrong. I’m not struggling to find a switch or bumping into walls or tripping over suitcases. Today is the first normal Sunday I’ve had in weeks. It’s glorious. 

There is no better feeling than the coziness of my own bed and the familiarity of my own house after weeks away. 

I just returned from three weeks abroad, plus a week of driving, and a week at one of my artist retreats. I’ve been living out of a suitcase and realizing that I’ve not had a mental break in over four years. The candle has been burning at both ends, and the life of constant business, events, shows, columns, and running a company had me lost, burned out, and even a little unenthusiastic. 

Yet this week, I’m a new man, refreshed and filled with ideas and the excitement to implement them. Problems and challenges bounce off my chest like bullets off Superman. I no longer have to fight through miles of spiderwebs in my brain. My burnout is gone.

Funny thing — I did not know I was burned out. Like all of us, I just keep plowing forward, doing what I need to do to survive. But there have been clues. Ideas were harder to come by, especially fresh ones. And I caught myself being a little grumpy in some tough moments in meetings. Very unlike the normal me. It was time for a break, but work had other plans for me. 

The reality is that I went for four years without a break. Most of us did. When Covid hit, I launched a YouTube show called Art School Live. I did it because I knew everyone was lost and freaking out, and they needed someone to be there for them. I went live every day, seven days a week at 12 noon, for seven solid months. Then, because it was so hard on me and my staff, doubling our workload, I cut down from seven days a week to five days a week. Then last year I started replaying some old shows a couple of days a week and only doing three days live. Though I loved doing the show, I needed a break. 

That natural break came when we made our first Fine Art Trip to Europe in four years. This was our 11th trip to see museums and art behind the scenes. And though it was fun and not especially challenging work, it’s not like I can sleep in or skip a day.  And you can’t completely relax or let your hair down because you’re with customers all day for a couple of weeks. 

But following the two weeks of art touring, and being around amazing art every day, I needed a vacation. So we took one. Five days in Majorca. No art, just being tourists, eating lots of gelato and tapas and being absorbed in the local culture. 

But here’s the trick that worked so beautifully to give me a refreshed attitude, new ideas, and enthusiasm about getting back … and it’s a great way to overcome burnout.

You have to disappear from the world, bury your head in the sand, and ignore everything.

Here’s what I mean.

Once we started our official vacation, I set up a security net around my brain.

1. No reality. I was in Spain to escape reality. I wanted to pretend I lived there. Thankfully my wife speaks Spanish fluently. So we tried to avoid using English whenever possible. I didn’t want to see or hear anything about America. I didn’t want to eat American food, or deal with other Americans. Being in another country is a great way to escape.
2. No news. My wife is pretty good about keeping me posted about the world. But I asked her not to tell me anything about the news. No war, no conflict, no crisis. I told her she could tell me anything once we landed in America. I avoided all TV news in any language, and I refused to look at headlines on the newspapers as I walked by. I simply did not want to know and assumed I could do nothing about it anyway.
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3. No social media. I took the entire week away from social media. Though I did  occasionally check messages for practical reasons, I did not open them if they were not relevant to a need on a trip. It was hard. My addiction to social media means always picking up my phone. It was hard to overcome, but I stayed off all social media feeds for an entire week. Of course social media tends to get newsy and political too. So it was another filter from the news.
4. No English-language media. I love watching TV in foreign countries. It’s fun to see new products, shows we’ve never seen, in a language I can’t speak. And it’s a good way to learn some words. But I would not watch anything in English. Flipping through the channels, I avoided CNN, BBC, and even things like Discovery, if they were in English. Avoiding English has been a mental break.
5. No e-mail. I refused to check e-mail, and I asked my assistant to deal with it all. She knows not to call or text me for any reason unless it’s critical. The only communication we had was about flights.
   
6. No texting. I made the mistake of checking texts one day early in the week, and because a colleague had sent me a note about something, I got stressed out and I laid awake all night ruminating about a particular problem. It’s my own fault; I allowed it to bother me. But I should have not checked. So I did not text or check text the rest of the week. 

I never really consider myself stressed out, but I realized from this experience just how much stress there is in my life. I don’t mind it; I thrive on solving problems or facing challenges. But I think the key to living among stress is the ability to escape it and separate yourself from it. 

Now, after my little weekly experiment, I plan to spend weekends off of social media, e-mail, and texting. Nothing can be that important, right?

On a typical night before bed, I’m on social media for a couple of hours, just doom scrolling. That ends now. I’ll replace it with painting time or hobby time. Let’s see if I can do it.

We tell ourselves that we can go on vacation and stay in touch on e-mail. That’s a mistake, and I tell my employees not to do it, to avoid work 100 percent. You may think the world will fall apart without you, but you need an escape. And a week without any business e-mail will do more good than you realize. 

What about you? What are you stressing about?

Do you need an escape?

We can’t always go to a foreign country, or travel at all, but we can take reality breaks from media and social media for a weekend or even a week. 

The end result is you’ll be happier, you’ll have to find other things to replace all that scrolling time, and you’ll grow from the experience.

If you can’t put your phone down to enjoy a conversation at dinner, your addiction is impacting your life and relationships, whether you realize it or not. My kids were always pointing it out to me. So I need to stop the addiction. I’m not sure if I could leave my phone at home, but it’s worth a try. 

At Thanksgiving, just around the corner, friends tell me all phones go into a basket for dinner. Otherwise everyone is always looking at their phone and missing everything that’s going on.

What did we do before we became addicted to our phones, social media, and the news?

Happily I have my hobbies of painting and woodworking to escape to. If you don’t have anything, find something. It will do you a world of good. But most importantly, try to escape. You’ll thank me later.

Eric Rhoads

On my trip I met a guy, and the conversation went like this….

Me: What do you do outside of work?

Him: Not much, really. I read the paper and check my investments.

Me: Do you have any hobbies or interests?

Him: Nope.

Me: What will you do when you retire?

Him: Probably die or play a lot of golf.

Me: So you play golf?

Him: Nope. But I’ll probably take it up because that’s what all my friends do.

Me: So you’re looking forward to it?

Him: Not really. 

My best advice: Find something now. Don’t wait. Whether it’s bird-watching or stamp-collecting, it’s important to have something else. If for no other reason than because of what I mentioned above.

Tens of thousands of people have used our website PaintTube.tv to discover how to paint. Maybe there is something there for you.

I just finished our online Realism Live seminar yesterday. Our next one is about watercolor, in January. You can learn about it at WatercolorLive.com.

There is something spectacular about waking up at 6 am in the woods, especially in October. Tall, moss-covered trees tower through the fog as morning light just begins to stream in, highlighting some colorful leaves and some crunchy dead leaves on the ground. In a moment I’ll put on my hiking shoes and crunch across the leaves at this kids’ camp where I’m hosting my Fall Color artist retreat. Soon, we’ll share stories over eggs, bacon, and pancakes with warm Adirondack maple syrup. Being here with friends reminds me of summer camp.

A week seemed like a long time away when my parents sent me off to YMCA camp in Indiana. I wasn’t looking forward to going because I had poor self-esteem, and I did not cherish the idea of taking a week of my summer to hang out with more bullies.

Fat and Embarrassed

At 10, I was severely overweight, frequently bullied by other boys, and often mocked for being fat. Unlike most of the others who were trim and fit, I was unable to keep up in gym classes and embarrassed when I was the only kid who could not climb  the rope in the middle of the gym. Mr. Ennis, my gym teacher, didn’t help, making me try over and over as the others laughed and I failed. 

Making Myself Sick

I didn’t hate school, but I hated gym class, and I would look for every possible excuse to avoid it, including making myself sick with worry. So much so that I developed stomach ulcers, which brought even more attention to me because I had to leave class four times a day to eat saltines and drink milk. Now I was the sick fat kid. 

The Outcasts

Though I hadn’t been looking forward to Y camp, I quickly made a bunch of friends there who had not received the memo that I was a big fat loser. In hindsight, we were probably all outcast kids, gathered to escape our otherwise miserable childhoods. The week went so fast that on parents’ visitation night, once I had realized most of my friends were there for two weeks, my parents extended my time. Other than my best friend Stu, and a couple of friends at Scouts, it was the first time I remember having friends who liked me for who I was. 

When camp ended, we all traded addresses and some were pen pals for a month or two, but we never reconnected until the following year, when we picked up where we left off. But once camp ended that second summer, none of us ever saw each other again. Things might have been different if we had had social media back then. 

A lot can happen in a week. 

Surrounded with Friends

Today we’re starting day three of my Fall Color Week retreat. People who had been perfect strangers a week earlier have already become painting buddies and best friends. It happens fast here. Half are new, the other half return year after year when they can, some for several years in a row. 

A Delayed Response

Years ago a woman approached me and told me she’d finally made it to the retreat after years of trying to get there. Family responsibilities got in the way, but she had been dreaming about that moment of attending. In that week we all grew very close, and she made two or three best friends, including a couple of people who lived nearby and who would become local buddies. At the end of the week she told me it was one of the best weeks of her life, exceeding her expectations with the benefit of new friendships she had not expected. 

Months later, I received a call that she had unexpectedly passed away. We were all heartbroken, having lost “one of us.” The following year we put her photo in a frame and put it out in the breakfast room to honor her. 

An Important Lesson

Before leaving, she shared that though she had wanted to come for years, she almost never made it, including the year she finally got there. I’m not only grateful she came, made some deep friendships, and had a wonderful time, but it made me realize how important it is to follow our dreams and not let anything get in the way. Had she put it off one more year, we never would have known her or been touched by her.

Volumes of books and photo albums could be filled with the stories and traditions that have come out of this annual week after many years. For me, it’s a dream come true. The fat kid with low self-esteem is now living a rich life full of friends.

This morning as I’m reflecting on all the special moments of the week, the new friendships made and older ones rekindled, I have this overwhelming feeling of being grateful. 

Immature Logic

When I was a kid, I could not get past the circumstances that were causing my horrible experiences. I thought they would last forever and that I was doomed to a lifetime of being mocked and bullied. But that all changed when I realized that others were not doing it to me, I was doing it to myself. Though there is no excuse for bullies and bad behavior, they were just being kids and hopefully did not remain bullies forever, 

It’s Not This Way Forever

It’s a reminder that no matter what circumstances you are living and what horrible things you think may never end, it does not have to be that way. Things change. People mature. When our brains are immature, we can’t see a way out, yet there is always a way out. We hold the keys to make changes within ourselves.

Deep Anger

When I hear the horror stories of bad reactions, of people who have such deep anger that they feel the need to get even, I remember the pain I experienced. There were times I wanted to get even. I’d see the ads in the back of comic books telling me I could go from a weakling to a muscle-bound hero, so I could defend myself and others and stop getting sand kicked in my face. I dreamed of one day going into the locker room and clobbering them all. 

But of course violence or getting even solves nothing. Forgiveness solves everything. 

In junior high school there was a kid that was so mean to me that I wished he would move away or die. It seemed the only solution to stop the madness. He sat behind me in class and bullied me every day for four years.

Forgive Him? No Way!

Decades later, I was at a Promise Keepers event and the speaker asked if there was anyone we hated. Even though I had not thought about this kid for 30 years, his name popped up. We were encouraged to forgive whoever came to mind. Forgiving him was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, even as an adult. But I felt free after. 

Childhood wounds stay with us for our entire lives, but they are from an irrational time in our lives. They can color our decisions for decades if we let them.

But they also mold who we become. Perhaps I’m driven to make lots of friends and be socially active because of the wounds of being a lonely, bullied fat kid. In hindsight, that harsh treatment made me who I am. I now wonder, who would I be without that? It made me stronger, more resilient, more resourceful.

Strength Through Fire

I’m always sad to see the wounds my kids experience, but I know pain will make them stronger. Still, it’s hard to watch, and I want to rescue them. But rescuing them isn’t the answer most of the time.

What things from your childhood are you still carrying around with you?

What wounds still impact the way you behave and the decisions you make?

What do you need to reframe to understand that these wounds may have helped you?

Who have you not forgiven?

Who did you do wrong?

Who did something to you in the distant past that you need to let go of and forgive?

Who have you ghosted for years because of something they said or did? Is it serving you well or making you bitter?

Where does your anger lie?

Who are you blaming?

The hardest thing for me to do in my life has been to get on my knees and ask God to help me forgive others. I carried anger toward the mean boys for years.

Once I got so sick of being the bullied fat kid with the greasy hair, I started changing myself, remaking my image. Though I could not overcome all those years with other kids who would always consider me the way I’d been, a move to a new school and a makeover did the trick.

How silly is it to pridefully hold anger? 

We all make mistakes. We all say certain things at certain times we should not have said. 

We all have times when we are hurting.
We all have done things as immature people. 

Let go. Forgive. 

Everything can change, but it’s not up to anyone else but you. You take the first steps.

Eric Rhoads

PS: I’m grateful for all the friends and acquaintances I’ve made in my work. It’s providing me with a very meaningful and rich lifestyle.

After leaving here next Saturday, I’ll be driving back to Austin. Then I’ll be boarding a plane to Sweden, where I’ll visit the Zorn Museum and its director privately, and then I’ll be leading a group of art-loving collectors through the art of Stockholm and then Madrid. And again, I’ll be with friends, seeing old friends and making new ones. Thanks for the opportunity.

As soon as I return, I’ll be hosting potentially thousands of people on Realism Live, our online painting conference. There is room for you at www.realismlive.com.

A gentle rain drizzles upon the lake. There’s a foggy silhouette of pine trees in the distance, getting bluer and whiter the farther away they become. Close up, majestic pines surround my screen in the octagon-shaped lakefront porch, with dark lace-like branches and needles obscuring the view. Just the way I like it, nestled in and safe like a warm blanket, while the sound of droplets landing on the water tickles my ears. 

Visitors tell us our little porch is very special because it darts right out to the edge of the lake. Inside, the ornate woodwork on the peaked ceiling is something builders tell me could not be replaced today because there are few craftspeople who would know how. The diamond-paned windows were handmade, along with the house and porch, in 1894.

Doing It By Hand

I try to imagine building this house at a time when there were no power tools, sourcing logs from this boat-access-only property and carving them into a masterpiece. The house was built by some young man who was trained by his father, a master woodworker who was trained by his father. A chain of training over generations. 

Why, then, is there no one who can do what they did today? 

The modern world offers other distractions. People have more choices than to continue a family tradition of woodworking. And parents often want something different for their kids, to let them avoid the hard labor on cold and icy days or up on a roof in intense heat. Instead, their children become college-educated and chase their own passions. 

The Cycle of Life

Perhaps in the past, one generation and then the next knew hard work was part of the requirement for survival. But at some point, that changed. Each generation now tends to look ahead and hope to prevent their kids from having the hard life or difficult upbringing they had to endure. Soon, we got softer and softer, to the point where our kids didn’t experience the harsh discipline of our parents. Another generation later, there is less and less discipline, less and less carrying on of family gifts, and soon the kids are cowering in corners, not wanting to work because they believe they should be taken care of and their feelings never wounded. 

Then, once everyone is soft, the cycle perhaps reverses and kids don’t want to be lazy like their parents, so they return to the land to live off the grid, to grow their own food, build their own homes, and even refuse to use modern power tools. Suddenly what was uncool becomes romanticized. And in another 25 years, their offspring will have the skills I can’t find today, 

But I digress. 

“Do What I Did”

I’ve heard many stories of parents trying to discourage their misguided kids from pursuing a passion. Doctors want their kids to be doctors, yet the kids don’t want to repeat their parents’ life of late-night hospital calls and Thanksgiving dinners disrupted to deliver babies. They often don’t see the passion Mom or Dad found in medicine; they see only the hard stuff. 

Multi-Generational Gifts

On the other hand, in my lifetime I’ve encountered many people with multi-generational gifts. Imagine how good you can be when you learn something from your mom or dad, who learned from your grandparents and great-grandparents. The gift is perfected as each becomes better than the teacher. 

Still, so many of us look at what Mom or Dad do, and we don’t want to follow in their footsteps.

Not Sexy

That was me. My dad wanted my brothers and me to carry on in his metals business, but none of us had any interest. The more he pushed, the more we went in the opposite direction. He provided well for us, but what he did wasn’t sexy in our eyes. For me, it wasn’t as appealing as the lure of something I was interested in.

In hindsight, I did follow my father’s and grandfather’s path. Both came up with business ideas and built them. I have zero fear of starting businesses because I watched my dad start so many. I just applied the gifts he passed on to my own passions. 

How about you? What did you experience, or what are you experiencing now?

Being You

When my kids’ friends were at our house, I’d ask them what they wanted to do with their lives. One kid told me his parents were insisting he become a doctor like they are, but he wanted to become an entrepreneur. Another doesn’t want to become an engineer like his father and is only going to engineering school because his parents won’t cover college otherwise. He has a different passion and is miserable living his father’s dream instead of his own. Perhaps the parents know best, knowing that once their kids get the education and maturity they will find that they love having the same career. 

I tell them all: Follow your passion. You don’t have to do what your parents want you to do. But don’t ignore what they are offering, because they know things about it that you don’t. At least consider it. But ultimately, this is your life, not theirs.

Stuck in Chains

I also tell these young people never to stay in a career because they were forced into it. Once I interviewed a young lady and asked why she would leave a high-paying job as a lawyer for a much lower-paying editor’s job. She told me her third-generation-lawyer parents insisted she be the fourth generation. They pushed her through law school. Upon graduation she discovered she was miserable in her job and could not identify with being a lawyer. After giving it a couple of years, she became intensely depressed because she was not following her passion. So I hired her because she had the courage to follow her own path.

God has given us each a passion and a gift. It’s our responsibility to listen to our hearts and follow that passion, then develop our gifts to become the best we can be. 

Passion Isn’t Forever

But passions last a lifetime for some and a season for others. I’ve always had a passion for being an entrepreneur. I told myself I would never work on something I don’t love. My rule is that if I wake up and hate going to work more than 50 percent of the time, it’s time for a change. If I lose my passion, or become more passionate about something else, I’ll move on. 

Everyone has a gift. If you have not found it yet, you will. Others may point out your gifts because sometimes you don’t see them yourself. So listen carefully when someone offers encouragement or tells you that you seem to be really good at something. 

What do you love?

What are you really good at that you can’t get enough of?

What do you think about night and day?

If it’s good, if it’s ethical, explore it.

If you are desperately trying to find it but aren’t sure what it is, try a lot of things, including things that seem uninteresting. Volunteer, work in different jobs, take courses online even though you might tell yourself you don’t have what it takes.

You CANNOT Do This

When I first considered the thought of learning to paint, my critical mind told me I could not even draw a circle. I rejected the idea that I could someday become an artist and be proud to show my art to others. I foolishly believed that talent was a requirement. Yet I never believed good doctors or nurses were born with medical knowledge. They had to learn it, knowing it would be hard. Once I realized I did not need talent, I only needed to be taught, I started learning. It was hard. But it was always fun, and I’m happy and passionate about doing it. 

Whatever you discover that you’re passionate about…

You have what it takes. 

You can really do anything you can envision. 

You simply have to find what you love, find someone who can teach you, and override the negative voices in your head. 

Being Seasonal

There are also seasonal gifts. If you have a lifetime of experience, you can put it to use in new ways, teaching others, helping them find their gifts, or discovering entirely new things. I believe no one should live at any time without pursuing a gift and passion. I’ve never been a fan of retirement. Perhaps one day it will appeal to me, but the key to any retirement is to find something to be passionate about. Being sedentary is not a viable option. If you’re breathing, you have a purpose.

I once asked a man what he was passionate about. He told me he hated his job and could not wait to retire. I asked what his hobbies were. He had none. “What will you do when you retire?” I asked. He had no idea, but he hated work so much that he just wanted out.

Don’t let that be you.

Don’t let that be your loved ones.

Don’t waste a single day more as a slave to a job you hate. Or at least know that when you get off work each day, you’re looking forward to your passion. 

A life well lived is a life filled with passion. Find your gifts and live them.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Last week at a dinner party I showed a painting I had just finished to the woman sitting beside me. She stared, and she talked about it for a long time. Her compliments were gushing, not the typical polite words. Then she said, “I’ve gone to a paint-and-sip several times, but my paintings are awful. I know I could never do something like this.” Of course I went into my speech about how anyone can do it, all they have to do is find the right teacher, the right technique, and find time to practice. Yet I could not convince her. She was stuck on the idea that she could never do it. I promised her a lesson to prove to her that she could.

If it’s painting you don’t believe you can learn, take my free online course at www.paintbynote.com. I believe I can teach anyone to paint. Then get my video The Easiest Way in the World to Learn Painting if you want to go to a higher level. You can do this.

Or attend Realism Live this November. It’s all online, features 25+ top masters teaching, and it’s a game-changer. 

I’m chuckling to myself as I sit here baking in the summer sun. This summer we had record rain and cool temperatures, with exactly five total “sunny warm lake days.” Now that all the lake residents are gone, summer has finally arrived. The best is about to come as fall color begins to peek out of the green forests. I’m getting ready for a glorious fall. Soon I’ll experience color so vibrant it makes my eyes hurt and the crunch of leaves under my feet, the smells of apple cider and fields of pumpkins. Fall is my favorite time here in the Adirondacks.

Fresh Eyes

I love seeing things through the eyes of others, especially fresh eyes. This week I’ve had an artist visiting from Australia (Colley Whisson) who had no previous knowledge of the area, its beauty, and its unique architecture. I loved the wonder in his eyes seeing the area for the first time, as he often points out things I no longer notice. 

Things Leap Out

Any time we can walk in the perspective of others, we see things we can change or correct, and it helps us appreciate what we have. If I have a guest, I notice that I need to paint a door, fix a hinge, clean a spot on a rug that I don’t see when I look at these things every day. And all too often we take things, and people, for granted, because we’re used to them. When they are gone, we experience regrets for not enjoying our time with them to the fullest.

Sudden Fear

Last night the phone rang with a call from a family member who never calls, who is the partner of another family member. In the second before taking the call, our minds jumped to awful conclusions. Is someone sick or worse? We sunk in our seats in fear, only to find out the call was a followup on something completely unrelated. We were relieved. Then the thought crossed my mind that maybe we should be in contact more, see one another more. 

What can you and I do to live more fully, to appreciate those we love more, and to make sure we are giving them our time and attention while we can?

My dad used to remind us not to be critical of someone because “you’ve never walked in their moccasins.” What can we be doing to be more sensitive to the needs and issues others are facing, without being told? What can we do to step up and help others in these moments?

What are others trying to tell us that we’re not hearing?

Not Hearing

Recently I experienced something very personal with a family member who did not know how to share feelings, so we had no idea this person was hurting. I read the situation as weakness, immaturity, when in fact, I could not have been more wrong. Thankfully, it was discovered, so I could pay proper attention to the needs of the person. 

Now that I know … how did I not see it? 

I’m not one to live in regret; I’m one who lives with the consequences of my actions. But I do regret not being more attentive at times, not hearing when I thought I was listening, and ignoring the gnawing feeling that I needed to spend more time with someone, telling myself, “I’ll do it some other time,” only to discover later that time had run out.

Dumped and Depressed

I flash back to younger days when I had been dumped by the woman I loved, who had fallen in love with another man. I went to work every day, I saw people in social situations, but I was screaming on the inside, hoping someone would see something and ask, and give me someone to talk to. Yet no one did. I spilled a lot of tears and never experienced such heartache. I had to deal with it all alone, and it took me a long time. And I avoided relationships for years because I did not want to suffer like that ever again. It made me feel in control to avoid future pain. 

How would things have changed if someone had listened a little more carefully, looked in my eyes to see that I wasn’t fine when I said everything was OK? 

Someone in your life needs you right now, but there is a chance you’re not hearing them. Maybe they are in too much pain to ask for help, or too embarrassed. Someone needs you to see through their eyes. Maybe they’ve even said something, but you sloughed it off as whining or neediness. 

If the eyes are the window to the soul, how much are we paying attention? What are we missing that someone is hoping we’ll ask about? What do we fear from asking questions that show we deeply care? 

We can’t walk in the shoes of others, we can’t feel what they are feeling, but we can be there for them. Let’s you and I spend this week listening more carefully. Listen with your heart and your eyes. Don’t be in a hurry. Doing so may make a major difference in someone’s life.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Sometimes I feel like I need to duck every time someone sends an e-mail. Like you, I get more e-mail than I want and I become numb to it. It’s a pattern of “click and delete,” and doing it over and over.

This week I was about to delete another e-mail from someone whose name I did not recognize, assuming it was spam. But it was from a reader who shared some personal things about how Sunday Coffee has helped. This makes it all worthwhile. I can’t share details, but everyone loves to hear about the meaning they have provided. Be sure to go out of your way to share with others what they mean to you. Make a habit of doing it daily. 

It’s gonna be a busy fall. I have a big online webinar coming up soon (watch for it), then Fall Color Week (sold out), then the Fine Art Trip behind the scenes in Stockholm and Madrid (there are still a couple of seats), and then Realism Live, our online art conference with top masters. And our Japan painting trip in March is getting closer. Though it’s sold out, we’ve been working on getting more seats and we think we can probably squeeze a couple more in, so get on the waiting list. 

Live life. Don’t buy fear. Treat yourself to great things. You deserve it. 

 “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to face only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”

“I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.”

— Henry David Thoreau, Walden, or Life in the Woods

Last week I mentioned that this home in the woods was built of trees from the property. We are the caretakers of this property, which has passed through the hands of several families since it was constructed. Little has changed other than the addition of plumbing. In fact, I sit in the same wicker chair that has been on this porch since the beginning.

Breathe Deep

The home’s purpose then, as now, was to disconnect from the frenetic life of the city, breathe deeply of the clean, pine-scented air, and reconnect with family and friends. But it was even deeper than that. The original builders, a wealthy family from New York, wanted to escape their gilded palace and hectic social schedule for a dose of reality by roughing it. 

This property, along with most of those on this historic lake, started out with tents, and then platforms built for the tents. Those platforms then had walls and roofs added. There was no heating, other than the wood you could cut yourself and burn in your fireplace. It remains mostly that way today, making early spring and occasional cold-front summer days a little less comfortable.

Healing from a Horrible War

But with the lack of comfort came a sense of self, a sense of peace and simplicity. Following the stress-filled Civil War years, people wanted to escape the cities, heal their wounds of lost family and friends, and improve the quality of life.

Sound familiar?

If anything good came out of the pandemic, it was this desire by many to escape the cities and improve their quality of life. Every small town in America has added new families who escaped their previous way of living. 

And most of us have found ourselves. We’ve learned about what we’re willing to tolerate and what we wish to avoid.

Suck the Marrow Out of Life

Sometimes we escape in search of something new in order to “live deep and suck the marrow out of life” (Thoreau). For some it’s a new town, an escape from the cities, but, as Thoreau said, “Our life is frittered away by detail … Simplify, simplify.”

For many, the chase we participated in over the years provided no meaning, yet meaning was found within the walls we were locked inside. Rediscovering our family, our passions, and our creative side. No longer willing to tolerate what no longer feels right. 

Thoreau’s Walden provides advice that applies to our current situation.

• “Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! I say, let your affairs be as two or three, and not a hundred or a thousand.”
•  “If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.”
• “Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.”
• “The question is not what you look at, but what you see.”
• “As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.”
• “Most of the luxuries and many of the so-called comforts of life are not only not indispensable but positive hindrances to the elevation of mankind.”

Locked Up

When we were locked and chained, we discovered what matters and what carries no meaning. Now, you and I are getting used to our reinvented selves. Making adjustments as we see how this suit fits.

The danger, I fear, is that we return to being busy, forgetting the joys of being in quiet, forcing ourselves to be comfortable outside our zone of comfort.

The lockdown was a gift, a slap in the face, a wakeup call, that life does not have to be lived the way we thought we were supposed to live it. 

Be True to Yourself

Don’t forget what you told yourself was going to forever change. Be true to yourself, not your busy mindset.

Others have told me they discovered that they were leading lives of quiet desperation, going through the motions, on the merry-go-round with no chance to stop, no time to assess and realize the spinning was not moving them forward.

Have you returned to this maze, this trap? 

Have you returned to being busy and forgotten your dreams?

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with unexpected success in common hours … If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.”

What price are you paying for the life you’re pursuing? “The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.”

Eric Rhoads

PS: When I first read Henry David Thoreau as a young man, it had no meaning because I had yet to live, yet to be entrapped by busywork with no goal in sight. Its meaning shouted to me this time, because of life’s experience.

The biggest tragedy is a discussion with someone who isn’t following their dreams, who has given up on them, who lacks confidence in their ability to achieve them, or has never tried. 

I don’t believe dreams are random. I believe they are provided for you, to speak to your heart, to discover the special things only you can do. The world was built by dreamers. Yet cemeteries are filled with many who never followed their dreams. 

Don’t waste time. There are no limits, no expiring deadlines. The only limits are the cages trapping you inside your mind.

Don’t waste one more breath. Be deliberate and follow what you’re intended to do.

PS2: The words are almost predictable. A visitor at dinner last night, when discovering what I do for a living, said, “I have no talent. I can’t do what you do.”

“But you can,” I said. “If you can follow a recipe, I can teach you to paint.”

“No, I have no talent,” she said, defeat in her voice.

Why is it we know that musicians need to learn music scales and practice, surgeons need a decade or more of schooling, but we think that artists are born with talent. It’s a myth. Like any profession, or any hobby, you simply learn how to do it by following a process. 

Art is one thing I hear people tell me they would love to do, but fear they don’t have what it takes.

Please allow me to prove you wrong so you can live a life of joy, able to create beauty that is part of who you are. 

Join me for Pastel Live this August. If you don’t know how to paint after, if you have not dispelled the myth that you have no talent, I’ll refund your money. 

No one gets good fast. It takes practice. The more practice, the more perfect (instructed) practice, the faster you get good, but it still takes time. But it’s joy-filled time. 

What do you have to lose? Nothing at all.

Loon calls and the slosh of water are interrupted by a distant deep rumble. No, it’s not that thunder we’ve been hearing, but a classic 1930s wooden Chris-Craft jetting across the lake, its engine roaring and echoing. Though I’m not a fan of noise in the midst of silence, there is nothing quite like a classic boat, its sleek design, graceful lines, shiny high-gloss finish, and trademark rumble. Our lake is filled with wooden boats. 

Somehow wooden boats in a lake surrounded by deep green forests make me feel like I’m living in another era. If someone from this lake went into a coma in 1920 and awoke today, it would be virtually the same, other than one or two newer boathouses and some ski boats. But things here are mostly unchanged, which is why we love it. 

Have you seen the meme floating around social media asking, “If someone went into a coma in 1986 and awoke today, what would be the biggest shock?”

Repeating Life

I often wonder how life would be if I were just starting out now. Was it better when I started my career, or would it be better now? 

Years of Struggle

The struggle to succeed was difficult, and there were days and even months when I wanted to curl up in a ball and weep because it was so hard. When I first started I had to work like crazy to get hired by radio stations so I could live my dream of having my own radio show. I can remember putting on a suit and tie and wingtip shoes and having my mom drive me to interviews. I spent weeks editing samples of myself on the air (which I made up, since I did not have any experience) and sent them to radio stations within driving distance of my parents’ home. I wanted to be on the radio so badly, yet I was rejected by at least a hundred radio stations before I got offered a paying job. 

Yet if I wanted to be in the media today, I’d just start a podcast or a YouTube show. 

Stupidity and Hope

Starting my first real business was incredibly hard. Had I known how hard, I’m not sure I would have wanted to endure the struggle, but thankfully, I never believed the negative Nellies who warned me how impossible things would be. 

I had no money, no experience, and no idea what I was doing. I operated on pure stupidity, energy, and hope. It took me years to get my business to make a profit. I went seven years without a paycheck, putting all my money back into my business. I suffered through at least three recessions and almost went out of business several times. One year my bookkeeper told me I had enough to survive and pay my employees for three weeks, so I had to fire them all that day so I could pay them two weeks’ severance. Then, with one week of cash left, I managed to generate enough business to survive. It was the hardest two years I can remember, but I felt accomplishment when I made it through. 

Easy Breezy

If I wanted to get my business rolling today, I’d still struggle and make mistakes, but I’d have things like social media, e-mail, and messaging to communicate or promote. 

As an author, I was rejected by lots of publishers, and struggled to self-publish when no one would represent me. Yet when I launched my most recent book, I posted it on Amazon and it was a best seller in two categories within one week. 

Today is better.

If you want to be successful today, there is no excuse. You can do everything faster, for less money and more easily. You have more tools to help you than ever existed before in history. You have all the advantages and few of the disadvantages. You can even have training at your fingertips online.

If you can’t succeed today, you have chosen not to. 

Yes, success is hard no matter what. But it’s the easiest it’s ever been. 

So why are some not successful?

Maybe you actually are a success and just think you need more to be happy.

The Life of a Fisherman

There is the story of a man who approached a fisherman in Mexico. He asked the fisherman if he loved what he did.

“I get up every morning, make love to my wife, then I get to spend quiet days drifting in the ocean all day. I bring in a few fish, take them to market where I see my neighbors, make all the money I need, come home, play cards with my best friends, have a couple of drinks, and go to bed.”

The man said, “Yes, but if you work harder, you could get another boat, then a fleet of boats, and then you could sell it all and make a lot of money.”

The fisherman asked, “What do I do with all that money?”

The man said, “Then you can have a relaxing day, spend time on your boat, maybe go fishing, make love to your wife, hang out with your friends and have a couple of cocktails, and never have any worries.”

The fisherman looked at him in confusion, because he had all of that now. 

How Do You Define Success?

Lots of people tell me they want to be successful. So I usually ask them to define what success means to them and how it will change their life. And why do they want that? Often people have goals and dreams without thinking about how things will change and whether that’s the life they want.

Planes and Shiny Objects

I hear a lot of people talk about wanting things like jets, helicopters, fancy cars, and multiple mansions. Our culture and media tells us those things are the measurement of success. I’m reminded of a 1980s ad from some guru standing in front of a giant house, garage doors open and several Rolls Royces inside. Growing up, it was hard not to want these things because the media told us that’s what defines success. Nothing has changed. I used to buy the lie and unhappily chased mega wealth for years.

It all looks glamorous, till you realize the responsibility that comes with the perks. You have to manage and keep and pay for all those perks.

Rich and Lonely

One billionaire “buddy” had all the stuff. A three-floor penthouse in Manhattan, a 100-foot yacht in the Caribbean where he spent half his time, a jet, a dozen or so cars, and giant homes in all the cool places, including one in Europe. He had people who traveled with him to cook his food, massage his back, work out with him, and manage his business affairs. He was surrounded by people all the time. At any time of day or night, he could request any food, and it would be made for him. 

But he was extremely lonely. His wife left him because he was addicted to cheating with gold-digging blondes who loved men with hot cars and big bank accounts. Yet they were empty relationships. His kids would have nothing to do with him because he treated them as badly as he treated his employees. And he had no friends. In fact, he wasn’t really a buddy at all. I declined an invite to his big birthday bash with all expenses paid. Turns out no one else showed up either. They didn’t like him, they liked his money, and they only dealt with him because they had to.

Would you call him a success?

Maybe he was a financial success. Maybe he had freedom. But he was lacking what he needed most. Love and true friendships.

Don’t let others define success for you. Just because you see people with Ferraris, Gulfstream jets, helicopters, and yachts does not mean it’s right for you. Some of my friends who have accomplished these things gave up a lot to get them. Some are happy, others are not. But in most cases, those things are not about happiness. 

The Paradox

I find it almost comical. We strive for success to get stuff because we think it gives us validation, freedom, and happiness. Yet all too often we become workaholics and don’t have time for our families and friends or for leisure travel because there is too much to be done. 

Are you willing to give up happiness in the pursuit of happiness?  

I also find it tragic that some people are so driven to get these things to make them happy that they steal them or they take advantage of others in business. Is that happiness, knowing you had to steal, cheat, or deceive to get it? Knowing you did not earn it on your own, or knowing you did not earn it properly? Is looking over your shoulder in fear of getting caught a state of happiness? Does knowing you destroyed others so you could look better to yourself lift your self-esteem?

The pursuit of success and happiness often leads us to want these things so much that we give up happiness and true success to get them. 

The True Test

If you shed all the stuff society tells you you’re supposed to have, or supposed to want to have, what makes you happiest now?

What if you got all those trappings? Would you be happy? 

Would you be happy knowing you have to work insanely hard to keep up and keep them? 

Would you be happy knowing your friends might like you for what you have, not who you are?

A Sad Reality

I was with a famous actress acquaintance recently who was telling me about some of the challenges of her life as a celebrity, and how she and her kids can never really know if people are true friends. Over time, many she thought were her friends turned out to only use her to get a role or an introduction, or in hopes of money, then abandoned her. It’s heartbreaking. 

Will you be happy when you lose your fame, your money, your cars, jets, and yachts? Or will you be stressed to get more when one of your friends gets a bigger boat? 

If you’re not happy today, there is a big chance that getting the stuff isn’t going to make you any happier. 

One podcaster I heard said he craved owning a Bentley, and he worked for years to own one. Three weeks later, it was just a car. The thrill wore off quickly. 

Will you have happiness if those things never happen?

Friends who travel have told me that people deep in the jungles of Africa who have nothing, not even enough food, are the happiest and most joy-filled people they have ever met.

Chase the Right Dreams

There is nothing wrong with wanting more, or chasing your dreams, or wanting to change your circumstances, especially if they are awful. But if you’re not finding a way to be happy now, the things you crave may not change anything. 

Define Your Perfect Day

Waking up alive, playing with my dogs, having my wife and family around me laughing and joking with one another, showing up at work with people I love to work on things that will make other people’s lives better, playing guitar with friends and painting outdoors with friends, and having daily conversation with my Maker … that’s a perfect day. 

I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished and the life I’ve provided my family, but I’m happier that I discovered that the things I thought I wanted would not make a big difference. Happiness is a state of mind, not a state of ownership.

Before you chase success, define it. With every goal, ask, Will this really make me happier? And ask yourself … What makes me happy now? And if I lose that in exchange for something else, will I be happier?

Success is wonderful, but there are always tradeoffs.

Eric Rhoads

PS: One of my wealthy acquaintances recently said, “You’re a really good painter, and I’d give up a lot to be able to paint like you.” I responded, “If you give me some time, I can teach you.” He said, “I’m too busy. My time is not my own.” So in reality, he was blowing smoke. He could have made a choice to learn something he thought was cool. 

Learning to paint has helped me find happiness. God made you and me to be able to create, and it opened my eyes to a new world. I see things through the eyes of an artist, I have something I love doing, I get to go outdoors and paint in my spare time, and I even sell paintings, which is kinda nice.

But I’m even happier when I see people who had no confidence, no belief in themselves, people who believed they had no talent, learn how to paint. We have literally transformed millions of lives by teaching those people to paint. 

If you’re one of those people who thinks you could not possibly make a pretty picture, I challenge you to consider it. You can do this.

I have an event in August called Pastel Live. The first day is for people starting out; it’s called Essential Techniques Day. Pastel can be the easiest medium to learn to paint with because we were all used to coloring with crayons in our childhood. Pastel is a lot like that. It’s not chalk, it’s pure pigment, and you can get more brilliant color than with any other medium. And I encourage you to try it by attending Pastel Live, or just our Essential Techniques Day. If you watch the full first day and feel you did not get transformed or informed enough in some way, let us know by the end of that day and we will refund your money. There is no risk at all, but everything to gain.

And if you paint in oil, acrylic, watercolor, or other media, you’ll love trying pastel. It will get you reinvigorated and reinvested  in painting, and it will teach you things about painting you can only know by trying pastel.

You can attend the first day for less than a meal out. Sign up today at PastelLive.com.

PS 2: I’m taking a small group to see the art of Madrid and Stockholm. Both cities are rich with art. Check out my new trip at www.finearttrip.com.