Finally, the oppressive Austin heat is subsiding and it’s a fairly cool morning compared to what it has been. Still hot, I’m splayed out like a dead cat on the couch, here on the back porch overlooking the cattle in the back 40 (fortunately they’re my neighbors’ cattle to care for). My body is totally relaxed, with legs up on the old wicker coffee table, and my back is barely upright, head leaning into the back of the couch, and my arms were just extended out to the sides with an empty coffee mug dangling from my limp fingers. Finally, I can relax.

Heading to Europe Next

It’s been a whirlwind crazy time. A week ago today I finished up a week of painting at Ghost Ranch, home of Georgia O’Keeffe. I was the fearless leader of 98 painters, and though we had a great time, my time in the office playing “catch up” afterward was brutal. So today I relax … and tomorrow I board a big bird to paint in Saint-Paul De Vence, France, for a few days with friends before meeting up with our Fine Art Trip through the South of France and then Scotland. Though I’m leading a group of about 40, it’s our vacation too, so I’m getting excited.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining. A week of painting with friends is about the best week a guy can have. And the beauty was amazing.

Flipping the Bird

One day last week I took the morning off from painting to take pictures. Stopping along Monastery Road to talk with some painters, they told me that on the way there they had passed one of the members of the group who was driving slowly on the windy road. As they passed her, the woman leaned out the window as if to wave, but instead gave them “the finger.” They were appalled that anyone would have that reaction just because they wanted to pass, but then to see it was someone within our own group (who probably did not recognize them), they were mortified. They went on to say they had noticed she had not fit in, and was sort of grumpy and not joy-filled like the others in the group.They referred to her as kind of a bully. 

I was speechless. And the first thing that crossed my mind was “She must be hurting.” I know, because I’ve been there. When I was bullied, I wanted to fight back. But we never know what someone else is going through at the time.

Victim of Bullying

As a child I was heavily bullied. I was one of the school “fat kids,” and I could not get a break. It seemed like every encounter with most of the other kids was unpleasant. I was called names, I was the last one left when picking teams, and I was generally unpopular. I remember one time before gym class when all the boys in the locker room started mocking me, calling me names, and snapping my naked fat body with their towels. Though I wanted to cry, I pretended it was funny. But it was everything but funny. I cried endless hours at home, wondering “Why me?” I dreaded going to school and dreaded gym even more.

The Pain of Reinvention

I begged my parents to let me change schools. They had no idea what was going on or the depth of the problem. Eventually I moved schools and reinvented myself without the years of baggage and image I’d have had to overcome with the other kids. And as painful as it was, that pain resulted in my reinvention and becoming who I am today. It did not seem like it at the time, but it was a blessing.

Bully 101

There are two kinds of bullies — external and internal. And I suspect all external bullies are rooted in internal bullies. In other words, people who bully others are dealing with some tough stuff, and the only thing that makes them feel better is to belittle or bully others. This, I suspect, was what was happening with the woman who gave the other ladies “the bird.” 

Bound with Chains

Sadly, the bully inside binds us all with chains, and we become stuck in this prison cell inside our heads. 

Why, if we love ourselves as we should, would we bully ourselves with negative self-talk? It’s awful to bully, berate, or be critical of others, but it’s even worse to do it to ourselves.

A Good Reason

I know … you’re this way because of your conditions. You grew up with abusive parents. You had abusive siblings or aunts and uncles. Your parents made you work on the farm. Someone in your family drank too much. You had a traumatic event in your life. You were poor. You were hungry. You were embarrassed. Your parents did not give you enough time or love. Fill in the blank here.

Refusing to Let Conditions Kill You

I have not walked in your shoes. You have not walked in the shoes of others. But I can tell you this. Everyone has conditions, history, difficult things that have happened. 

How is it that a woman who was kidnapped, raped by a platoon of soldiers, and then sold into sex trafficking can ever possibly have a smile on her face again? It’s because she, and others like her who have had horrific things happen to them, refuse to live their conditions. (I recently heard a woman tell this story with a forgiving heart.)

You are not your conditions.

You are not the conditions of your past or your present. Conditions do not define you. You have to rise above your conditions and show people that the only condition you’re willing to accept is that you are able to adapt and not willing to let anything destroy you. 

Magnetic People

What is it about some people you meet that makes you instantly know you want to be around them? Usually it’s because they have a big smile on their face, they are welcoming, they are non-judgmental, and they are happy. You want to be around them because they believe in themselves, and they believe in you, that you bring value to the world, no matter what.

Yes, I Served Time

I used to be in prison … locked away by my negative self-talk. For instance, I was invited by the BeeGees to a party at their home, yet I declined because I felt I was not worthy to hang out with such famous people. The same thing happened when comedian Red Skelton invited me to take him shopping. I declined. “Why would they want this useless fat kid from Indiana?” I thought.

I was living my conditions. After years of bullying in elementary, junior high, and even high school, I started to believe the things the mean kids said about me. So I got fatter to protect myself, I had low self-esteem, and I was depressed and lonely. “Why would anyone want to be around me?” I thought.

The Pretend Me

But there were two of me … the radio DJ no one could see, who could have fun and entertain on the radio, and the me that others could see in person. I had unknowingly separated them. One had no limits, no boundaries, could be fun and entertaining — the other was still living in my prison. And I carried this around with me for years. 

Eventually I managed to lose weight and become the me I wanted to be. I became more outgoing, and pretended to have my act together, yet for years I carried that belief: “What could I possibly have to offer?” 

A Simple Solution

I spent a fortune on therapy. I destroyed a lot of relationships and a marriage because of my internal prison. It turns out, all I had to do was change my perspective, stop my negative self-talk, and realize that I was of value to others, that they wanted to be around me.

My life changed. My career changed. My world changed, and now I am driven to help others get beyond their prison. I live my own life on my own terms.

If Only…

We tell ourselves that conditions will change everything … you know: “If only I get a bigger house, a nicer car, a more attractive partner, a prettier boat, a slimmer body, or a better job…” New external conditions may heal your wounds for a couple of days or a few weeks, but the only way to feel better in the long run is to tell yourself you’re no longer going to be imprisoned. Break the chains and walk out. Yes, it’s that easy.

Rich and Still in Prison

I know people who are ultra-wealthy, have lots of big houses and fancy cars, have trophy wives or husbands, have incredible companies or fame, yet they too are in prison, looking for more so they can feel better about themselves. They are stuck in their mind prison, stuck in self-pity, stuck in their past conditions, and bullying themselves.

STOP bullying yourself. Stop beating yourself up. You cannot change your life as long as you are your own enemy and you’re always shooting yourself with bullets, always reliving all the bad things that happened to you, always reliving the conditions you were in or are in now.

When you’re in prison, you start looking for problems, start believing all the negatives, start buying into all the bad things in the world that you can’t change. You become someone no one wants to be around — which of course fuels your own conviction that no one wants to be around you.

This is worth watching: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw

You cannot bully yourself. You have to love yourself.

You cannot truly love others until you can love yourself. You can’t give of yourself until you love yourself.

Yeah, but…

But my conditions, my horrible life, my horrible parents … stop it. It is what it is, you can’t change it. You can only change how you process it. Do you really want your past to hold you hostage? Forgive. It won’t be easy. But you’re doing it for you, and that makes it easier.

There are no guards in this prison … well, just one. You are the only one holding yourself in prison.

Dr. Sean Stevenson (1979-2019), whom I met three times, said, “True freedom is to drop out of your mind into your heart.”

It’s Your Own Choice

No matter what has happened “to” you, no matter your conditions, you have the freedom to choose how you let it impact you. You can choose a happy life, a great attitude, a big rich smile that is rooted in confidence. 

When you love yourself, whether you’re living in the biggest house in town or homeless on the streets, whether you have endless money or don’t know where your next meal is coming from, you are free. Free of negatives, free of self-pity, free of letting bad things bring you down.

Heart-Focused

When you live from the heart, when you shed the chains of disaster and negativity, you can hold your head high and face anything. Best of all, your conditions are no longer who you are.

Bullets Bounce Off

This new approach won’t keep you from having problems. You’ll have just as many, but they won’t wound you. The bullets will bounce off your chest. It does not mean they won’t hurt, but they won’t define you. And the side benefit is that you’ll instantly draw others to you because of your confidence and that big, genuine smile. No longer will you need to kick others down to make yourself feel better. No longer will you buy in to the lies and negativity you or others have been feeding you.

Don’t Let Them Beat You Down

You’ll be told a lot of things in your life, but push those things out unless they’re empowering or helpful. We all get negative thoughts, but you can choose to push them away or absorb them. If you absorb, it changes your personality, and scientifically, changes your physiology. Don’t let the negative win.

Oh, and you may have to change friends, because pity loves company and once you drop the pity, your pitiful friends won’t want you around. Yet you’ll become a magnet to others who want to be around you because of who you’ve become.

Embrace Change

The bully within is a powerful monster. All bullies are monsters. Take it by the horns and push it out of your life. It’s not easy, it takes time, but you will soon notice that your self-talk has changed and you’ll be loving yourself and boosting your own confidence. You are valuable to others. Embrace it and watch what happens.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Now that we’re in the fourth quarter, it’s time to start thinking about what you want to change in your life for next year. Actually giving thought early (rather than only on New Year’s Eve) is a good idea so you can make a plan and implement it. You don’t have to live with things as they are, you can change directions and see amazing results even in 90 days. (My dad engrained this into me.) No one else owns or controls you. These are your choices and yours alone.

PS2: When I made up my mind that I wanted to learn to paint, my head trash was awful. “You can’t do it, you can’t draw a straight line or a stick figure.” I never believed what was possible, yet today I can hold my own, though I’ve got more I want to accomplish. There is a rare and special moment in time happening this November, where we’ve done what others said was impossible. We’ve gathered the very top artists/masters in the world to teach at our Figurative Art Convention & Expo. You can learn, or grow, or expand your knowledge in portraits, figures, drawing, painting, even still life and plein air. It’s happening one time only in Williamsburg, never to return. Don’t let your self-talk or your excuses win. You can do this. Of all things, we had our website crash last week on the day our early bird price expired, which made some people upset. So we extended it till tonight at midnight. Though it’s OK to pay $500 more after tonight, that’s enough savings to pay for a flight. Grab it while you can.

PS3: I cannot guarantee that I’ll be in a position to get Sunday Coffee done when I’m in Europe the next couple of weeks. I plan to try, but that is going to mean getting them done at 10 p.m. so you get them on time. So, if I don’t show up, you’ll know why. Or I may just grab something from the past. (If you want to browse them all, you can find them and subscribe free at www.coffeewitheric.com.)

The soft purple light transitions between nighttime and morning as brilliant pinks illuminate the sky. Moments later, monumental rock faces are washed in glowing orange light. These rock formations are the very ones seen in great Westerns, old Marlboro commercials, and Georgia O’Keeffe paintings. My room sits atop a hill high above Ghost Ranch and overlooking a distant purple plateau, the very one Georgia spent a lifetime painting. This feels like sacred land, or at least an homage to the artist and film directors who made these lands famous.

Fond Farewell

Soon, like each morning for the past week, I’ll meet everyone for breakfast, and then make announcements one last time on our departure day. Tears will flow as people who did not know each other a week ago hug those who have become their new friends and they remember the laughter, the deep talks, the first plein air paintings for some, and the special memories of the week. Though we’re here at an event I call Fall Color Week, a week of painting, the friendships made outweigh the endless painting locations where one could spend a lifetime. I too am sad to say farewell but happy to be home with my family tonight.

The Choice

During this week I spent time with two different people who were dealing with some major problems and yet had incredible attitudes. One, recently diagnosed with a catastrophic, life-threatening disease, chose to come to the event anyway, though she isn’t feeling well and is going through some difficult treatments.

The other had her career cut short by an accident that left her in intense pain with no hope of relief, probably for the rest of her life.

The Effort for Joy

What struck me about both these people is that they were not wearing it on their sleeves, not talking about it, not seeking sympathy. In fact, I found that of all the people attending my event, these two had the most upbeat and outgoing personalities. Both were filled with joy, both were fun to be around, and they didn’t complain, whine, or fail to participate in spite of the pain they were in. They went out of their way to make things fun, to laugh, and to bring joy to those around them.

“There is no need to be miserable and make it difficult for others to be around me,” said the one. “I’m miserable enough, I don’t want to bring any misery to others and certainly don’t want to be miserable to be around or live with. I’m alive, and that’s a lot to be thankful for.”

I have to admit, I’ve seen few people embrace life with such joy as these two. 

Grumpy Me

Honestly, if I’m experiencing a temporary physical ailment like a herniated disc or a pinched nerve, I’m grumpy and not fun to be around. I cannot imagine knowing that pain would be long-term.

Never Giving In

In one case this person said she intended to beat her disease even though she has been told there is little chance of that happening. In the other case, she has tried dozens of different treatments, drugs, and therapies and has been told there are no more options, yet she is convinced she will beat it by continuing to search.

“I don’t know if I’ll make it through or not, but I believe I will, and I certainly don’t want to live the remaining months or years of my life being a sourpuss.”

Both of these women inspire me and have taught me important lessons. 

They embrace life as it is, not as it should be, or once was. And their conditions have made them want to make the most out of each day. A good day for each is a little less pain than other days. 

No Victims

Secondly, they are not playing the victim. They acknowledge their condition, but are not using it to gain attention or sympathy. They don’t like to talk about it, avoid bringing it up, and want to be accepted for who they are.

Third, they acknowledge their condition — but don’t accept it. Meaning they will never give in and consider their condition a life sentence. Instead they will keep seeking alternatives, never giving up.

Skipping Through Life

Fourth, they are living life with joy, happiness, and a spirit of fun. I caught one of them skipping, the other singing, and saw both laughing a lot. They want to live full and happy lives and go out of their way to make sure each day is as happy as possible in spite of their pain. 

Healing with Attitude

In Cyber Cybernetics, a book by Maxwell Maltz I read decades ago, the author presented evidence that attitude, laughter, and being happy had a positive impact on health and survival. More sophisticated recent research confirms what Maltz discovered among prisoners in concentration camps — attitude is a major factor in healing.

What causes you to have a bad day?

What makes you grumpy and difficult to be around?

How does what you’re facing compare to a death sentence or a lifetime of chronic pain?

Is it possible that the things we hang on to as victims, the things we get bothered or stressed by, pale in comparison to what these two women are facing? 

Learning Life Through Death

I recently lost an old friend to cancer. I watched him die on Facebook over the last two years. But he died with dignity and a great attitude, up to the very last day. Though he reported his progress, he was upbeat, encouraging to others, and a joy to be around. He taught me a lot about living as I saw the way he died.

People like this are bigger than most. Instead of being “Why me?” focused, they are not me-focused at all, but focused on bringing joy to others, and that brings them joy. 

What if we all lived that way?

What if we all shed our grumpy days, our misery, and our complaints, and realized that most of what bothers us isn’t a bother at all?

What if you did not allow yourself to have bad days … almost ever?

Who I Want to Be

I want to be the guy who greets me with a giant smile and open arms.

I want to be the lady who loves to laugh.

I want to be the person who gets joy from helping others realize greatness.

I want to be the person who never complains.

I want to be the person who makes others feel good about themselves when they’re around me.

I want to be the person who keeps his pain and angst to himself.

I want to be the woman who is exuberant.

I want to be the person who loves life, who embraces every minute, even the bad, and makes the best of them.

Who I Don’t Want to Be

I don’t want to be the person who complains, who whines, who is filled with anxiety and fear. I don’t want to be the person who isn’t fun to be around, who takes life too seriously, who finds fault in others and is judgmental.

Who do you want to be?

The great thing about life … you get to choose who you are. You can drop who you have been and reinvent yourself at any time in your life. You can’t shed your past, but you can choose not to allow it to impact your future anymore. 

You can be the life of the party. You can be exuberant if that’s who you want to be.

Circumstances do not define your life. You define how you interpret your life. 

Choose wisely. Each day is a gift, and no day should be approached without pure joy.

Eric Rhoads

PS: I don’t mean to make light of you or your circumstances. I’ve not walked in your shoes. I don’t know what you’re going through or what you’ve been through. But please know, I deeply want the best for you.

PS 2: I feel like I’m living a dream because I get to meet so many wonderful people in a lot of different circumstances. One lady this week said to me, “Coming to this makes me realize I need to be around more people. This is a joy because my family and friends can’t relate to my art, but everyone here is someone who shares the same passion I have.” Find your tribe, no matter what you’re into, and get involved. It will do your heart good. My next event like this is the 10-year anniversary of my Adirondack Publisher’s Invitational in June. If this is the tribe you want to be a part of, I’ll see you there. 

PS 3: This week I had 98 artists in attendance. We had so much fun, and remarkably, there were many beginners, and some who did the first plein air paintings of their lives. I did a lot of high-fives because I was so proud of them and wanted to encourage them. I’d like to high-five you for learning to paint portraits or figures at my Figurative Art Convention & Expo, which is coming up November 10-13 in Williamsburg, Virginia. It’s open to every level, including beginners, and it exposes you to the best of the best. If you’re going to learn, learn from the best. Remember, average people try to solve their own problems, above-average people try to learn from the mistakes of others, and exceptional people seek out exceptional teachers who are the best of the best to teach them. We’ve got a wonderful pre-convention workshop to teach you to draw, and another to teach you to paint people from photos. Then four days of exceptional training. If you’re an artist of any kind, keep this in mind. In the studio, you have questions you don’t even know to ask, but the masters teaching at FACE have answered most of them already. You can return to your studio with answers to questions you haven’t even formulated yet. One kernel of true understanding is priceless — imagine the nuggets the masters at FACE have to share. By attending you can make every day in your studio more stimulating and productive … What could you possibly learn from four days with the masters at FACE? When it’s over you’ll wonder how you could ever have asked such a question.

Flipping my eyes open, I was briefly disoriented. Where am I? Instead of the old oak trees behind my porch or the lake from my deck, the view is a hotel room. Nothing special. But the view out the window is illuminated with pink-orange light against tall blue mountains. I’m in Taos, New Mexico.Dinner with Legends

Last night I had dinner with Cherie McGraw and David Leffel, two world-famous artists who are dear friends and live locally. Though my intent was to drive back to Ghost Ranch, an hour and a half from here, I didn’t want to get stranded in the middle of nowhere in the deep dark desert. So I stayed here for the night.

A Week with Friends

Today about noon I begin to “check in” 100 of my closest friends. We will paint together in the land of Georgia O’Keeffe for a week. It will be invigorating and exhausting and worth every minute.

Over dinner part of our discussion was the necessary transition from artist to become an artist-businessperson. I told them the story of transformation I’m about to tell you.

A Transformation

Once a quarter I sit in a group that is my board of directors, made up of 13 business owners. We all sit on each others’ boards. They help me, I help them, we all help one another. Last Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday I attended these meetings.

One of the members, a man I’ll call Al, made a statement to the group about a year ago in our first meeting together.

“I’m an artist, I’m not a businessman. I don’t want to become a businessman.” Yet in the same statement he talked about this little business he had started that was billing over a million dollars a year. But it was starting to decline. When we asked why, he said it was probably because he spent eight months away surfing that year and was letting his employees run the business, which is often a bad idea.

I’ll never forget what one of the board members said that got his attention…

“Instead of looking at paying attention to your business as bad, look at it as a means of buying your freedom so you don’t have to go back to work for someone else. If you’ll look at business differently, you’ll develop the skills needed so you can buy your freedom on your own terms.”

When I met with the group last week, Al was a changed man. He had his business under control, he had made a lot of changes, and from the looks of it, he will make almost double this year.

When we talked at lunch, he told me this: “I realized that business does not define me. Art defines me. I was resistant because I did not see myself as a business guy, but now I still see myself as an artist who simply had to develop some muscles in other areas so I could continue to be an artist.”

Standing Ovation

The board stood up and applauded because after a year, he had accepted his role, embraced it, and was doing a great job. It was a total transformation.

Our lives are dominated by the stories we tell ourselves. Our stories are rooted in our past, our pain, our pleasure, and the way we live. But our stories can change.

The Truth You Need to Hear

By having a caring board of friends who told him the truth he did not want to hear, Al faced his reality. Frankly, we all expected him to choose surfing, let his business continue to decline, and drop off our board. Instead, he faced the music and stepped up.

Perspective is a wonderful gift. If you’re willing to gather the thoughts of others, find people you can trust and who have experience and have accomplished things in areas where you need help, you can find the truth if you listen carefully.

They say the truth will set you free.

But the truth in this case would have been nothing without Al making the decision to change himself and his self-perception.

Life without challenges is not life well lived. It’s the challenges that create the contrast. The bad makes the good so much sweeter.

Being Defensive

For most … the truth sets off a series of defense reactions. “They don’t know what they’re talking about. Don’t you think I know what I’m doing? I’ve got it under control.” If you catch yourself saying those things, perhaps you should listen carefully and pay attention to those who are trying to get through to you.

Once you accept the feedback, the next step is to take action by finding out what needs to change and then finding ways to change it. Usually we can’t do it on our own, which is why learning from the mistakes of others is important. And if you can, don’t learn from just anyone’s mistakes. Learn from the best of the best who can take you to the highest possible level.

Couch Potato

If you want to get in shape, you can’t sit on the couch and eat bon bons and expect something to change. Though I don’t want to go to the gym, when I don’t I get fat and lazy and my brain doesn’t work as well.

Life is about developing new muscles. After hearing the truth, Al needed to develop his business muscles, his discipline muscles. He had us to help him.

I’m Delusional

After a lot of years of making stupid decisions and not having much growth, I had to face my own truth. I was not as good as I told myself I was. (We’re all delusional at times.) I had to learn new things from new people who were the best, and then I had to develop muscles by learning and practice.

When I wanted to improve my skills in portraits, I went to one of the best, Joshua LaRock. And when I wanted to improve my landscape painting, I went to Joseph McGurl.

What are you not seeing that you need to see?
What are others trying to tell you?
What’s not going well because you’re not accepting that you need to deal with it?
In what areas are you telling yourself a story?

The Value of Perspective

There is wisdom in many counselors. Surround yourself with others you respect, who have done things you’ve been unable to do, and listen for their truth. Don’t take advice from people who do not have a great track record.

Then accept your challenge, make the change in your mindset, and start developing the muscles you need to develop.

A perfect game is not possible. A game with no curveballs is uninteresting. Embrace change and an opportunity to grow.

Do you know how to spell growth? L-E-A-R-N

Life can be exhilarating and exciting with lifelong learning, developing new muscles.

Waterfall or Pool?

You can choose to be a gushing waterfall or a smelly, algae-filled pool of stagnant water. Which will you be?

Whatever you do, don’t make the mistake I did…

I started my business and ran it for 20 years and made about the same low amount of money every year. I got sick of it.

Repeating Mistakes

Then a friend woke me up by saying, “You’ve repeated the same year 20 times. The only way to make things better is to get better. The only way to get better is to learn from others who are better. Otherwise you’ll remain stuck forever.”

He was right … and though I did not have any extra money, I made some sacrifices and I started going to events to make myself better. The things I learned helped instantly.

My thinking shifted, I started doing things differently, and I got unstuck.

What about you?

Are you happy with where you are?
Are you happy with your progress?
Are you willing to stay exactly where you are for the rest of your life?

If you want to get unstuck … all you have to do is start investing in yourself.

It won’t be easy. It will require some work. It won’t happen overnight. But it will work. And you’ll be happier and more successful — and have freedom.

Eric Rhoads

PS: After this week at Ghost Ranch I’m heading home, and then off to the South of France and Scotland on our annual fine art trip. Unusually this year, we actually have a couple of seats left due to weddings and illnesses. It’s usually hard to get into this group. If you are adventurous, have a passport, and are willing to make a last-minute trip, you should join us! 

I’m sure I’ve already told you about the Figurative Art Convention & Expo (FACE) and how you can see a personal transformation. But don’t listen to me. Listen to these people. Maybe you should join us in November. 

“It is one of the most informative and worthwhile experiences for anyone who is an artist in training or an emerging artist. You learn so much and get to interact with like-minded people.” — Khann Mai

“It’s mind-expanding and inspirational to see top artists creating work and hear what they’re thinking.” — Margerett McDermott

“If you are interested in elevating your work, or breaking past a rut, you have to surround yourself with professionals who can elevate you. Be around the next level up, and aspire to inspire. FACE is a stepping stone to better.” — Jessica D. Perez

“The value surpasses the price to attend. The fact that I could greet supporters and collectors of my work and thank them with a handshake and develop those friendships with other artists makes the event immeasurably valuable. If I have to save all year, I’m going to attend next year.”— Brianna Lee

Streaming through the leaves of the ancient twisted oak trees, orange morning light kisses the tall grasses below and illuminates my little brown-wood clapboard art studio in the distance. The string of party lights that trim the porch are glowing as if turned on.

The tops of the oaks sway gently with the welcome breeze on this otherwise oppressively hot morning. The dogs sit atop the deck, at high alert for chasable squirrels. And I’m blinded as the sun blasts my eyes, and ready to let the screen door slam behind me as I escape to the cooler air-conditioned indoors.

Avoiding Reality

Now home for a week after my summer escape from reality, I’m still working hard to avoid it. The mere sight of a TV in a restaurant makes me walk out the door as I try to continue my vacation from news media. I suppose I have to ease into it slowly. 

Tuning Out TV

Remarkably, the temptation is always there. I’m so used to turning the TV on when cooking dinner or sitting around at night that it’s a battle not to succumb, yet my stress melted away so much when I took TV out of my summer that I’m trying to keep it away as long as possible.

Reading Old Books

Since I have no TV in my studio, I make my way out there to start reading a pile of new art books I’ve recently acquired. I’ve also been reading Elbert Hubbard, a philosopher from the late 1800s. I discovered him through my friend Roy WIlliams, who told me Hubbard had created Roycroft, a commune for artists, writers, and musicians in East Aurora, New York. So Brady and I stopped there for a night and had dinner with artist Thomas Kegler, who lives minutes away (and who graciously kept the dogs, since the hotel wouldn’t).

Ahead of His Time

Hubbard, as it turns out, was the biggest-selling author and largest publisher of the time, yet few know of him today. His most famous book was A Message to Garcia, and he is known for starting the Arts & Crafts movement in America after a visit with designer William Morris in England. The campus at Roycroft is one of the most beautiful I’ve ever seen. Small, but quality — just as everything Hubbard published was done with elegance, high design, and quality paper. Though I did not know of him at the time I started publishing magazines, we appear to have shared that interest in quality.

Don’t Cheap Out

I’ve taken many a lesson from my parents, especially my dad, whose steps I followed into being an entrepreneur. He used to tell me how much quality mattered and to never give in to the temptation to go cheap if it affects the quality or appearance of your brand. It was one of the most important lessons I ever learned — because it matters. Even this week, a woman I met with picked up Fine Art Connoisseur for the first time and said, “This is one of the most beautiful magazines I’ve ever seen.” She even hugged it! You simply can’t get that impact with cheap paper and weak designers.

What if everything you and I do is done with the highest-quality aesthetics in mind?

What if everything you touch is done with excellence?

A Giant Turnoff

Someone once approached me about buying my magazines. Curious, I asked what immediate changes they would make, to which they said they would save by cutting paper quality and doing away with the thick paper covers and high gloss (all of which are expensive). It was then that I knew I’d never sell, and my instruction to my heirs is to never follow the temptation to save money when it comes to appearance. 

Pondering Excellence

I’ve been thinking about excellence a lot lately, and I’m trying to up my own game. How can I take what’s good and make it better? How can I improve on our publications, trips, retreats, conventions, and video products? Though people tend to say good enough is good enough, raising the bar makes you better. And others can tell the difference.

We need to always be asking ourselves the question … do I want to be good enough, or do I want to be better than good enough?

Done Well Isn’t Enough

I tell my kids that getting things done isn’t enough, and getting them done well isn’t enough. Getting things done to the highest possible standard is where you need to be with everything. 

Deep Quality

In my books by Elbert Hubbard, the quality of printing and design is impeccable. These things were clearly the best on the market at the time, and to this day few books approach his standards. Publishers over time have told themselves that cheap paper and poor design are OK. They’re not OK in my book.

What has this got to do with you if you’re not publishing anything? What’s it got to do with your family?

Challenge Yourself

Striving for better is always a great challenge. I’m not suggesting buying better, though that’s OK if it’s meaningful to you, but making better. Taking the extra time to do things with excellence.

Replace or Repair

Our little summer cabin was built in 1898, and this summer, when an old fixture broke, I could have gone to Home Depot and bought a new, modern fixture that faked being old. But I wanted to keep the vibe, so I spent several hours over two days, with lots of trips to the hardware store, to repair the old fixture that dated back to the early 1900s. I felt gratified in taking the time to do something right. In the case of that old camp, new isn’t better. Original is better.

Pride Matters

Take pride in doing things well. Take time to get them right. Go out of your way to make sure the design is excellent so others have a wonderful experience. Even if you’re doing something for yourself, make it the best it can be. Whether that’s a house you’re building, a report you’re making, the presentation of a meal on a plate — anything. 

Our world is focused on cheap. They bark about high quality, but it’s rarely found. I’m not suggesting you do things expensively — quality is often unrelated to price. 

Excellence matters. It makes others feel as though you care. Though some will balk and say it doesn’t matter, you can balk back and say, “It matters to me.” 

Eric Rhoads

PS: I just wrote a piece about the 10th-anniversary art trip we’ve created. It is truly a quality experience that is un-duplicatable. This year will top them all. (Read a letter I just sent out about it here).

We tend to believe that success is a signal that change isn’t needed. Though our November Figurative Art Convention & Expo is only three years old, we’re making some changes this year to make it better, just as we’re doing with the Plein Air Convention & Expo, even though it’s almost sold out and we don’t need to make changes. It’s just the right thing to do. Let’s all be the best we can be by pushing ourselves to be better than yesterday.

Golden sun is streaming into my eyes as it lights up the deep green, now golden color pines around the dock and illuminates the red Adirondcack chairs until they glow.

A shimmer of light skips across the almost mirror like surface of the lake, barely a visible wave, as the echo of loon calls bounces from shore to shore. 

The sound “plop” and a few rings in the water are from a fish that jumped as if to say “catch me if you can.”

Yesterday giant white sheets of Egyption cotton on 120 year old wooden boats danced across the lake, with the distant mountain framing a photo so beautiful it should be on the cover of a magazine. 

A Guest Who Never Left

The blessing of home ownership here on this lake was not an instant task. I came on to this lake over 30 years ago as a guest who never left, hoping one day to have the means and the rare opportunity of ownership here synchronized. 

Luck Has Nothing to Do With Anything

I used to look at those who had accomplished dreams in their lives as people who were lucky, or perhaps part of the lucky birth club. In hindsight I realize I finally accomplished a dream I set for myself 30 years earlier that finally came true. Not all things you hope for happen fast, which is why never giving up on dreams is critical. And accomplishing this required hundreds of steps, other goals and dreams that had to come true, including hundreds of failures and missteps.

Good things come to those who wait.  Though things don’t just happen by waiting. Every dream, goal requires massive action and movement toward the goal.

In the past I’ve discussed goals and dreams and the importance of manifesting what you want, but there is a critical part of that I’ve never mentioned, and is rarely ever mentioned.

Dreams often get crushed by roadblocks. 

Too often when roadblocks come we let go of our dreams because the things we were doing to accomplish that dream were ripped out from under us.

Dreams Destroyed

As a young guy I can remember the blood draining from my face, my knees going limp, my hands shaking and my eyes trying to hold back the tears when something I’d been working on for years was ripped out from under me. Suddenly I was faced with the reality that my dreams were not going to happen. It was a frightening moment and it was the first time it had ever happened to me. After all, before that life was good, things had gone well, and I never really had faced any adversity.

The Secret Ingredient

Our culture today tends to focus on goals, dreams and you can do anything you desire. Though there is much to that, we fail to acknowledge something that is one of the most important steps toward accomplishing dreams; The roadblock.

You see when I had that first major roadblock. I gave up. I got depressed. I stopped. It took me a lot of years to understand the value or roadblocks and the determination to find ways through them.

Crash and Burn

Imagine for a moment that you’re a runner going around a track at your high school. The first few times you run around the track you can’t make it all the way. You’re huffing and puffing, exhausted and sweating. Over time your lungs and muscles develop more and you can make it all the way around. Soon, with more practice you can make it around ten or twenty times. Then, just to throw you off, your coach throws in some barriers, some low hurdles you have to jump over. Because they are low, you can easily jump over them. But when she places tall hurdles you try to jump but you crash into the hurdle and fall. You try over and over unsuccessfully.

The Crowd Thins Out

You either become determined to find a way over that hurdle or you give up. As you and your classmates continue the majority give up and tell themselves they can’t do it. Others keep trying, having accidents. More drop out. Still others try, have more accidents. By now there are only three or four runners left. All eyes are on them. Everyone is rooting for them. Will they make it? Can they get over that barrier? Each keeps going, keeps trying. Then one makes it over and everyone watching cheers. You throw your hands up in the air because you conquered the barrier. It was one of the best feelings of your life.

We often look at barriers as the end of the road, yet it’s the barriers that make us stronger. 

Throwing Acid on Roadblocks

Each of us faces barriers in our lives. Most of those barriers we would rather not face, yet if we choose to give up and give in, we are defeated and see our dreams disappear. Those who keep trying may have unfortunate and difficult accidents, but if they keep it up they will find a way to get over it, around it, under it, or some way to the other side. Determination is like throwing acid on roadblocks.

No Trophies for Participation

Barriers make us stronger. Having every kid on the team get a trophy makes everyone weaker Self esteem isn’t built by having things handed to you, its built by overcoming obstacles and having the feeling of elation when you get past that barrier.

How to Get to the Top

Recently I came to the realization that the biggest winners are the ones who place barriers in their own way. Former Football star Bo Eason says that “if you want to be at the top of your game, your craft, your field, your business or industry, obstacles are the best thing you’ve got going in your favor.”

Obstacles Equal Progress

He talks about how he had a great life as a kid, wonderful summers, joyful memories, no stress. But when he decided he wanted to be the best safety in the world, everything changed. Now he had an obstacle to overcome, yet its an obstacle he had placed there himself by setting that goal. He could have continued to live a life without obstacles yet he would have never accomplished anything.

More Obstacles Equal Bigger Growth

Big dreams are tied to massive obstacles. Billionaires who started from nowhere don’t just get lucky, they work harder, they put more obstacles in their own way, and they are determined to find a way around them no matter what. 

If you want to be the best at anything you have to put more obstacles in your way and find a way to overcome them.

Big dreams have massive obstacles. They are the way to greatness.

When people see you declare big dreams, they will latch on to your vision and do what they can to help you. And to overcome barriers and live big dreams we need others to help us.

Napoleon said, “Small plans do not inflame the hearts of men.” 

Goethe said,  “Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men.”

Daniel Hudson Burnham said,  “Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men’s blood.”

Roadblocks are the way to greatness. 

Are you embracing obstacles and roadblocks?

Are you dreaming big enough to put roadblocks in your way so you can overcome them?

Do your dreams inflame the hearts of others so they will want to be enlisted to your cause?

A life well-lived is rich with experiences, with the satisfaction of having overcome obstacles, and never coasting. Challenges will keep you growing, keep you energized, and keep you mentally stimulated and young.

Will you coast or will you lay obstacles in your path to pursue great dreams?

Eric Rhoads

PS: A Big Dream Gets New Obstacles

A couple of years ago I laid a giant obstacle in my patch with a dream to teach a million people to paint. In two years we’ve made great progress but probably have only reached 10% of that goal so far. But that’s about to change. A year ago, with this goal in mind, I laid two more giant obstacles in my path, and both will be announced within the next two or three months, maybe sooner. One will place this dream in front of about 20 million people several times and the other will put us in front of more than 100 million people worldwide. Both have had major setbacks, have fallen apart, and had to be reinvented. It’s been discouraging, frightening at times, and has required me to put a lot at risk. There were times I wanted to throw in the towel, and times I lost confidence and had to coach myself back to the self confidence to keep going. I can say with confidence now that both will happen. Stay tuned, you’ll be the first to know.

PPS #2 Two 10 Year Reunions: 

I’ve been to most of my high school reunions accept for the last, only because I lost my drivers license and could not travel. I love reunions when I reconnect with people I’ve known for a long time (nothing quite like friends you’ve had for years) but what I don’t like about them is its a single event and then it ends.

I’ll be conducting two reunions this year and next. Each are 10 years. But instead of a single event, both will be a week or longer and time to really spend proper time with people you love. The first one is the 10 year reunion of our annual Fine Art Connoisseur Fine Art Trip (and of course we’ll pull out all the stops). We’re going to the South of France, Provence, Nice and seeing art treasures from behind the scenes. Though it’s a reunion and a lot of people who have become close, new family members are welcomed. It’s coming up in October so I’ve gotta make my flights this week. 

The other 10 year reunion will be next June for my Adirondack Publisher’s Invitational paint camp. Its just a week of painting outdoors and making new friends and seeing old ones. Its a full week and more fun that almost anything I do. I’m inviting everyone who has ever been (plus anyone who has ever wanted to come) to celebrate 10 years with us. 

It’s important to have traditions and time with friends.