Little leaves on tiny stems sparkle like jewels as the brilliant morning light makes streaks in the sky, kissing the trees and illuminating their rough bark with a reddish orange glow. Lavenders, purples, and light blues fill the long shadows as they stretch like rubber bands pulled as far as they can go, all pointing out from the sun, inspiring what could be a painting from where I sit on the long wooden Texas porch. Feeders for the birds sway in unison, to and fro, as a light breeze tickles the leaves, and squirrels jump from branch to branch trying to get to the feeders like thieves scrambling to get into a bank vault of treasure. 

Here I’ve sat through hundreds of sunrises like a moviegoer, each screen with its own plot and colorful action. My hand rapidly scribbles thoughts or images into my sketchbook, which is my closest companion, always close by when I need a friend.

A Lifetime of Journals 

Opening the cabinet, I see them standing side by side like little soldiers, numbered and stored for years. I can return to any of the last dozen years, pick a date, and page through these journals for my notes. Unlikely to be a family heirloom when I’m gone, they contain the content of my days, my thoughts, notes from my meetings, and things I hope to remember, pages by the thousands. When I pick any random day from the past, the pages filled with stressful moments, the days I thought my world was over and things couldn’t possibly get worse, seem unusually emotional and over-reactive — things weren’t so bad after all. These moments were overblown, and they are no longer emotionally charged. Endless hours of worry, frantic meetings to solve world-ending problems, once placed in distant perspective, have lost their power over me.

Explosion Prevented

Just last week I was seething with anger and disproportionately charged over an incident with a couple of foolish errors that could have had a massive negative impact on our ability to pay our bills. All because someone didn’t measure twice and cut once, setting off a chain of events that uncovered other errors. All would never have been revealed had it not been for a caring customer who brought it to my attention with a midnight text, while other customers remained silent and simply moved on to something or someone else.

Hidden Gems

The mistake that made me want to react so negatively turned out to be a gift, because had it not been discovered, its impact would have been far-reaching and potentially very damaging. My first reaction was to throw blame, but after a lot of digging into it, my more measured response was to solve the problem and realize no one did anything wrong with bad intentions. They just needed to learn how to prevent the mistake in the future.

Unexpected Growth 

Not only were there lessons for me, there were lessons for those around me. My son, sitting beside me on the couch, right before a deadline, saw me snap into massive action, making calls, sending e-mails and texts to solve the problem before it became a deeper problem, showing that sometimes you can’t wait for morning. Though I’d rather have gone to bed and not stayed up half the night, there are times when you have to do what’s necessary.

Teaching Lessons 

It was also a chance to say … I’m angry, and my first reaction is to blame people and get rid of them. But it’s important to take a breath, put things in perspective, and realize we need to focus on solutions, not problems. 

No one died. No one got a call from their doctor announcing a threatening disease. There are bad days, but problem-solving is what we get paid to do.

Reaction is a natural force, anger follows, but time puts things into perspective. The more time passes, the better. 

Massive action may be needed to rectify a problem fast, but yelling, blaming, firing only makes everything worse. 

Growth is the gift of pain.

Past Mistakes 

Reading my journals, hundreds of moments would reveal times when I was less mature, when I’d hit the send button in anger and disrupt things and make them worse, like a bowling ball knocking down pins. Times when my ego was bruised and I felt the need to be right, not bothering to seek the other side of the story or to understand what someone might be going through that prompted their action. 

I once had an employee go off on everyone in a meeting, screaming and yelling unnecessarily. I excused myself, asked him into his office, and terminated him immediately because that behavior isn’t acceptable and it was his third strike. Little did I know — I found out months later — that there were things he was dealing with that prompted his anger, bad news of a life-threatening diagnosis. Though there’s never a good reason for bad behavior, there are reasons. Had I been more mature, maybe I would have called him into the office, told him his behavior was unacceptable, and said, “Take the rest of the day off, and we’ll chat tomorrow.” Maybe then I’d have bothered to ask what was going on. 

Explosive reactions are sometimes understandable, but they’re not helpful. Deep breath, plus time, is almost always a better answer. 

Words cut like knives and last for lives. They can’t be taken back. 

Past explosive reactions have created bigger problems for myself. So now I try to keep my mouth shut and don’t hit the send button in anger. 

Time Heals 

Two days after the big problem, things looked different. My instinct to shout would only have made things worse. Plus, it promoted new systems to prevent future problems and provided training moments, and that makes us stronger. 

When anger hits, don’t seek revenge, don’t default to harsh words or screaming. Take a deep breath, seek perspective, and when the time is right, seek understanding. 

Eric Rhoads

PS: This week was one big meeting, all day every day … I had two days with my board, which is a hard but necessary opportunity to gain the perspective and advice of others. Then two days with a couple of team members for planning and much-needed perspective, and then a day of normal meetings.

This week will be a couple of days of rehearsal and last-minute adjustments, then four days of my online training event Watercolor Live, which has a massive audience of people who want to grow as painters by watching the advice of top master artists, along with people who have decided they want to learn. There is still time for you. And if you can’t make the dates, replays are an option. www.watercolorlive.com.

There is no better feeling than walking outside in my fuzzy flannel PJs, feeling the texture of the wooden porch on my bare feet and not having the hair stand up on my arms from cold weather.  I squint my eyes in the brilliant orange light coming up from the purple mountain range in the distance, with pastel-like purples and greens in the sky. It’s a perfect morning.

An Unexpected Problem

When I was a kid, my dad bought his first really nice car. It was a celery-colored Lincoln Continental. My friends used to call it the Queen Mary because it was like a boat. My grandparents were upset when my dad bought it because, as they said, “We’re not showy people.” In our little town, it was the most expensive car you could buy — we certainly did not know about Mercedes or Rolls or Bentley. 

A Moment of Shame

I was in about seventh grade, and one day my mom dropped me off at Harrison Hill Elementary. She was driving the Lincoln, and when I got out of the car all the kids started mocking me. “Spoiled rich kid,” they would call me. I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. 

From that point forward, they treated me differently. I was already bullied because I was the school fat kid, and now I was double bullied because I was fat and rich. I became very lonely and literally developed ulcers over it. 

Not Much Different, Really

In reality, we were pretty much like everyone else. We lived in the same neighborhood as most of the other kids. Our houses were all about the same. In fact, our house was a lot smaller than most. But that car somehow sent the wrong signal. 

When Success Hurts

My dad was proud of reaching this moment of success because of his hard work on his company. He grew up dirt poor, and the Lincoln was probably a signal that he

had made something of himself. It was more about feeling good than trying to pretend to be better than others. But the car changed things with our neighbors, and even my mom’s friends, because suddenly we were different. Though I did not realize it at the time, my dad was perceived as flaunting his success.

After that day at school, I did not want to be seen in that Lincoln. In fact, when my mom would drop me at school, I had her drop me off a block away to avoid being seen. 

Finding Deep Meaning

I had not thought about that car and the incident with my “friends” for decades. But I was in a class recently where we talked about our limiting beliefs. What I discovered is that most of us operate our lives through the filters of our childhood and the things that happened to us before we were 10.

And because we’re not experts at solving problems at that age, we solve them in the ways we know how, which are usually about avoiding pain.

During the event we were given an exercise to tap into our subconscious minds to try to discover our limiting beliefs, the things holding us back. 

Wanna guess what one of mine was?

Here’s a clue. It had to do with that darned Lincoln.

The Lincoln represented wealth, and being seen in it represented not being accepted by my friends. 

I discovered that too much success made me uncomfortable because I did not want to lose friends. So throughout my life, I would hit a ceiling and never get beyond it.

I found out that I was subconsciously sabotaging my own success because I do not want to be mocked or bullied. A childhood need to be liked and accepted was still impacting my behavior as an adult.

Not only was I unconsciously limiting my own success, I was apologetic for the success I had. 

Apologizing for Success

If someone would compliment me on my home, I’d tell the story of how we got a good deal on it. Why? I did not want to be different or not accepted. Yet I did not even realize I was doing it.

Though I wanted to buy a nice car, I resisted and drove the same small, crummy car for 15 years. Finally, I bought a car, but I’d keep it in the garage so my friends wouldn’t see it. And if they did see it, I made a point to tell them that I bought it used and got a great deal.

I was operating on my fearful 10-year-old brain, which was telling me to avoid success so I would be loved and appreciated.

How silly is that?

Lots of Life Wasted

I spent several decades of my life living with limiting beliefs I didn’t know I had, and only discovered them through an exercise to ask my subconscious brain what was holding me back. I knew I had a problem. I did not know the cause.

I’m sure I have other limiting beliefs that hold me back in other ways. Now I need to do more exercises with my subconscious to find out why I have nagging feelings about things.

Yes, You ARE Worthy

Our limiting beliefs are thoughts or ideas that limit our potential, holding us back. We tell ourselves things like, “I can’t do that,” “I don’t deserve that,’ “People from our background don’t do this,”  “I’m not worthy,” etc.

These beliefs are rooted in past experiences and societal influences, and are often so deeply ingrained in our subconscious mind that they impact our behavior. These beliefs are like being tied up, keeping us from our full potential. 

Make It Stop

Empowering beliefs are, of course, the opposite of limitations. But sometimes positive affirmations and positive thinking aren’t enough. I’ve done those things my whole life. And they do work. But in this case, I have to find out about my limiting belief and realize how it’s impacting my behavior. Once I’ve done this, the limiting belief will stop.

I’m told that the chains will lift more and more as days pass, but I’ve already noticed I’m doing things in some situations that I wouldn’t do before because I did not feel worthy.

Whew, this is deep stuff. Deep inside our brains.

Do you have limiting beliefs?

I’m told everyone does, and that most are not aware of them. 

It turns out that questions to your subconscious provide breakthroughs. 

Instead of “Why am I afraid to fly?” I should be asking myself, “If there was a reason I’m afraid to fly, what would it be? And how is it hurting me?” (This is a key part of tapping the subconscious.)

Failed Dreams 

My dear aunt spent her whole life wanting to go to her grandparents’ home country of Ireland. By the time she died, she’d never achieved that dream, because she was afraid to fly. She knew she was afraid and told me, but she never understood what was causing her to be afraid. It was probably related to something that happened when she was a kid. No matter how much we tried to reason with her about safety, logic could not overcome her fears.

In what ways are your beliefs stopping you from living your dreams, reaching your full potential?

It’s never too late. 

Everything in your life is filtered through your unique pair of glasses. Every choice, action, and even every buying decision. You and I do things not knowing why. 

Why does one person, like my dad, need to buy a giant expensive car?

Why do some people not want to be around certain personality types?

Why do we avoid certain things?

The reasons are deep inside your head, and the answers will come to you, once you start asking for them.

Eric Rhoads

PS: When I was almost 40 I came to the conclusion that it would be fun to learn to paint. I tried several times and failed, and ended up telling myself I did not have what it takes. I told myself that some people are born with the gift, but I wasn’t one of them. Thankfully, one man helped me see that none of that was true, and that by following a system, I — or anyone — could become proficient. 

For at least the past 20 years I’ve devoted my life to overcoming the myth that there is an artistic “gift,” and I believe we have probably taught over a million people to paint. When I tell myself I need to reach 10 million, my limiting beliefs kick in and I hear a little voice say, “Eh, not possible.” But when this happens, if you listen to what that little voice is saying, and ask yourself why it’s being said, you might tie it back to your subconscious mind. Then you can ask for answers … if I knew the answer, what would it be?

If you’re like I was, and you want to learn painting but don’t feel worthy, I give you my 100% money back guarantee that I can teach you to paint through my event this month. It’s called Watercolor Live, and if you attend the first day and don’t feel like you’re getting it, or learning, or overcoming those negative thoughts, just ask and you get your money back.

And if you want to hear about the two big lies that are holding you back, watch the brand new video I posted at www.watercolorlive.com. 

Lying in bed, fast asleep, I’m startled awake by a thump on the roof. And then I hear some distant bells. Quickly I leap out of bed and run down the hall to our family room. It’s pitch black. No one is awake. There on the family table, the cookie tray has only crumbs and the milk has been consumed. Santa was clearly here! And then a glance at the tree, a sea of wrapped presents — including a gold Schwinn bike with my name on it. I’m so excited I can hardly stand it. I want to wake everyone up, but a glance at the clock says it’s only 5 am. “My parents will kill me if I wake them up,” I’m thinking. So I go back to my bed, anxious, ready to wait it out. And I fall fast asleep again, only to be awakened by my brother, who woke up and experienced the same thing at about 7 am. So we make a lot of noise until our parents happen to wake up. And Christmas arrives.

The wonder of Christmases past will live on in my great memories forever. One of my favorite things has been the privilege of providing that same wonder to my kids. Such joy, such energy, such awe. There is simply nothing better.

Family Excitement

As I spoke to my friends and team members this past week, they were excited about seeing their families, their parents, their grandparents, nieces and nephews. The joy of family is such an exciting time, a time to generate memories, and a time to implant special lessons.

When I think back through my childhood, I remember visits to Grandma and Grandpa’s, Christmas with cousins, aunts, and uncles, opening gifts, cuddling on the couch, running up and down the stairs, singing Christmas carols, seeing family friends we don’t see any other time of the year, and meeting people my folks have invited who have nowhere to be. 

Don’t Let This Go to Waste

You’ve all heard the saying “Never let a good crisis go to waste,” uttered by some politician. I say, “Never let a good Christmas go to waste.” Though I never really stopped to think about it, this is what the elders in my family did. 

Your Role in Society

Throughout history, in most societies, the role of elders was just as important as the role of parents. Grandparents had time and patience and wisdom, while parents were working, busy, and exhausted. So it became the grandparents’ role to impart wisdom to their grandchildren, to teach them the important principles of the family. In my case it was Biblical instruction, the role of Christ in our family, the role of self-reliance, work ethic, the importance of strong ethics and principles, the importance of love and family, the role of justice, and so much more.

Voices in My Head

I spent lots of time with my grandparents growing up. I can hear the words my grandfather would say to me: “Put your back into it” when he was teaching me to paint rooms in his house, “Use a stronger sweeping motion” when I was sweeping leaves. It was my grandmother Roxie Goad who helped me understand that loving Christ was not about religions, it was about a one-on-one personal relationship with Christ, requiring no person or institution between me and my savior. She helped me see the power of His love, and that he was God, and that when we accept him, his spirit lives within us. It was never about going to church, or empowering others to rule over us. It was all about living with love, loving others more than ourselves, helping others, not judging others. 

I’m blessed with a great upbringing, wonderful memories of parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents, and in most cases, I have boxes of memories and lessons imparted to me in the precious time they spent with me. That included Christmas.

Little Sponges

Impressionable little minds soak up everything. They may be distracted wondering what’s inside that wrapped box someone brought that they can open after dinner, but they hear and take in what the adults are saying and how they are acting. It’s these times they take our cues and learn their lessons from us.

Lessons Imparted

Previously I’ve written about the importance of being deliberate about memories and lessons, and I’m reminded that Christmas, around family, is a great time to impart family history and life lessons. It can be as simple as something spoken briefly in a story.

Knowing Someone I Did Not Know

I don’t know if I ever knew my Grandpa Berry; I don’t remember ever meeting him. I remember his wife, who lived much longer. But the stories over Christmas dinners told me everything I needed to know about the way he treated others, the way he led his family, the character he had, his helping others in need, the big smile he always had on his face, his positive outlook, even though he had to bury his own son at a young age and had family members killed in the Great War. 

My dad used to tell so many stories about Grandpa Berry’s Sinclair gas station, how his customers loved him, about his pranks, his promotions, and his impact on my dad’s life. My dad mentioned that he was the first family member he could not wait to see when he got to Heaven because he missed him so much. I teared up writing this this morning, remembering how my own dad was that way to me and my kids, and how much we miss him. 

But now the role is mine as the elder in my family. No grandkids yet, still just dad, not granddad. But the stories and lessons need to continue. And one day my kids will tell stories to their kids about their grandfather, and hopefully their father.

Story Time

Our role today, when we are gathered with family, is to be storytellers, memory makers, family historians, and to make sure we impart important lessons to those around us. No lectures, no “shoulding,” just helping others see the best attributes they can find within themselves.

I’ll make a point to remember my wonderful father-in-law that the kids barely knew, and my own dad, and my grandparents and great-grandparents, telling their stories, what I learned from them.

I hope you’ll consider doing the same. Because there is no better opportunity than the celebration of Christmas. 

The First Step Before Gifts

Before we open a single gift, I’ll open the books of Luke and Matthew and ask the kids to read the Christmas story, as my parents and grandparents did with us, making sure that we don’t miss the true gift of Christmas.

Each breath we have is a gift. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t wish I could get just one more hour with my parents or grandparents. I’m grateful for the gifts they gave me, and I know that while I’m breathing and able, it’s important to do the same for my family.

It’s my wish that you have a joy-filled Christmas.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Though I make my living by using promotion and marketing skills, I’ve never applied them to my Sunday Coffee message. This started out as a letter to my kids, so that my thoughts on life would someday be heard by them and documented once I’m gone. I told a friend about it, who asked if he could share it with a friend of his. The result has been that this weekly letter has been followed and read by a massive audience. I honestly don’t know how many, but I stopped paying attention when I heard it was going to 100,000 people every Sunday. The reason I did not want to promote it is because I wanted it to be as pure as possible, not looked upon as just some promotion, and I felt that if it was meant to be seen by others, others would forward it, and others would subscribe. 

I’ve been told that some of these have been read out loud at family tables and gatherings during holidays, and the result is a few more people subscribing every week. I’m humbled when that happens. All of this happened because someone once told me I should write down my stories.

To every person reading this, please consider writing down your stories, the things you want others to know. It’s special to me, just doing it for myself each week. But if you’re willing, let others get a glimpse of your heart. Maybe share it with a friend or family member from time to time. Not so it grows, or gets lots of followers, but because you’ll be making a difference in their lives.

I can assure you, my kids don’t read this. I’m not sure they even know about it. At 20, they have other things on their minds. I can’t be sure they will ever discover it — I’m not talking about it at home. But my hope is that one day, when I’m long gone, maybe they will Google my name and find a world of thoughts from their dad. It’s not only my gift to them, and to my friends, it’s a gift to myself, because it forces me to think about things and put them in writing. Not every week can be a gem; I’m lucky if I get one gem a year. But there is value in every word, which is why I want to encourage you.

We all need an outlet. For me, it’s writing and painting, occasional woodworking, tinkering in my shop, or learning something new. It keeps life more interesting, makes work less boring, and somehow enriches one’s life. I encourage you to find an outlet for yourself. 

Finally, you have a lot to contribute to the world. If you’re still breathing, you are here for a purpose. God isn’t done with you yet. Even if you’re retired and done with your career. God does not grant breath without purpose. Find it, use it. Explore. Your impact is important. 

The smell of Christmas cookies is still in the air, combined with the scent of pine from our new Christmas tree. As I make my way out to the porch on this balmy Texas morning, sticky pine needles stick to my bare feet. Here I sit, staring out over a fresh morning, cuppa in hand, awaiting the last moments of peace as the hectic Christmas week is about to begin.

Big Muscles

Though I love to work, I’m looking forward to some time off. Like a muscle that is flexed constantly, your brain needs a break once in a while, a distraction, to open up to new possibilities. Christmas is the ending and the beginning. 

Year-Round Christmas

When I was a kid, my father would insist we get our Christmas tree up the day after Thanksgiving. He loved the feel of Christmas, and in the last two years of his life, he left his Christmas tree up the whole time because he loved it so much and it brought so many memories.\

The Old Church

My Grandmother Luella was fun to visit at Christmas because she had bubble lights on her tree, which were probably from the 1940s. They were almost like miniature lava lamps, but if you touched them, you’d get burned! She also had a little plastic church; you would wind it up, and the music box would play while the doors opened. It was a favorite of all the grandkids, and I think everyone wanted it when she passed. I’m not sure who got it; it wasn’t me.

OK, So It’s Tacky

We grow fond of decorations. They become like family heirlooms, even if some are silly and some are tacky. When the kids were little my mom sent this Christmas angel with wings that light up in multiple colors. As tacky as it is, the kids still insist we put it out, and my guess is that if we are ever blessed with grandkids, it will be the decoration they all want to inherit when we pass. 

A Song from Bing

One of my favorites is a cartoon-like Christmas caroller leaning against a lamppost, looking like Bing Crosby holding a microphone. When you press the button, it sings like Bing. Silly, tacky, but fun. Everyone groans when I push the button.

Cookie Cutters

Mom used to make Christmas cookies, pulling out these red plastic cookie cutters from the ’50s. I’m not sure what happened to them, but we bought a set at an antique store, as a reminder. Of course, they get used for making cookies.

Memory Bombs

Each time we put up the tree, the ornaments are like a time machine, stimulating memories. We have some from our childhoods, and lots our kids made when they were little. Ornaments from the kids’ band, ornaments from places we visited, ornaments from celebrations. 

I never really stopped to think about these things till now, but these heirlooms carry important family history, and they often remain when our loved ones are gone, reminding us of them.

Each family has traditions. We always set a place at the table for Jesus, and we bake a baby Jesus figure into a cake. And we read the Christmas story from the Bible before we ever open gifts, so we’re putting Christ first.

Though I’m easily annoyed by the pressure of gift buying and the overt commercialization in retail, bringing Christmas out even before Halloween, I’m grateful for the tradition and the feeling it gives us each year.

What are your family traditions?
What are your favorite memories of Christmas past?
Favorite Christmas movies?

Christmas is, in my humble opinion, Christ bringing us together, keeping families together, and helping us to remember and honor those who can’t be with us. It’s a time of joy, allowing us to perhaps forget for a brief time some of the difficult moments we face the rest of the year.

In just one week, those of us who celebrate will be gathered around a tree, creating memories and reliving memories.

May your Christmas week be filled with Joy.

Eric Rhoads

PS: If you’re not feeling in the Christmas spirit, find someplace with some Christmas music and decorations. We make a point to drive through some well-lit neighborhoods at night, and though we show up at our place of worship most Sundays, we love the Christmas music this time of year, and we’ll be there Christmas Eve. It’s a time to be part of a bigger family, where everyone is welcome. 

We have some people very close to us who will be trying to pull some joy out of their Christmas this year, because of a lost child, and a lost father and grandpa. If you’re experiencing this, you are in our thoughts and prayers. It’s hard to be filled with joy at times like this, but it’s my hope that you find some joy in the memories found in your family traditions.

Like the song, I have a peaceful, easy feeling today. Everything around me is quiet, like a Sunday morning should be. No road noise, just the flutter of bird wings, an occasional tweet, and the sound of some leaves lightly brushing against the house.

We all need peaceful moments for those times when we’re looking for a life preserver during stormy times, difficult family challenges, or facing a crazy world. My least favorite thing in life is going to the mall for obligatory Christmas shopping. I try to only go once a year, and the last two years I’ve avoided it. Why run around like crazy trying to buy something for someone they probably don’t want anyway? Perhaps that’s a bit skeptical, but, though I love the holiday season, the pressure to perform can be a bit overwhelming. Yet with some downtime or peace, I can face anything, even shopping.

Maturity Works

The gift of maturity is another form of peace. The old, younger me used to get worked up, tense, bothered, and worried. The new me, the last decade or so, takes most of it in stride, and avoids getting worked up till there is truly a reason to jump into fight or flight. Even things that probably should get more of a reaction, I tend to take with calm strength.

Lingering Fear

Life’s lessons tend to kick us in the teeth. Once we’ve experienced a lot of really hard days, sometimes they become less hard. For instance, as a kid I used to worry about my parents dying, to the point of obsession. That fear stayed with me for years. Yet when it actually happened, it was not as awful as I had imagined (though it was awful). I can remember my dad telling me that he did not really grow up until his dad had passed. I found that odd, but it came true in my own life. Suddenly my parents, and most of my aunts and uncles, are gone, and we are the next generation. It’s sobering, yet invigorating at the same time. And one day, our kids will be seeing the torch passed. As my wife reminds me, it’s life on the farm. It’s what happens. No one escapes.

By Example

But of course now it’s in my hands to keep the family together, create family gatherings and memories, and teach my kids how so they will do it for their own families. I never received the manual, but I did have some great examples to follow.

With Christmas dinners and time to spend “hanging out” and not as busy as normal, the sugar plum fairies are making me wonder about what I can do that is deliberate, but feels natural. Something that will create moments my kids will tell their kids about. 

In the past I’ve mentioned the idea of being deliberate, but now it’s taken on a whole new meaning.

The Gift of Home

Because we’ve not traveled in a couple of years as a family, we asked the kids what they wanted to do if they could go anywhere in the world. Their answer was just to be home. For a brief moment, that made me feel as though I had accomplished part of my goal. Keep ’em home and wanting to be there. Probably the reason is because something from before created a memory for them.

The challenge never ends.

Two weeks from today, we celebrate Christmas. We will be rushed getting ready, and then, hopefully, things will stop for a while so we can just be together.

These are the moments I live for.

Eric Rhoads

PS: I’m still working on gift ideas. Anything but going to the mall, hopefully.

If there is someone in your life who might love to learn to paint, Watercolor Live in January has 30 of the world’s most brilliant watercolor artists teaching for four days. It takes people to the next level fast. You can find more at www.watercolorlive.com.

In the middle of a deep sleep and a wonderful dream, suddenly the quiet is harshly interrupted by the sound of the whining that wakes me up. As I let the dogs out for the morning, the brisk cold air hits my skin and rapidly awakens my otherwise sleepy state of mind as a perfect, richly colored orange glow sits at the horizon and its light bathes the trees in color. I may have preferred to sleep in, but when the dogs get me up early, I always get to see the sun come up. It’s a beautiful sight I never tire of seeing.

The other day a friend asked me, “What’s the best advice anyone has ever given you?” I paused, thought deeply, and said, “I’ll have to get back to you on that. It’s a tall order.” And it is, because I’ve been blessed with so many people in my life to offer advice. My dad always offered amazing advice and ideas on business, as did a few of my mentors. 

I’ve been thinking about this topic all week, because it’s not easy to determine what was the best advice ever.

What about you? What is the best advice you’ve ever received?

Where did you receive it?

The great advice and lessons I’ve received in my life came from unexpected people at unexpected times, from books, from attending tons of speeches and lectures, from reading lots of articles, and from mentors. Being curious, asking questions, is a magnet for advice, some good, some not. 

There is more than one thing…

I can’t land on just one piece of advice, and I can’t land on whether it should be about life or business, but here is what I came up with:

If you set out to make money as your only purpose, you’re likely to fail. If you set out to help people, solve their problems, and put them first, the world truly will beat a path to your door.  

Do what you love. Once you’ve done things you don’t love, you can realize the importance of sticking with what you do love. Try lots of things — you’ll be surprised to learn things you think you’ll like, you won’t, and things you don’t think you’ll like, you might. Finding your passion may take years, but once you find passion, you’ll be deeply fulfilled.

Shortcuts can seem like a good idea, but you really don’t grow till you get your teeth kicked in a few times and learn lessons you can’t learn from shortcuts. I never wanted to hear that when I was young, but it turned out to be important.You will have temptations through much of your life. By defining the guardrails in your life, what you’re not willing to do, you won’t give in to the temptations.

Everything you do boils down to your reputation. Protect it with your life. Operate at high ethics always, and if you make a mistake, admit it fast.

Most people are like a pinball — they bounce from place to place. But when you have goals aligned with purpose and passion, you’re more likely to hit them. Goals are your GPS; everything else is a detour. Do something toward your goals every single day, no matter what.

Focus on outcomes with everything you do. What is the outcome needed from this phone call, this meeting, taking this time? What are the outcomes people need to improve their lives?

Rehearse everything you do. I rehearse meetings, phone calls, and anything that is important to me to succeed. I always rehearse them going the way I want them to go, and more often than not, they turn out the way I want them to.

Nothing worth doing is worth doing poorly. If you’re going to do something, you might as well do it as if you’re the best in the world so that you push your limits beyond excellence.

Be a world changer. Sometimes little things can change the world. Make the world better with the time you have on earth.

Fear is a natural instinct designed to protect you, but face your fear, no matter what. Each time it gets easier, and each time you take a giant leap forward.

Embrace mistakes. For every good thing I do, I make dozens of mistakes first. Mistakes are lessons to correct our next steps.

You can’t change the world without a solid work ethic. Work harder than everyone else, work smarter, study more, take risks, and don’t expect magic to drop in your lap without effort. Success is sweeter when sweat is involved. When you’re exhausted, keep going. Rich life experiences don’t come easily.s

Listen carefully. You learn more from asking questions than trying to be the one with all the answers. 

Embrace criticism. You might learn something, or it might tick you off so much that it drives you to launch the next big thing.

Eradicate negativity from your own head, and remove negative people from your life.

Love haters. When you’re doing good things, haters will start showing up. And love your enemies. 

Find a strong life partner who will encourage you, support you, but also challenge you. Don’t discount their ideas and thoughts just because you think you know better. They often know you better than you know yourself, can see shortcomings you can’t see, and can see things you are too blind to accept or recognize.

I Hate Advice!

I’m not proud to admit that when I was young and a little too sure of myself, I thought I knew it all and was not eager to take the advice of others. Little did I know that advice can be life-changing in many ways. It was gaining experience that helped me realize I could not do it all on my own and I needed to embrace advice.

I’d love you to comment about the best advice you’ve ever received. I’m guessing you have a lot you can teach all of us.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Recently I was talking to someone I met through a friend. He told me all about his business and his passion for what he did, which I thought was wonderful. But when I said, “What do you do for yourself when you’re not working?” he paused, thought about it, and said, “Absolutely nothing. I’m either working or watching the news, maybe reading from time to time.” He told me, “I have no hobbies.” 

Though it’s none of my business, I told him my story. “That used to be me. I worked all the time, I had lots of stress, and I spent the rest of my time numb, doing mindless things. But I started looking for more. When I discovered painting, it changed my life. I was no longer bored. If I painted, all my stress melted away. And when I was being creative in other ways, I was happier.”

His response was that he had no talent and did not get the “hobby gene.” I then told him that I’d felt the same way, didn’t feel I could ever do something like paint, because I had zero talent or ability. But I had discovered that it’s something anyone can learn, much like following a recipe. It’s not about talent. It’s about finding a good teacher, sticking with it during the early stages when you’re really struggling, and eventually producing better and better paintings.

It changed my life so much that I ended up making most of my work related to art. 

Why am I telling you this? If you or someone you know needs more to life, needs a hobby, needs to reduce stress, I guarantee I can teach you or anyone to paint.

One of the best places to start is at my January Watercolor Live online event. It’s got a Beginner’s Day for basic principles, and then three more days of the top watercolor masters in the world teaching. And if you attend and don’t feel you got your money’s worth on day one, I’ll refund your money.

This would be a great gift for you (or for some folks in your family), and you’ll never look back.

My tradition each Thanksgiving weekend, following Turkey Day, is to paint the fiery red tree across the street. Some years it’s freezing cold and I’m out there in my warmest clothes, and some years I’ve painted in shorts. This year, the tree is dead. No color. I’m not sure why. I’m not certain yet if I’ll paint it anyway. But after all, traditions are traditions, right?

One of my traditions, triggered by the holidays, is to start thinking about next year. I remember telling my team in January, “We have lots to get done, and before you know it, it will be July.” This time it feels like my year went by even faster than normal, maybe because I’m traveling again. In any case, I missed getting everything done.

But because there is time to reflect, especially as things tend to slow down, I try to ask myself these questions. Perhaps they will be questions you want to ask yourself.

If I could accomplish only one thing in the next 12 months, what would that one thing be?

Why is it important?

Is there anything else that will get in the way of that one thing?

Here’s the skinny:

I missed that one thing, and I’m just sick about it.

I got distracted by projects, by work, by shiny objects, and the most important thing did not happen. 

And as I examine my heart, I have to wonder if it really was all that important, or if I was lying to myself. If it was that important, wouldn’t I have worked on it and completed it?

I have no one to blame but myself. I bought into the distractions, I fell prey to the needs of my business calling me away from this priority. 

Now I’m wondering what my big thing will be for this year. Will it be the same? Has it changed?

I have lots of goals, and I have a task list that is a mile long. I have new ideas I want to pursue, new businesses I want to launch. They are all shiny objects. 

Only one thing really matters.

What is that one thing for you?

It’s worth some deep thought.

Eric Rhoads

PS: One of the difficulties about goals and picking one thing to focus on is that other things have to be done. I have to keep my business running because I have lots of families who rely on the work. I have to do things to make my customers delighted. I have to take care of my own family needs. I have to meet budgets to pay the bills. 

Sometimes one of those things is the one thing. If you’re doing it right, it will be a tough thing to figure out. 

If your one thing is becoming a better watercolor painter… you should attend Watercolor Live online in January. 

How the Dogs Destroyed Our Thanksgiving

Way back, almost 30 years ago, the moment my wife and I got engaged, we immediately went to the animal shelter to adopt a dog. 

We found nothing, and, discouraged, we resigned ourselves to a trip every week or so till we found the perfect companion. 

But as we were walking back to the parking lot, a man was walking in with a box of puppies. There were eight total: four tan baby Golden Retrievers and four black puppies whose breed we could not tell. “Same litter, different fathers,” he suspected. I guess “mom” got around.

We played with them all and picked the two with the biggest personality. It was a tossup. I fell in love with a Golden and she fell in love with a little black one. Which do we pick? 

We each had our favorite, we each had fallen in love with one — so we picked them both.

Of course we all think our dogs are the greatest dogs ever, but these really were. 

After they turned about a year old, we were preparing for Thanksgiving dinner. I don’t recall if we were going elsewhere and taking the turkey or if we had guests coming to us. 

In any case, when the turkey was done, it went out on the countertop to cool down, and we left the kitchen. 

Suddenly it got very quiet. 

With puppies, you learn very quickly that if things get too quiet, a dog is in the closet eating a shoe or something. But we had never imagined this.

Leo, the Golden, had jumped up on the counter and dragged the entire turkey pan to the floor, grease and all. Somehow we didn’t hear the crash. 

Both dogs devoured the entire 16-pound turkey, eating every bit of it to the bone before we discovered them. 

Our Thanksgiving was ruined and we had a giant mess to clean up, but we had a good laugh and the dogs took a long, tryptophan-induced, full-belly nap.

Memories of Thanksgiving

What I love about Thanksgiving is that there are so many memories. There was the year I had a temper tantrum and threw my loaded plate across the room, where it crashed into the wall, then to the floor. I can remember my aunt whispering, “That kid is spoiled and needs a good spanking.” She was right, and I got one.

I can remember my dad’s friend Raymond McPeak, from the Merchant Marines, who we only saw on Thanksgiving. Of course there were parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, football games, and the Macy’s parade with cousins and others who dropped in.

It seems silly, but…

We have to have a special day to remind us to say thank you … thank you for those we love, thank you for the people in our lives, thank you for the kindness of those around us.

And though I try to say thanks at every possible opportunity, I just want to thank you.

You’re getting this note because you subscribe to one of our magazines or newsletters, have attended one of our online or in-person conferences or artist retreats, have signed up for our podcasts, or have invested in one of our hundreds of art instruction videos or watched our PaintTube.tv channel on Roku, Apple TV, or Amazon Fire. 

That means a lot to me and my family.

I have become obsessed with art, making art, writing about art, developing things to help you become a better artist or collector. And sometimes that obsession results in our sending you notices of lots of new things, new videos, or letting you know about things we’re excited about and that hopefully will make your life better.

I hope our obsession is helping you in some little way. 

And though I hope you hear “thank you” from us all the time, it can’t hurt for me to say it once more.

I truly am thankful for you. I am grateful. 

It’s my wish that this Thanksgiving is memorable, and special. And if you have an extra seat at the table, think about those you know who will be alone if not invited. Everyone deserves a seat at the table.

And, if you have a lot of extra, make up some plates and bring them to people who need to know you care. Or help serve at a local shelter.

Your generosity can make others feel appreciated and remembered.

God bless you, and Happy Thanksgiving.

Eric Rhoads

PS: If you missed last week’s Sunday Coffee blog, it’s all about Thanksgiving and the people you will be sharing it with. You can find it here.

Beyond the old porch, brilliant orange light falls on the trunks of twisty oaks and their rogue branches. A deer wanders in the distance, immune to the frantic barks of our two dogs, who are inside looking out. I too am inside, to remain in the cozy heat of our first fire of the season. Embers glow red hot, pops and cracks entertain as flames generate warmth on a cold morning. The smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies remains after last night’s baking adventure in preparation for the day we offer thanks.

Embrace the Pain

Holidays like the one coming this week serve such an important purpose, reminding us to truly be thankful for everything and everyone in our lives. Even being grateful for our problems and challenges, which prepare our hearts for the difficult reality that we lack control, and that we need to learn hard and important lessons we would rather avoid.

Those Who Bring Out the Worst

For many, a gathering that includes arguing with Uncle Harry and family battles over politics or football teams will feel strangely comfortable, as many gather for the first somewhat normal Thanksgiving since 2019. We’ll be remembering to be thankful for each moment, each family member, including the ones who always seem to bring out the worst in everyone. 

Considering the Opposite 

When you wonder how anyone can possibly believe what they are spewing, lest we forget: They feel the same about whatever you are spewing. And no matter how radical or nonsensical we think something is, remember that some of the most radical people in history were considered crackpots and later vindicated. Some, like Galileo, were even arrested as heretics. Would it be worth considering the opinions of others before jumping into an argument? 

A Different Vision

Someone very close to me is “that guy.” His ideas always seemed so bizarre, and sometimes people even questioned his sanity. His predictions seemed absurd, silly, not possible, usually downright crazy. His argumentative nature was driven by his confidence in his ideas, and by not suffering fools who could not see the same vision. And yet, decade after decade, he’s been right more often than not. Now I pay attention.

Years ago Apple’s advertising campaign celebrated the misfits, the radicals, the ne’er-do-wells, because they changed the world. But while those people were changing it or predicting change, others called them crazy. 

Though I don’t consider myself at that level of world-changer, I’ve had the displeasure of being called crazy for ideas that many said would never work. Some of those ideas I never pursued, but others did, making them billions. Some I did pursue did not work, but in other cases, they worked later, and for someone else — my timing was wrong, usually meaning too soon. My friend Roy tells me I am typically a decade too early. 

Is There Any Point to This?

So as you gather around the table, the best way to give thanks is to give respect to others. Be willing to consider their ideas and respect their passion. They have their passion for a reason. And though you can simply tell yourself they are crazy, or not well read, or misguided, or simply stupid or falling for strange theories, before jumping down their throat, ask yourself why they believe what they do. Could they possibly be right?

Well Read? 

The world likes to demonize obscure ideas that don’t fit the mainstream narrative. Some people manage to look deeper, look in other places, and comb through information not easily found. Some like to think for themselves rather than sticking with what they are told to think.

If these rebels did not exist, our world would not be as exciting as it is, and radical new ideas would never get embraced. Where would we be without Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, or Nikola Tesla?

A Wide River

At Stanford University, I once sat in a small room with 20 other people as a young entrepreneur told us about his 1-year-old startup. Almost everyone in the room, myself included, thought it would never work. Yet had each of us invested a small amount, that would be worth billions today. He told us he chose the name he did, Amazon, because it was the biggest river in the world  — a metaphor representing that he would someday have the biggest store in the world. Jeff Bezos was considered crazy. 

Billionaire to Be

One day I had a visit from a man who asked if I would trade ads in my radio magazine in exchange for stock in his startup. He did not have cash to buy ads. Arrogantly, I declined, not understanding his vision of a world that did not yet exist. Why, I asked, would anyone want to listen to ball games over the Internet when they could listen on TV and radio? Years later they sold the company for billions and he became a household name, and my tiny amount of stock traded for ads would have been worth a couple hundred million. Though I can’t look back and regret my stupidity, I can stop shutting my mind off to things I don’t understand.

What about you?

Do you automatically reject crazy ideas?

Do you think some people are crazy for believing the things they believe?

Have others thought you were crazy?

This Thanksgiving, let’s embrace crazy Uncle Harry. Be willing to consider the craziest, most insane things. Before defending your turf, ask yourself, is there anything at all behind this? No matter how insane it seems, be willing to consider anything with an open mind. It will make the day a little easier, and you might discover something new. 

Eric Rhoads

PS: Though I’m an open book, I’ll never share my political thoughts, and I rarely talk about what I give and to whom. While others like to call attention to themselves about their donations, their giving, often putting their name on buildings or statues, I prefer to remain low key.

I’m also very picky about whom I give to because so many organizations have expensive salaries for their executives. 

Here are two that I like.

This one gives boxes of goodies to kids in need worldwide, so that everyone can celebrate Christmas. And this one helps homeless people get off the street by offering them tiny houses. Its village is doubling in size this year. It’s so successful that people are visiting from around the world to learn to implement similar programs in their towns.

If you’re feeling a need to help others this season, you might want to consider giving something. If each reader of Sunday Coffee gave $25 to each, we would raise $7.5 million for these two combined. 

If those don’t float your boat, consider helping someone else in need.