The warm colors of morning glow make the pine tree sing in orange and pink, in harmony with reflections on the water and the light show in the clouds. The air is so humid you could cut it with a chainsaw, which makes the color of light especially pleasing. Sunrise on the dock is especially wonderful as I deeply fill my lungs with fresh, pine-scented Adirondack air. Moments pondering life from the dock are my favorite.

Living is like a racetrack driver on a high-speed track, making countless subtle corrections to avoid crashes and make it to the end of the race. Which is why I find it a good idea for us to re-evaluate ourselves from time to time. 

Evil Thoughts

Have you ever caught yourself having thoughts about things that, if you were to act on them, mean you would be seriously compromised? We all have some random evil thoughts, but maturity means not acting on them. But where exactly is the line?

To be compromised has different meanings in different situations, but essentially it means you’ve caved in on your ethics. The CIA would say a spy being compromised means they have been found out.

Testing Our Ethics

As humans, we are always facing tests of our ethics, tests of who we think we are. We tend to allow ourselves excuses to make what we’re doing justifiable. And sometimes the things we do are justified. Other times, they may be unethical, illegal, downright nasty, immoral, or worse. 

There is a line in the sand. We have to decide if we cross the line. Sometimes we cross the line, realize our stupidity, and try hard to unwind our mistakes.

Sometimes the line is well-defined, and we still have no issue crossing it. Going 65 miles per hour in a 55 zone is a great example. Though there will be consequences, most of us are willing to pay that ticket should we get busted. 

Breaking the Law

The law is one line most believe should never be crossed — though we tell ourselves it’s okay to speed. Or maybe fish without a license, or forget a seat belt. Yet most of us would never consider sticking up a convenience store, or even slipping a candy bar into our pocket. Most of us never face crossing the line of the law. But we do find ourselves crossing lines we should never cross.

When one of my boys was young, we realized the grocery store had given him three dollars too much in change. To make a point (at great inconvenience), we made a trip back to the store to give them their three dollars. They were shocked, but I needed my son to know it wasn’t ours to keep. We worked very hard while raising the kids to show them which lines never get crossed.

But when is crossing the line acceptable?

Is Stealing OK?

Is finding a photo on the Internet and using it without permission acceptable? Is downloading songs or movies from an illegal site acceptable? Is copying another person’s idea or artwork acceptable? Most young people today consider those things to be normal, even though the creators of the content aren’t getting paid. They often justify it with “Everyone does it” or “They have enough money and don’t need more.” Neither is a very good excuse for stealing. And even though it’s not stealing a physical item from a store, it’s still stealing, right?

Someone once told me that lines are there for a reason, and if you cross them, you will eventually cross other lines and get deeper into the dark side. Each time, we rationalize it. Prisons are filled with people who crossed lines, after which they tried worse things, then crossed lines beyond the point of no return. I’m told it’s rare to find someone in prison who believes they deserve to be there. 

Tiny Steps

Most of us don’t face crossing big lines, but little tiny lines. 

Is it okay to slam someone on social media and say things you wouldn’t say to their face? Is it okay to hide out behind your computer and watch things you would never want people to know you watched? Is it okay to talk behind someone’s back? 

Lying to an Advertiser

I can remember a time when a frame company asked my advice about advertising. I stood to make several thousand dollars over a year, but they asked me about a competitor. I could have easily told them all the reasons not to buy the competitor’s ad space, but I had to tell them the truth. The competitor was good, and, in that case, it was a better place for the advertiser to be. I never did get any of that ad money, and they spent tens of thousands over years with my competitor. But if I had crossed that line, would the lie be deeper next time? 

What doth it profit a man to gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? — Mark 8:36

Highlighting a Competitor

Once, at my magazine Radio Ink, we were publishing a “Most Influential Women” issue, and the name of my biggest competitor came up as someone my editors thought should be on the list. But they quickly discounted the idea of awarding her the prize — because she was a competitor. It was a moment when I had to ask myself if I should cross the line. After all, no one would ever know other than my editors, and no one would ever expect me to highlight a competitor. But my heart said she deserved it, and I wanted to show my employees that we always have to do the right thing, no matter what. So my competitor appeared as number one on the list and was on the cover of my magazine. I had to take a deep breath to do it, but it was the right thing to do. 

Stealing Ideas

I’m often tempted to copy an idea, but I don’t — and it can be frustrating when I see my own ideas copied by competitors. It’s tempting to say something derogatory when I’m asked about it, but in reality, when people are doing good things, they deserve to be recognized for their accomplishments. If what they are doing is helping others, and it’s a good product, then the right thing for me to do is to be willing to say so. Will I go out of my way to promote a competitor? I have in the past, because I believe in abundance. There is room for us all. Plus being challenged makes me work to stay three steps ahead at all times, and it gives me some pride knowing that my ideas are spreading. 

What about the lines you are crossing in your life?

Growing Spots

Most of them are just little lines, but they can easily destroy you. There have been moments in my life when I’ve said something bad about a competitor and later felt awful for doing it. And as I look back over my long career, the things I worried about never turned out to be problems. There are dozens of competitors I don’t even care about anymore, and what I feared most never came true. In reality, I’ll win some and lose some, and so will you.

There was a time in my life when I loved gossip. That stopped when I almost lost a friendship because something I shared “confidentially” with someone got shared with that friend. Since that time, many years ago, gossip stopped. I now avoid trash talk because it’s crossing the line, and because it always bites you.

Avoiding Evil Corporations

In my younger years, I worked for a big evil corporation that asked many of their employees to do things that were evil. But they were “little” things. For instance, when doing radio contests and picking the 10th caller, they asked us to keep answering the phone till we got someone who didn’t sound like a small child, because their audience was adult women. We waited for the right-sounding voice, even if it was the 20th call. It seemed harmless and practical, but it was flat out wrong. I did it because I was told to do it, but I didn’t like it, and in hindsight, I should have resigned when asked to do it. When it went to court, I was instructed to lie about it, but when on the stand, I told the truth, because I had already crossed one line too many. They lost all of their broadcast licenses because their little black spot had grown and grown, and their practices destroyed a billion-dollar business.

Since I started my own business, I’ve tried very hard not to become a big evil corporation like the one I worked for, though I can see how the temptation to cross a line is something we face daily. Recently, an attorney told me I could get out of a contract if I stretched the truth just a little. Though the consequences would be expensive, I refused. I could not have lived with myself. Life is too short. But I face decisions every day where lines could be crossed. Chances are you do too.

Little things don’t seem to matter, yet they ultimately do because they place a little tiny black spot of negativity into the soul. Then these black spots grow and grow until the whole self is polluted and line-crossing becomes part of who we are. 

When Is It OK?

Would I cross the line for my family? Would I lie to keep my kid out of jail? Would I lie to keep myself out of jail? I won’t know till I face those things, but I tell myself I’d have to be truthful no matter what. But that’s just me.

A Tax Bill

I once had a chance to lie to the IRS and get out of a massive fine, but I chose not to, and it took me a decade to pay it off. Though I hurt myself, I felt it was the right thing to do. Most line-crossers would justify themselves, saying the government has too much money and this won’t hurt them a bit.

Life is ever-changing, and our goal in life should be to shed the bad and embrace the good. I hope to be always making corrections. I don’t like hiding anything because I don’t want any little black spots growing inside me. But I do have to admit I’ll sometimes not tell my wife if I ate a brownie when she wasn’t around when I’m on a diet. But I probably should. 🙂

Perfection for humans is impossible. Growth and improvement are possible. We all do stupid things we regret; I have too many to list here. But the goal is to not repeat mistakes, and to learn lessons so fewer lines are crossed in the future. 

Remember the old Bugs Bunny cartoons with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other? The little red devil can be pretty creative to make us cross the line. It’s human nature to be seduced “just this one time.” But when you give in, the little dark spot grows inside of you, until it consumes you. 

What about you? 

Have you crossed lines you regret?

Do you find yourself up against little ethical decisions every day?

We’ve all done it, in some form. I’ve lived to regret things I can never repair. I’ve lost friendships and business relationships. All of it could have been prevented if I had just been more thoughtful about the consequences of crossing the line.

I’m not high or mighty. I’m a broken man, I make stupid mistakes, but my goal in life is to not repeat the mistakes I make, and to stop crossing the line. 

Eric Rhoads

PS: I’m pretty excited about pastel painting and learning all about it. I love the brilliance of color and the control, and to learn, I’ll be attending (and hosting) Pastel Live this August. It’s an online conference featuring the very best pastel artists on earth as instructors and mentors. Tonight is when the early-bird price goes up. I hope to see you there.

If you want to go to Russia with me, we still plan to go, and a couple of seats have opened up. There isn’t much time to get a visa, but there is time. It’s the painting trip of a lifetime (with some touring), and we won’t be repeating it. Come have some fun with us.

This fall I’m leading a group through Vienna and Berlin for a behind-the-scenes art tour on our annual Fine Art Trip. We still have some slots open if you’re eager to get away!

And my Fall Color Week retreat occurs this fall in the Adirondacks. A week of painting brilliant color is good for the soul!

Last, we’re starting to talk up Realism Live, our virtual conference on realism that replaces our in-person Fine Art Convention & Expo this year only. Hope to see you there.

Breathe … that’s what I tell myself as I take in the fresh Adirondack air as I do my yoga stretches on the dock to the sound of the loons and the quiet rustle of leaves. It’s the perfect July morning, and a day that will be filled with the smells of grilled burgers and exploding fireworks. Happy 4th. I truly appreciate our independence and freedom. 

Have you ever had a moment when you wake up to complete clarity?

Ever carried the weight of something on your shoulders for years, and suddenly found it released?

The true purpose of life is about lessons that strengthen us, make us better, make us more well rounded and experienced. But sometimes those lessons knock us on our butts.

Living a Dream

A few years ago I was telling a story to a friend about my experience with a company I had founded in Silicon Valley. When I started the company, I was living the dream. I was mingling with superstars in the midst of the dot-com boom, people who today are household names. I was in the middle of the action, living the dream.

Dream Destroyed

So what could possibly go wrong? As I was telling the story, I caught myself telling another story I had been telling myself, to soothe my personal pain. It was a story of blame, of circumstances that were caused by other things, like 9/11. But suddenly, I was thinking of the story in a new way. I had told this story of failure time and again, yet this time it was different. And this time the story ended differently. I finally admitted to myself that I screwed up, that I owned the failure, that it was not someone else’s fault, it was mine. 

Later the same day, I had a huge moment of clarity. I had been telling this story to myself for two decades, and I had stopped trying big things, taking big risks, because I did not want to relive that pain.

Wow.

Twenty years of opportunity wasted. 

My friend Michelle Abraham recently shared a powerful quote from her dad, the great Jay Abraham.

“Defeat is not permanent.” —  Jay Abraham

How would my life have changed if I had not cowered in the corner, if I had jumped right back in?

In our conversation Michelle said, “It doesn’t matter if you fail. But if you give up, your life is over.”

Gun Shy

Though I moved on to other things, other ideas and dreams, I realized I had not accomplished one big dream because I had become gun shy. I was telling myself I would never again subject myself to harsh, sometimes mean investors, or to overly aggressive boards of directors.

I was throwing myself a pity party, no longer taking chances on big ideas. And for years I had blamed others. But I was the problem. My perception was the problem. My fear got in my way.

What about you?

What are you telling yourself that isn’t really true?

What are you avoiding because it was painful? Would it be painful again? Would a change of perspective make a difference?

Looking back, I think I’d be completely different today, able to deal with any adversity thrown my way. Even if I had jumped back in soon after, I’d have figured it out, as long as I was willing to stop blaming others.

Hit Me Again!

Accepting the blame for your own failures is one of the most empowering things you can do.

Like a fighter who has been wounded, you know what to expect and are willing to take more hits. The key is knowing there will be hits, knowing they will be painful, but having the tenacity and courage to remain standing. 

And … if you do fail, it’s not permanent.

Avoiding Love

I have a friend who had a bad marriage that ended. So, instead of getting back out there, he never dated again. Though there is a normal grieving period or recovery time, “never again” is too long. And the marriage’s failure was 50 percent his own fault. Accept it and move on so you don’t destroy what’s left of your life. 

I look back on my life of failures, of things I thought I’d love, and realize my fear got in my way.

I got thrown off a horse, slammed into the wall of an inside ring during a competition. I stopped riding. I crashed an airplane. I stopped flying.

Fear of repeating failures was dominating my life — yet, having failed, I’d be more experienced and less likely to fail.

How much time have you and I wasted because of our fear of hurt or failure?

It’s not permanent.

I wish I had learned this as a kid. And I remembered “try, try again” from my parents, but somewhere in the midst of life, I lost my courage. Thankfully, I regained it by admitting that I was the problem.

Next time, I’ll heal faster, and get up and take another hit, and another, and another.

Ridicule Can Be Good?

I was watching a documentary about David Icke, a controversial subject. He had reached a point in his career where he was ridiculed on national TV, leading to a decade of ridicule for him and his family. And though it was a miserable and difficult period of his life, he looked back and realized it was the most important thing that ever happened to him because he no longer had to be worried about being ridiculed. He had already experienced it. Now nothing could stop him.

What’s stopping you?

Pain makes your muscles stronger. Fire makes steel stronger. The most empowering thing you can do is admit your mistakes, your failures, and realize where you’re avoiding pain. Then, with that clarity, you no longer have to avoid the pain.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Your mindset controls the outcome of your life. If you fear the next punch, you’ll duck. But if you tell yourself, “Bring it on,” you’re conditioned and ready.

I caught myself being fearful of getting back out after COVID. But finally, I had to ask myself, do I want to live in fear?

If you want to get out … I have some things coming up that will be grand celebrations.

• In August, my global art conference called Pastel Live, where we’ve brought the world’s top pastel painters to teach you.
• In September my Fall Color Week artists’ retreat. A week of painting with friends, even if you’re new to painting outdoors.
• In October my Fine Art Trip to Germany and Austria, to tour the art world behind the scenes.
• In November, no in-person FACE convention this year, but we’re doing Realism Live online, which is all about realistic painting of portraits, figures, still life, landscape, and more.
• December, my annual Forecast conference at the Harvard Club in New York for my friends in the broadcast industry.

Plenty to keep you busy and get you out for the year.

Thomas Kinkade-like window lights glow in romantic little cabins across the lake on this dark, rainy morning. Wood stoves warm the air as smoke dances from old red brick chimneys. 

The lake is still, glasslike, and the only sound is the peeping of hungry baby robins in the nest in the rafters of this old screened porch. It’s a morning for a warm sweater, thick socks, and an extra hot cup of coffee.

Finally, after several intense months of difficulty, I’m able to sit here, relax, and reflect.

A week has passed since the end of my annual artists’ retreat in the Adirondacks. To shake things up a little this time, and to celebrate our 10th year, we held a grand closing party at a classic Adirondacks “great camp” (a term used for giant homes usually built in the late 1800s),  followed by a world-class fireworks display on the lake overlooking the mountains. 

In reality, these extras are not necessary. No one expects them. So why bother?

Special Moments

The reason for extra effort and expense is that the people attending will never forget those special moments. Hopefully, as they look back over their lives, those will be special memories preserved. 

Highlights

As we look back on our lives, we tend to remember the highlights, the special moments, the special feelings, the special places, and even the special things. 

The Struggle for Memories

I can remember a family vacation, and overhearing my parents say they weren’t sure if they had enough gas money to get us home, yet the vacation was memorable. I’m sure it was a stretch to buy an Airstream trailer, and a lot of work to drive three hours every summer weekend to camp in the trailer and go out in our tiny OMC tri-hull boat, but these are my fondest memories.

Implanted Moments

I guarantee you that people who go on our annual fine art trip to Europe hold on dearly to the memories of unheard-of private access to the Sistine Chapel, after-hours private access to the Hermitage museum, or a troop of bagpipers emerging from the fog to serenade us as we said farewell on our last trip to Scotland. Yet in spite of the enormous cost and effort to make such things happen, they leave an irreplaceable mark on those who receive these gifts. 

What are the things you remember from your life?

What are the special moments someone made for you?

What if you chose to live a large life?

More Work, More Pleasure

Living large isn’t about expensive things, it’s about extra effort, doing things that stand out and that others are not willing to do. A camping trip an hour from home is just as effective a memory if you make a little extra effort to make it memorable. Something as simple as s’mores by the campfire will last forever in the minds of your kids or grandkids. 

It’s Our Turn

Now that I’ve lost both my parents, I realize just how large they lived, and how much time and effort they took to create great family memories. Though there are times I’d rather sit in my chair, feet up, watching a movie or checking social media, I know it’s my turn to make sure my family members are treated to memorable experiences, most of which are orchestrated with a lot of effort. I want that for my family, but also for my friends and my customers.

Always go the extra mile. Meeting expectations isn’t enough. Do the unexpected. Give people more than they expect in everything you do. This applies to family, friendships, and your work.

Flipping Burgers

When I got my first job at McDonald’s, my dad sat me down and drew a chart. “This line is the expected. It’s what they want you to do. This line is below the expectation; it’s what most people do. And this line on top is unexpected. If you always do more than expected, the manager will give you more responsibility, and eventually more money if you deserve it. Don’t do what the other employees do, don’t just do what the boss expects you to do, do more than expected. Look for little things you can do that will be better than expected.”

What if we operated that way in all aspects of our lives? What if we gave more than required, more than expected? 

More than expected in our jobs.

More than expected in our families.

More than expected in our businesses.

The reason should not be “I’ll do more so I get more.” Instead, it should be done with the spirit of generosity. “I’ll do more because people will have a better experience. I’ll do more because it’s the right thing to do. I’ll do more because I want people to have great feelings.”

Civilian Mentality

My friend Lee Milteer tells me there are two kinds of people, civilians and leaders. Civilians do the required or below. Never anything extra. They feel they are owed something and never want to help “the man.” Leaders feel they are owed nothing and always do more than expected, even in what some consider menial jobs. Leaders don’t expect anything in return, they just do a little better because it’s who they are, who they strive to be. They care more about others than they care about themselves, and it shows up in everything they do.

Which do you want to be? It’s a choice.

You can escape your circumstances. No matter what you were born into, there is no requirement to cling to the way things have always been, or even the way you’ve always done things. The choice is simply a decision to change.

Though I don’t always accomplish what I set out to do, I strive to be a leader in my work, my volunteer work, my hobbies, and my family. In spite of the difficulty sometimes, I want to leave the earth with my wife, kids, friends, and customers being appreciative for the memories I orchestrated. I’m trying to instill this in my kids. 

Looking back on the memories my parents and grandparents created for us, I appreciate it more than ever, because I know it took a lot of planning, effort, and sometimes money. But those memories are sweet.

What are you doing to create sweet memories for those you love?

How are you going the extra mile when it’s unexpected?

What can you do to do more than expected in your work, your family, your projects?

I’ve realized that the extra mile is indeed a key to a successful life, work-life, or business. It’s rarely easy to do things well, but the satisfaction of making things better for others is always worth it.

You can do this. I have confidence in you.

Eric Rhoads

PS: If you are an artist or want to be, and missed my June Adirondack retreat, I’m doing it again in the fall, one time only in the Adirondacks. Last year the color was more vibrant than I’ve seen colored leaves anywhere. We still have room for you.

It appears my Russia trip is still going to happen in September, and we have exactly one seat left. Ten days of painting in Russia will be life-changing (I know, I’ve done it). Come with us.

Or come with us to Berlin and Vienna for a fine art tour unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. This is our 12th tour, and it’s going to be one of our best behind-the-scenes events. Check it out.

And if you want bright, glowing colors or want to learn how to create them, pastel painting is the trick. We’ve got a four-day virtual event dedicated to pastel in August. Hope you’ll come.

Imagine for a moment a cathedral in the sky, filled with stained glass, backlit by the sun. This morning’s sunrise is so brilliant, so color-rich, it could not be reproduced by the greatest stained glass craftspeople, the most brilliant painters, the most skilled photographers. The great painter Thomas Cole was accused by a newspaper of having made up the colors in his Adirondack paintings because such colors “did not exist in nature.” Of course, the reporters were in New York City, which was filled with coal smoke and soot, and the Adirondacks then, as now, were pristine and unpolluted.

Ancestors Sat Here

As I sit in an authentic 1890 Adirondack chair, on the dock originally built in 1860, the sunrise I’m seeing is exactly as our forefathers would have experienced it in this place as they, like me, drank their morning coffee. We are accompanied by a symphony of loons, spring birds, and the slight sound of breezes rustling through the birch leaves above.

A Big Day

For the last three decades, I’ve described a place that is indescribable. Growing up in the Midwest, a million miles of protected state park was never on my radar, and I find few know of it even now. For this reason, I’m excited when new friends join me here. Last night I greeted a little more than 100 people, visiting for my annual painters’ retreat. In a few minutes I’ll join them for breakfast and take them to my favorite spots for outdoor painting, and we’ll repeat it all daily for a week.

Sweet Reunion

I think just about everyone here was a bit nervous after a year of isolation, yet delighted to be in the proximity of others. It may have been the sweetest family reunion ever, with this being the first contact with friends and new friends for most of us. It’s a cautious toe in the water for a return to life as it once was.

If I were to ask you to take a year off, focus on doing things you love, and spend time with your family and your thoughts, you would tell me, “It’s not possible.” Yet now that you’ve done it, I have an important question: What will you do with it?

Important Takeaways

I cannot imagine there is one thinking person on earth who has survived without important lessons from the last year, and without a sense of how they want to reinvent their lives. And it would be a crime to have been given the gift of this year without taking advantage of your new perspective.

If you’ve ever read through previous years of “Coffee,” you’ve found that I’m big on the importance of defining what you don’t want to do. Though we tend to focus on dreams, I’ve found that eliminating the drudgery goes a long way toward happiness. And though we can’t always eliminate all of it, if we identify it, we can work towards elimination.

What did you discover about yourself?

Friends have shared their ideas with me…

• “I was wasting two hours a day commuting. Now I can work from home and be more productive and be happier.”
• “I was addicted to shopping and getting out. Once forced to stay home, I discovered how much more I like being home and am less likely to go out on a whim.”
• “I was flying too much. I spent too much of my life on the road. Once I stayed home, I got to know my kids on a deeper level and realized they did not know me, and I did not know them. I’ve already told my boss I’m not returning to that lifestyle.”
• “We used to waste hours every week in meetings. Now when we Zoom, we tend to get to the point and waste less time.”
• “When I was forced to stay home, I found myself making breakthroughs in my artwork because I spent more time painting and less time doing other things.”
• “I realised life is too short to spend my days doing what I’ve been doing. What if I had gotten sick and died? It was all a little too close to home. I need to get busy working toward my dreams and stop stalling with things that won’t contribute to getting to my goals.”

What would be on your list?

Now how will you change your life?

If you’re happy with the way things are, you’re in a good place.
If COVID has helped you see what you don’t want to do, consider it a gift, a slap in the face, an attention-getter.

Here’s a clue…

When life throws us these little gifts that open our eyes, we need to act fast. If too much time passes, we’ll fall back into our normal habits and not make the changes we need to make.

Oh, and if it’s uncomfortable, you’re on the right track. Discomfort is the magic dust that makes dreams come true.

Conditions will never, ever be perfect, the timing will never be right, there will never be enough time or money. Do it anyway.

Oh, and you won’t know how to do it. Just jump in. Find a way.

In Honor of Those Who Can’t

Think of all the people who never realized their dreams, who would give anything for another chance, who were taken away in the last year. We owe it to them to live our dreams, and to take advantage of the time we’ve got.

I know something you may not know … or believe.
You have it in you. You can do this. Only you can make it happen.

Go do it now. Don’t delay another day.

Eric Rhoads

PS: I’ve had friends tell me, “It’s different for you.” 

It’s not true. I get cold feet, I get scared, I get negative, I usually don’t have a clue how I’m going to accomplish something. And I’ve held back on opportunities because I did not feel worthy. I regret those lost opportunities. 

I too have to reinvent. I too will be a different person after COVID. I too will use my time differently. I’m working on my plan now, and I’ll reveal it when the time is right. I encourage you to do the same.

PS2: Because our kids are in college and we no longer had to return to Texas for an August school start, we experienced the fall color here this past fall. It was more beautiful than I had ever remembered. So I decided to hold my Fall Color Week here this year only, in a new location, a camp called Saranac Village. It’s a classic old Adirondack great camp that has been converted to a kids’ camp. This is the only time we’ll be able to get in ever, and it’s only because of COVID. Though it’s too late to sign up for my Adirondack painting event this week, you should check out the event and join us this fall.

PS3: I’m taking a group of art lovers, art collectors, and artists on a European Art Tour. Fine Art Connoisseur editor Peter Trippi and I lead the tour, and this year we’re going to Vienna and Berlin. You’ll experience art like never before. It’s not a painters’ trip (though some do paint in their spare time). Check it out.

PS4: Making for an even busier fall, I’m taking a group of painters to tour and paint Russia. You can paint (and tour) the great cities of St. Petersburg and Moscow and the inland villages. It’s a rare trip that is not easy to create. We have 50 seats only, and I’ve just learned that two seats are still available. Because of visas, these need to be locked up soon. 

PS5: I’ve discovered that paintings with the most vibrant colors are pastel. And if you want to learn pastel as a beginner, or want to improve by learning from the world’s leading pastel artists, explore our August Pastel Live event, which will be held online.

Deep silence and heavy fog engulf this historic Adirondack lake. The lonesome and eerie call of the loons echoes off the distant shore, creating a beautiful harmony. The skin on my bare feet meets the moisture of the fog surrounding the dock, and my arms are covered with goosebumps from the brisk morning air.

I’m in my happy spot, and these happy moments with loons, fog, distant purple mountains, and the gentle slosh of water nudging the old wooden dock are the reason I have gone to the trouble to be here each summer, without skipping a single one, for 30 years.

The Adirondacks are my muse, a place I started out not wanting to love because it meant accepting change and giving up a three-generation family home on a lake in Indiana. Now our presence here is three generations, and hopefully more to come.

The Long Trip

The journey was an unusual one this year. My boys and I left Austin on Monday, flying to Florida to assist in the cathartic process of purging my dad’s home of his belongings. We loaded his car with a truckload of old family heirlooms, like the 1890s-era camera he used to start his photography career and his favorite etching of Abraham Lincoln, along with some practical items and a few little memory jewels. Then we spent three days driving to New York, making only one impractical stop … a visit to the battlefields of Gettysburg. A must with teen boys who need to learn the sobering facts of thousands of boys their age who died there. We arrived here, in paradise,on Friday.

Grime and Dirt

In the past I’ve talked about the value of looking backward so you can see how far forward you’ve come. I was reminded of this on our trip when one late night, about 1 a.m., we pulled off I-95 at a small chain motel in hopes of a few hours’ rest. As we entered the hotel, the smell of mold violated our nostrils, and the layers of grime and dirt in the carpet made us want to sleep with our shoes on.

Life Lessons

One son spoke up. “Dad, we can’t stay here. We can’t sleep in this.” And though I knew he was right, I also knew this was the last remaining room, with no prospects of any other. And instead of instantly giving into this moment of being spoiled or entitled (or perhaps just good practical taste), I decided to make it a learning moment.

Unheard Lectures

“Boys, your mom and I have taken you to some pretty wonderful places, and when I’m with her or you kids, I’ve spent the extra money, when I could, to give you a really nice place to stay. But you should know that for 30 years, building my business, I’ve stayed in hundreds of rooms worse than this, in some very sketchy neighborhoods, because I could afford nothing more.”

Silence.

Though I expected some sympathy, it kind of fell on deaf ears, but I’m hopeful it will sink in at some point.

Driving down the highway for long stretches of time, with the boys sleeping or playing on their phones, my mind wandered back over decades of memories of making sacrifices, and I realized just how special those memories are.

A Necessary Evil

One year I hired a sales guy named Dick Downes to fix my sales problems at my one and only magazine, The Pulse of Radio. He said, “Eric, you and I need to go on the road for two months straight. We need to go visit every potential advertiser, entertain them, share our vision, let them get to know you, and hope they buy something.”

The Big Road Trip

I immediately responded that we couldn’t possibly afford to do it. “You can’t afford not to do it,” he said. So we set off on a two-month trip, with a couple of visits home in between. I took my last $20,000 for the two of us to live on the road for two months. (Do the math: That’s $333 a day for two people, including meals, airfare, rental car, and 30 cities.) We called it the road trip from hell. We made an agreement that we would not invite any clients to meals, and we would not tell clients we were staying in horrible cockroach-ridden hotels and driving rent-a-wreck rental cars. We saw hundreds of people over two months.

How Did That Happen?

Toward the end of our tour, no business booked yet, knowing we were playing a long game, we needed to crack this one big client who was spending big money elsewhere. They insisted we meet for dinner, and they picked the most expensive restaurant in Washington, D.C. And they ordered the most expensive wine on the menu. The bill came to $600. Gulp.

Lost Pride

When my credit card would not go through, the waiter tactfully approached the table and said, “Mr. Rhoads, you have a phone call.” (Remember, there were no cell phones.) I had to cut a deal to leave my watch there until I could send them the money (which I did). The client never had any idea. We said our goodbyes, went back to our room, and cut our trip short. I had to call my dad to borrow enough money for us to get home. Oh, and that client never spent a dime with us for years.

The good news is that the trip worked, and our business was eventually thriving. No one at the time knew we were faking it till we made it. We were not rolling in dough, but we had enough to survive.

More Pain, Please

One of the things I realized is that my boys need to have more experiences like this, and it’s important that they know that all my years away on business trips were not at some luxury hotel sipping martinis by the pool.

Sumptuous Struggle

As I look back on the memories, it’s the struggle that makes me the most fulfilled. It’s hundreds of nights of not sleeping for fear someone was breaking into the motel room or car. It’s eating cans of tuna between meetings because we couldn’t afford lunch out. It’s not being able to pay the bills, and almost not making payrolls.

Though these don’t sound very wonderful (and they weren’t), it makes looking backward so much sweeter.

What would we have to look back at if everything had been perfect? Some of the best memories come from adversity, and all the best lessons come from the hardest moments.

What about your struggles? Which ones do you fondly cherish? (I’d love to hear about them in the comments.)

It seems there is a lot of focus on “the good life” and living well. And though it’s nice to eventually get there, life is sweeter when we struggle.

Many of my friends don’t want their kids to go through what they had to go through. Though I can appreciate that, and though I love my kids, I pray that they will have struggles (but live through them). They make for great memories, they build great character, and they keep us humble. How can that be a bad thing?

Eric Rhoads

PS: In the pre-COVID era, I was out on 40 trips a year by air. It was too much, and now that I’ve mostly been home for a year, I’m not going to become addicted to travel again. My plan … fewer trips, but more meaningful trips.

One of my favorite weeks of the year, my Adirondack painters’ retreat, starts on June 12 as we celebrate our 10th year. It’s a fun week of painting. Everyone wants to get out now; we’re all ready to return to life again. There are still a few seats. Maybe you should join us. If not now, I’m doing it again this fall. 

In August, join our worldwide pastel conference online. No travel required.

In September I have one seat left for my Russia trip. And about 20 left for my annual European art trip (collectors and art lovers).

It will be fun to get out again.

I jumped suddenly as my bare feet hit the hot wooden porch, spilling a touch of my coffee. I was lifting my feet up fast, on and off, making my way to the carpet under the couch so my feet could cool down on this hot Sunday morning. The sun is burning hot, the sky is warm, the air is muggy, and I’m ready to find a cooler spot to spend my summer. Though I love Texas, it takes a special breed to live in the about-100-degree temps that will soon make up every summer day. Hopefully, by next week I’ll be sitting on the lakefront screened porch, listening to the loons proclaim their territory.

My Texas friends think I’m a wimp for escaping the intense heat, which they say builds character and strength. But, like most, I’ve spent a lifetime building character.

Beyond Our Control

There is no doubt, though, that adversity, challenge, and difficult times make us all stronger. Nothing good would ever happen to us if every moment were smooth sailing. Many of us would not be where we are without being forced into circumstances beyond our control. And some of us, probably very few, intentionally put ourselves in uncomfortable situations so we can look forward to difficult challenges, knowing growth waits on the other side.

My Biggest Fears

My palms were sweating as I looked around the room in the Denny’s on the corner of Oakland Park Boulevard in Fort Lauderdale. I was there because someone had suggested I join Toastmasters because I was so shy and unable to speak in public. This was, in my opinion at the time, putting myself in harm’s way. You know how people fear public speaking more than death? That was me.

Why Me?

At Toastmasters, we were each told to stand up, introduce ourselves, say something about what we did, talk for two minutes, and sit down. Not a hard task, but when I saw a hundred other people there, I froze up. It was, it seemed, the worst day of my life. Why did I put myself in this position? I seriously thought about going home, but I knew if I did not face up to the challenge, I’d never conquer this fear of speaking. 

When my turn came, I looked down at the floor, spoke so softly I was asked to speak up, and I was in and out of there in less than a minute. When I sat down, I realized my shirt was wet with sweat. 

The next time, a couple of weeks later, required a longer talk, and then longer again the next time. And each time got a little easier, and I was a little less fearful. 

How is it that I can speak today in front of audiences of thousands, that I can do crazy things on stage, be silly, have fun, and come across as the most confident person in the room? 

Driven by Passion

There was something very satisfying about beating my fears, but the need to beat them came from knowing that if I did not beat them, I’d never play the role I needed to play in my career. I knew speaking was a critical skill I would need, and it was my passion, my desire, and a sense of purpose that drove me to risk looking like a fool in front of others. 

What about you? Is there a fear you’ve conquered?

Or is there a fear you feel you need to conquer?

One of the most satisfying parts of my life is watching people overcome great fears because they know their dreams won’t be realized unless they do.

Putting yourself out there is not always about overcoming your fears. It can also mean forcing accountability.

Cortez famously burned his own ships as he invaded an island because he knew that his men might not try as hard if they had the option to retreat. 

Going Public

The way I burn the ships is to announce my intentions in public. The fear of embarrassment or looking bad usually results in my accomplishing my goal. That’s why I always recommend sharing your goals with others. Once you’ve stated them and others know, you’re more obligated.

All of this is rooted in overcoming discomfort. And discomfort is the entryway to massive success. So why do we shun discomfort instead of embracing it?

John F. Kennedy declared he was going to put a man on the moon. Quietly, he told his close confidants that he had no idea how he would get it done — after all, it was impossible. But he stated it into action by making himself accountable to the American people. His bold, audacious claim had to come true, and it empowered people to want to make it come true.

What Leaders Do

According to author Dan Sullivan, “Great leaders take risks with their reputations for the sake of moving ahead with a big, sometimes seemingly impossible, goal. Their vision and innovation spur them forward when they don’t yet have the capability to make these ambitions a reality.

Doing this takes courage. And being willing to go through periods of courage is essential to both entrepreneurship and leadership.”

He goes on to say,  “Courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s being afraid, acknowledging your fear, and pushing ahead toward your goal anyway, knowing that along the way, you’ll gain the necessary.”

Of course Roosevelt told us we have nothing to fear but fear itself. 

Sometimes we “jump in” and make a commitment because we know something needs to be done and there is no one else who will do it. Rising to the occasion is often the gutsy move, facing fear that turns us into leaders or people who accomplish great things.

Where do you need to just jump in?

What ships do you need to burn behind you?

What do you need to declare, exposing yourself to the world, in order to make something happen?

Becoming Extraordinary

Ordinary men and women become extraordinary by facing their fears and having the courage to step out and declare their big bold move. They may be shaking inside, but it’s their desire, their passion, and their need to accomplish something important that let them overcome the demons of fear. 

Sure, there are limitations and roadblocks. So what? 

When passion drives your courage and puts you face to face with your biggest fears, you take on a new level of strength and are able to overcome all obstacles.

There is something burning inside you. Something you always wanted to do, but you’ve been telling yourself a story about why it’s not possible. Take a deep breath, muster up your courage, and face your fear. You’ll thank me later.

Eric Rhoads

PS: A little more than a year ago when the COVID lockdowns began, I was very afraid I could no longer feed my family or pay college tuition, and I feared having to ruin the lives of the wonderful people I employ. I wanted to curl up in the fetal position, but I knew that facing my biggest fear yet would help me find the courage to get through all of this.

I watched cancellations for our live events come in at record speed, I watched advertising cancellations unlike any I’d seen before. I was convinced my business was at risk. Thankfully, our pivot to create a global online art conference saved us. Though it did not replace all the lost revenue, it kept us alive.

And it helped us discover a new tool for learning, one that allowed people to attend a conference they could never have attended in person. It changed the art world forever.

Things are not back to normal, and survival is still on our lips. Hopefully, our next virtual online conference, Pastel Live, will excite people about pastel painting, and make everyone better painters (and teach beginners too). It’s going to be a lot of fun, and tomorrow, Monday, is the deadline to get a seat before the big price increase. It’s got a 100% money-back guarantee … if you don’t love it, we refund your money. It’s how we do things.

If one of your fears is painting, face it … join us for Pastel Live.

Gnarly twisted oak trunks are bending over as if to pick up a lost leaf from the spring grass. Leaves are making a shuffling sound as they move violently and are pushed out of their comfort zone in the strong wind.

Dark, almost purple clouds, are billowing over the distant blue mountains like Indy race cars competing to get to the finish line.

My ears are filled with the whistling of winds coming from different directions … like a chorus of flutes.

I’m reminded of “In Like a Lion” as spring makes its way to the backyard of this tin-roofed Texas ranch house. I’m out on the back porch, coffee close at hand, and happen to look down the entire length of the porch. There’s another one at the front of the house. It, too, runs the entire length of our home. I never want to take these porches for granted.

Imagine This…

When I was about 30, I dreamt of owning a house with a big porch, a tin roof, and a view of a mountain.

Now, here I sit, many years later, living that dream.

Years ago, when I was first introduced to the Adirondack mountains in upstate New York, I fantasized about living in the first house built there in the late 1800s. Today, we spend much of our time in the first house built on our little lake in 1840.

Imagination is a powerful thing. What we imagine somehow gets implanted in our minds and sometimes, without even remembering those implanted visuals, our mind makes them happen.

No Effort Required

Though I’m big on the idea of turning your dreams into a plan, setting goals, and following the plan, I’ve also come to see how our dreams really can come true. Sometimes no effort is required … things just fall into place.

I suppose the big difference is the speed at which things happen.

Roadblocks

Dreaming is important to all of us. Imagining ourselves living our ideal life, in our ideal circumstance, and having our ideal career.

In reality, most of us do some form of dreaming and imagining.

Sometimes, when we don’t really believe in our own dreams, that’s when we find ourselves in places and circumstances we don’t want to be in. Too many times in my life, I’ve thought to myself “I’ll never be able to have that” — and I was right. I didn’t believe in my own dreams and they never happened. If you think you can’t, you can’t. 

Your Other Brain

The reality is that everything you dream about won’t come true.

But, what you think about constantly is what is most likely to happen. Advertising experts know that repetition sells products, but repetition is also the most influential controller of your brain.

Therefore, what you think about most, what you watch or read most, is often the outcome you get, whether or not it’s intended.

If you think about how much you hate your job, your brain is likely to make losing your job happen, usually through self-sabotage.

Oh, it’s not you. It’s your subconscious mind. If your brain is engaged in unhealthy fantasies, like having affairs with the pizza delivery guy, be careful! It’s likely to happen in some form or another. If you keep thinking “I just want to hit that jerk” … you might accidentally just find yourself doing it.

People frequently say things like, “I don’t know what made me do it, it just happened.” The answer often lies in what you’ve implanted into your subconscious, which controls much of your activity.

That Happened Fast

A couple years ago, someone recommended that I talk to a major TV network about doing a TV show. Though it sounded really exciting, my initial belief was “not me, it’s not going to happen.” He then scolded me with a reminder, “if you think you can’t, you can’t.”

So instead, I thought about what it would be like when it did happen. 

I focused on believing it would  happen and, one week later, I found myself in front of the right person, talking about a TV show!

Another time, someone suggested I be featured in Success magazine. I rejected the idea … not believing that it could happen for me. Again, scolded by my friend Lee, I decided to manifest it like she suggested. Boom. The following month I was featured in a story in Success magazine.

Has it ever happened to you?

Have you ever thought about something so much that it started happening in your life?

Have you ever manifested anything?

I don’t use prayer like Santa Claus. But I do lift up my ideas for direction and I know if they are part of the plan, they will happen.

To me, prayer is part of manifesting what you want. If it’s linked to a good purpose, it’s more likely to happen. We’ve always been told to be careful what we wish for (or pray for) because we often get it, even if it’s not what we really need.

Do you spend time dreaming about outcomes? I role-play meetings with myself while driving to meetings, and they often turn out as anticipated. 

I never used to believe any of this. I called it all “positive thinking BS” — but I’ve seen enough evidence now that I believe there is more to it than meets the eye.

And, as a result, I’ve formed a few little guidelines that I try to apply in my own life.

I’d like to offer these guidelines to you because I’ve discovered how very powerful they can be.

1. Be careful what you put into your brain. Be careful about what you think about or obsess about. The old saying “garbage in garbage out” is true. Focus on good or focus on evil. You choose the outcome.
2. The more vividly and more detailed you dream, and the more you do it, the more exact your dreams will come true.
3. Though things can and do happen when you dream them, you stand a better chance if you’re being deliberate. In other words, consciously make an effort to keep them in your mind. Set goals. Make a plan and follow it. Don’t give up.
4. Roadblocks to every dream are not outside factors, but inside your head. Clear the roadblocks, clear the indoctrination you’ve inherited from others, get the “I don’t deserve this” or “I’m not the kind of person who gets to have these things” out of your brain.
5. When you have a valid world-changing purpose, it makes things happen faster. Find your purpose.
6. Though some things happen on their own (good or bad, depending on what’s in your brain), they happen faster when you work on them. Remember, a boat floating with the engine off can drift anywhere. A boat with the engine running, propeller spinning, and rudder aimed at a compass setting always gets to its destination!

Imagine what your life would be like if every dream you had came true? If everything you had thought of had become a reality?

What would you do if you knew there were no limits — no age limits, no money limits, no conditions to get in your way?

What if you discovered that everyone is a dreamer, but only people who are willing to jump over roadblocks are the ones who get the prize? 

My guess is that inside of you, right now, is one burning desire you’ve dreamed about but did not believe you could do or have. Pull the trigger today. Don’t delay. Make it vivid, make a plan, and start action today, and every day, and you’ll change your life in 90 days.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Please follow me on Instagram

PS: The last thing my dad said to me before he died recently is that he wanted me to take Sunday Coffee to the next level, reach more people, and expand it worldwide. Would you help me do that? If you enjoy it, find value in it, share it with 10 friends. I want to make my dad proud. And the week he died, the first thing I did was reach out to a book agent. Fingers crossed.

Yes You Can Learn to Paint
Many of you know that I’m an artist. I was the guy who did not believe I could learn it. I was the guy who told myself special talent was a requirement. Today, I’m in three art galleries and I’m a proficient painter (we can all grow, and I work hard at growth).

I can teach anyone to paint. A good place to start is PaintByNote.com. It’s the foundation everyone should be given before they get confused … And it’s free!

Exciting in-person events with live, breathing people:
Tired of zoom calls and being alone. Want to be around actual people? Want to have some amazing experiences and make some great friends? Here are some art things I’m doing soon. Of course, we’ll all do what is required for safety. But, it’s TIME TO GET OUT!!

June
My Adirondack Artist Retreat
The 10-year anniversary of my annual artist retreat in the Adirondacks. We stay together, eat together, paint together, and sing and play together. It’s like summer camp for people who love to paint (amateurs to pros, all are equal). I have 10 seats left. PaintAdirondacks.com — come join the fun!

August
Pastel Live Global Art Conference
Our first Pastel Live event for people who want to thrive or learn in pastel painting. Not in person, virtual, but an amazing experience. PastelLive.com. Price goes up soon. Hundreds are already attending this global art conference. Don’t Miss It!

September
What people don’t know about Russia is that it has an extremely rich art history. Seeing the history in person, and painting in the places of the great Russian masters, is going to be amazing. This is my first Russia painting adventure. It’s been hard to organize and probably won’t happen again. I only have 3 seats left — come with us to Russia!. PaintRussia.com

My Fall Color Week Artist Retreat
My annual Fall Color painting week is taking place in late September/early October. This will be the very first Fall Color Week in the Adirondacks — the color and scenery is beyond breathtaking. We’re living in a classic old Adirondack camp right at the water’s edge. This will be the only time we do this because we go somewhere new each year. I’d love for you to be there to experience it with us. FallColorWeek.com

October
Fine Art Trip to Europe (Not Painting)
You don’t have to be a painter to attend. We go behind the scenes at the top museums, art studios and homes, plus other touring. It’s a small, intimate group and we have lots of fun together. We call it the Fine Art Trip and this year we’re going to Germany and Austria. Come with us, won’t you? FineArtTrip.com

November
Realism Live Global Art Conference
We’ll be doing another global art conference on Realism. Be watching because we’re announcing the world-class faculty lineup very soon. Find out more and get the best price by registering now RealismLive.com

If you’ve wanted to attend an art event “someday” — now is the time. We’ve all been locked up and alone for too long. Treat yourself … you deserve it! It’s time to get out and play! (safely, of course!) 

Spring birds, like a symphony of high notes, along with the bass notes of mourning doves, create a spring song like no other. Bright spring greens fill the trees and the ground below, accented by deeper green cedar pines. As I look down, I notice the boards on the deck of the old porch have peeling paint, a reminder of summer projects ahead. All around, spring is my favorite season… that is, until summer, then fall and winter. Thank God for the variety.

What I like best about spring is that it’s a season of hope, and it’s hope we all live for. It comes in different forms, but, unlike a magic lantern, Santa Claus, or possibly-unanswered prayers, our hope, in many cases, is in our own hands.

Stop and think about what you hope for.

There are clearly things we can hope for but can rarely affect personally, though we each need to do our part if we can clearly see the role we should play.

Two speakers at my father’s services recently, recalling memories of my dad, repeated his mantra, which is exactly the one I grew up with.

He would say…

“If you don’t think you can, you can’t.
If you think you can, you can and will.”

Though the negative among us will challenge these words, perhaps they might not challenge them if they lived them.

Loving the Transformation

I’m not against negative people. I try hard to love everyone, and the best part about negative people is watching the twinkle they get in their eye when they finally get it … try it … and succeed.

Dad would say, “No challenge is too big. You just have to expand the possibilities of your thinking.”

And when he’d suggest something big to me, I often caught myself telling him the reasons it wasn’t right for me, or how it was too big, something I could never possibly do.

He would then remind me that every big dream accomplished in the world started out in someone’s head. Often, with disbelief.

“Push those negatives out of your mind,” he would say. “We all get them, but the key is to push them away.”

A couple of years ago one of my mentors suggested I launch a national television show on a major network. My immediate reaction was, “I can’t do that. Why would they want me? There are people much more qualified.”

Watching the Magic Happen

His response, as if he had been talking to my dad: “You certainly can’t do it if you think that way. How about you take the weekend, rethink it, and figure out how you’ll do it.” Two weeks later I had a preliminary deal for a show, and after a few weeks of discussion, a firm deal. Ultimately I had to push out my insecurities, and the more I thought about it, the more I believed it, and the more I believed it, the more I made it happen.

My grandmother always used to say, “Once you set your mind on something, you’re halfway there.” Once I had set my mind on this big, seemingly impossible idea, I overcame my fears.

You see, your belief has to be stronger than your fear. We all have fear. It’s normal. But if you want something badly enough, you’ll push that old fear aside.

Digging Deeper

When I meet people, I usually start by asking, “What’s your story?” They usually say, “What do you want to know?” I then say, “You choose. What’s your big dream?”

Typically, they can’t answer that question, but as I probe further, they realize there is an unrealized dream buried deep inside. They have pushed it down because their belief had not overcome their fear.

We all have excuses. They are very convenient. You know … I don’t have what it takes, I don’t have the money, I don’t know how to do it, I don’t have the degree, I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, I can’t be as successful as my dad or mom, I’m not smart enough … I don’t … I’m not … I can’t.

Stop it.

Just because you have not done something does not mean you can’t.

Do you really want to be at the end of your life, looking back at all the opportunities missed because you did not try? To me, the biggest crime is giving up on your dreams.

What is your big dream?

What are you going to do about it?

There is nothing like a funeral to make you realize how fast life travels. Seeing cousins with great-grandchildren has a way of making you realize how quickly time sprints by. For me, other than the sadness of the moment and our loss, it was a good kick in the behind to focus on the big dreams. Yes, there is still time.

At 94, Dad was working 15 hours a day and he had just started a new business. He talked of the things he was planning to get done over the next 20 or 30 years. He refused to place limits on himself. God had other plans, but he never had to look back over missed opportunities. He always went for it. You can too.

Make time now.

Don’t give up on dreams. Ever. Never ever.

You can turn dreams into reality. There is no excuse, no limitation, no age restriction. You can find a way.

Make your list. Then ask yourself what excuses you’ve been wallowing in. Now push them aside, and start thinking about the possibilities.

You can climb the mountain. You can live that dream. You can accomplish the impossible.

Eric Rhoads

PS: My friend used to tell me, “It’s easy for you to say because you grew up with a dad who has done incredible things.” Though it’s true that he helped me overcome my limited thinking, I can tell you stories of people who had every strike against them and overcame those circumstances. Excuses aid and abet the plot to hold you back. Do you really think God does not want you to be the best you can be? You were made for a purpose … but you need to push out the negatives, the excuses, and discover the magic that happens with an unlimited mind. Most of us spend more time watching television than thinking about our dreams and finding ways to make them happen. Imagine if you took that time to invest in yourself. Change would surely happen.

I’ve had a surreal experience this past couple of weeks. Thousands of people I don’t know personally have reached out with condolences. My e-mail, social media, and mailbox have been filled with very loving thoughts from so many. I feel surrounded by your love and concern. And though this has briefly knocked me off my game and required me to take a lot of time away from my normal broadcasts and interviews, I’ll be back soon because I have big mountains to climb. Thank you to everyone for everything you’ve done. It’s deeply meaningful to my family and me.

Mourning doves coo like a soft flute from the windows of Mrs. Holland’s sixth-grade music class at my old brick elementary school. An orchestral arrangement of tweets seems to play mockingbird from all directions. And bright orange streaks of light kiss the tops of rogue bushes and twisted tree trunks. Tiny buds of future daffodils sneak out of the rich dirt, ready to reach for the sky and please the eye.

Going Home

I’ve not been in my hometown in early spring since I left there as a teen about to start my life elsewhere. Though I tend to make a brief appearance every couple of years, this weekend’s visit is a rarity. This homecoming is a grand sendoff for the man whose last name I bear, providing a chance to reconnect, possibly one last time, with cousins and family acquaintances who share our grief.

The silver lining in this dark cloud is making renewed acquaintances, hearing stories we’ve never heard, and seeing people we’ve not seen since “you were this high.”

Deep Freeze

While making arrangements, one of my dad’s lifelong buddies pointed out that we have been frozen in time. His son, now 42 with kids, is stuck in my mind as the 17-year-old I last saw. To him, I’m still 30, about the last time he saw me. We both experienced an unexpected jolt. How can this be?

Though the price paid for this experience was high, there is pure joy and a sense of security when reconnecting with the past.

New Discoveries

Why, we ask, have we not spent more time together over the years, discovering that we like one another and had more in common than we knew? Yet we know somewhere deep down inside that we may never again have this connection unless we are deliberate about it.

Death has a price, but so does life. There is a price for everything, and there is irony in the price. It’s as though I feel guilty having so much joy in seeing these people who have been frozen in time. Seeing faces I’ve not seen since high school, once shiny, hopeful teens and now weathered and tired senior citizens. Another jolt, for a brief moment, but a deep pleasure.

It’s Not Possible

Thomas Wolfe said, “You can’t go home again,” and it holds true. We’re here today, gone tomorrow, and all the joy held here is fleeting as we return to our hectic lives, no longer intertwining like the yarn of a comfortable old sweater. Not only is there sadness at the burial, sorrow is also creeping in like an old, gnarly vine as we all figure out that this may be the last time we connect.

Why don’t we spend more time together? Why don’t we do anything? What stands in the way becomes the way. The only alternative to taking things deeper is to identify the obstacle, then chip away or solve it so you reach the desired outcome. Ultimately it boils down to whether we’re willing to pay the price. Is the reward worth the effort? In some cases, yes. In others, well, probably not.

I’d not wish this past few weeks on anyone, but the reward has been sweet just the same. The process of everything we’ve gone through as a family has been a gift, in spite of the price.

A Flood of Gratitude

Though I can dig deeply for things I wish I’d said or done, I feel grateful that I had a chance and took it. And my sensitive, tear-filled eyes, which have more tears to come, have also helped me see the sweet gifts of the process. Now, at least for these raw moments, and hopefully longer, I look at those I love, those I’ve not seen, and appreciate that I can smile and see a smile in return. Appreciation fills my broken heart, and it’s my hope that I can keep the appreciation at a higher level each and every day, never once taking anyone for granted.

Look around you. Look at those you love and ask, if they became dust tomorrow, would you have said what needs to be said, encouraged what needs encouragement, and made it clear, in a deeply meaningful way, that they are appreciated? If not, go now and do this, before breath escapes for the last time.

And reconnect with those you have not seen, and maybe have forgotten, and deeply enjoy those conversations and expressions. The world in which we live at the moment has been filled with scores of unpleasant and unexpected surprises, and that may continue into the future. Don’t look back in regret with good intentions but lacking actions. Reach out, embrace, and feel the joy.

Eric Rhoads

Dark clouds are billowing over the distant green pastures. A rickety old fence manages to keep the longhorn cattle from walking into the dirt road, which only sees an occasional truck each day. It’s the middle of nowhere, and I’m here in the camper for a much-needed break to simply relax for the weekend. I might slip out and paint the fields of bluebonnets.

Following our big online artist convention, PleinAir Live, which was an intense four days after even more intense days and months of advance preparation, I was exhausted. But instead of sleeping in the following day, or sitting on the back porch, or playing in my art studio, I had to face something I’d rather not face. Boarding an airplane, Laurie, the kids, and I flew to Florida, knowing we would be spending the next few days saying goodbye to my dad and being at his bedside.

Big Changes in One Month

When we left there a month ago after spending almost four weeks taking care of Dad, who was up and in good spirits and alert, we returned to find him shutting down. He was barely able to talk, and, though we were only able to make out a word or two, we just wanted him to know we were there at his side as he made passage to a new and better place.

Hospice said it would be about five days normally, but Dad had been working 15-hour days up till then. They said, “The ones who work are still working in their heads, and take more time to give up.” He lasted till 8:39 on the ninth day.

Circling Vultures

The hand of death can be swift or slow, but its grasp is strong and makes no exceptions. Rarely do we admit it looms, hovering above like vultures awaiting their kill. They circle for as long as it takes.

Some, whose greatness seems limitless and whose vulnerability to death seems almost impossible, these larger-than-life characters, fall just like the rest of us, perhaps the only difference being the disbelief among others that they could ever go.

Such was the case with my father, the man who stood above others, not in stature or importance (because those things were not his God). Not only was he the man with that magical eye twinkle and beaming smile who befriended everyone he met, he was the one who was truly interested, whether you were the head of a government or the restroom attendant. All were equal in his eyes. Each person had a story, and he was curious to learn it, and make a new friend. Like a high-powered magnet, he drew others to him.

Strong Foundation

Though driven to excellence and being as great as God intended him to be, he too possessed flaws and imperfections. He had regrets, but made sure he used them as lessons to prevent future mistakes. He too was seduced by shiny objects, but his family was his foundation, and he gave to them deeply. Every encounter had a story attached to a lesson he felt we should learn, but they were never lectures. Mistakes were ours to make, yet he was never critical. Instead he may have helped us find our own correction, but he never told us what to do, never yelled or raised his voice that I can remember, and never would be critical or negative about others. Never a word of gossip, not even so much as giving in to the temptation to pile on when someone else said something negative. Instead he would suggest that we should never be critical because we’ve never walked in someone else’s shoes.

Family Tradition

Adventure was his muse, challenge was his seductress, and God was his guide. His family prayer, with us or strangers over each meal, was “Change our plans according to your plans for us.” Prayers were never short, and often as long as the meal itself. We were each mentioned, whether we were present or not, because he was calling on the Almighty for protection; he understood that our control and protection had earthly limits.

His number one goal for each of his family and friends was that they find “the ticket to heaven” referred to in John 3:16. He never preached, but the way he lived drew others to ask, at which time he would share. Countless stories of conversion or salvation were like notches on a gunslinger’s belt. Not because he believed one could earn their way to heaven by good works, but because he deeply wanted what he believed was best for others. He was an example of someone who loved everyone he met, and they felt it.

Staying Home to Go Home

The greatest gift we could give him was to hold to our lifelong promise that he would never be placed in a nursing home or die in a hospital. He was home, and thus lived his full life on his own terms. One of the greatest gifts I had was a daily visit for almost a month, when Laurie and I came to help with his care and where we would chat late into the evening every day while he was still able. Though he had an occasional bad day or two where chats were limited due to exhaustion from treatments, it was time I’ll never regret.

Your Terms Only

Dad’s other big mission was trying to convince anyone who would listen to live life on their own terms, not at the whim of others. That freedom, he would say, comes from starting your own business. His message got through to me, and it’s a message I share because he was right. It’s not easy, sometimes downright frightening, often at the control of outside influences like regulations or customers, but always in your own hands to decide direction.

A Giant Inheritance

The inheritance my dad left me was his voice in my head influencing my decisions like a compass pointing me the right direction. Baskets of memories he went out of his way to make. For instance, at the end of each summer, everyone would get a one-on-one boat ride with Grandpa to impart advice and reconnect one more time. The memories are flooding me and always will, and now I must carry these traditions forward.

Massive Encouragement

Not one week went by that I did not get a call or a text with a long comment on Sunday Coffee. Always encouraging, and expanding on the ideas I’d discuss. One of the last things he said to me, before he could talk no more, was that he loved the last Sunday Coffee. Then he said, as he often did, “Spread your wings. You have a gift to help others. This isn’t just about art; you can help the world. Think big, not small. Expand your reach. The world needs you.”

Sunday Coffee has been rooted in lessons from my life, many of which were passed to me from my father.

Believe

Though writing this is cathartic for me, it’s important to share these lessons, because we each have an opportunity to make a mark on others with encouragement, belief in them, and giving them the confidence they need. I’ve had that since the day I was born, and I’ll miss it. But I got enough to get me through a lifetime. Now it’s my turn to make sure I’m providing that for those I love.

You and I walk on this earth for a brief moment in history. I don’t think we’re placed here accidentally so we can just watch TV and become couch potatoes. Though there is a time for that, this is a fresh reminder that time travels fast, and we need to leave that mark in some way, with each person we touch, each day we’re on earth. Remembering that today might be our last.

What about you?

Who have you encouraged lately?
Who have you shown that you believe in them?
Who have you helped see the greatness inside that they don’t see for themselves?

Life has a purpose. Sometimes we go through years without understanding that purpose, and sometimes others see it when we don’t. My dad saw things in me that I did not see, and he boosted me with confidence and encouragement.

Today, as I celebrate the life of my father, and I celebrate his entry to God’s next realm, I’m filled with joy because his absence makes me see just how fortunate I was to be born to the parents I was given.

Time is short, and there is much work to do to touch more lives and encourage more people. Thank you for allowing me to share this deeply personal moment of my life with you.

Eric Rhoads

PS: We all have everything we need inside ourselves to accomplish any impossible dream. But if you and I can help people see it before they see it themselves, we can impact their lives in a big way. What if each of us started today? Nothing critical. Only encouragement of others, and showing belief in them. (And no self-criticism either.) It would be like rocket fuel to make this world that much better.

I have received thousands of notes, e-mails, social media comments, and things in the mail. You’ve really warmed my heart with your outreach. Thank you. It means so much to me, knowing others are there for me.