In the 1850s the Hudson River School painters painted in the Adirondack Mountains of upstate New York — and were accused of exaggerating the colors of the sunsets. Yet living here and experiencing the sunsets each night, I can testify that the colors are so brilliant, so vibrant, that no matter how brightly or brilliantly they may have been painted, they could not touch the colors in the sky.

Banner in the Sky

In 1861 Frederick Church painted a piece called Our Banner in the Sky, a depiction of the American flag made up of bright-colored clouds, with a hint of blue sky and stars showing. I always thought it was a bit kitschy and made-up, until I saw an almost exact reproduction in the sky here, with red stripes of clouds between white stripes, and a patch of blue showing. The only things missing were the flagpole and the stars.

On Golden Pond

This has been the summer of sunsets. I posted a video on my Facebook of brilliant golden light shimmering on the water, reflecting the gold in the sky. Almost every night has been a display of color so brilliant that no paint color could possibly represent it. Last night I sat here on the dock as the sun went down and watched a light show of color that got better with every second, and just as I thought it had peaked as the sun slipped behind the pines’ silhouette, the entire cloud-filled sky lit up like the Las Vegas Strip.

This morning the sky has reset in preparation for yet another show tonight. There is dew on the dock and it’s cooler today, the lake is like glass, and the birds are happily entertaining with some soft, quiet chirps to fill in the silence.

Last week I mentioned giving yourself some oxygen, but what I didn’t tell you is that I had planned a little oxygen for myself this past week. I blocked the week out on my calendar, took the week off, and spent all day, Monday through Thursday, working on improving my painting skills.

Two Big Goals

Specifically, this goes back to a moment of frustration two years ago when I felt I was not making the kind of progress I should be making. So I crafted a plan to see if I could make a dramatic leap, starting by realizing I had two goals … to get better at landscape and plein air painting and to get better at portrait or figure painting, my two passions. (It’s no coincidence that I have a magazine and a conference for each, with the PleinAir Magazine Plein Air Convention & Expo and the Fine Art Connoisseur Figurative Art Convention & Expo.)

Great Mentors

I decided I needed to study under two people I greatly admired for their skills and their ability to translate those skills to the feel of emotion in their work. I then decided to watch their videos to learn and practice all that I could. I considered a workshop with each, but found my available time was limited. With busy family and business obligations, more time away was not an option, so I had to figure out how to fit them into something I was already doing. So I made an arrangement with a top landscape artist to meet me at one of my events, where I would be out painting daily anyway, and asked him to paint with me and coach me for the week. This past week I did the same with a top portrait and figurative painter I highly admire. Since I would have been working anyway, we worked 9 to 5, and I was home with the family the rest of the day.

It’s a little soon to know the impact of this past week on my painting, but if it works as well as my landscape painting adventure, it should make a significant difference. In both cases I had good basic skills but needed to get to the next step fast. A week of solid, dedicated instruction was just the ticket. Now I’m committed to using these techniques and colors going forward for the next few years so that I reinforce what I’ve learned. And in both cases I’ll watch the videos a few more times to remember things I’m sure I’ve forgotten.

Learning Obsession

I find it a bit comical that the guy who could barely graduate high school because of bad grades could be so obsessed with learning, but the key is finding something you’re passionate about and making it a lifelong education. My dad used to tell me, “Education is a bargain at any price.” It’s so true.

Meeting the Challenge

Over decades I’ve interacted with and experienced lots of different kinds of people, and the ones most frustrating to me are those who claim expertise, yet don’t reach or strive to be at the top of their game. God has given us each a life, and it seems as though we should choose to be the very best in the world at what we’re trying to do. Why just get by? Why not be the world’s leading expert? Though I’m far away from being the world’s leading expert at anything, I’m driven to be the very best I can be.

It’s Not Done Till It’s Overdone

Painting is just one example. I want to be the best I can be in my business, be the best I can be when I’m on stage, and be the best I can be when writing. That’s why I am a member of a mastermind group that meets monthly by phone and three times a year in person. That’s why I travel to conventions and events so I can meet and study under the best in the world. That’s why I pay to attend writing workshops and speaking workshops, and why I take lots of online training. Anything done should be done well.

What I Strive to Be

I once saw a speaker on stage at a radio convention. He was the best speaker I had ever seen. He was confident, entertaining, outgoing, and exuberant on stage. I wanted to be that guy, so I went up to him after his speech and asked if he would teach me. I then attended his workshop for a week. I’ve done this with several great speakers because I want to get better at my craft.

The Deep Dive

We are all wired differently. You may be thinking, “This isn’t for me. I don’t see myself working that hard.” Or maybe you simply don’t feel it’s the right direction for you. I hear you, and I don’t want to suggest this formula is right for everyone. But I can tell you one thing I’ve discovered on this journey … a deep dive into anything you love is an investment in your happiness. These things can excite you, reinvigorate you, and make you feel better about yourself. And there is no better confidence booster than seeing personal growth and having it reinforced by others.

Not only is pushing yourself great for your head and your actual performance, you’ll find yourself getting to new levels, then challenging yourself to see how far you can take it. Wouldn’t it be cool to be invited into an art show of top artists, knowing it was earned?

Recently I received a compliment when a top marketing guru, Dan Kennedy, invited me to speak on his stage at his conference. Though I declined because of a travel conflict, it’s recognition that what I’m learning is making me better.

Never Ever Give Up

The normal view of the world is that you go about your days, do your job, retire from that job, and coast the rest of your life. My view of the world is that you be the best at your job and become the best in the world at what you do, just to see how far you can go. And when that ends, you keep going by finding something you’re passionate about and becoming the best you can be, and you do it so that you have the enthusiasm and energy to go forward at 180mph the rest of your life.

Though retirement isn’t for me, if it’s for you, be the best you can be when doing it. My friends from Colorado retired and started yoga training for veterans and now have an organization doing 200 classes a week. That’s what inspired me to create our initiative to teach painting to veterans. Just because your body is aging or because your career in one area will come to an end does not mean you have to coast the rest of your life. It’s great if that’s what you want, but if you keep learning, your brain will tell you that you’re alive and keep you strong and vibrant. And having a goal like mine, which is to teach a million people to paint, gives you a focal point to concentrate on. (If you’re not a painter and want to be, check out my free lessons.)

Recently I spoke about how my brain was scrambled, confused, and overwhelmed in a guitar lesson. I honestly did not think I could do what my instructor wanted me to do, yet by practicing it over and over in small chunks, I’ve mastered it. (We teach this for artists in our video The Master’s Mind).

What have you always wanted to learn? What are you doing where you can see yourself working toward being the best of the best? Maybe it’s learning a new language, learning a craft or a hobby (please try painting!), being a better painter, a better marketer, a better writer, a better  … fill in your blank here. If you want it badly enough, you’ll find a way to get the training you need, and once you start to focus on something and spread the word that you want to learn more, great things will come to you.

What’s the first thing that came to mind when I asked what you see yourself learning? What was the limiting thought that immediately crept in? (I’m too old, too young, too poor, too rich, too lazy, it’s too hard.) Push that aside and go for it anyway. You’re in control of your mind; don’t let your thoughts put up roadblocks.

Here’s to you and me learning some new things yet this summer and fall! Have a great day.

Eric

I arrived on the mist-covered wooden dock this morning as the sun was coming up, just peeking over the horizon. Long warm rays are penetrating cool layers of fog. The mountain is barely visible, and the green highlights of tall pines are shining through the mist. Just as I sat down, I could hear the splashing of baby loon wings beating against the water. Accompanied by loon cries of encouragement from mom and dad, the little loons flap forward about 30 feet, trying to take off but not yet getting airborne. They’ve been trying over and over, and soon those babies will be ready to fly south.

Now that August has arrived, so have most of the lake neighbors, who usually come now through Labor Day. Though I love the quiet months of June and July here, it’s nice to see some people on the lake. Sailboat races have begun, with giant 125-year-old sailboats competing for the annual silver cup. There is nothing quite as beautiful as seeing an old wooden boat keeled over, people leaning out over the water, and that yellow ochre sail against the purple mountain in the background. It’s a painting waiting to happen, and one I’ve done many times, yet the perfect one has yet to be done. One has to capture a moment with a quick sketch, or cheat with a photo, to drop the boat into the scene.

August is also a reminder that my three remaining weeks here need to be filled with bucket list places to visit and paint, chores that need to be finished, kayak rides to take, and family memories to be created. I’d better get off the dock and get busy, starting today.

Rather than getting into anything in-depth or “heavy” today, I thought it would be nice to give you a simple reminder: “Put your own mask on before helping others.” The classic line from airline travel.

What I want to remind you of is that in this busy place we call life, you have lots to do, lots of people to take care of, lots of responsibilities, pressure, and maybe stress. If you’re not taking care of yourself, you’re unable to do a stellar job of helping others.

I’ve spoken about the value of summers, and since summer will be gone in just a few weeks, I want to encourage you to find some way to give yourself some more time. It may be a well deserved vacation, or if that’s not possible, find a way to do something to bring you some peace and joy. It’s amazing to me how a walk in the woods does wonders for me. Maybe it’s an afternoon of fishing … or painting. Try to get to a comfortable place to do something you cannot do every day at home (like TV) and treat yourself.

In my crazy existence I run continuously for months on end, traveling, doing meetings, meeting deadlines, and the only reason I can run at full throttle is because I make a point to give myself some personal oxygen.

If you’re high-strung, you’ll tell yourself there isn’t time, there isn’t money, or there will be some other excuse. Though these things may be very real, you have to find time for you as much as possible.

Do something for yourself today, and try to find as much time for yourself as possible before summer ends. If you’re thinking, “There is always next summer,” just know that’s not guaranteed. Be bold and take care of yourself first. Others who rely on you will understand.

Last week I learned of yet another acquaintance felled by an unexpected stroke, and you may remember my story about my friend who had a stroke, and six months later has had no improvement.

Take special moments while you can. You deserve them.

Have a great day.

Eric

On most mornings around here in the Adirondacks, if you get up early enough, there is a light fog on the lake that doesn’t lift until the sun makes its presence known. On a drizzly morning like today, the fog is thicker, which makes for beautiful photographs and paintings. After this, if there is time, I may attempt one or the other.

In the distance I can barely make out a green sailboat, muted in color by the fog, the mast popping out of the fog with a tinge of sunlight hitting it, and a foggy reflection in the water.

The cry of a loon flying overhead is an unusual sound. Though typically in the water, I’ve seen more flying this year than ever, making me wonder if they plan to fly further north for cooler weather. Other than that, the lake is pure silence, so much so that a voice across the lake from someone chatting and drinking their coffee is perfectly clear. It’s another good reason to never talk about the neighbors.

So Little Time

This, the last Sunday of July, is a stark reminder of how rapidly summer passes and how little time remains. There are mountains to climb, paintings to finish, family outings to get done before I return to the crazy life I lead once the kids return to school to start their sophomore year and get their driver’s licenses.

A Tradition We’ve Never Missed

Soon, we’ll take our annual canoe picture. We try to do it toward the end of the summer because the kids tend to change so much from the beginning to the end of each summer. It’s a tradition I started when they were four months old, sitting them in a canoe in front of the lake with the view of the mountain in the background. We’ve never missed a year. Though it’s unlikely they will continue that tradition in this camp, with this view, wouldn’t it be nice if they made a point to do it every year for the rest of their lives? I love tradition.

A New Game

Siblings, as you know, have moments when they don’t get along. At this age, as they find themselves, everything tends to be annoying to them. Yet when we get up here, once they get relaxed, they begin to interact on a different level, and eventually start to play together. This week they invented a game they call Boo Bee, where they use canoe paddles to hit a ball to one another. Last night one of the neighbor kids came over to play along. They are unknowingly creating memories they will remember their entire lives.

A Cow Apron? Really?

Earlier this week Laurie decided we should have dinner out by the old lean-to, way in the back of the yard at the edge of the old growth forest. We sat around the campfire as we ate our dinner. My dad said, “They won’t remember all our family dinners together, but they’ll remember this.” So true. We’ll do a meal or stories in the old teepee, and breakfast in a tiny cabin we call the trapper cabin, which has an old wood stove and is barely big enough for us all to fit. My dad puts on his old cow apron and his leather trapper hat, and makes us all breakfast in a cast iron skillet. And Tuesdays around here have become “Taco Tuesdays,” when our neighbors from Arizona come over and cook Mexican food. They and some other neighbors will gather, casually. It’s a good excuse to get together.

What matters is that we’re together. I cherish these times, knowing that soon the birds will leave the nest, off to flight school. Though not all the family can be here, they come when they can, and we reconnect, catch up, and have no agenda other than sitting on the dock and relaxing.

Dreams Worth Doing

From the moment school lets out till it starts again, we spend the entire summer here. Though I still put in eight- or 10-hour days, my evenings are spent in a boat or on the dock. Years ago I realized I loved summers here so much that I wanted to spend more time. Some summers I have not made it at all, some just a week or less. So I spent about 10 years sowing the seeds that allowed me to operate from here.

That meant making a lot of changes in the structure of my business. It was a giant hassle and took years to get to the point where I could do it, but the reason I do it is because it’s so important in my life. It’s my number one thing because it’s different from time with family at home in our busy lives. It forces us to reconnect, gives us a chance to play, to be in a different place, with no pressures.

I did not know I wanted it until I had the chance to do it, thanks to the hard work my father put in to make it happen. So it’s my new goal to continue the tradition, here or elsewhere.

Looking back, I realize this place, this idea of being together as a family, had become my top priority. I work hard so I can be here in the summer.

Have you given thought to your top priority?

Nothing Comes Easy

This did not happen overnight, for my dad or me. I watched him work unbelievably hard and struggle for decades, and I too struggled for decades. Nothing comes easy. Yet if you’re focused on your goals and you want something badly enough, it will happen if you dedicate the energy and time and make the commitment.

Which Ship Are You?

There are two kinds of ships. First, there are those at drift at sea, that float to wherever the waves take them. Sometimes they get grounded in the sand and stay there forever, sometimes they hit the rocks, and on occasion they get to another shore. The other kind of ship follows a chart, knows exactly where it is going. Engines are running, pushing the boat forward, with constant course corrections.

Chances are you won’t get there without knowing where you want to be. I’m only able to be here because it was the destination on my chart, and remains important to my family.

What is your destination? What is your top priority?

It won’t be easy to get there. It will take a lot of time, effort, energy, and toil. There will be moments of frustration and failure. But if you keep your eye on the destination and keep the engines engaged, you will arrive.

This might be a good day to set a destination and start working on a chart.

I’ll leave you with this…

Everything good you want to do in your life life may seem daunting and impossible. Dreams may seem impossible, but if they are dreams, they are what you were put on this earth to chase. Chase them with vigor. But you’ll get there faster with a plan, and when you break things into small, simple steps, it makes everything seem a lot easier to accomplish.

Go make your dreams happen. You deserve them.

Eric

The droplets of water drizzle lightly on the tin roof of our cabin in the woods. A cozy knitted blanket is tucked tightly around my arms and legs, with just enough slack to leave my arms free to type.

Beyond the old eight-pane windows, which have never changed since this cabin was built over a hundred years ago, lies a blanket of greens. A deep forest of cascading leaves, branches, and tree trunks. Happily the birds tweet, scattered over the branches of the old-growth trees, 600 years or older with trunks the size of Volkswagens.

Red-and-Black Checks

Nestled inside are the memories of decades past. The couches from the house I grew up in, now worn and slipcovered with red-and-black “buffalo checks.” A crackled hundred-year-old canvas canoe hangs in the rafters, upside down so the beautiful wood strips on the inside are visible. I painted a local couple’s home on the lake in exchange for the canoe about a decade ago.

Brown Velvet Lace

An old stone fireplace sits before me, unlit though it’s a chilly morning. Old books and magazines fill the shelves along the wall under two paint-by-number paintings, an old violin, and a hundred-year-old Victorian lamp with brown velvet lace hanging from its shade. A pair of snow skis adorn the wall, along with an old pennant for the local college, a pair of antique ice skates, a stuffed fish, and some paintings from my early days as a painter. Though it’s clutter, it’s comforting clutter.

Beside my overstuffed old chair sits a birch bark log I drilled and made into a lamp, a little log cabin model my son Brady made a few years ago, a sketch pad, and a harmonica I just bought in hopes I’d learn it this summer.

Sacred Family Time

Summertimes are special, and we look forward to them all year, never knowing how many summers we have left. I consider it sacred time with the family and a chance to recharge my batteries. Though I still work eight- or 10-hour days from here, the view from my office is a lake and a mountain instead of the old scrub oaks of Austin. The days are long — last night it was light till about 10 — so there is time for kayaking, swimming, bike riding, or whatever I can do with my family. It usually involves leaving camp for a visit to Donnelly’s Ice Cream, the best in the Adirondacks, so creamy it’s like a flavored stick of cool butter. There are lines of people waiting to get their ice cream, usually 50 or more people every time we stop. It’s that good.

Though I’ve not yet got to learning the harmonica, which requires a very quiet spot where no one can hear you, I’ve also decided to take classical guitar lessons. I’ve been playing for about eight years, since I began accompanying my daughter to lessons so we could do something together, but I have reached the limit of my basic abilities.

Going Classical

Thankfully I found Steve, a local instructor and excellent classical guitar player, who has discovered all the bad habits I’ve developed. So I’m having to relearn everything I know. For instance, I’ve been holding my fingers wrong, and for classical guitar I have to move the instrument to my left knee, not my right. Because it’s summer, I can find a hour a day to practice.

I’m Ready to Give Up

And already I’ve suffered through those “this is too hard” moments, when I’ve said to myself, “It’s simply not worth it, I’ll just stick to what I know and stop these lessons.” Unfortunately, I’ve said that about six times this past week, pretty much every time I practice, because my fingers are in excruciating pain — I’m using different spots on the tips than I’ve used before, and having to use specific fingers on my other hand differently, with one finger assigned to each string. I keep getting it wrong.

I keep telling myself that I can do it, that every good guitar player went through this, and that the outcome will be worth the pain. But pain and frustration aren’t easy, and quitting is. Yet I know I have to pay my dues.

Comfort zones are happy yet dangerous places. Dangerous because we can get so cozy that we stop learning, and we don’t put ourselves out there to try new things.

Why bother? Why not stick with what we know and be happy with that?

Confusing My Brain

Well, that’s an option, and I think it has a lot to do with your personality. In my case I need fresh challenges at every turn; I feel as though I’m going backward if I’m not growing. But the best part is the mental rush when my brain starts to scramble. For instance, this week in my guitar lesson, the instructor was pushing my limits and I simply could not keep up — my brain was confused, and I had to just stop and think about each task, one at a time. I felt for a brief moment like my brain was exploding. Though confusing, it was invigorating, and I could feel my brain changing.

The Brain Gym

Experts say that one of the best ways to combat aging and dementia is to challenge your brain with crossword puzzles and online games. Just like your muscles need resistance to stay healthy, the same is true for your brain.

What if you asked yourself when the last time was that you were learning something new and challenging your brain? One of the things I love about painting is that it’s a continual challenge, and I’m constantly learning. Yet my brain isn’t freaking out like it was when I was asked to do a multi-string multi-finger sequence I could barely figure out. It’s those kinds of things that I think we need. Things that really push our limits and make us feel alive.

Resisting Change

If comfort is the enemy, then perhaps stimulation is our friend. Six years ago I awoke to the realization that after 20 years of running my business, I had been repeating the same practices year after year. I was doing nothing new, and it was reflected in the lack of growth in my business. But when I started attending conferences about things I knew nothing about, my brain, and my motivation, changed. It was very much like my guitar lesson. At first I was confused and overwhelmed, then as my brain started opening up new paths, I was starting to understand new concepts. When I tried doing them myself, it was hard, and I was ready to give up, but my stubborn nature made me stick with them. The end result was that they started changing the outcome of my business, and I became better than I had been.

Ask yourself…

What have I wanted to learn but have feared failure? (I know I keep telling myself I’ll never get good at this guitar thing, but I’m starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Plus, I have to continually manage my mindset.)

What have I always wanted to learn but have never taken the time or effort?

What have I wanted to learn but have resisted because of some mental block, like “I’m too young, I’m too old, I’m too” … you get the idea.

It’s also a good idea to consider that there are things you would love that you don’t know exist. Why not visit the website of a local college or adult education center and pick something completely foreign to you? Even if it’s not something you turn out to love, you will learn something of value.

Usually our minds and our comfort are the biggest roadblocks.

How about a new mantra? “I’m curious. I want to grow. I want to keep learning. I want to keep my brain stimulated.”

Keep in mind that whatever you decide to learn will get hard, and it will be easy to find a good excuse not to continue. It is at that inflection point that the true learning begins.

Today is a good day to play with the idea and do a little self-examination. Mental stimulation keeps life more interesting, has a great impact on your brain and health, and has a huge impact on your state of mind.

Just the challenge of a few guitar lessons has really challenged me, has been mentally and physically painful (burning fingertips), and I’ve wanted to quit and not wanted to practice. But I’ve accepted the challenge and will not give up.

My wish is that you find a fresh challenge.

Eric

Walking out on the dock last night, it was pitch black. There was not so much as a ripple in the water; it was still as glass. I’ve never seen a darker sky anywhere, for here in the middle of the wilderness, we’re 25 miles from the nearest small town and hundreds of miles from light-polluted big cities. The sky was littered with stars. Not just a few, but thousands were visible, and I could see a depth to the night sky I’ve never before noticed. In the distance, just above the silhouette of the mountain, is a small bright blood-orange ball they call Mars.

Sitting here in my Adirondack chair with my head back, looking to the heavens, I heard the eerie call of the loons … not once, but three times, because each call reflects across the lake, then back, then back again.

Nowhere I’d Rather Be

Yesterday my wife was telling me about our neighbor, a lovely lady who has the means to live anywhere in the world and who has homes around the globe, yet finds this place her favorite place on earth. I feel the same, not just because it’s the closest thing we have to an old family homestead, but because it’s extraordinarily beautiful and in an area filled with traditions. In fact, Frederick Vanderbilt said this was the most beautiful lake in America and the second most beautiful in the world. Families on this lake have been here since the 1890s, and they are all deeply rooted together; everyone has known everyone’s kids, parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents. They gather for sailing, for barbecues, and for memorials when a lake member graduates to that great big lake in the sky.

Living In the Past

Tradition is rich in this little lake, nestled in the 6 million-acre protected Adirondack Park. Most people here resist modern things and are living in cabins built well over 100 years ago and heated by wood stoves and fireplaces when needed, and most have no road access. A trip to get groceries involves an old wooden boat, heading to a landing that is like a portal to modern times for the necessary trip back to 2018. Being here is like living in the past. It’s an escape from reality.

I’ve looked, and have found no lake in the world like this one. Though there are lots of beautiful lakes in the world, most have been modernized and are filled with the noise of Jet Skis and speedboats. Here it’s mostly wooden boats, canoes, ancient guide boats, and hundred-year-old sailboats that race weekly in August.

A Morbid Thought

My ideal last breath would be in this very place, in this very chair, looking at this very view of the mountain, someday watching my children’s kids playing on the dock, filled with laughter and squirting one another with squirt guns. Hopefully that will be a long, long time from now.

Though I can dream, as in a Greek play, the good of this place has also come with tragedy. Families who have owned these properties for generations are being forced to sell by unusually high taxation, so high it’s sustainable only for the ultra-wealthy. My only hope is that when the last of us are taxed out of this lake, the new caretakers of the lake carry on the traditions.

Saying Goodbye to Home

Years ago my father announced to the family his intent to sell this lake home. It’s an old story. Families downsize and sell the old family homestead, and family members are saddened because of their memories and the comfort of the old family pictures, and the vase they bought Mom for Mother’s Day as a child. I was deeply saddened when my grandparents sold their homes, and I’ll be saddened when this home is gone.

A Flood of Memories

Recently my grandparents’ old home on West Wildwood Avenue came up for sale, probably 30 years after their passing. As I looked at the photos, my mind was flooded with great memories of my grandmother reading the Bible to us, we kids playing on the old oak stairway, my grandfather reading the paper in his favorite chair, learning to woodwork in the old garage, “Mema” baking pies in her little kitchen, and “Papa” giving us haircuts in the dining room. Though I had a chance to buy the house, and it was affordable, I realized that their absence would make the home feel empty. That house had its time for our family, and now it is time for another family to make their own memories. The same is true here.

The Seasons of Life

As I think about the possibility that we’ll leave here one day, I have in mind this somewhat comforting reminder: For every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven; a time to be born, a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill, a time to heal; a time to break down, a time to build up; a time to weep, a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to get and a time to lose; a time to keep and a time to cast away; a time to rend, a time to sew; a time to keep silence and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate; a time of war and a time of peace. — Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Like most, I’m set in my ways. I like it here. I’m happy. Yet I was happy in another place and was sad to see that sold, and didn’t want to come up here. Once I was here, I fell in love.

The Value of Change

Change is good, and though it’s uncomfortable, there is also the unknown, which can be pretty exciting. My wife and I have moved every decade since we’ve been married, and we look forward to our next mystery move once the kids hit college. Though we love the comfort and stability of knowing people and places, we also love the thrill of learning a new place and meeting new people.

Is being cozy and comfortable being stuck?

I often hear, “We should have done this years ago.”

Stuck in the Mud

I’ve been stuck much of my life. Stuck in jobs. Stuck in businesses where it was easier to sit still than to move forward. Stuck in relationships. Most of the time I got unstuck it was because someone made a change against my will. Getting dumped by a girlfriend, dumped by an employer, and dumped by investors. And in every case, I ended up in a place I like better.

Change is probably the hardest thing any of us experience. But just because we’re comfortable doesn’t mean it’s good for us. I have friends who are comfortable in dead marriages because they fear being alone the rest of their lives, fear they might end up in a worse relationship, or fear they might lose their money.

Have you ever lost a job, thinking it was the end of the world, only to find out it was the best thing to happen to you? I have.

Are you stuck?

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when I talk about being stuck? There is a good possibility that first thing you think of is where you’re the most stuck. Admitting it is the first step to getting unstuck.

What would you change if there were no consequences?
What would you change if you knew it would be easy?
What do you know you need to change but just don’t want to?
What have others been saying to you that you refuse to hear?

My Happy Place

There is nothing wrong with being comfortable, feeling settled and secure, and being in your happy place. Frankly, I could be here on this dock the rest of my life and be thrilled. I don’t feel stuck at all, but I’m not in control, and my future here is not in my own hands. So the most logical thing for me to do is to realize it and work to get into a position to be where I am in control.

In spite of my anxiety about having to leave this special place one day, I’m also excited to know that one day in the future I’ll be on to a new adventure. A change in perspective or attitude makes it easier to take.

Though I hope you’re not stuck, it might be worth asking yourself if you are and what you could do to get you into a better place.

Today is as good as any to think about it.

Eric

This morning as I stepped on to the dark brown wooden dock, I jumped a bit from the heat on my bare feet and carefully tiptoed my way to my bright red Adirondack chair overlooking the lake. A warm blue color reflects the humidity in the air, like looking through layers of glass, making the distant mountain look even farther away.

Deep Wilderness

Behind that distant mountain is pure wilderness, as far as the eye can see. Untouched, unspoiled, most never even explored by man. Each summer I canoe the lakes deep into that wilderness, where one can feel what it must have been like for explorers in uncharted territories. There is no road noise, no sound of humanity, only the splash of my paddle and the calls of distant birds. It’s a silence I never experience anywhere else, and it is intensely therapeutic as my eyes focus on deep greens and blues reflecting in the still water, and I spot an occasional animal on shore and bald eagles overhead.

Soul Food

This special place on the little lake on the edge of the wilderness feeds my soul. A walk down a wooded winding road is my morning commute for three months of the year. It’s quiet time, thinking time, a chance to breathe in the feel of the forest, the scent of pine as pine cones crunch under my feet and the soft carpet of pine needles puts a spring into my walk. Every morning’s walk is a time for prayer, to show my gratitude for one more season in this place.

Trusting More and Controlling Less

As I walk the road I think about all the past discussions I’ve had with God, decisions I’ve faced, my angst over certain issues, including some that consumed me unnecessarily. Yet each day walking that road I am reminded that I’m not in control and that everything I’ve struggled with was not worth the worry. It reminds me to stop trying to control outcomes and lets me focus more on trusting that everything eventually works out with perfect timing.

The Woods

Something about the woods makes one think about one’s life and purpose. Perhaps the brain is stimulated by the air, the scents, the visual of greens and browns, and the light shining through leaves like stained glass. Sometimes I’ll just sit on a rock to ponder life.

True Purpose

Looking back on my lifetime of obsessions and things that seemed critical for months or years,  I’ve realized that I’ve only recently found my true purpose. I stumbled along for decades searching for it. A couple of times I convinced myself that I had found it, but it never felt entirely like a fit. Yet today I feel deep commitment and comfort.

If you’re like most, you have probably asked yourself, “Why was I born? What is my purpose? Why am I here?” You’ve thought, “There has to be more to life than this.”

Perhaps your purpose is clear, or perhaps your compass is drawing you in a lot of different directions.

Unanswered Prayers

If you’re feeling a little anxious about that purpose and not having discovered it yet, don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t beat yourself up; don’t put yourself under pressure. You’ll find it at the perfect time when you’re ready to receive it. All the pain, discomfort, stress, anger, hurt, fear, illness, sadness, uneasiness, and unanswered prayers are the seasoning that prepares us for the right moment.

Embrace Everything

And you may find the things you hate most about yourself, your circumstances, your upbringing, or your physical attributes are the very things that lead you to the clues that help find those answers. The things you’ve always perceived as negatives may be things you can use to your benefit. Embrace everything about yourself; these are the cards you were dealt, and that has everything to do with your purpose.

Also know that you may already have discovered it unknowingly. I was working within my purpose for a few years before I discovered it was my true purpose.

Protecting Your Purpose

Once you’ve discovered it and realized how it will impact the world around you, protect it with everything you have, because your mission may take years or decades to build momentum. Therefore you need to use impeccable self-care for your mind, your body, and your spirit and your attitude. You need to be tuned in to what you are receiving and transmitting, because those things will impact the outcome of your purpose.

Aligned with Purpose

Self-care means proper diet and exercise to protect the vessel of your purpose and provide you with the time and energy you need. It means being aligned with your purpose and knowing what is and is not acceptable for you to achieve that purpose. It means surrounding yourself with people who will be supportive and shedding those who are not.

Monitor Your Influences

Chances are your parents may have expressed concern over who you were hanging out with as a kid, because they knew that who you spend time with is who you become. Your purpose requires you to spend time with those who are supportive. Though you and I can have resistance to negativity, I teach in my marketing classes that repetition sells. Sadly, negative repetition also sells, and that self-doubt starts to creep in when you have the constant drone of negativity around you. Though you may feel you’re being strong, any doubt in your mind that keeps you from your purpose is cancerous, and negativity breeds negativity. That’s why it’s important to distance yourself from negative people.

I don’t believe that anything is random. Each person born has a purpose. Some will never discover it, yet may have had a huge impact on others by way of unintended consequences. Others may allow their self-doubt and lack of confidence to block them from their dreams and never take action. Still others may shoot a lot of arrows before hitting their target.

Watch for it. Listen for it. Yet be patient. Purpose will come.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Life has many chapters, many of which are about finding purpose. Yet so many who consider themselves seniors or elderly feel they have lived their purpose; they feel as though they’ve had their chance and they seek no new purpose in life.

I’m reminded of a surgeon who was changing the lives of others with his gifts. Yet in a brief moment, after a nurse noticed a shake in his hands, he had to pull himself out of the game, knowing that shaking might make the difference between life and death. Suddenly he had lost his purpose, and his dreams of another decade of surgery were shattered. It was devastating, and this great man considered suicide. Yet when all was said and done, he discovered a deeper purpose, bigger and better than anything he had done in the earlier parts of his life. He now looks at that devastating moment as the best thing that ever happened to him.

If you are breathing, there is more purpose. Don’t buy into this concept of “aging out.” Instead, age in. There is more to do, more purpose to find, and we must embrace every season and every challenge as opportunity.

Today is different. Unlike so many Sunday mornings, when I awaken and visit the back porch or the dock with my steaming hot java, this morning my view is of a small room with gray walls decorated by black-and-white photographs. I’m sitting in a swivel chair, surrounded by a microwave, a phone, a television, and a little two-cup machine to make my coffee. My teen boys sleep deeply, one in one of the two double beds, one on the pull-out couch. The sound of my fingers on the keyboard does not seem to be enough to awaken them.

Today, soon after they awaken, we’ll leave this small-town motel, make our way to the Tsongas Center at UMass (University of Massachusetts) in Lowell, about an hour outside of Boston. We’re here for the Congress of Future Science and Technology Leaders.

A Giant Room of Brilliant Kids

Imagine, if you will, a hockey rink packed with thousands of high school students, all from different walks of life, different communities, and different schools. Yet they all have two things in common: they have some of the highest grade-point averages in their schools, and they want to be in science or technology. This annual by-invitation-only Congress was designed by the visionary Richard Rossi, head of the National Academy of Future Scientists and Technologists (who also designed another event held earlier in the week, for future medical professionals). It was created to keep these kids interested in science, to expose them to the greatest living scientific minds, to inspire them, and to help them learn and be exposed to high levels of thinking.

Driven to Change the World

One of the benefits of being a dad, in this case, is the chance to see who is in charge of our science and technology future — and it’s been comforting. This week I’ve watched speakers who are in or just out of high school and who have already invented things that have changed the world. Things like medical tests and robotic breakthroughs. I’m seeing thousands of kids who are driven to change the world, and I’m confident they will. And I’m able to watch some of the greatest minds in the world speaking to these kids, and have had a chance to meet most of them.

This is our third year at this event, and it’s become a bit of a family tradition for the Rhoads boys. Last year my dad came with us as well.

Great Minds

I tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the future, so I love events like this. Great minds are so rare, and so much fun to listen to. And after listening to 30 or 40 speakers over three days, you start to see patterns emerge, and new ideas in your own mind. I first learned this concept when I would attend the early TED conferences as a sponsor, and later when Google invited me to attend a private event with 400 of the greatest minds in the world. I’m still not exactly sure how I got on the invitation list, but it was a treat to be around the most brilliant people I’ve ever encountered.

Just Like You and Me

What I learned there and am reminded of here is that these people are very rare air; they think differently, and they approach life differently. But in other ways they are just like us. They put their pants on one leg at a time. They have the same doubts, the same insecurities, the same issues and family challenges. Some of them aren’t any smarter, but they possess an incredible work ethic to pursue their dreams and ideas. These people did not have anything handed to them, but they have something in common … passion combined with determination to follow through on their big ideas, and a refusal to give up when faced with roadblocks.

Just a Kid

To help the thousands of teens in the room understand that these speakers were not born with some special advantage or gift, these people tell stories of when they were teens and the obstacles they faced. They talk about how they could not get adults to take them seriously, how they were ignored as “just a kid,” and how they struggled to get things done with their limited resources — something that of course helped them discover new and better ways to get things accomplished. These elements came up in their stories again and again.

These high school kids are fortunate to have a 3.5 grade point average and to be invited to the Congress, and the ones who attended were fortunate enough to have parents or friends or fundraisers to get them there. But what about the rest of the teens who don’t have these opportunities?

I Would Never Be Invited

As a teen I would have never been invited to this event because my grades were below average. In fact, I don’t think I ever got an A or B in anything — my averages were Cs and Ds, and I had a lot of failing grades. I was held back in the 4th grade, which was devastating to me.

I can remember being about 12 and feeling the pressure to decide what I wanted to do when I grew up, and not having a clue. I loved photography. I loved music. I’d play those K-Tel albums with shortened versions of the top hits over and over.

My Bad Grades

In our house, I was never scolded for my bad grades. I was never even given a talking-to about getting my grades up. Though I can remember those moments of terror as I watched my mom or dad open the report card, knowing it was bad. My dad always told me, “Though you should do your best, grades are not going to have a thing to do with what you want to do with your life.” Mom never seemed to be too upset either. (Of course, they may have been freaking out inside.)

In spite of my bad grades, I was filled with encouragement that I could do anything with my life that I desired. I heard it so much that I started to believe it. As a result I took my interests to a higher level and made efforts as a teen that I otherwise might not have made.

Show Me Your Fingers

For instance, when I was getting the “Fingerprinting” merit badge in Boy Scouts, I came up with an idea. So I asked my mom to take me to the local shopping mall and wait for me. I went to the office, asked to see the manager of the mall, and told him I had an idea to fingerprint kids so that their fingerprints would be available in case they were ever lost or kidnapped. He liked the idea. Keep in mind, this was the 1960s, long before anything like this had ever been done. Then I went to the manager of the Kentucky Fried Chicken store. I had discovered that their little sealed wipes were great for removing ink. I got him to donate thousands of wipes. And I got the local police department to donate the fingerprint cards. I set up for a weekend in the mall, got the mall to advertise it, and me and my friends fingerprinted hundreds of kids and gave the cards to their parents in case they ever needed them.

My First Marketing Experience

Another time, I had joined Sing Out Fort Wayne, a local group distantly affiliated with Up With People, the national singing group. At 14, I was put in charge of publicity for our upcoming show, so I went to a local bank, asked to see the president, and asked him to run full-page ads in the paper for our group. I told him it would be good to have his bank name associated with helping a group of “responsible” teens. He ran the full-page ads, and our shows were packed. It was my first real marketing experience.

I could tell more stories, but the point is that interests and passion drove my actions. Though I had some self-doubt and fear about whether I could get these things done, my passion overcame my fear. I kept thinking about what my dad and mom continually said: “You can do anything.”

But… You Can’t Be…

Skeptics will say, “Yeah, but that’s not realistic. Why teach your kids they can do anything when the reality is they can’t do just anything?” There is usually an example attached to prove their point. It’s a valid point. Yet my reply would be that I’d rather have them try and find out their limitations than not try at all, and they will learn something and may accomplish something in the process. Plus they’ll learn quickly that they can accomplish most of what they set their mind to do.

The Tragedy of Disbelief

What I find tragic is the number of people who could have changed the world but who never tried because they did not believe in their ability, or believed that you had to have special parents, special circumstances, or a lot of money. For every story of success, there are dozens who never tried.

Part of the reason this happens is because parents often don’t believe their kids can make something happen because of their own broken dreams. So dreaming gets replaced with “Do what I did. Get a good steady job and a good income. Though I don’t like it, I’ll have a good retirement one day and can do what I love then.”

Why Kids Change the World

Look, I am not being critical of anyone or their circumstances. But the best and most likely people to change the world are young people with new perspectives and big ideas. We as adults need to embrace their ideas, support them, let them know we believe in them, and help them know how to change the world.

Art Revolution

In the art world, for instance, there is a giant upset coming. Young people who grew up around the artworks loved by their parents and grandparents are rejecting that kind of art for a new form of realism, rooted in 600-year-old techniques. In fact I’ve created a convention just for these artists to help fuel this movement.

Kids see things differently because of their comfort levels with new technology and understanding of things we adults cannot relate to. And as I’m seeing at this event this week, some are not allowing anyone to tell them, “You can’t do this till you’re out of college.” They are changing the world now.

Nurture Now

This event has inspired me to create an event just like this for future artists. I’ll add it to the list. Meanwhile, it’s a reminder that kids grow into adults rapidly and will soon take control of the world. We, as adults, need to encourage them, nurture their ideas, and not allow them to limit their own thinking.

One of the benefits of aging is watching babies turn into fine adults and seeing them do big things with their lives. We may never know that the little things we said or did had unintended consequences.

Last week I discussed the idea of encouraging others, and this week it has become crystal clear that our kids or grandkids need us to let them know there are no limits, no matter what their circumstances.

Not Another Dinner Party

A friend recently told me that her parents had people from all walks of life in for dinner. The kids had to sit quietly at the table to learn about these visitors. Later in life she learned her parents did not do it for their own entertainment, they did it to expose their kids to different people and ideas. It’s the same reason some families try to expose their kids to travel so they can learn about different worldviews.

The Two Important Lessons I Learned This Week

Never treat kids like kids. Treat them like adults, encourage them, and help keep them from limited thinking. The other lesson? Expose yourself to the greatest minds you can find, because they will stimulate your own mind and show you the possibilities yet to come.

Never Stop Influencing

We are never done till the final dust is thrown in our hole. Until then, with every breath, we can learn, we can grow, we can support and encourage others, and our own tiny influence could result in someone changing the world.

Mom, I Wanna Go to Mars

One of my sons intends to help colonize Mars. Their mother is mortified at the idea that we would never see him again. Yet who are we to rain on his parade? He needs to do what he dreams. It’s not about us. He needs to know we believe in him.

Helping teens, kids, or anyone change the world starts with you and me. Today is a good day to start … to listen, to hear dreams, and to encourage them.

If you listen closely, everything has a rhythm. This morning I hear the up-and-down rub of a boat tied to a dock, the lapping of the water, the high-pitched tweeting of distant birds, and the rumble of a float plane flying over, seeking a place to land … all to the same beat.

Minutes ago, I glanced up to see a bald eagle, wings spread wide, claws down, swooping in to catch her fishy breakfast, which was flopping its tail trying to escape.

The distant mountain is mostly covered in shadow cast by the yellow ochre and Payne’s gray clouds above it, showing little spots of brightness where the sun seeps through. The island of pine trees is being blasted with pink morning light as the pines stand tall at attention.

Here at the lake, the dock I greet you from this morning is the center of activity. It’s where neighbors are greeted when they tie up their boats, it’s the first place people walk to when they arrive by car, it’s where we sit for morning coffee and evening cocktails, and it’s where all the kids play. We feel blessed to have one more summer in this special place.

Standing Under Waterfalls

Pondering my week of catching up after a week of painting at the Publisher’s Invitational paint camp, I have to admit it was hard to get back into the rhythm of work after spending those days standing before incredible scenery, climbing over giant rocks, and sitting alongside rushing waterfalls with my brush in hand. I completed 16 paintings for the week, most of which will be headed off to the galleries, though some will be framed in birch bark frames and hang in our little cabin.  

It was also a special time because my son Brady painted beside me the entire week and my other son and daughter helped with setup and registration. One attendee said to Brady, “When you get older, you’ll realize just how special it is to have time with your dad.” I hope he feels this way, I certainly do. I hope it sticks with him for his lifetime. I keep telling the kids that many of the people they are meeting are famous or soon-to-be famous artists, and that one day they may look back and realize what a great opportunity they had. Brady was out painting and joking with everyone, which I loved to see.

I often try to be very deliberate with my kids and the lessons I’m teaching, but there is so much that occurs through their own observation. Though I did not try to be different in any way when around my 83 artist friends last week, it crossed my mind that my interaction with others is unintentional training for my kids.

Yes, Your Thoughts Matter

When I was a kid my dad used to make me put on a suit, go to trade shows, shake hands and greet people, tell them about his products, and he even had me attend meetings. Instead of sending a message of “sit quietly in the meeting,” several times in every meeting he would turn to me and say, “What do you think?” Not only did it make me feel special, it made me pay attention so I did not get busted and have to say, “Uh, Dad I wasn’t listening.” And I learned a lot.

Following in Family Footsteps

The influence of those around us makes such a huge impression that we often pick things up by osmosis, it seems. Why do the daughters and sons of a police officer or firefighter often follow in Mom’s or Dad’s footsteps? First, their parents are their heros. Second, it is what their parents talk about and love. Third, they interact with their parents’ co-workers. When it comes time to make up their minds in their own lives, it’s pretty easy to choose what they know, what they’re comfortable with — as it is for all of us.

Though my brothers and I all had opportunities to follow in our father’s footsteps and go into his business, we all did our own thing, which means we’d been taught to follow our own muse, be curious about things we were interested in, and do what we loved. We all worked full-time in his company every summer, yet we each chose a different path.

No Fear

Dad’s influence trained me to have confidence in business. I probably never had as much fear as most people who have stepped out to start a business because I had been around his meetings and business calls and tough decisions my whole life. I became an entrepreneur like my dad and an artist like my mom. Her influence was equally strong.

Guess Who’s Watching

Last week, when I was with my kids around the other artists, it struck me that my behavior will become their behavior. It’s not what I say, it’s how I act. It’s the way I look someone in the eye when they are talking, the big smile and hugs when I see someone for the first time in a long time. It’s the respect and time I give others, it’s the way I react to a joke or someone saying something inappropriate. These are all signals of who I really am, knowing my kids are watching. Guess where I learned them? Like it or not, our behavior gets passed along, whether it’s good or bad.

Someone Else’s Hero

But it’s not just our own kids who learn from us. Sometimes you and I are someone else’s hero. The ways we behave with others in our jobs are often being picked up and implanted in people we are unknowingly influencing. I was often influenced by or learned from the moms or dads of friends I spent a lot of time with. What about you?

This may not work for you, but my goal in life is to help others see things in themselves that they do not see. I want to help them see their strengths, and if I’m pointing out weaknesses (which is rarely productive), I try to do it with love.

Just like the deliberate lessons for kids, we need to be deliberate about helping others see what they cannot see in themselves.

Why I’m Down on Facebook

Facebook has made me very disappointed in much of the human race because there is so much negativity. So many people will say things in a post that they wouldn’t say to your face.

What if you and I did a little experiment?

What if, instead of piling on with hurtful comments, you and I looked for opportunities to build others up? We may not agree with their stance on issues, but we can still find something good to say. Maybe they are throwing negative darts because no one ever compliments them.

What would be the impact if you, me, and the 100,000 people reading this today said three nice things to other people, in person or online, each day for a week — building up instead of tearing down?

A funny thing happens when someone says something nice. It changes our demeanor. And it feels so good that we sometimes want to pass it on.

Do the math.

Three positive comments a day to three different people: 7 days x 3 positive comments = 21 positive comments in a week. 21 x 100,000 readers = 2.1 million positive comments. That’s just one week.

What if you did it for a whole year? 21 comments x 52 weeks = 1,092 x 100,000 readers = 109 million positive comments.

And if each person reading this forwarded this to just three people who did the same thing, we would impact a group of people as large as the entire population of the United States.

And a little secret: You’ll feel better if you compliment someone sincerely three times every day.

Appreciated, Not Angered

I’m convinced more than ever that Facebook could become the downfall of society, bringing out our worst, not our best. People in our world need to be appreciated instead of angered. If we each found something positive and meaningful to say each day to three people, you and I alone could improve our world because people who feel appreciated are happier people.

I appreciate you.

Have a great Sunday.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Someone reading this has been telling a lot of people about my new book. I want to thank you. Turns out that people who own small businesses and big ones, people in all walks of life who make their living with their businesses, have been reading it and implementing it. Even though the book is about marketing art, the marketing principles apply to every business. I want to thank you for making it soar. I owe you one.

The morning is still. Glass-like reflections of the yellow sky, the purple clouds, and the distant gray mountain are perfect, not so much as a ripple in the water. Crisp, fresh air, so pure there is no description, fills my lungs. Coffee on the dock at this Adirondack lake is among my favorite things.

Guitars

One of my other favorite things is to take my beautiful handmade maple acoustic guitar out to the dock and quietly pluck the strings to make a soundtrack of the morning. A single strum, followed by silence, allows me to hear the sound travel across the lake and back again in a millisecond. I choose to do it this time of year, before residents visit their lake homes, so as not to disturb them.

I took up the guitar as a teen but dropped it along the way, then found it again when my daughter was too shy to take lessons on her own, so we shared a lesson each week — and it got me hooked. I even built my own guitar, with a coach, on my birthday almost four years ago.

This was one of the gifts of fatherhood. My intent was not to take up guitar, but just to be there to reassure my daughter. Yet I ended up receiving a gift of a new passion and a new way to challenge myself and stimulate my brain.

Late to the Party

Having kids was always high on my list, but it did not happen until I was 47. I vividly recall the first blood test with high levels and my sister-in-law, a medical professional, telling us that was an indicator of multiples, and probably not just twins. I had a big smile on my face because I grew up with twin cousins and always imagined myself having twins.

The first ultrasound revealed four, three of whom were large and healthy, while one, we were told, would dissipate and not be viable.

This Should Never Happen

A couple of months into the process, a doctor sat with us and strongly suggested that there was not enough nourishment for three, which could result in one being less than healthy. Termination of one was suggested, and heavy pressure was put on us that we could not fully understand. Did they know something they weren’t telling us? It sucked the joy out of an otherwise wonderful time.

“Go home and think about it, but we need to get this done soon,” we were told. “No, we already know the answer. We’re taking what we were given and we will live with the consequences, whatever they may be.” Pressure continued. Our strong resolve protected us.

Evil Purpose

Months later we learned, quite by accident, that the pressure was not for medical reasons at all. It was because the teaching hospital that provided the in vitro would lose funding if their averages showed consistent levels of multiples more than two.

Today, three healthy and amazing 16-year-olds, each providing us with hours of entertainment, love, challenge, and laughter. What we would have missed. Which of the three would not be there for us? I cannot imagine having lived our life with these precious gifts, wondering what the third would have been like.

Non-Negotiables

A wise friend, Roy Williams, taught me an important lesson many years ago. If you define who you are, what you want, what you don’t want, what you are willing to do, and what you are not willing to do, and what is non-negotiable, no matter what hits you in life, these things will give you answers without angst. Being unsure of what we were not willing to do at a time when we were weak, fragile, confused, and frightened could have allowed us to be swayed. Because we knew our non-negotiable, we did not even have to think about it.

Being There

In my early 30s, I was convinced I could happily go through life without kids, as many of my friends have. Thankfully, my “all about me” mindset changed. It may not be right for everyone, but it’s been the best gift I’ve received. Yet I know I’m merely a caretaker. I know that though they will leave the nest before long, my duties as a dad never end. My own dad, now in his 90s, is still there for me, still coaching me, still giving me brilliant ideas, and still challenging me. Same with my mom. Thank God for great genes.

Being Deliberate

I once wrote about being deliberate with the kids, and my goal this summer is to quietly work from a list of lessons that I hope to find the right moment to entrench, to help my little birds fly. We never know which summer will be our last with the kids as a family, knowing their friends take precedence, and college and life and jobs and relationships will potentially take them away.

Attracting Visits

I learned an important lesson from my own father (Happy Father’s Day, Dad), which is to make everyone want to be with you so they’ll return naturally. It started by treating us with respect when we were young, making sure we did things that were fun, and continuing those traditions. The dock I sit on is his, not mine, and because of this family home, much of our family gathers here naturally each summer, allowing us to reconnect. Though it’s a lot of work and expense, I can think of no better investment than a place that allows family to reconnect all summer every summer, or just to be there as much time as possible. I fear that when that is gone, our summer gatherings will be replaced by each of us going our separate ways. Then it will become my job to find a new way to get the kids, and hopefully grandkids one day, to look forward to our times together, wherever they may be.

Investing in the Future

There is, in my opinion, nothing more important than the relationship with our kids and their eventual families. Time invested in making them want to come back, want to spend time, is the best time we can spend. One of my saddest moments was being estranged from a family member over something I said, and one of my happiest was allowing time to pass and wounds to be healed, allowing us to be together again. Estrangement from my kids in any way would be devastating, which is why investing in them at every moment is important. That of course does not mean letting them do things that will harm themselves or their future, so correction is part of love.

Showing Up

Today, we celebrate our dads. Being a dad has helped me understand just what a great job my dad has done for me, and how he’s given me a role model for my own kids. My goal is to keep the good things, skip the things that were not productive (though I can’t think of any at the moment), and keep showing up, as he does for me still. A father’s work is never done.

Painful Memories

I don’t mean to cause pain to those who don’t have memories of a father, or whose memories are not good. I have friends who have horrible fathers who did horrific things, selfish things. I know others who did not know their dads, who grew up without a father. Though I cannot relate to what that must be like, I can say that the only thing you can do at this point is to be the parent you wish you’d had. And for those who don’t want to have kids, just know that pain provides lessons, and have confidence that you won’t repeat the mistakes of others.

Passing It On

Evil does exist in the world, but most bad dads don’t intend to be evil. Sadly, many have been the victim of a pass-it-on game pushed from father to child for generations. I recently saw a program where a famous actor looked into his ancestors, and his research indicated that the problems he had with an abusive father stemmed from his great-great-grandfather’s losing a wife at a young age, becoming an alcoholic, and beating his kids. He beat his kids, thus his son learned to beat his kids, and so on. All because of an unresolved wound three generations before.

A Football Metaphor

Years ago I took a time management course with Charles Hobbs. In the class he had a white football and a black one. He threw the white football and encouraged us to pass it on. It passed from one person to the next to the next. Then he threw the black football, but said to ground it and not pass it on. His point, of course, was to pass on the positives and not pass the negatives. I think that is true with our parents. Pass on the positive traits, ground the negative traits. Otherwise the negatives can be passed along for generations.

Choose What to Pass On

Often we don’t even recognize our own negative traits and are unwilling to listen when others try to let us know. But once we do realize them and accept that they are not productive, it’s time to ground the football. Pass the good, ground the bad. It’s never too late — even if your kids are adults, they are passing on your habits and traits, good and bad. If you realize you’ve passed something along that you regret, it’s time to apologize and encourage them not to pass that on.

Getting Unstuck Sooner

Life is full of lessons and corrections. Thankfully, we continue to evolve, learn, and make changes. Or at least, we should. Being stuck isn’t a good place to be. I know because I get stuck a lot, and then I have an “I should have had a V8” moment when I slap my head and wonder why I didn’t realize it and get unstuck sooner.

Can You Forgive?

My guess is that most fathers mean well, even though we may be clinging to some bad decision they made years ago. Forgive if you can, and move on. Not forgiving doesn’t hurt them as much as it eats away at you.

Why let anger fester inside you for a lifetime? See someone, talk to someone, try to resolve it, and even if your dad won’t apologize, you still can forgive.

I’m Grateful for You

I’d like to say something else this morning, which is that I’m grateful that you are opening these little Sunday morning moments. Sometimes I hear from people who agree, others who disagree, some who think I’ve gone too far, others who think I’ve not gone far enough. I’m not out to be an affront, or to change anyone, or even to instill my beliefs in anyone. I write because I have to get my thoughts written down, and I happened to share them with a couple of friends who encouraged me to share with others. We are all so busy, so consumed with life, with social media, with negative thoughts about politics and celebrities, I like being able to just stop and think about something I’ve not thought about before. So I hope, in some little way, this serves that purpose for you.

Perfection

For me, every day I can pick up the phone and talk to mom or dad is a perfect day. A friend I once played golf with told me he would give up all his riches for just one more day with either of his parents. Yet busy lives, and the fact that it seems like our parents will always be there, tend to make us less attentive. Thus today is a reminder that I should call and visit more often.

Today let us rejoice in our fathers, their perfections and imperfections, knowing that we too are imperfect, and we too will make mistakes with our kids.

Eric Rhoads

PS: In a moment I’ll leave the dock and go over to the local college, where about 83 painters who have been with me for a week at my Publisher’s Invitational will be having breakfast, followed by my farewell announcements, followed by lots of people who got close during the week saying tearful goodbyes. Like past years, some will say goodbye and never return because of health issues or worse, others just won’t come back because of circumstances, and still others will return next year as they have for the past eight. These people are like my painting family, and I cherish them. Our next time gathering will be in the Canadian Rockies and again in Africa. It’s a hard day for me because, like a wedding, I plan it all year, then it’s here and gone in a moment. I hate goodbyes, and my kids will tell you, “Dad is crying again.” But that’s just who I am. I cherish those in my painting family, and today, when everyone checks out, I get to be with all three of my kids and my bride for a perfect Father’s Day. I hope your day is perfect as well.

A deep breath fills my lungs with the smell of pine. As I sit on the dock in a bright red Adirondack chair, the water is perfectly still and reflecting the puffy pink clouds above, the distant purple mountain, and the rich greens.

The water acts like a giant reflector; sounds from across the lake are amplified perfectly. Silence is supplemented by the splash of canoe paddles from a distant couple having a morning chat as they cut across the water in the distance.

This is the moment I look forward to all year. A lake I’ve called home for summers past. And it brings instant stress reduction and recharges my batteries to 100 percent.

Red Letter Days

My grandmother Luella used to call these “red letter days.” Something to celebrate, a day packed with memories. Not only is it my first Sunday here since we left in August last, today begins one of my favorite weeks of my insanely busy year.

Play Time With Friends

Listening started this special week. My ears perked up when painter friends lamented their busy lives on the painters’ event circuit, unable to spend time with their friends at events, unable to paint side by side, because they were in competition to sell paintings. Wouldn’t it be nice if just once a year, we could paint with friends without the pressures of an event? Nothing to sell, no banquets to attend, just play, just painting, just fellowship.

Best Week of My Life

“I could arrange that,” I thought, and a year later, we held the first “Publisher’s Invitational” (so called because I make my living as a publisher and because attendance was by invitation only). Ten were invited, but 17 appeared when requests from the 10 came in to bring their friends. We painted all day, cooked our meals together, sat up late at night laughing, storytelling, and sipping adult beverages. “The best week of my life” was the common thread heard at the end of the week we did not want to end.

A Thousand Paintings

Though exclusivity is nice, so is inclusion, and in following years I removed the invitational aspect. Anyone who wants to come can come, and it was invitational in name only. The event grew from 10 to about 125, and evolved to a campus just a few minutes from here in the Adirondacks where we painted amazing waterfalls, stunning lakes, majestic mountains, and over a hundred shades of green. Attendees created their own traditions, including music and portraits in the evenings and bringing our paintings into a giant room for all to see — we end up with over 1,000 paintings by the end of each week.

Over time I decided more than 100 people was too many and trimmed it back to keep it manageable at about 80, because it’s an event I do all by myself, with only the help of a local painter, Sandra Hildreth, who takes half the group to different paint spots than my group.

Personal Growth

There are reasons this is a favorite week. First, I get to be with old and new friends. I love being with other people. Second, my busy life rarely lets me find time for outdoor painting, and when I do, it’s random and last-minute. But this event allows me to do two or three paintings a day every day for a week. Not only am I painting with friends, I’m painting a lot, and the result is growth as a painter. I usually start the week with my worst work and end the week with my best. Everyone seems to experience the same thing because it’s rare anyone, even pros, gets to do a week of painting all day every day.

Just Me

I also pride myself on doing the entire week by myself. Most of my other events, like the Plein Air Convention & Expo (PACE) in April (next year it’s in San Francisco) or the Figurative Art Convention & Expo (FACE) in Miami in November require lots of my team members to be around me. Though I love them, when they are there I’m in the role of leader or boss, and it’s hard for them or me to relax. At this event, though the workload of hosting 80 painters, feeding them three meals a day, dealing with the issues on campus and their needs can have its stress-filled moments, I still love that it’s just me.

Well, it’s not really just me, because my kids come in the day before, stuff the bags with goodies, brochures, magazines, art samples, etc., and they help with registration when people show up. Usually one of them will come along and paint with us, which makes the event friends and family. It does not get any better than that.

Now you can understand why today is a red letter day. After I leave the dock, possibly take a quick dip in the lake, today at noon I’ll greet my guests, and give them orientation tonight, dinner and drinks, and a week of 6 a.m. to midnight.

Oxygen

When you become a painter, like I did, painting is like oxygen. You have to paint to survive. Plus, there is magic in looking forward to something all year. Because I need to paint, I need to do this a few times a year in some form or another. So I’ll have an event again this fall in the Canadian Rockies, and I’ll do an international trip to Africa this fall, and I have my art collectors’ trip to Italy in autumn as well. It’s a busy time, especially because the FACE convention is also this fall, as is my radio Forecast event.

Fifteen-Hour Days

Reflecting on life as it used to be makes me realize how important it is for all of us to have things we can look forward to, something to allow us to get through stress-filled weeks and life’s issues and challenges. Too many years were spent jamming so hard that there was no time for myself or my wife. Years without vacations, summers when I could not get even a week off for a lake visit. Looking back, I probably spent my 30s and most of my 40s working 15-hour days. My life was filled with stress, I was driven to make money, and I had nothing other than work in my life. Though I’ve always loved my work, it was not till my 40th birthday that I discovered painting, and it changed the way I look at life. It’s one of the reasons I’m so driven to teach a million people to paint in the next 10 years, and it’s one of the reasons I offer free lessons to anyone who wants to try it.

Seasons

Looking back, I realize King David was right (as was Pete Seeger) when he wrote “to everything there is a season.” A time to sow, a time to reap. Life has perfect design, and there is perfect timing for everything, if we’re just willing to listen for that timing.

Had I discovered painting earlier, I may not have been ready, and I certainly would not have had the experience of starting magazines under my belt, so these events probably would never have occurred.

I used to put myself under tremendous pressure to achieve things, to make money, and to work like crazy. Though I’m busier than ever, it’s more balanced. I don’t work 15-hour days and work for years without vacations. I’m more disciplined, more measured, more patient. This is a different season.

Your Seasons

Though there is nothing wrong with putting yourself under pressure and working like a dog to make certain things happen, there is also nothing wrong with allowing God’s perfect timing to work its way in your life. That does not mean drifting, because activity is as important as quiet time. We just have to understand that if we’re frustrated or if things are not going as we wish, we’re each in a season, and there is a purpose, a lesson in it. And if we listen, and ask for help, a new season will emerge and everything will make perfect sense.

Someone recently said to me, “Eric, I want your life.” But be careful what you ask for, or you might end up with two decades of toil to prepare the soil for the harvest.

Be thankful for the life you have been given, the lessons you have had to learn, and the lessons to come. Be thankful for the hard times, which give contrast to the good times and make appreciation sweeter.

The Time to Understand

Be patient, because the less than perfect, whatever seems less than ideal, is indeed as it should be and will lead you to perfect if you listen. If you allow God’s plan to flow over you, it will prepare your mind for the steps you won’t understand until you’re ready to understand them.

When Your Seeds Grow

No matter what you are going through at this moment, be patient and know that even the most horrific and difficult time has a sunrise to follow. Look for it, listen for it, and know that each life has a grand plan you may not grasp right now. And understand that the grand plan is probably not something you’ve ever imagined, and may, at the moment, seem like something you don’t want. If you had asked me 25 years ago if I’d be publishing art magazines, doing events for artists and collectors and being a painter, I’d have told you it was insane and could never happen, yet I finally found my purpose and home. You will too.

I’m not sure there is any way to speed up the necessary process. I used to believe in shortcuts, but there are times your food needs to have nutrients of disaster added, much as a forest fire can make the soil stronger.

Silence Is Golden

Perhaps there is one thing I’ve discovered that I never took time for before, and that is quiet time. Prayer, meditation, sitting quietly on the dock or the porch just one hour a week (and more if you can), eyes closed, allowing your mind to wander. Don’t spend it asking, spend it listening. It brings peace, clarity, and sometimes ideas creep in that don’t seem to fit. Listen, take action, and don’t just follow what you want, but listen for the universal call toward something that does not seem like it fits.

Listening

Being a control freak, I believe I can control the outcome of anything. It’s taken me a lot of years to understand that I can’t control plans for my life that I don’t know exist. Finally understanding this has given me peace. Now I try to listen more, wait more, and have patience. That does not mean we stop taking action — we need movement as much as we need stillness.

Four Seasons

Your angst and frustration may seem difficult, your pain may seem unbearable. Your worry about others is natural. It may seem endless, and it may have been going on for years, but there is strength in knowing there is a season ahead that’s different from the season you’re in now. Fall and winter are always followed by spring and summer.

Somehow knowing this makes it easier. And though it’s hard to understand sometimes why bad or difficult things happen to good people, have confidence that there is a grand plan, and that fire hardens steel. It may seem overwhelming at the moment, but asking why won’t have as much impact as asking what you are supposed to learn, knowing the soil is being prepared for a bountiful harvest.

Eric Rhoads