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Cool breezes and the sounds of distant birds flow through my open windows as I awaken, looking out the window at the orange sun splashing the twisted oaks. Late October here is what I always refer to as “California Weather,” meaning darned near perfect. Early Sunday mornings are a gift, as few are on the roads and the quiet is refreshing. All I hear is the sputter of a small airplane overhead.

I love airplanes. I suppose it goes back to when I was a small child. My mom would take us to Baer Field to watch airplanes land or take off, usually when my dad was traveling. We always went to the airport to see him off.

Dad became a pilot at 14 and would take us kids to airports to hang out with his pilot friends, so I have a special feeling when I go to small airports.

Up in the Sky All Alone

Following in my dad’s footsteps, I learned to fly and did my first solos at age 19, but I had a mild mishap on landing one time. I was coming in for a landing when the wind shifted direction by 180 degrees and started forcing me down. My instinct was to push on the gas to get back up in the air, but on that airplane, pushing in meant reducing the gas, so I killed the engine 40 feet in the air and experienced a hard landing and cracked the leg of the airplane. I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared.

My Crash

As soon as I landed, the instructor ran out to the aircraft, got me out, put me in another airplane, and sent me back up. I guess that’s what they call “getting back on the horse” when you get bucked off. I can remember being 5,000 feet above the ground, by myself, thinking, “What am I doing here? I have no business being up here.” So the next landing was my last as a pilot.

Rainy Day Painting

A couple of weeks ago, during Fall Color Week, me and a couple of friends were looking for a place to paint, but it was raining pretty hard that afternoon. I spotted the Lake Placid Airport, so we arranged to paint under the overhang of the hangar, looking out at a stunningly beautiful scene.

Flying the Fall Color

While we were there, a plane took people up for a scenic flight of the fall color, and next thing you know, one of my fellow painters had booked us on a flight for the following day. I got to sit in the front, and we flew the mountain ranges, flew over our lake house, and even saw a moose from the air. It was a special day, and it made me regret that I never really got back on the horse to get my license and fly. I then reminded myself that it’s never too late.

The reason that instructor wanted me back in the airplane was to prevent me from getting scared and giving up. The mistake I made was not returning again and again, and the mistake he made was not talking me down from my fear and helping me gain the confidence I needed. I had allowed fear to get in the way of my success.

Though I’m not one to look back, I can’t help but think about how much fun I missed out on because I gave in to my fear.

What horse did you not get back on?

Fear of failure is a powerful emotion, and one that prevents us from living as fully and beautifully as we could. 

Do we want to be on our deathbed, looking over our life and saying, “If only I had tried a little harder. If only I had tried at all”?

My son told me the other day that he wants to be rich and famous, wants to be an actor. I said, “Terrific, what are you doing about it?” His answer was, “Dad, it’s hard.” My answer was that “everything’s hard, but people overcome hard things every day.”

If we focus on why something is important to us, the why often overcomes the how. In reality, everything worth doing is hard. Pursuing dreams is hard. 

Since when is something being hard a reason not to pursue it?

Showing up here every Sunday is hard. Doing my daily Art School Life Facebook show is hard. Running my business and dealing with my team members is hard. Being a dad of triplets is hard. But the rewards overcome the difficulty.

Ask yourself about your own unrealized dreams.

Why were they unrealized?

Maybe you told yourself they were too hard. Maybe you tried once or twice and failed and stopped trying. Maybe your interests and passions changed, or maybe you told yourself they changed. That’s what I did with flying. I told myself, “It’s not all that important to me,” and I told myself I was really doing it for my father, not myself. But if I’m honest with myself, that’s not true.

What dreams would you still like to make happen?

What’s in your way?

What are you telling yourself are the reasons you can’t do it?
Are they real?

I started to tell myself that I’m probably too old to get my pilot’s license. But I doubt that’s true.

And I’ve come up with a dozen other excuses. But if it’s really important enough to me, I need to do it.

What about you?
What do you need to do?

Most limitations and excuses are not real. They are simply sharks swimming around inside your head. 

Don’t let the negative thoughts and excuses win.

Don’t spend the rest of your life in regret.

Don’t allow fear to own you.

Instead, realize that if you’re breathing, there is a way. And though you may have to alter the dream to fit your current circumstances, dreams are meant to be lived.

Get back on that horse.

Go, now, and live your dream.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Happy Halloween! I’ll be out tonight, costume on, begging for candy. Maybe someone will mistake me for a large overgrown kid pretending to be an ancient being from another time 🙂

I thought it would be nice to bring you up to date on my world and all the things we’re working on. 

• I’m doing a PAPIPA … Paint a Pumpkin in Plein Air challenge online. Paint a pumpkin from life  … any style, carved or not, and post it on your social media with the hashtag #PAPIPA and tag @EricRhoads. The winner will get a full ticket to our REALISM LIVE online virtual conference, which is coming up a week from Wednesday. The second and third runners-up will get their choice of any video we’ve produced at Streamline.Art.
• Last week we released a new video by Mary Garrish, called The 6 Elements of Design. She is very impressive and a great landscape teacher. She’s simplified things to six elements, and it really makes painting easier to understand.
• TODAY (October 31) is the last day to enter your paintings into the monthly PleinAir Salon. You can win $15,000 and the cover of PleinAir Magazine, and there are $33,000 in annual prizes. Our esteemed Judge is Patricia Terwilliger, co-owner of Jones & Terwilliger Gallery.
• This Tuesday, November 1, Is the last day to get the pre-release price on the new Camille Przewodek video, A Colorist’s Guide to Painting. As you know, I studied with Camille, and she changed my life when it came to understanding color.
• Speaking of Realism Live, there’s $750 in bonus gifts if you get signed up by November 7. Oh, and I do an “If You Don’t Love the First Day, You Don’t Pay Guarantee.” The lineup is amazing, including Quang Ho, Jacob Collins, and dozens of others.
• I’m always signing artists who are hot. In fact, we don’t sign anyone unless they are the best of the best, or if they are a hot up-and-comer. This upcoming weekend we’ll be releasing a new video from Kyle Buckland. Keep an eye out for that.

Have a great Halloween.

I feel like I’m inside a cloud. It’s dark, gray, chilly, and I can see very little definition in the clouds in the sky. Drizzle taps lightly on the roof in a slow, repetitive pattern, and the lake is calm other than an occasional ripple from the loons, who are packing their bags in preparation for their southern journey.

Hot lemon and sage tea fills my old metal camping cup as I snuggle with the dogs and an old green-and-red-striped Pendleton blanket. I hope sunshine and warmth return for just a few more weeks before my artists’ retreat here in the Adirondacks and our return to Texas.

Flashbacks have frequented my frontal cortex because of the huge number of old photos I found when emptying my dad’s place, which is now officially someone else’s summer home. I had forgotten how much I forgot, including a picture of me at the FBI.

A Visit to the FBI

As a kid about 12 or 13, I wanted nothing more than to become an FBI agent, which was glorified by the TV show called The FBI with Efrem Zimbalist Jr. My friend Randy and I started our own FBI club (there were just the two of us as members). We were even on local TV talking about our crime-solving club. Because I worked at my dad’s printing press in the summer, I printed my own stationery with the words “FBI, Jr.” at the top. And on that stationery, I’d write letters to J. Edgar Hoover, the true hero at the FBI (at the time no one was aware of his alleged “other life”). I always received signed replies (including a request to stop using the stationery), and I still have them somewhere.

One summer my dad announced we were taking a vacation to Washington, D.C. So I fired off another letter, got an invite, and showed up on the day and time suggested at the invitation of Mr. Hoover. But when we got there, the agent who greeted us said, “Mr. Hoover isn’t here today; he was called away on an important case.” But he added, “I’ve been told to give you a VIP tour.” So we toured everywhere behind the scenes. They even took us down to the FBI gun range, fired some machine guns, and gave my brothers and me the targets. (I’ll post a photo on my Instagram @Ericrhoads of me at the FBI.)

Though my dream of joining the FBI was broken when I was told I had to be a lawyer or an accountant to become an agent, I never gave up my passion for doing the right thing. I’ve always been the guy who likes to follow the letter of the law, even when no one would ever know.

In hindsight, I’m far too creative to have spent my time looking at someone’s books for fraud, but I love the idea of law-following (though not rule-following, which is another story for another day).

Most of us are law followers. But I often ask myself, what if I were guaranteed no one would ever know, no one would ever find out — would I break the law then?

My answer to that question is very clear to me. But then I ask, what if there were no accountability, no God? How would I behave if I knew there would be no repercussions? What about you?

Is law-breaking ever justified?

I can honestly say I’ve never hated anyone in my life — except that one kid who sat behind me in 7th grade math. I was his punching bag; he never stopped bullying and abusing me. And at that age I could not process it logically, only emotionally. And though I never would have gone so far as to get violent, I sure would not have minded if he was suddenly abducted by aliens.

What about you? Did you ever hate someone so much that you start thinking the end justifies the means?

Have you ever searched your soul? I’ve put together a few scenarios to consider.

Take the test now.

1. Let’s say a doctor gives you the wrong medication, and it causes you a lifetime illness. You’re convinced he did it knowingly, so you have him arrested. You are certain he wronged you, and he ends up going to prison. But later, you find out it was not him, but someone else who was responsible for the error. Would you let that doctor sit in prison and rot? Or would you come to his rescue even though you’ve been injured for life?
2. Or let’s say there’s a candidate for mayor you strongly oppose. You don’t like her personality or her politics. So you vote against her, and, happily, she loses the election. But you later discover the election was rigged in favor of her opponent. You are the only person who knows, and you have conclusive evidence. Your choice is to reveal the truth, or keep quiet because you can’t stand the idea of her becoming mayor. Would you hide what you know, even though she legally won? Or would you want the law followed to maintain the integrity of elections?
3. What if there was a Sunday School teacher you loved? You get to know him, have him over to your house dozens of times, and think he’s the world’s greatest and most high-integrity guy. But then you find powerful evidence that there is something truly evil about him, something unforgivable. Would you reveal what you know? Or would you tell yourself it can’t be real and continue to believe in him despite everything?
4. You have a favorite cousin, one who can do no wrong, one you adore. Suddenly you find out he’s been molesting the neighbors’ kids for years. No one knows but you. Would you turn in the cousin you love?
5. You run a business and find out your product is harming people — maybe even killing them. But you’re making a huge amount of money selling that product. Again, no one will ever know what you’ve learned. Would you sweep it under the rug? Or would you confess, knowing you could be sued and probably put out of business?

Life is filled with ethical dilemmas. And what we say we will do and what we really do when we’re faced with them are often two different things.

Anticipate Your Decisions

A wise friend once told me that you need to answer the tough questions before you face them.  There is no clarity when we’re faced with emotional dilemmas and our judgment is clouded by hatred, love, the prospect of financial gain or loss, or potentially hurting someone we love or ourselves.

Once you’ve crossed the line between good and evil, it will affect you forever. Even if you ultimately change, you’ve got to live with your decisions for the rest of your life.

Sometimes if feels like anything goes, that evil is excusable because everyone else is doing it. But do you want to be that person?

“For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” — Mark 8:36

Getting even.

There is a lot of anger in our world today, driven by the state of the world, by politics, and by health concerns. A natural instinct is to want to get even, to make “them” pay and to right all the wrongs. Knowing where you stand on the issues will offer you clarity when you’re faced with needing to make up your mind about difficult challenges.

Remember, the high road is always the right road.

Eric Rhoads

PS:

Laurie and I (mostly Laurie) have spent 120 days working daily on getting my dad’s property ready to sell, which resulted in 12 tons from 42 dump runs. Now the house is empty, sold, and happily, we can move on.

As you may know, I was supposed to be in Russia at this time, but it, and our fall fine art trip was cancelled. Since we’ve not had a summer vacation, and since I would have been gone anyway, I’m taking some time off to enjoy what’s left. I’ll be back on my daily show after Fall Color Week and the drive home.

Fall Color Week is happening, and there are close to 100 of us gathering to paint outdoors daily. There is still room for you. It’s really a lot of fun.

My next virtual online art convention promises to be amazing, with a world-class lineup of the finest artists on earth. It’s in November, when most of us will be indoors anyway. If you want to learn to paint, or take your art to a higher level, this is your chance. Check it out.

One of the most devastating moments of my life was when my grandparents’ house was sold. If I’d had the money at the time, I would have bought it to keep it in the family. But of course, with time and perspective, keeping the house would have served no purpose; it was not needed and it might even have become a burden, dealing with renters, or with repairs if left empty. Clinging to the house was purely wanting to cling to the memories of times in the house with my grandparents.

On My Knees

About 11 years ago, my dad announced to us that he was going to be selling his lake home. I had fallen in love with the lake and tried to spend all summer there when possible. My kids have spent every summer of their lives in that house. Therefore it was my hope to keep the house in the family for generations to come. I can remember even praying that I could make enough money and find a way to keep it so he did not have to sell. But he was never really very serious about selling it, or he would have put a price on it that would have sold. In reality, he would only have sold it if he got a super-high price, and I did not have the financial ability to buy it. Reasonable offers were turned down, and the house never did sell. But three summers ago, my family let go, deciding to build our own life in our own place on a nearby lake.

New Owners

After my dad passed this spring, my family unanimously decided to stay in our own lake home instead of moving back into his, so we put his home up for auction and spent several weeks making the house ready to show. We did some painting and repairs and added a lot of new appliances (my wife did most of the work because I still work full days). Two weeks ago, my dad’s house was sold, and this coming week, the sale will close and it will become the home of the new owners. And, other than the two weeks of cleaning attics, garages, and going through 30-plus years of stuff, we’re ready to say farewell.

Being a Cling-On

The lesson for me is that clinging to something just because of memories is not always the best solution. Though filled with memories of family events and summers with family members present, it’s not the house that made it a home, it was the presence of my dad and his positive spirit. Today, it’s an empty shell awaiting a new family and their own memories. 

What about you? What are you clinging to that isn’t serving you well?

You Might Need It Someday

My dad, being a Depression-era child, never threw anything out. In the last two weeks I’ve touched every single paper, every box, every item inside his home, most of which he had not touched or seen in 30 years. How did that serve him? I daresay it caused more stress, knowing that someday he or someone else would have to deal with it. I think we filled up 32 dumpsters, and that doesn’t include everything removed to be put up for auction. Though I’m happy to serve my dad and my brothers, it would have been nicer if he had dealt with those things years earlier. And it’s a reminder that I’ve done the same thing. I still have my saxophone from high school and a garage full of memories I never see. Why?

The last thing I wanted to do this spring and summer was clean out houses, storage units, attics, and closets. Because of deadlines, I was forced to deal with it. Unlike my packed garage at home where I’ve not been forced to deal with it, and I dread ever having to move. It causes stress, and it’s something I need to carve out the time to deal with. 

What are you not dealing with?

What things cause you stress, knowing they are looming?

How would you feel if you got those things off your plate this month?

As we enter the fourth quarter, let’s use it for cleansing our minds of the clutter we’re clinging to so we can enter 2022 with a clean slate. 

Eric Rhoads

PS: Speaking of 2022, this week I had my executive team up to the lake for a few days of planning 2022. We’re not waiting till the last minute, we’re making a plan now. Creating strategy, dreaming, budgeting, and trying to think ahead so we’re ready to hit the ground running in the new year. It may be something you should be considering now too.

I was due to leave for Russia next week, for two weeks of touring and painting, but sadly, I postponed the trip because of the state of the world at the moment. I had to disappoint a lot of people, and of course I’ll lose the income. But since I was going to be away, I’ve decided to take those two weeks off to recover from a summer of cleaning out closets and attics and the stress of getting the house ready. If I’m here next week, it will probably be a “best of,” and I’ll also be skipping my noon daily broadcasts. Thanks for your patience.

I should mention that we have signed some giant names to our Realism Live virtual conference, and we’ve seen a massive number of people sign up in the last two weeks. It promises to be spectacular for you and your artwork. I hope you’ll consider it.

Once vacation is over, I’ll be at my Fall Color Week painters’ retreat here in the Adirondacks. There is still room for you. Come paint with us.

Happy Labor Day!!

Tossing and turning from the sweltering heat and the bright sun blasting a furnace of light through the windows, I hop out of my otherwise coży bed, make my way to the coffeemaker in the kitchen, and head to the dock to sip my wakeup juice. Alas, it’s so hot, I slip my bare legs into the water to cool the lower half of my body. When I’m done writing this (assuming I don’t drop my tablet into the drink), I’ll take a swim.

Though this has been the rainiest I can remember in three decades of summer life in the Adirondacks, the few warm summer days have been glorious and made up for the rain. Spare time has found me flat-out on the dock absorbing the sun’s rays, painting in my little wooden electric boat (though never enough), and sitting with a few visiting friends. And like all summers, all good things will come to an end. 

This week I’ll slip away, head to Austin to host my newest online art conference, and then make my way back for a few more glorious weeks. When I return my kids will be off to college, though they are understandably anxious because of the uncertainty in the world.

What about you?

Are you finding yourself anxious about the uncertainty of the world? 

Is fear entering your mind more than ever?

Yeah, me too. 

A wise man (my dad) once told me years ago a trick he used when he could not sleep because of worry.

“Get up, write down everything you find yourself worrying about, and then go through the list. Is there anything I can change tonight at 2 a.m.? If not, tell yourself you can’t impact it tonight, and that you need rest to deal with the issues well during daylight.”

I have used this for years and it’s very effective.

But what about worry in the daytime?

I find myself dealing with worry or anxiety by asking myself these questions…

What’s the worst that can happen?

Is there anything I can do to change the outcome, and if so, what specifically can I do?

Sometimes asking ourselves simple questions gives us very clear answers.

The worst that can happen is that I’ll die and my family will have to get along without me.

What can I do about that?

In that case my anxiety stems from being ready to die. Though we are never ready, for me it’s about my faith and my belief that I’m ready from that perspective. And, as far as my family goes, I have to make sure I’ve got my affairs in order, my will written or updated, and hopefully enough savings or investments or insurance to get my wife and kids through it.

Knowing these things are handled would give me great peace of mind. The things unsettled give me anxiety, and motivation to get them done so the anxiety stops. 

What about you?

What’s the worst that can happen?

What do you need to do to make sure you are prepared for the worst?

What things remain that are causing anxiety?

The other thing I have to ask myself is, what can I change? 

Can I change the pandemic or the government response? In my case, no. So rather than getting worked up about it, I ask myself, what can I change related to that issue? Then I need to do those things.

The simple act of these questions, changing what I can, and stopping stressing about what I cannot change, has given me tremendous peace. Therefore these things don’t bug me like they bug others.

Make Up Your Mind!

Mindset also plays a critical role. I’ve told myself I refuse to allow this to ruin my life, my relationships, or my mental or physical health.

Would I regret spending the last year of my life in a twisted, worried anxiety state? Would I rather be calm and living the highest quality I can under the circumstances?

Being Mentally Ready

My gut tells me things are going to get worse before they get better. My instincts tell me that with all the things going on in the world (fires, floods, protests, riots, etc.) that it’s not just the pandemic I could be worrying about. But my mindset is very calm, and I won’t move into fight-or-flight stress until it has a direct impact. Even then, being calm in the midst of a storm will serve you and me well.

Do we want to deal with any of it? Of course not. But we all deal with the cards we’re dealt. Until then, we can be ready for the worst, prepared in any area we can control. After that, we can either go down the road of stress and anxiety or the road of peace. 

Which road will you choose?

If this were your last month on earth, how would you want to live it? How do you want to interact with your family? What example do you want to share with them?

Choose wisely.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Is it possible for you to find things that give you peace and offer you a chance to be creative? Many of my friends are bound up in work-related stress. Recently I asked one of my friends, “How do you get away from it? What hobbies do you have?” His answer was that he could not get away and he had none.

When I recommended he take up painting, he said, “Sounds fun, but I don’t have what it takes. I was not born with an art gene.”

I’m spending my life helping people understand that there is no art gene required, and that if you can follow a mac-and-cheese recipe on a box, I can teach you the process of painting. Many don’t believe me, and others don’t believe me — but try, and are happily pleased they listened.

Some types of art are harder to learn than others. But when we were kids, most of us played with crayons. What if I could introduce you to adult crayons? Something you can use to create beauty, based on what you were familiar with as a kid?

Pastel is very sophisticated and very beautiful, but we work it like crayons. I have a Beginner’s Cay this Wednesday teaching pastel before my 3-day Pastel Live online event. Just taking the Beginner’s Day could change your life and help you lose your stress. And if you’re thinking that it’s not worth the risk, I offer a full money back guarantee. If you watch the first day and don’t think it’s for you, you get all your money back and you get the day you watched for free. 

I hope you’ll check it out. The price increase is tonight at midnight. PastelLive.com.

An early morning sailor takes advantage of high winds as their antique boat darts back and forth across the lake with the grace of a ballerina, changing directions suddenly as the old tea-stained sail captures the orange morning light against the purple distant mountains.

It reminds me of life, sailing gracefully in one direction till the wind runs out, and then a necessary pivot to capture the wind takes us in new directions.

The Great Cleansing

When we lose a loved one, as I did this spring, we tend to think deeply about their life and our own, in hopes of being more or less like the ones we lost. And with loss comes responsibility — in this case, clearing out his lakefront summer home, where he had accumulated things since 1987. 

Here, Bidder Bidder

Because we are putting his home up for auction on August 14, my wife and I (mostly her) have been working feverishly to getting move-out ready and getting the home ready to show, so we don’t have to sort through old boxes under pressure of a closing date. 

Yesterday, and all last weekend, I had the pleasure of going through a garage full of boxes, one box at a time, including financial records, business archives, old photos, books, and random things that had stuffed drawers and shelves over decades. 

What to Let Go Of?

The tough decisions are what to shed and what to keep, knowing of things that had great meaning to him, but no meaning to us. Though I know I’ll never need them, I could not throw out the yearbooks from Fort Wayne Bible College and South Side High School, where my dad was the portrait photographer and where his ad for photography appeared. I only hung on to them because I felt he would not want us to let that part of his history go.

Going through a hundred or more boxes, file folder by file folder, I saw a life unfold. Press clippings, press releases, photos, business plans, contracts, and documents closing out those businesses. It was as if an entire life happened in a single day.

Life in a Box

When I wrote my book Blast from the Past: A Pictorial History of Radio’s First 75 Years, I experienced the same thing. I’d go through boxes and archives. I remember finding the old files for Jack Benny, who started in Vaudeville before radio. Clippings of his entire life fit into one big box. First was the clipping from a high school newspaper of his onstage appearance in school, then his first stage appearance, then reviews, then his entry into radio, then clippings about the shows, then his entry to TV, and it went on and on until the clipping of his obituary. A whole life in a box.

As I looked through hundreds of photos, trying to determine what to save, I saw my dad’s progression in life, becoming an officer in various organizations, photos of speeches and banquets, photos with unknown people. I could see the tremendous amount of work that went into that, and could imagine how excited he must have been to receive the appointments and press coverage. Yet I wondered if it was all worthwhile. Did it matter?

The Game of Life

I often look at life like a pinball machine. The ball shoots out of the spring-loaded launcher, heads to the top, hits a barrier, bounces off, hits another, and then you try to hit a flipper to keep the ball going. Sometimes you keep it going and add points, and sometimes your ball falls into the bottom, ending the game. In our lives we launch, often not knowing where we are going, but hoping we will gain points (which might be money, recognition, doing good works). Then we get flipped in a different direction, and we keep going again, till forced into a different direction still.

Unexpected Destinations

My dad once told me, “Son, you never end up where you set out to go. Enjoy the journey.” He gave me examples of businesses he had started with a specific intent that didn’t end up going in the direction he set out. Often, they turned out better.

When I started in radio, I envisioned being the next big radio star, but I ended up writing about radio, owning a radio trade magazine, and then, by accident, discovering art and building a life in the art world. It was not predictable.

I once wrote that roadblocks serve a purpose, often making us stronger, and often making us go down a different road. No matter how good we are at goal-setting and planning, we cannot anticipate all the roadblocks. Soon, the flipper pushes us in an unexpected direction.

Are Efforts Worthwhile?

What I learned from the boxes of a life well-lived is that we cannot control our direction entirely, though we can try, but the memories are all we have. Decades of paperwork, preceded by thousands of meetings and discussions, legal work, and negotiations — it all ended up in a dumpster. What matters is the outcome in life. Did the efforts serve to make a life well lived? Did the efforts result in making life better for others, not just for ourselves?

One day my kids will be going through my boxes (and hard drives), seeing evidence of all the things I once worried about where worry wasn’t necessary. Things I craved that turned out to be fruitless or meaningless, recognition I sought that served no purpose. It makes me realize the preciousness of every hour, of every glance into the eyes of my family, of every moment with my friends. 

Your time is your own to control. Use it wisely. Use it to make life better for others, not just to enrich yourself. 

Each photo was a memory, a moment, sometimes of things that took months or years to accomplish. A photo of an award onstage was the result of decades of serving others, hundreds of meetings and phone calls, and a tremendous amount of human energy. It’s why what you agree to spend your time on matters.

Over the years I’ve developed a filter in a series of questions I ask myself when I’m asked to make a commitment:

• Will it change the world or make life better for others in some way?
• Do I want to spend my time on it? Will it take me away from things that have higher importance?
• Is it related to my grand mission, or does it take me off focus?
• Is it important to help someone or some organization I love or respect?
• Will I look back in regret?
• Will it help others?
• Will it help my family?
• Will it take me away from home and family?
• Will I look back on my life and be glad I took the time and effort?
• How much time will it take to see it through, and will it be worth it?

I tend to be a pleaser, a giver. Yet we can give all we have and leave nothing for ourselves. We have to find balance. Coming up with your own list of questions will help you determine where to spend your time. 

Remember that one split-second decision can change everything and place you at the end of the game, or on a new journey that will take another decade to accomplish. In either case, you want to guard your time.

Though I’d rather not have to sort through boxes, and I’m reminded that I must not leave a mess for my wife and kids, there were great lessons and thoughts from the cathartic effort. And whenever I’m doing something I’d rather not do, I always ask myself what lessons I’m supposed to discover.

What will be in your boxes? What will be the best time you can spend the rest of your life on?

Spend it well. Your time is the most valuable currency on earth.

Eric Rhoads

PS: When my dad became ultra-successful, he was incredibly busy, a ball of stress, and often irritable. I remember wondering if it was all worth it. I remember wishing I had the dad back who used to take us fishing and waterskiing and canoeing. But it did not seem like that was in the cards, and I resigned myself that this was who he had become. But little did I know that he too had realized what was missing from his life, and he too wanted those days back.

As I look at all the papers, all the deals, all the meetings and travel, I realize that my dad went to all that effort so he could provide his family with exceptional experiences and memories. We’d stayed at a lake before, but when he moved our family to the Adirondacks, he became a better dad because the stress melted from his busy life and we got our real dad back. We have 30-plus years of memories at his place, every summer of my kids’ lives and every summer of my niece’s and nephew’s. It was a place where the family could renew its connection and build lasting memories. By spending a weekend or a few weeks between meetings at the camp, he became better in business and became a better dad.

He built an amazing place, and it’s my hope that the auction will result in the right family that needs a special place like no other on earth, to reconnect and to lose the stress of life. There are very few places on earth with this peace and quiet, with this tradition. I know, because we have our own camp now, and intend it to carry for generations of our family.

PS2: I discovered something about myself recently. When I held my artists’ retreat in the Adirondacks in June, I discovered how much I missed being around people, and how much those events mean to me, because I make so many new friends and renew so many friendships. Dave Crowl, who attended, said it best: “I’ve come back nine years in a row because this is my art family, and for me it’s like Thanksgiving. I would not miss it for anything.”

I’m doing my next retreat this fall here in the Adirondacks. I can never get enough friends.

PS 3: One of my bucket list items was to paint in Russia, where Repin, Levitan, and Shishkin and the great Russian masters painted. I’ve done it, and now I’m bringing it to you one time. It looks like it will happen, and I have some seats because a couple of people can’t make it. I probably won’t repeat it. Hope you’ll come.

Also, Peter Trippi and I are leading a group of art lovers to the museums and art scenes of Vienna and Berlin this October. It’s happening and will be loads of fun. Join us.

PS 4: Pastel Live is gaining momentum. Last week we had a huge number of people join us. If you see yourself learning pastel painting, it’s a joy to attend (and it’s all online this August).

The warm colors of morning glow make the pine tree sing in orange and pink, in harmony with reflections on the water and the light show in the clouds. The air is so humid you could cut it with a chainsaw, which makes the color of light especially pleasing. Sunrise on the dock is especially wonderful as I deeply fill my lungs with fresh, pine-scented Adirondack air. Moments pondering life from the dock are my favorite.

Living is like a racetrack driver on a high-speed track, making countless subtle corrections to avoid crashes and make it to the end of the race. Which is why I find it a good idea for us to re-evaluate ourselves from time to time. 

Evil Thoughts

Have you ever caught yourself having thoughts about things that, if you were to act on them, mean you would be seriously compromised? We all have some random evil thoughts, but maturity means not acting on them. But where exactly is the line?

To be compromised has different meanings in different situations, but essentially it means you’ve caved in on your ethics. The CIA would say a spy being compromised means they have been found out.

Testing Our Ethics

As humans, we are always facing tests of our ethics, tests of who we think we are. We tend to allow ourselves excuses to make what we’re doing justifiable. And sometimes the things we do are justified. Other times, they may be unethical, illegal, downright nasty, immoral, or worse. 

There is a line in the sand. We have to decide if we cross the line. Sometimes we cross the line, realize our stupidity, and try hard to unwind our mistakes.

Sometimes the line is well-defined, and we still have no issue crossing it. Going 65 miles per hour in a 55 zone is a great example. Though there will be consequences, most of us are willing to pay that ticket should we get busted. 

Breaking the Law

The law is one line most believe should never be crossed — though we tell ourselves it’s okay to speed. Or maybe fish without a license, or forget a seat belt. Yet most of us would never consider sticking up a convenience store, or even slipping a candy bar into our pocket. Most of us never face crossing the line of the law. But we do find ourselves crossing lines we should never cross.

When one of my boys was young, we realized the grocery store had given him three dollars too much in change. To make a point (at great inconvenience), we made a trip back to the store to give them their three dollars. They were shocked, but I needed my son to know it wasn’t ours to keep. We worked very hard while raising the kids to show them which lines never get crossed.

But when is crossing the line acceptable?

Is Stealing OK?

Is finding a photo on the Internet and using it without permission acceptable? Is downloading songs or movies from an illegal site acceptable? Is copying another person’s idea or artwork acceptable? Most young people today consider those things to be normal, even though the creators of the content aren’t getting paid. They often justify it with “Everyone does it” or “They have enough money and don’t need more.” Neither is a very good excuse for stealing. And even though it’s not stealing a physical item from a store, it’s still stealing, right?

Someone once told me that lines are there for a reason, and if you cross them, you will eventually cross other lines and get deeper into the dark side. Each time, we rationalize it. Prisons are filled with people who crossed lines, after which they tried worse things, then crossed lines beyond the point of no return. I’m told it’s rare to find someone in prison who believes they deserve to be there. 

Tiny Steps

Most of us don’t face crossing big lines, but little tiny lines. 

Is it okay to slam someone on social media and say things you wouldn’t say to their face? Is it okay to hide out behind your computer and watch things you would never want people to know you watched? Is it okay to talk behind someone’s back? 

Lying to an Advertiser

I can remember a time when a frame company asked my advice about advertising. I stood to make several thousand dollars over a year, but they asked me about a competitor. I could have easily told them all the reasons not to buy the competitor’s ad space, but I had to tell them the truth. The competitor was good, and, in that case, it was a better place for the advertiser to be. I never did get any of that ad money, and they spent tens of thousands over years with my competitor. But if I had crossed that line, would the lie be deeper next time? 

What doth it profit a man to gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? — Mark 8:36

Highlighting a Competitor

Once, at my magazine Radio Ink, we were publishing a “Most Influential Women” issue, and the name of my biggest competitor came up as someone my editors thought should be on the list. But they quickly discounted the idea of awarding her the prize — because she was a competitor. It was a moment when I had to ask myself if I should cross the line. After all, no one would ever know other than my editors, and no one would ever expect me to highlight a competitor. But my heart said she deserved it, and I wanted to show my employees that we always have to do the right thing, no matter what. So my competitor appeared as number one on the list and was on the cover of my magazine. I had to take a deep breath to do it, but it was the right thing to do. 

Stealing Ideas

I’m often tempted to copy an idea, but I don’t — and it can be frustrating when I see my own ideas copied by competitors. It’s tempting to say something derogatory when I’m asked about it, but in reality, when people are doing good things, they deserve to be recognized for their accomplishments. If what they are doing is helping others, and it’s a good product, then the right thing for me to do is to be willing to say so. Will I go out of my way to promote a competitor? I have in the past, because I believe in abundance. There is room for us all. Plus being challenged makes me work to stay three steps ahead at all times, and it gives me some pride knowing that my ideas are spreading. 

What about the lines you are crossing in your life?

Growing Spots

Most of them are just little lines, but they can easily destroy you. There have been moments in my life when I’ve said something bad about a competitor and later felt awful for doing it. And as I look back over my long career, the things I worried about never turned out to be problems. There are dozens of competitors I don’t even care about anymore, and what I feared most never came true. In reality, I’ll win some and lose some, and so will you.

There was a time in my life when I loved gossip. That stopped when I almost lost a friendship because something I shared “confidentially” with someone got shared with that friend. Since that time, many years ago, gossip stopped. I now avoid trash talk because it’s crossing the line, and because it always bites you.

Avoiding Evil Corporations

In my younger years, I worked for a big evil corporation that asked many of their employees to do things that were evil. But they were “little” things. For instance, when doing radio contests and picking the 10th caller, they asked us to keep answering the phone till we got someone who didn’t sound like a small child, because their audience was adult women. We waited for the right-sounding voice, even if it was the 20th call. It seemed harmless and practical, but it was flat out wrong. I did it because I was told to do it, but I didn’t like it, and in hindsight, I should have resigned when asked to do it. When it went to court, I was instructed to lie about it, but when on the stand, I told the truth, because I had already crossed one line too many. They lost all of their broadcast licenses because their little black spot had grown and grown, and their practices destroyed a billion-dollar business.

Since I started my own business, I’ve tried very hard not to become a big evil corporation like the one I worked for, though I can see how the temptation to cross a line is something we face daily. Recently, an attorney told me I could get out of a contract if I stretched the truth just a little. Though the consequences would be expensive, I refused. I could not have lived with myself. Life is too short. But I face decisions every day where lines could be crossed. Chances are you do too.

Little things don’t seem to matter, yet they ultimately do because they place a little tiny black spot of negativity into the soul. Then these black spots grow and grow until the whole self is polluted and line-crossing becomes part of who we are. 

When Is It OK?

Would I cross the line for my family? Would I lie to keep my kid out of jail? Would I lie to keep myself out of jail? I won’t know till I face those things, but I tell myself I’d have to be truthful no matter what. But that’s just me.

A Tax Bill

I once had a chance to lie to the IRS and get out of a massive fine, but I chose not to, and it took me a decade to pay it off. Though I hurt myself, I felt it was the right thing to do. Most line-crossers would justify themselves, saying the government has too much money and this won’t hurt them a bit.

Life is ever-changing, and our goal in life should be to shed the bad and embrace the good. I hope to be always making corrections. I don’t like hiding anything because I don’t want any little black spots growing inside me. But I do have to admit I’ll sometimes not tell my wife if I ate a brownie when she wasn’t around when I’m on a diet. But I probably should. 🙂

Perfection for humans is impossible. Growth and improvement are possible. We all do stupid things we regret; I have too many to list here. But the goal is to not repeat mistakes, and to learn lessons so fewer lines are crossed in the future. 

Remember the old Bugs Bunny cartoons with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other? The little red devil can be pretty creative to make us cross the line. It’s human nature to be seduced “just this one time.” But when you give in, the little dark spot grows inside of you, until it consumes you. 

What about you? 

Have you crossed lines you regret?

Do you find yourself up against little ethical decisions every day?

We’ve all done it, in some form. I’ve lived to regret things I can never repair. I’ve lost friendships and business relationships. All of it could have been prevented if I had just been more thoughtful about the consequences of crossing the line.

I’m not high or mighty. I’m a broken man, I make stupid mistakes, but my goal in life is to not repeat the mistakes I make, and to stop crossing the line. 

Eric Rhoads

PS: I’m pretty excited about pastel painting and learning all about it. I love the brilliance of color and the control, and to learn, I’ll be attending (and hosting) Pastel Live this August. It’s an online conference featuring the very best pastel artists on earth as instructors and mentors. Tonight is when the early-bird price goes up. I hope to see you there.

If you want to go to Russia with me, we still plan to go, and a couple of seats have opened up. There isn’t much time to get a visa, but there is time. It’s the painting trip of a lifetime (with some touring), and we won’t be repeating it. Come have some fun with us.

This fall I’m leading a group through Vienna and Berlin for a behind-the-scenes art tour on our annual Fine Art Trip. We still have some slots open if you’re eager to get away!

And my Fall Color Week retreat occurs this fall in the Adirondacks. A week of painting brilliant color is good for the soul!

Last, we’re starting to talk up Realism Live, our virtual conference on realism that replaces our in-person Fine Art Convention & Expo this year only. Hope to see you there.