One of the most devastating moments of my life was when my grandparents’ house was sold. If I’d had the money at the time, I would have bought it to keep it in the family. But of course, with time and perspective, keeping the house would have served no purpose; it was not needed and it might even have become a burden, dealing with renters, or with repairs if left empty. Clinging to the house was purely wanting to cling to the memories of times in the house with my grandparents.

On My Knees

About 11 years ago, my dad announced to us that he was going to be selling his lake home. I had fallen in love with the lake and tried to spend all summer there when possible. My kids have spent every summer of their lives in that house. Therefore it was my hope to keep the house in the family for generations to come. I can remember even praying that I could make enough money and find a way to keep it so he did not have to sell. But he was never really very serious about selling it, or he would have put a price on it that would have sold. In reality, he would only have sold it if he got a super-high price, and I did not have the financial ability to buy it. Reasonable offers were turned down, and the house never did sell. But three summers ago, my family let go, deciding to build our own life in our own place on a nearby lake.

New Owners

After my dad passed this spring, my family unanimously decided to stay in our own lake home instead of moving back into his, so we put his home up for auction and spent several weeks making the house ready to show. We did some painting and repairs and added a lot of new appliances (my wife did most of the work because I still work full days). Two weeks ago, my dad’s house was sold, and this coming week, the sale will close and it will become the home of the new owners. And, other than the two weeks of cleaning attics, garages, and going through 30-plus years of stuff, we’re ready to say farewell.

Being a Cling-On

The lesson for me is that clinging to something just because of memories is not always the best solution. Though filled with memories of family events and summers with family members present, it’s not the house that made it a home, it was the presence of my dad and his positive spirit. Today, it’s an empty shell awaiting a new family and their own memories. 

What about you? What are you clinging to that isn’t serving you well?

You Might Need It Someday

My dad, being a Depression-era child, never threw anything out. In the last two weeks I’ve touched every single paper, every box, every item inside his home, most of which he had not touched or seen in 30 years. How did that serve him? I daresay it caused more stress, knowing that someday he or someone else would have to deal with it. I think we filled up 32 dumpsters, and that doesn’t include everything removed to be put up for auction. Though I’m happy to serve my dad and my brothers, it would have been nicer if he had dealt with those things years earlier. And it’s a reminder that I’ve done the same thing. I still have my saxophone from high school and a garage full of memories I never see. Why?

The last thing I wanted to do this spring and summer was clean out houses, storage units, attics, and closets. Because of deadlines, I was forced to deal with it. Unlike my packed garage at home where I’ve not been forced to deal with it, and I dread ever having to move. It causes stress, and it’s something I need to carve out the time to deal with. 

What are you not dealing with?

What things cause you stress, knowing they are looming?

How would you feel if you got those things off your plate this month?

As we enter the fourth quarter, let’s use it for cleansing our minds of the clutter we’re clinging to so we can enter 2022 with a clean slate. 

Eric Rhoads

PS: Speaking of 2022, this week I had my executive team up to the lake for a few days of planning 2022. We’re not waiting till the last minute, we’re making a plan now. Creating strategy, dreaming, budgeting, and trying to think ahead so we’re ready to hit the ground running in the new year. It may be something you should be considering now too.

I was due to leave for Russia next week, for two weeks of touring and painting, but sadly, I postponed the trip because of the state of the world at the moment. I had to disappoint a lot of people, and of course I’ll lose the income. But since I was going to be away, I’ve decided to take those two weeks off to recover from a summer of cleaning out closets and attics and the stress of getting the house ready. If I’m here next week, it will probably be a “best of,” and I’ll also be skipping my noon daily broadcasts. Thanks for your patience.

I should mention that we have signed some giant names to our Realism Live virtual conference, and we’ve seen a massive number of people sign up in the last two weeks. It promises to be spectacular for you and your artwork. I hope you’ll consider it.

Once vacation is over, I’ll be at my Fall Color Week painters’ retreat here in the Adirondacks. There is still room for you. Come paint with us.

Happy Labor Day!!

My eyes opened this morning to a new scene — at least, new since June. Twisted oaks, high grasses, all being baked in the hot Texas sun, unlike the most squishy moss-covered grass in the Adirondacks. My tender toes burn as I hit the deck outside and hop rapidly to my old brown wicker couch. A bead of sweat hits my forehead and rolls down my nose like a rogue rollercoaster. I’m simply not used to summer in Texas. The cool Adirondacks have spoiled me. 

I came here to host my Pastel Live conference, which ended last night, and today, as soon as we can get on the road, I’ll drive my daughter to her second year of college and the first “in-person” year she will have. Laurie and I thought we were empty-nesters last fall when school began, but alas, Zoom classes are easier from home than from a 10” x 10” cinder block dorm room, and the food is better. I’ll return to the Adirondacks for summer and fall tomorrow and we’ll try this empty nest thing one more time.

Tragedy

Between segments at my event, I’ve been glued to my screens, watching in horror as we all see a helpless situation we cannot control. I’m so used to being able to control things or help in some way, yet I’ve been racking my brain with no solutions.

But I ask myself, what if I were there? What if I were in that situation? What would I do?

How would I protect my family?

How would I escape? 

I also ask myself, could that happen here?

What Would You Do?

Growing up Rhoads, my dad would always ask us questions like that. What would you do? He trained us for contingencies and always told us the unexpected often happens, and things you don’t think can happen, do happen.

Do or Die

I can remember talking to my father-in-law, who was a German soldier in WWII, who told me that the atrocities that happened surprised them all because, as he said, things like that don’t happen here. Suddenly he found himself forced to be in an army that supported things he did not support, things he did not want to be a part of. And he watched men in his line who were insubordinate be shot on the spot. He could not believe his eyes.

Those living in the Land of the Free have not seen a war on our soil since the Civil War. We’ve been blessed. But just because it has never occurred will not prevent it from happening. Which is why I have to ask my preparation questions. What would I do if..?

Though I usually preach positive thinking, some will say my contingency thinking is negative. Perhaps, but it’s better to have some ideas, some plans as a backup.

Watching the news, we’re seeing disaster because they underestimated the situation and did not have enough contingency plans.

What about you?

Contingencies relate to every part of your life. What would you do…

• If you lost your job?
• If the banks crashed and there was no access to your money, and ATMs did not work?
• If there were unexpected food shortages or stores were closed?
• If the power went out for a couple of months?
• If city water plants were shut down for a month?
• If there was no cell phone service for days, weeks, or months?
• If the Internet no longer existed?
• If GPS stopped working?
• If another country attacked our homeland?
• What if my house burned? 
• What if someone broke in while we were sleeping?
• What if my house flooded?

As I ponder these things, I wonder if I could even drive somewhere to get away. I have not had a paper map in a decade, and I would not be able to access the addresses of my friends and family because my phone has died, Google doesn’t work, and online maps are no longer available.

My kids have probably never had a map in their hands. 

Am I telling you this because I’m expecting something? Absolutely not. But history tells us that the unexpected happens and that sane people can become crazy fast.

Blown Away

And contingencies don’t have to be about the things mentioned; they can relate to anything in your life. Let me give you an example. One year, when I was living in Florida, I got stuck in the middle of a hurricane on the turnpike. It was a dangerous and scary situation. I thought I was going to die. So after I survived, I told myself, “Never again.” When future hurricanes were coming, I’d leave town two days before everyone else did. Sometimes they hit and I escaped, sometimes they missed and I had a nice weekend in a hotel somewhere. For those of you in New York and Boston and along the East Coast, there is a storm that might be headed your way. Are you ready? Have you thought about the contingencies?

I recall a storm that knocked power and water out for three weeks. You could survive with a contingency plan.

Last year during “Snownado” in Texas, we were snowed into an area that had no plows, no power, no water. In hindsight, we saw it coming on radar. We should have taken a vacation to Florida.

The last thing you want to do is have an unexpected disaster and to do what everyone else does. By thinking of every possible solution years in advance, you’ll know exactly what to do the second it happens while others are trying to figure out solutions.

As a parent, I feel an obligation to play out scenarios in my mind. I may never tell my kids about them, but in some cases I’ll be ready, have solutions, and be prepared. In other situations, I’ll be blindsided.

More Than One Solution

In any case, it’s worth a discussion. What are five things you could do if any of those situations actually happened? The worst thing you can do is say, “That will never happen,” because when you say it, BOOM, it will happen!

Cognitive Dissonance

Most will stare with their jaws dropped in disbelief, which is valuable time lost. There are stories of people who predicted the Holocaust and were mocked as crazy conspiracy theorists, but they escaped and survived. The rest had cognitive dissonance. They just refused to believe this would ever happen among people they trusted. 

Rumors and Clues

My dad once told me of meeting a cab driver who had been a wealthy farmer in a country where they were hearing rumors that farms would be taken over. She urged her husband to take a family vacation, just in case. He told her she was nuts: “It won’t happen here.” They took out the cash they could, took a vacation to another country, and while they were gone all the farmers, including their friends, were killed. They had to survive on their vacation money until they could get jobs. They were the lucky ones who paid attention to the clues because, as my dad said, “There are always clues.” He once said, “Always consider that the opposite of what you’re being told will happen. What then?”

Am I trying to scare you? Of course not. But I care, and I want the best for you, and if you think things through, this little note could save your life someday. Of course, I hope it never comes to that, but being prepared is never a bad idea. 

Eric Rhoads

PS: Speaking of being prepared, hundreds and hundreds of people are now prepared to do pastel painting because of our online Pastel Live conference, which we just completed. The next one is Realism Live, which will prepare you for all kinds of painting. Check it out.

My Fall Color Week artist retreat is going to happen in late September in the Adirondacks. It will be a week of fun, painting, and meeting new friends, no matter what level of painter you are. Come join us.

Also join us on our Fine Art Trip to Germany and Austria this fall, and my Russian Painting Trip in September. At the moment, it looks like both will happen.

Tossing and turning from the sweltering heat and the bright sun blasting a furnace of light through the windows, I hop out of my otherwise coży bed, make my way to the coffeemaker in the kitchen, and head to the dock to sip my wakeup juice. Alas, it’s so hot, I slip my bare legs into the water to cool the lower half of my body. When I’m done writing this (assuming I don’t drop my tablet into the drink), I’ll take a swim.

Though this has been the rainiest I can remember in three decades of summer life in the Adirondacks, the few warm summer days have been glorious and made up for the rain. Spare time has found me flat-out on the dock absorbing the sun’s rays, painting in my little wooden electric boat (though never enough), and sitting with a few visiting friends. And like all summers, all good things will come to an end. 

This week I’ll slip away, head to Austin to host my newest online art conference, and then make my way back for a few more glorious weeks. When I return my kids will be off to college, though they are understandably anxious because of the uncertainty in the world.

What about you?

Are you finding yourself anxious about the uncertainty of the world? 

Is fear entering your mind more than ever?

Yeah, me too. 

A wise man (my dad) once told me years ago a trick he used when he could not sleep because of worry.

“Get up, write down everything you find yourself worrying about, and then go through the list. Is there anything I can change tonight at 2 a.m.? If not, tell yourself you can’t impact it tonight, and that you need rest to deal with the issues well during daylight.”

I have used this for years and it’s very effective.

But what about worry in the daytime?

I find myself dealing with worry or anxiety by asking myself these questions…

What’s the worst that can happen?

Is there anything I can do to change the outcome, and if so, what specifically can I do?

Sometimes asking ourselves simple questions gives us very clear answers.

The worst that can happen is that I’ll die and my family will have to get along without me.

What can I do about that?

In that case my anxiety stems from being ready to die. Though we are never ready, for me it’s about my faith and my belief that I’m ready from that perspective. And, as far as my family goes, I have to make sure I’ve got my affairs in order, my will written or updated, and hopefully enough savings or investments or insurance to get my wife and kids through it.

Knowing these things are handled would give me great peace of mind. The things unsettled give me anxiety, and motivation to get them done so the anxiety stops. 

What about you?

What’s the worst that can happen?

What do you need to do to make sure you are prepared for the worst?

What things remain that are causing anxiety?

The other thing I have to ask myself is, what can I change? 

Can I change the pandemic or the government response? In my case, no. So rather than getting worked up about it, I ask myself, what can I change related to that issue? Then I need to do those things.

The simple act of these questions, changing what I can, and stopping stressing about what I cannot change, has given me tremendous peace. Therefore these things don’t bug me like they bug others.

Make Up Your Mind!

Mindset also plays a critical role. I’ve told myself I refuse to allow this to ruin my life, my relationships, or my mental or physical health.

Would I regret spending the last year of my life in a twisted, worried anxiety state? Would I rather be calm and living the highest quality I can under the circumstances?

Being Mentally Ready

My gut tells me things are going to get worse before they get better. My instincts tell me that with all the things going on in the world (fires, floods, protests, riots, etc.) that it’s not just the pandemic I could be worrying about. But my mindset is very calm, and I won’t move into fight-or-flight stress until it has a direct impact. Even then, being calm in the midst of a storm will serve you and me well.

Do we want to deal with any of it? Of course not. But we all deal with the cards we’re dealt. Until then, we can be ready for the worst, prepared in any area we can control. After that, we can either go down the road of stress and anxiety or the road of peace. 

Which road will you choose?

If this were your last month on earth, how would you want to live it? How do you want to interact with your family? What example do you want to share with them?

Choose wisely.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Is it possible for you to find things that give you peace and offer you a chance to be creative? Many of my friends are bound up in work-related stress. Recently I asked one of my friends, “How do you get away from it? What hobbies do you have?” His answer was that he could not get away and he had none.

When I recommended he take up painting, he said, “Sounds fun, but I don’t have what it takes. I was not born with an art gene.”

I’m spending my life helping people understand that there is no art gene required, and that if you can follow a mac-and-cheese recipe on a box, I can teach you the process of painting. Many don’t believe me, and others don’t believe me — but try, and are happily pleased they listened.

Some types of art are harder to learn than others. But when we were kids, most of us played with crayons. What if I could introduce you to adult crayons? Something you can use to create beauty, based on what you were familiar with as a kid?

Pastel is very sophisticated and very beautiful, but we work it like crayons. I have a Beginner’s Cay this Wednesday teaching pastel before my 3-day Pastel Live online event. Just taking the Beginner’s Day could change your life and help you lose your stress. And if you’re thinking that it’s not worth the risk, I offer a full money back guarantee. If you watch the first day and don’t think it’s for you, you get all your money back and you get the day you watched for free. 

I hope you’ll check it out. The price increase is tonight at midnight. PastelLive.com.

Pine cones and little rocks stick in my bare feet as I make my way down to the old wooden dock at the water’s edge. Reflected pine trees and blue sky are so mirror-like that if I took a photo and turned it upside down, you would swear you were looking at the real thing. In the distance I hear the sputter of an old outboard motor on a small metal fishing boat, and I can see the glow of a red hat about a half mile from the dock. 

The 100-year-old wooden Adirondack chair, which has been baking in the morning light, warms my back as I lie against it. Today is the perfect lake day, calling me to some kayaking into the grassy bogs. I’m in my happy place, and if it were not for that evil snow and 30 below weather, I’d be here year round. I’m on a quest to find a winter equal to this lake paradise where we plant ourselves each summer.

Sweet Times

I feel blessed to be able to be here and to pick and choose most of my living circumstances. As every summer ends and we’re set to return home, we say farewell and wish we were going home to something equally beautiful. But then, vacations would be less sweet if we were on vacation year round. There is value in having things to look forward to. In fact, I think you have to be deliberate about it.

Blindfolded at an Airport

Decades ago, when I was too busy to take a vacation, my wife begged me for just five days off so we could go somewhere special. As an anniversary surprise, I was blindfolded at the airport gate only to find out we had boarded the Concorde to London, which was a great way to save time on a short vacation. And though I loved the vacation and the experience, I would have loved it more having a year, or at least a few months, to look forward to it.

Looking Ahead

Making plans in advance was never my best skill set, but I’ve learned that looking forward to things can get you through a lot of tough times. I’ll tell myself, “Just a few more weeks and I’ll be in Russia painting,” or, “I can’t wait to see my friends at my fall painting retreat,” or, “I can’t wait till the kids have spring break so we can take a trip somewhere together.”

Making Myself Better

Planning my future, sometimes two or more years in advance, has turned out to be a powerful way to make sure I’m living life to the fullest. I used to tell myself I didn’t have the time, and now that I take the time, I’ve realized that time away makes me better at home and work. 

New Realities

Most of us have seen a recent shift in our priorities. Suddenly that two-hour daily commute is no longer appealing. Working in an office and wearing “dressy” clothes is less appealing than working from home, being more productive, and wearing your favorite T-shirt and yoga pants. And it turns out that pent-up demand for travel is something many have discovered. A busy buddy told me, “I’ve spent half my life putting off travel because I felt I needed to be at work all the time. But that’s about to change. I don’t want to wake up unable to see the world, and COVID made me rethink my priorities.”

If you’re telling yourself you don’t have the time or the money to do the things you always wanted to do, what you may really be saying is that you have not made it enough of a priority.

Finding a Way

At age 19, when my parents offered me a chance to meet them in Europe for my first visit there, I didn’t have time or money, but with a few months’ notice I took on extra gigs on nights and weekends, I accumulated as much vacation time as possible, and I scheduled it months in advance to make it happen. And I stopped buying $5 cups of coffee and eating lunch out. In other words, I found a way. And I suspect most of us can find a way if we work on it enough in advance.

I’ve had too many conversations with friends about their unrealized dreams, watched them delay their dreams, and then later gotten the call that they’ve passed away, moved to a nursing facility, or they are battling some dreadful disease. These past two years, the possibility has been more of a reality.

So I ask you…

What dream are you delaying?

What do you want to get done in your life that has not been started?

If you could only pick one thing, what would it be?

What’s your plan?

Putting things off may be practical, and going now may not be possible. But if you don’t make the commitment, don’t pull the trigger, you may never get it done.

Determined

A woman approached me at my Adirondack painting event this past spring. She said, “I’ve been trying to come for 10 years, but my husband got ill and I needed to be there to take care of him. This is the first time I could get here.”

I was so proud of her for doing the right thing, but then going for her dream the moment she could.

We had a couple come on one of our fine art trips to Europe. They told me, “We’ve been intending to come for years, but we just never got around to it. We’ll be back again next year.” But that year, one of them passed. I’m thankful they came.

An artist once wanted to come with me on my second trip to Cuba. He told me, “I can’t afford it, so I’ll go next time.” Thankfully, he found a creative way to raise the money, and it turns out there was no next time.

I’m not suggesting travel … but I am suggesting that there are things you want to do that you need to get started on now. Don’t let anything get in the way. Pull the trigger now.

Your dreams are important to you, and you need to find a way to live them. 

Take action now. 

You can always find a way.

Eric Rhoads

PS: A few years ago a lady saw me painting and said what people always say …  “I can’t even draw a stick figure. I wasn’t born with the gift of painting.” 

Of course, I said what I always say … “You can do this, you can learn. It’s not about natural talent, it’s about following a process and practice.” 

She took my free Paint By Note course online, and sent me images of her progress. Now, just about three years later, she is doing a great job and painting beautiful pictures.

I think it’s important to fight with the assumptions in our own minds. Why am I telling myself this? Is what I’m telling myself actually true?

You can do what you can set your mind to, but the key is setting your mind, and overcoming the things in your mind that are blocking you. 

If you find yourself saying…

“I could never…”

“I can’t…”

“I don’t have what it takes…”

“I don’t have the talent…

Your brain is lying to you because of something you absorbed from your parents, your friends, your kids, or your environment. This is a time to challenge all of your assumptions. Even if you tried before and failed. You can do this … whatever “this” is 

I’ve got hundreds of people who signed up for my Pastel Live virtual conference in a couple of weeks who have never before painted in pastel, but want to learn. I have others who have never painted in their lives but took the leap and told themselves they could do it. Pastel may be the easiest way to learn to paint because it is much like what we used as kids (though more sophisticated). If you’ve resisted learning to paint because of oil paints, acrylics, watercolor, or other mediums… this is your best shot at producing beautiful artwork. I highly recommend our Beginner’s Day (which is 100% guaranteed or your money back). I’m guaranteeing I can make you an artist, even if your brain is telling you it’s not possible. Take the shot. It could change your life forever.

The old green hammock sways gently between two old-growth white pine trees, a puddle of water and reddish pine needles in its middle. As I exit the house, the wet ground cover of deep green moss squishes like a thick carpet under my feet. In the combination of smoke from fires in the west and moisture from last night’s storm, the distant trees are a mustard bluish gray. The deep red geraniums in the flower boxes along the dock are worn and leggy from swimming in too much water.

This is the second-rainiest summer I can remember. The few sunny days are like Christmas presents. We look forward to them and cherish them as special days to get out for a warm, sun-drenched canoe ride.

Needles on My Face

My attitude about rain may be unique around here. Family members and locals have been complaining about all the rain. Though I can appreciate the desire for sunshine, I love the rain. Living essentially on an island and commuting by boat for groceries and packages, we’ve learned to accept it for what it is and plow forward. Just yesterday raindrops were hitting my face like needles as I sped across, trying to beat a giant storm and bolts of lightning.

Rain slows me down. The lack of light makes me want to chill, relax more, read a book. And my favorite sound is rain on the roof above. 

The Dreaded Nighttime Call

Life also has rain and storms. Late one night this week my phone rang, with my cousin’s name popping up. “Oh, no,” I thought. Knowing my aunt has been hospitalized and in rough shape, I assumed she had passed. But instead, it was my cousin Tim, who passed away at a young 60 years old. We were all devastated. It’s never easy when we see someone’s life cut short early.

A storm hit my family hard in the last couple of years, first losing my mom, then my dad, then my uncle, now my cousin. Sometimes it seems hard to take, and we start asking why: “Why me? Why now?” When we should be asking, “Why not me? Why not now?”

Rain and storms hit us all, personally and professionally. Just when things seem perfect, suddenly there is an unexpected event. And sometimes they come in clusters.

Clearing Trees

Yet storms clear out the forests, bringing down the weak trees and branches, and the rain nourishes the land, lending a hand to nature’s new growth. Last week I weathered a massive storm — the wind was blowing so hard I couldn’t stand up, and trees were going down around me. The power went down and didn’t come up for a couple of days. But soon rescue workers were on the way, cutting the overgrown trees that had fallen on power lines. Soon, things were better.

Between you and me, we know of storms and rain hitting friends around the world, or around the block. Suddenly discovered illnesses, often life-threatening. Sudden passings, sudden financial issues or business challenges, and at the moment, floods and fires impacting lives.

No matter how prepared, it’s never enough. Yet ultimately, it’s how we process the storm. Last week with my kids, I had to be the voice of calm to help alleviate fears. And when it was over, I played the role of cheerleader, pointing out the positive benefits. 

A Moment of Decision

A doctor friend once told me, “When I tell someone they have cancer, I can tell within five minutes whether they have a chance of beating it. They are all kicked in the stomach at first, but given a few minutes to process it, the ones who tell me they will beat it usually do. Attitude makes a huge difference.”

If there was a positive in losing my parents, it was connecting with their friends on a new level, or reconnecting with a long-lost family I’d not seen in 30 years and now staying in touch with them.

A Learned Skill

I don’t think any of us are naturally tuned to think positively, but those who do it have trained their brains to immediately look for the bright side. When they get punched, they get back up and keep going, and they look for a lesson or a benefit from being punched.

These are unusual times. None of us are looking forward to returning to lockdowns or masking, but some will be required. It seems like a time when a lot of things are changing, and it makes me wonder what lies ahead. But rather than dwelling on the negative, seek the lighter side and the reasons to embrace the cards we are dealt. 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Always seek the light, the humor, and the benefits inside any storm. Storms strengthen us and renew us. Embrace them.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Today is a red letter day as I celebrate the people I work with. Laura Iserman celebrates a decade with my company today, Dean Pickering celebrates six years, and Kelly Powers celebrates three. I cherish the people I work with, and love it when we see them grow with us over the years. Thank you to each of you for sticking with me!

It won’t be long until our Pastel Live online art conference featuring some of the world’s finest pastel painters. I’m excited about expanding my horizons by learning pastel painting. There is still room for you this August.

My sold-out trip to Russia is no longer sold out due to some circumstances in people’s lives. I have a few slots open, and we still plan to go in mid-September (we won’t go if it turns out not to be safe, of course). It’s a lifetime chance to paint in an amazing place with the right guides at your side.

It won’t be long till the auction of my dad’s amazing property in the Adirondacks. I’m told there have been some celebrities looking. If you know someone seeking something rare and special, pass it on.

We just launched a new video showing how to paint watercolors from photographs with Michael Holter. I’m pretty excited about it.

My daily show is back, renamed Art School Live, with guests at noon (Eastern) every weekday. Join us one day.

Are you on Instagram? I am. Follow me @ericrhoads and I’ll follow you back.

An early morning sailor takes advantage of high winds as their antique boat darts back and forth across the lake with the grace of a ballerina, changing directions suddenly as the old tea-stained sail captures the orange morning light against the purple distant mountains.

It reminds me of life, sailing gracefully in one direction till the wind runs out, and then a necessary pivot to capture the wind takes us in new directions.

The Great Cleansing

When we lose a loved one, as I did this spring, we tend to think deeply about their life and our own, in hopes of being more or less like the ones we lost. And with loss comes responsibility — in this case, clearing out his lakefront summer home, where he had accumulated things since 1987. 

Here, Bidder Bidder

Because we are putting his home up for auction on August 14, my wife and I (mostly her) have been working feverishly to getting move-out ready and getting the home ready to show, so we don’t have to sort through old boxes under pressure of a closing date. 

Yesterday, and all last weekend, I had the pleasure of going through a garage full of boxes, one box at a time, including financial records, business archives, old photos, books, and random things that had stuffed drawers and shelves over decades. 

What to Let Go Of?

The tough decisions are what to shed and what to keep, knowing of things that had great meaning to him, but no meaning to us. Though I know I’ll never need them, I could not throw out the yearbooks from Fort Wayne Bible College and South Side High School, where my dad was the portrait photographer and where his ad for photography appeared. I only hung on to them because I felt he would not want us to let that part of his history go.

Going through a hundred or more boxes, file folder by file folder, I saw a life unfold. Press clippings, press releases, photos, business plans, contracts, and documents closing out those businesses. It was as if an entire life happened in a single day.

Life in a Box

When I wrote my book Blast from the Past: A Pictorial History of Radio’s First 75 Years, I experienced the same thing. I’d go through boxes and archives. I remember finding the old files for Jack Benny, who started in Vaudeville before radio. Clippings of his entire life fit into one big box. First was the clipping from a high school newspaper of his onstage appearance in school, then his first stage appearance, then reviews, then his entry into radio, then clippings about the shows, then his entry to TV, and it went on and on until the clipping of his obituary. A whole life in a box.

As I looked through hundreds of photos, trying to determine what to save, I saw my dad’s progression in life, becoming an officer in various organizations, photos of speeches and banquets, photos with unknown people. I could see the tremendous amount of work that went into that, and could imagine how excited he must have been to receive the appointments and press coverage. Yet I wondered if it was all worthwhile. Did it matter?

The Game of Life

I often look at life like a pinball machine. The ball shoots out of the spring-loaded launcher, heads to the top, hits a barrier, bounces off, hits another, and then you try to hit a flipper to keep the ball going. Sometimes you keep it going and add points, and sometimes your ball falls into the bottom, ending the game. In our lives we launch, often not knowing where we are going, but hoping we will gain points (which might be money, recognition, doing good works). Then we get flipped in a different direction, and we keep going again, till forced into a different direction still.

Unexpected Destinations

My dad once told me, “Son, you never end up where you set out to go. Enjoy the journey.” He gave me examples of businesses he had started with a specific intent that didn’t end up going in the direction he set out. Often, they turned out better.

When I started in radio, I envisioned being the next big radio star, but I ended up writing about radio, owning a radio trade magazine, and then, by accident, discovering art and building a life in the art world. It was not predictable.

I once wrote that roadblocks serve a purpose, often making us stronger, and often making us go down a different road. No matter how good we are at goal-setting and planning, we cannot anticipate all the roadblocks. Soon, the flipper pushes us in an unexpected direction.

Are Efforts Worthwhile?

What I learned from the boxes of a life well-lived is that we cannot control our direction entirely, though we can try, but the memories are all we have. Decades of paperwork, preceded by thousands of meetings and discussions, legal work, and negotiations — it all ended up in a dumpster. What matters is the outcome in life. Did the efforts serve to make a life well lived? Did the efforts result in making life better for others, not just for ourselves?

One day my kids will be going through my boxes (and hard drives), seeing evidence of all the things I once worried about where worry wasn’t necessary. Things I craved that turned out to be fruitless or meaningless, recognition I sought that served no purpose. It makes me realize the preciousness of every hour, of every glance into the eyes of my family, of every moment with my friends. 

Your time is your own to control. Use it wisely. Use it to make life better for others, not just to enrich yourself. 

Each photo was a memory, a moment, sometimes of things that took months or years to accomplish. A photo of an award onstage was the result of decades of serving others, hundreds of meetings and phone calls, and a tremendous amount of human energy. It’s why what you agree to spend your time on matters.

Over the years I’ve developed a filter in a series of questions I ask myself when I’m asked to make a commitment:

• Will it change the world or make life better for others in some way?
• Do I want to spend my time on it? Will it take me away from things that have higher importance?
• Is it related to my grand mission, or does it take me off focus?
• Is it important to help someone or some organization I love or respect?
• Will I look back in regret?
• Will it help others?
• Will it help my family?
• Will it take me away from home and family?
• Will I look back on my life and be glad I took the time and effort?
• How much time will it take to see it through, and will it be worth it?

I tend to be a pleaser, a giver. Yet we can give all we have and leave nothing for ourselves. We have to find balance. Coming up with your own list of questions will help you determine where to spend your time. 

Remember that one split-second decision can change everything and place you at the end of the game, or on a new journey that will take another decade to accomplish. In either case, you want to guard your time.

Though I’d rather not have to sort through boxes, and I’m reminded that I must not leave a mess for my wife and kids, there were great lessons and thoughts from the cathartic effort. And whenever I’m doing something I’d rather not do, I always ask myself what lessons I’m supposed to discover.

What will be in your boxes? What will be the best time you can spend the rest of your life on?

Spend it well. Your time is the most valuable currency on earth.

Eric Rhoads

PS: When my dad became ultra-successful, he was incredibly busy, a ball of stress, and often irritable. I remember wondering if it was all worth it. I remember wishing I had the dad back who used to take us fishing and waterskiing and canoeing. But it did not seem like that was in the cards, and I resigned myself that this was who he had become. But little did I know that he too had realized what was missing from his life, and he too wanted those days back.

As I look at all the papers, all the deals, all the meetings and travel, I realize that my dad went to all that effort so he could provide his family with exceptional experiences and memories. We’d stayed at a lake before, but when he moved our family to the Adirondacks, he became a better dad because the stress melted from his busy life and we got our real dad back. We have 30-plus years of memories at his place, every summer of my kids’ lives and every summer of my niece’s and nephew’s. It was a place where the family could renew its connection and build lasting memories. By spending a weekend or a few weeks between meetings at the camp, he became better in business and became a better dad.

He built an amazing place, and it’s my hope that the auction will result in the right family that needs a special place like no other on earth, to reconnect and to lose the stress of life. There are very few places on earth with this peace and quiet, with this tradition. I know, because we have our own camp now, and intend it to carry for generations of our family.

PS2: I discovered something about myself recently. When I held my artists’ retreat in the Adirondacks in June, I discovered how much I missed being around people, and how much those events mean to me, because I make so many new friends and renew so many friendships. Dave Crowl, who attended, said it best: “I’ve come back nine years in a row because this is my art family, and for me it’s like Thanksgiving. I would not miss it for anything.”

I’m doing my next retreat this fall here in the Adirondacks. I can never get enough friends.

PS 3: One of my bucket list items was to paint in Russia, where Repin, Levitan, and Shishkin and the great Russian masters painted. I’ve done it, and now I’m bringing it to you one time. It looks like it will happen, and I have some seats because a couple of people can’t make it. I probably won’t repeat it. Hope you’ll come.

Also, Peter Trippi and I are leading a group of art lovers to the museums and art scenes of Vienna and Berlin this October. It’s happening and will be loads of fun. Join us.

PS 4: Pastel Live is gaining momentum. Last week we had a huge number of people join us. If you see yourself learning pastel painting, it’s a joy to attend (and it’s all online this August).

The warm colors of morning glow make the pine tree sing in orange and pink, in harmony with reflections on the water and the light show in the clouds. The air is so humid you could cut it with a chainsaw, which makes the color of light especially pleasing. Sunrise on the dock is especially wonderful as I deeply fill my lungs with fresh, pine-scented Adirondack air. Moments pondering life from the dock are my favorite.

Living is like a racetrack driver on a high-speed track, making countless subtle corrections to avoid crashes and make it to the end of the race. Which is why I find it a good idea for us to re-evaluate ourselves from time to time. 

Evil Thoughts

Have you ever caught yourself having thoughts about things that, if you were to act on them, mean you would be seriously compromised? We all have some random evil thoughts, but maturity means not acting on them. But where exactly is the line?

To be compromised has different meanings in different situations, but essentially it means you’ve caved in on your ethics. The CIA would say a spy being compromised means they have been found out.

Testing Our Ethics

As humans, we are always facing tests of our ethics, tests of who we think we are. We tend to allow ourselves excuses to make what we’re doing justifiable. And sometimes the things we do are justified. Other times, they may be unethical, illegal, downright nasty, immoral, or worse. 

There is a line in the sand. We have to decide if we cross the line. Sometimes we cross the line, realize our stupidity, and try hard to unwind our mistakes.

Sometimes the line is well-defined, and we still have no issue crossing it. Going 65 miles per hour in a 55 zone is a great example. Though there will be consequences, most of us are willing to pay that ticket should we get busted. 

Breaking the Law

The law is one line most believe should never be crossed — though we tell ourselves it’s okay to speed. Or maybe fish without a license, or forget a seat belt. Yet most of us would never consider sticking up a convenience store, or even slipping a candy bar into our pocket. Most of us never face crossing the line of the law. But we do find ourselves crossing lines we should never cross.

When one of my boys was young, we realized the grocery store had given him three dollars too much in change. To make a point (at great inconvenience), we made a trip back to the store to give them their three dollars. They were shocked, but I needed my son to know it wasn’t ours to keep. We worked very hard while raising the kids to show them which lines never get crossed.

But when is crossing the line acceptable?

Is Stealing OK?

Is finding a photo on the Internet and using it without permission acceptable? Is downloading songs or movies from an illegal site acceptable? Is copying another person’s idea or artwork acceptable? Most young people today consider those things to be normal, even though the creators of the content aren’t getting paid. They often justify it with “Everyone does it” or “They have enough money and don’t need more.” Neither is a very good excuse for stealing. And even though it’s not stealing a physical item from a store, it’s still stealing, right?

Someone once told me that lines are there for a reason, and if you cross them, you will eventually cross other lines and get deeper into the dark side. Each time, we rationalize it. Prisons are filled with people who crossed lines, after which they tried worse things, then crossed lines beyond the point of no return. I’m told it’s rare to find someone in prison who believes they deserve to be there. 

Tiny Steps

Most of us don’t face crossing big lines, but little tiny lines. 

Is it okay to slam someone on social media and say things you wouldn’t say to their face? Is it okay to hide out behind your computer and watch things you would never want people to know you watched? Is it okay to talk behind someone’s back? 

Lying to an Advertiser

I can remember a time when a frame company asked my advice about advertising. I stood to make several thousand dollars over a year, but they asked me about a competitor. I could have easily told them all the reasons not to buy the competitor’s ad space, but I had to tell them the truth. The competitor was good, and, in that case, it was a better place for the advertiser to be. I never did get any of that ad money, and they spent tens of thousands over years with my competitor. But if I had crossed that line, would the lie be deeper next time? 

What doth it profit a man to gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? — Mark 8:36

Highlighting a Competitor

Once, at my magazine Radio Ink, we were publishing a “Most Influential Women” issue, and the name of my biggest competitor came up as someone my editors thought should be on the list. But they quickly discounted the idea of awarding her the prize — because she was a competitor. It was a moment when I had to ask myself if I should cross the line. After all, no one would ever know other than my editors, and no one would ever expect me to highlight a competitor. But my heart said she deserved it, and I wanted to show my employees that we always have to do the right thing, no matter what. So my competitor appeared as number one on the list and was on the cover of my magazine. I had to take a deep breath to do it, but it was the right thing to do. 

Stealing Ideas

I’m often tempted to copy an idea, but I don’t — and it can be frustrating when I see my own ideas copied by competitors. It’s tempting to say something derogatory when I’m asked about it, but in reality, when people are doing good things, they deserve to be recognized for their accomplishments. If what they are doing is helping others, and it’s a good product, then the right thing for me to do is to be willing to say so. Will I go out of my way to promote a competitor? I have in the past, because I believe in abundance. There is room for us all. Plus being challenged makes me work to stay three steps ahead at all times, and it gives me some pride knowing that my ideas are spreading. 

What about the lines you are crossing in your life?

Growing Spots

Most of them are just little lines, but they can easily destroy you. There have been moments in my life when I’ve said something bad about a competitor and later felt awful for doing it. And as I look back over my long career, the things I worried about never turned out to be problems. There are dozens of competitors I don’t even care about anymore, and what I feared most never came true. In reality, I’ll win some and lose some, and so will you.

There was a time in my life when I loved gossip. That stopped when I almost lost a friendship because something I shared “confidentially” with someone got shared with that friend. Since that time, many years ago, gossip stopped. I now avoid trash talk because it’s crossing the line, and because it always bites you.

Avoiding Evil Corporations

In my younger years, I worked for a big evil corporation that asked many of their employees to do things that were evil. But they were “little” things. For instance, when doing radio contests and picking the 10th caller, they asked us to keep answering the phone till we got someone who didn’t sound like a small child, because their audience was adult women. We waited for the right-sounding voice, even if it was the 20th call. It seemed harmless and practical, but it was flat out wrong. I did it because I was told to do it, but I didn’t like it, and in hindsight, I should have resigned when asked to do it. When it went to court, I was instructed to lie about it, but when on the stand, I told the truth, because I had already crossed one line too many. They lost all of their broadcast licenses because their little black spot had grown and grown, and their practices destroyed a billion-dollar business.

Since I started my own business, I’ve tried very hard not to become a big evil corporation like the one I worked for, though I can see how the temptation to cross a line is something we face daily. Recently, an attorney told me I could get out of a contract if I stretched the truth just a little. Though the consequences would be expensive, I refused. I could not have lived with myself. Life is too short. But I face decisions every day where lines could be crossed. Chances are you do too.

Little things don’t seem to matter, yet they ultimately do because they place a little tiny black spot of negativity into the soul. Then these black spots grow and grow until the whole self is polluted and line-crossing becomes part of who we are. 

When Is It OK?

Would I cross the line for my family? Would I lie to keep my kid out of jail? Would I lie to keep myself out of jail? I won’t know till I face those things, but I tell myself I’d have to be truthful no matter what. But that’s just me.

A Tax Bill

I once had a chance to lie to the IRS and get out of a massive fine, but I chose not to, and it took me a decade to pay it off. Though I hurt myself, I felt it was the right thing to do. Most line-crossers would justify themselves, saying the government has too much money and this won’t hurt them a bit.

Life is ever-changing, and our goal in life should be to shed the bad and embrace the good. I hope to be always making corrections. I don’t like hiding anything because I don’t want any little black spots growing inside me. But I do have to admit I’ll sometimes not tell my wife if I ate a brownie when she wasn’t around when I’m on a diet. But I probably should. 🙂

Perfection for humans is impossible. Growth and improvement are possible. We all do stupid things we regret; I have too many to list here. But the goal is to not repeat mistakes, and to learn lessons so fewer lines are crossed in the future. 

Remember the old Bugs Bunny cartoons with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other? The little red devil can be pretty creative to make us cross the line. It’s human nature to be seduced “just this one time.” But when you give in, the little dark spot grows inside of you, until it consumes you. 

What about you? 

Have you crossed lines you regret?

Do you find yourself up against little ethical decisions every day?

We’ve all done it, in some form. I’ve lived to regret things I can never repair. I’ve lost friendships and business relationships. All of it could have been prevented if I had just been more thoughtful about the consequences of crossing the line.

I’m not high or mighty. I’m a broken man, I make stupid mistakes, but my goal in life is to not repeat the mistakes I make, and to stop crossing the line. 

Eric Rhoads

PS: I’m pretty excited about pastel painting and learning all about it. I love the brilliance of color and the control, and to learn, I’ll be attending (and hosting) Pastel Live this August. It’s an online conference featuring the very best pastel artists on earth as instructors and mentors. Tonight is when the early-bird price goes up. I hope to see you there.

If you want to go to Russia with me, we still plan to go, and a couple of seats have opened up. There isn’t much time to get a visa, but there is time. It’s the painting trip of a lifetime (with some touring), and we won’t be repeating it. Come have some fun with us.

This fall I’m leading a group through Vienna and Berlin for a behind-the-scenes art tour on our annual Fine Art Trip. We still have some slots open if you’re eager to get away!

And my Fall Color Week retreat occurs this fall in the Adirondacks. A week of painting brilliant color is good for the soul!

Last, we’re starting to talk up Realism Live, our virtual conference on realism that replaces our in-person Fine Art Convention & Expo this year only. Hope to see you there.

Breathe … that’s what I tell myself as I take in the fresh Adirondack air as I do my yoga stretches on the dock to the sound of the loons and the quiet rustle of leaves. It’s the perfect July morning, and a day that will be filled with the smells of grilled burgers and exploding fireworks. Happy 4th. I truly appreciate our independence and freedom. 

Have you ever had a moment when you wake up to complete clarity?

Ever carried the weight of something on your shoulders for years, and suddenly found it released?

The true purpose of life is about lessons that strengthen us, make us better, make us more well rounded and experienced. But sometimes those lessons knock us on our butts.

Living a Dream

A few years ago I was telling a story to a friend about my experience with a company I had founded in Silicon Valley. When I started the company, I was living the dream. I was mingling with superstars in the midst of the dot-com boom, people who today are household names. I was in the middle of the action, living the dream.

Dream Destroyed

So what could possibly go wrong? As I was telling the story, I caught myself telling another story I had been telling myself, to soothe my personal pain. It was a story of blame, of circumstances that were caused by other things, like 9/11. But suddenly, I was thinking of the story in a new way. I had told this story of failure time and again, yet this time it was different. And this time the story ended differently. I finally admitted to myself that I screwed up, that I owned the failure, that it was not someone else’s fault, it was mine. 

Later the same day, I had a huge moment of clarity. I had been telling this story to myself for two decades, and I had stopped trying big things, taking big risks, because I did not want to relive that pain.

Wow.

Twenty years of opportunity wasted. 

My friend Michelle Abraham recently shared a powerful quote from her dad, the great Jay Abraham.

“Defeat is not permanent.” —  Jay Abraham

How would my life have changed if I had not cowered in the corner, if I had jumped right back in?

In our conversation Michelle said, “It doesn’t matter if you fail. But if you give up, your life is over.”

Gun Shy

Though I moved on to other things, other ideas and dreams, I realized I had not accomplished one big dream because I had become gun shy. I was telling myself I would never again subject myself to harsh, sometimes mean investors, or to overly aggressive boards of directors.

I was throwing myself a pity party, no longer taking chances on big ideas. And for years I had blamed others. But I was the problem. My perception was the problem. My fear got in my way.

What about you?

What are you telling yourself that isn’t really true?

What are you avoiding because it was painful? Would it be painful again? Would a change of perspective make a difference?

Looking back, I think I’d be completely different today, able to deal with any adversity thrown my way. Even if I had jumped back in soon after, I’d have figured it out, as long as I was willing to stop blaming others.

Hit Me Again!

Accepting the blame for your own failures is one of the most empowering things you can do.

Like a fighter who has been wounded, you know what to expect and are willing to take more hits. The key is knowing there will be hits, knowing they will be painful, but having the tenacity and courage to remain standing. 

And … if you do fail, it’s not permanent.

Avoiding Love

I have a friend who had a bad marriage that ended. So, instead of getting back out there, he never dated again. Though there is a normal grieving period or recovery time, “never again” is too long. And the marriage’s failure was 50 percent his own fault. Accept it and move on so you don’t destroy what’s left of your life. 

I look back on my life of failures, of things I thought I’d love, and realize my fear got in my way.

I got thrown off a horse, slammed into the wall of an inside ring during a competition. I stopped riding. I crashed an airplane. I stopped flying.

Fear of repeating failures was dominating my life — yet, having failed, I’d be more experienced and less likely to fail.

How much time have you and I wasted because of our fear of hurt or failure?

It’s not permanent.

I wish I had learned this as a kid. And I remembered “try, try again” from my parents, but somewhere in the midst of life, I lost my courage. Thankfully, I regained it by admitting that I was the problem.

Next time, I’ll heal faster, and get up and take another hit, and another, and another.

Ridicule Can Be Good?

I was watching a documentary about David Icke, a controversial subject. He had reached a point in his career where he was ridiculed on national TV, leading to a decade of ridicule for him and his family. And though it was a miserable and difficult period of his life, he looked back and realized it was the most important thing that ever happened to him because he no longer had to be worried about being ridiculed. He had already experienced it. Now nothing could stop him.

What’s stopping you?

Pain makes your muscles stronger. Fire makes steel stronger. The most empowering thing you can do is admit your mistakes, your failures, and realize where you’re avoiding pain. Then, with that clarity, you no longer have to avoid the pain.

Eric Rhoads

PS: Your mindset controls the outcome of your life. If you fear the next punch, you’ll duck. But if you tell yourself, “Bring it on,” you’re conditioned and ready.

I caught myself being fearful of getting back out after COVID. But finally, I had to ask myself, do I want to live in fear?

If you want to get out … I have some things coming up that will be grand celebrations.

• In August, my global art conference called Pastel Live, where we’ve brought the world’s top pastel painters to teach you.
• In September my Fall Color Week artists’ retreat. A week of painting with friends, even if you’re new to painting outdoors.
• In October my Fine Art Trip to Germany and Austria, to tour the art world behind the scenes.
• In November, no in-person FACE convention this year, but we’re doing Realism Live online, which is all about realistic painting of portraits, figures, still life, landscape, and more.
• December, my annual Forecast conference at the Harvard Club in New York for my friends in the broadcast industry.

Plenty to keep you busy and get you out for the year.

Thomas Kinkade-like window lights glow in romantic little cabins across the lake on this dark, rainy morning. Wood stoves warm the air as smoke dances from old red brick chimneys. 

The lake is still, glasslike, and the only sound is the peeping of hungry baby robins in the nest in the rafters of this old screened porch. It’s a morning for a warm sweater, thick socks, and an extra hot cup of coffee.

Finally, after several intense months of difficulty, I’m able to sit here, relax, and reflect.

A week has passed since the end of my annual artists’ retreat in the Adirondacks. To shake things up a little this time, and to celebrate our 10th year, we held a grand closing party at a classic Adirondacks “great camp” (a term used for giant homes usually built in the late 1800s),  followed by a world-class fireworks display on the lake overlooking the mountains. 

In reality, these extras are not necessary. No one expects them. So why bother?

Special Moments

The reason for extra effort and expense is that the people attending will never forget those special moments. Hopefully, as they look back over their lives, those will be special memories preserved. 

Highlights

As we look back on our lives, we tend to remember the highlights, the special moments, the special feelings, the special places, and even the special things. 

The Struggle for Memories

I can remember a family vacation, and overhearing my parents say they weren’t sure if they had enough gas money to get us home, yet the vacation was memorable. I’m sure it was a stretch to buy an Airstream trailer, and a lot of work to drive three hours every summer weekend to camp in the trailer and go out in our tiny OMC tri-hull boat, but these are my fondest memories.

Implanted Moments

I guarantee you that people who go on our annual fine art trip to Europe hold on dearly to the memories of unheard-of private access to the Sistine Chapel, after-hours private access to the Hermitage museum, or a troop of bagpipers emerging from the fog to serenade us as we said farewell on our last trip to Scotland. Yet in spite of the enormous cost and effort to make such things happen, they leave an irreplaceable mark on those who receive these gifts. 

What are the things you remember from your life?

What are the special moments someone made for you?

What if you chose to live a large life?

More Work, More Pleasure

Living large isn’t about expensive things, it’s about extra effort, doing things that stand out and that others are not willing to do. A camping trip an hour from home is just as effective a memory if you make a little extra effort to make it memorable. Something as simple as s’mores by the campfire will last forever in the minds of your kids or grandkids. 

It’s Our Turn

Now that I’ve lost both my parents, I realize just how large they lived, and how much time and effort they took to create great family memories. Though there are times I’d rather sit in my chair, feet up, watching a movie or checking social media, I know it’s my turn to make sure my family members are treated to memorable experiences, most of which are orchestrated with a lot of effort. I want that for my family, but also for my friends and my customers.

Always go the extra mile. Meeting expectations isn’t enough. Do the unexpected. Give people more than they expect in everything you do. This applies to family, friendships, and your work.

Flipping Burgers

When I got my first job at McDonald’s, my dad sat me down and drew a chart. “This line is the expected. It’s what they want you to do. This line is below the expectation; it’s what most people do. And this line on top is unexpected. If you always do more than expected, the manager will give you more responsibility, and eventually more money if you deserve it. Don’t do what the other employees do, don’t just do what the boss expects you to do, do more than expected. Look for little things you can do that will be better than expected.”

What if we operated that way in all aspects of our lives? What if we gave more than required, more than expected? 

More than expected in our jobs.

More than expected in our families.

More than expected in our businesses.

The reason should not be “I’ll do more so I get more.” Instead, it should be done with the spirit of generosity. “I’ll do more because people will have a better experience. I’ll do more because it’s the right thing to do. I’ll do more because I want people to have great feelings.”

Civilian Mentality

My friend Lee Milteer tells me there are two kinds of people, civilians and leaders. Civilians do the required or below. Never anything extra. They feel they are owed something and never want to help “the man.” Leaders feel they are owed nothing and always do more than expected, even in what some consider menial jobs. Leaders don’t expect anything in return, they just do a little better because it’s who they are, who they strive to be. They care more about others than they care about themselves, and it shows up in everything they do.

Which do you want to be? It’s a choice.

You can escape your circumstances. No matter what you were born into, there is no requirement to cling to the way things have always been, or even the way you’ve always done things. The choice is simply a decision to change.

Though I don’t always accomplish what I set out to do, I strive to be a leader in my work, my volunteer work, my hobbies, and my family. In spite of the difficulty sometimes, I want to leave the earth with my wife, kids, friends, and customers being appreciative for the memories I orchestrated. I’m trying to instill this in my kids. 

Looking back on the memories my parents and grandparents created for us, I appreciate it more than ever, because I know it took a lot of planning, effort, and sometimes money. But those memories are sweet.

What are you doing to create sweet memories for those you love?

How are you going the extra mile when it’s unexpected?

What can you do to do more than expected in your work, your family, your projects?

I’ve realized that the extra mile is indeed a key to a successful life, work-life, or business. It’s rarely easy to do things well, but the satisfaction of making things better for others is always worth it.

You can do this. I have confidence in you.

Eric Rhoads

PS: If you are an artist or want to be, and missed my June Adirondack retreat, I’m doing it again in the fall, one time only in the Adirondacks. Last year the color was more vibrant than I’ve seen colored leaves anywhere. We still have room for you.

It appears my Russia trip is still going to happen in September, and we have exactly one seat left. Ten days of painting in Russia will be life-changing (I know, I’ve done it). Come with us.

Or come with us to Berlin and Vienna for a fine art tour unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. This is our 12th tour, and it’s going to be one of our best behind-the-scenes events. Check it out.

And if you want bright, glowing colors or want to learn how to create them, pastel painting is the trick. We’ve got a four-day virtual event dedicated to pastel in August. Hope you’ll come.

Rich, deep blues fill the cloudless sky, surrounded by massive ancient growth cedar and pine trees. The mirror we call Spitfire Lake is a perfect reflection, not a ripple in sight. 

Distant log cabins on the lake are starting to fly their flags, an indicator that people are coming in for the summer. Soon this quiet spot will see an occasional fisherman, some sailboats and water skiers. Signs of summer are upon us.

Not only is the lake reflecting, but I find myself reflecting on my father, with this being the first Father’s Day I’m unable to make a call, send a gift, or see him in person. Not a day has gone by since his passing in March that I haven’t started to e-mail or phone him to share something, only to realize they don’t have e-mail in Heaven. 

My Guest Today

I thought about the best way to honor my dad on this day, and since I’ve talked about him a lot in the past weeks, I asked myself what he would want, or what he would say, if I had asked him to be a guest writer. This, I think, is what he would say to you, as he looked at you with a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his face:

You Are Special

“I see things in you that you may not see in yourself. I think there are big plans for you that you may not realize, and it seems to me that you are maybe not thinking big enough. I don’t think God has small plans for any of us. I think he expects us to make big plans, and I think he has given us exceptional abilities to do big things.

Curiosity Is a Gift

“I know what you’re thinking … I don’t have the skills, or the money, or the special circumstances or advantages. But part of the gift you have is the curiosity to discover the things you need and find a way to do them. Though you’ll have roadblocks, and moments in your life when you’ll feel there is no hope, I know that you’ll look at them, study them, and make a list of 50 ways to achieve them, and one of those things you think of will do the trick. You just have to know that failure is not an option. You were not made to fail, you were made to win, and you can always find a way to win ethically.

Ethics Rules, Always

“You might be tempted to take shortcuts, but you need to always think in terms of excellence. How can you do things better than anyone on earth? How can you stand out? How can you be the best of the best? Anyone can take shortcuts, anyone can succeed by ignoring ethics, but they can’t look at themselves in the mirror. You want to know that you succeeded without doing things illegally or immorally, or with compromise, or by taking the low road instead of the high road. And don’t be a copycat. Anyone can copy other people’s ideas and make a couple of slight changes. Instead, be original. Copycats are simply unethical thieves who are too lazy to invent their own ideas and want to ride on the coattails of others. 

Whose Dream Will You Chase?

“How do you want to spend your time? Do you want to spend your time living someone else’s dream, or living your own dream? You only have so much time, and it will leave you very quickly. Your time should be spent building a dream you believe in, something that will change the world, something that others cannot do, that only you can do. You’re special. You’re here for a purpose. You should not waste what you’ve been given.

Monitor Your Mind

“You will have doubts. Negative thoughts are normal, but as soon as you realize you are having them, you need to push them out. They don’t serve you well. Remember, if you think you can’t, you are right. If you think you can, you will. Things may seem overwhelming, but when that happens, break them into smaller projects and win them, one small piece at a time. 

All People Are Important

“You will meet a lot of people along your journey. Some will not seem important to you, and you may ignore or dismiss them. This is a mistake. People can see through you if you only spend time and attention on people you need. Every person you meet, no matter what their station in life, has a gift and you can learn something from them, and you can contribute something to make their life better, usually by pointing out things they can’t see in themselves. Everyone can use a cheerleader and someone to give them hope.They have been placed in your path for a reason, so use that to help them. It’s not always about finding others to help you. 

The Gift of Giving

“There is an unwritten law that when you help others, you end up helping yourself. You should not do it for that purpose, but it always turns out that way. When you give of your time, your mind, and your encouragement, you can make a big difference. When you give of your money, you’ll see a return even when not intended. But never talk about your gifts. That’s private. If you’re doing it to brag, it won’t serve you well.

Humility

“Life is about quiet elegance. Be the best you can be, but don’t toot your own horn too much. Instead, there is power in knowing what you’ve done and not feeling the need to tell the world. Humility is a great gift. But being a wallflower won’t serve you either. You need to learn to speak up for yourself, and sell your great ideas. If you lack the ability to tell your stories and motivate others, it will be hard to make your dreams a reality. Invest in learning to sell, to speak in public, and to convince others in the face of obstacles. Remember, a sale always starts with a ‘no.’ Don’t give up, don’t give in, but do it in a way that others can see your vision, the benefits to them, and in a way that they can save face. Build others up, not with flattery, but with true belief in their abilities.

The 3-Month Rule

“You can change the outcome of your life, your business, your relationships within 90 days. I’ve seen companies go from zero to being on the road to giant success just with one idea and 90 days to implement the change.

Accept Blame

“If things are not going well, remember, it’s your fault — not someone else’s, not market conditions. Don’t be a blamer. Be a contrarian. Don’t accept the excuses others are using. Great fortunes were made in the Depression. And don’t follow the advice of the masses. Use thinking time, and don’t stop with one idea, keep going till you try new, less obvious ideas. Thinking time will solve even the most challenging problems. If you follow the pack, you’ll go off the cliff with the pack. And don’t cloud your decisions (especially investments) with emotion. Emotion is wrong 50 percent of the time. Facts and data rarely lie.”

Dad would cap everything with his idea of the ticket to Heaven (John 3:16).

It’s hard to wrap a life of Dad’s lessons into a few paragraphs, yet there is power in his words, and I’m honored to share them this Father’s Day.

You can do this. You’ve got this. Now, go for it.

Dads, this is your day!

Eric Rhoads

PS: Yesterday, after a week of painting at my 10th annual painters’ retreat, we all said our goodbyes. My kids say I tear up with goodbyes, and yesterday was no exception. After a year of anticipation, and a lot of quality time from morning till late night, I hate for it to end. It’s truly like a summer camp experience for adults who happen to love painting. We timed it so everyone could get home for Father’s Day. I want to thank everyone for all the hugs and virtual hugs and hand bumps, and for the time we spent together getting closer acquainted. We had a lot of fun. And it feels so right to be together again. 

PS2: I’ve discovered that paintings with the most vibrant colors are pastel. And if you want to learn pastel as a beginner, or want to improve by learning from the world’s leading pastel artists, explore our August Pastel Live event, which will be held online. And more of our virtual art events are coming this year.

PS3: I’m taking a group of art lovers, art collectors, and artists on an European Art Tour. Fine Art Connoisseur editor Peter Trippi and I lead the tour, and this year we’re going to Vienna and Berlin. You’ll experience art like never before. It’s not a painters’ trip (though some paint in their spare time). Check it out. 

PS 4: Fall in the Adirondacks is spectacular. My Fall Color Week painters’ retreat will be here this year only, at a new location, a camp called Saranac Village. It’s a classic old Adirondack great camp that has been converted to a kids’ camp. This is the only time we’ll be able to get in ever, and only because of COVID. Check out the event and join us this fall.

PS5: Making for an even busier fall, I’m taking a group of painters to tour and paint Russia. You can paint the great cities of St. Petersburg and Moscow (plus tour) and the inland villages. It’s a rare trip that is not easy to create. We have 50 seats only, and I’ve just learned that two seats are still available. Because of visas, these need to be locked up soon. 

PS 6: Wanna go with me to New Zealand next March? I’m not 100% sure it will happen, but if you want to join the list to eventually be first to get the info, go to www.paintingnewzealand.com.